Love: Today, after a romantic dinner, movie, and stroll in the park,...

By First Kiss - 07/12/2012 12:39 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after a romantic dinner, movie, and stroll in the park, we had our first kiss. It would have been perfect, had a passerby not thrown rubbish at us for "unnecessary public display of affection." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 982

You deserved it 3 491

Love

Hiding from the drama

Good kid

BO Central

Diblo's story

By Diblo - 28/11/2019 04:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was in a middle school for work experience. One of the teachers was reading the class I was in a story about a man called Diblo. Innocent enough, right? Nope. He repeatedly misread it as Dildo for the entire passage. The kids laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 886

You deserved it 200

Never? NEVER?!

By Anonymous - 01/05/2020 08:00

Today, I had a fight with my grandma again with whom I've been living for 4 years due to college hostel being below par. She blamed me for destroying her kitchen equipment by extensively cooking, especially at night. I've never placed a foot inside her kitchen since the beginning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 495

You deserved it 140

By minime94 - 15/11/2012 06:35 - United States - Sunset

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend while we were on my couch having a romantic moment. She seemed incredibly excited when she saw the ring and put it on. The way she bolted out the door tells me I'm not going to see her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 805

You deserved it 2 491

By Anonymous - 06/05/2017 08:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I called and went downtown after the city incorrectly issued fines against my property and threatened jail time for violating city ordinances, not paying fines, and not filing permits. They told me that, until fines are paid, they cannot correct a thing even though they got the address wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 339

You deserved it 268

By greasyhair - 07/09/2009 20:25 - United States

Today, I finally figured out why my 5 year old daughter washes her hair everyday. It's because she doesn't want to have "yucky greasy" hair like her mommy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 914

You deserved it 47 282

By Loner - 19/09/2017 19:30 - United States - Paramus

Today, my buddy congratulated me on getting a girl's phone number written on my arm. I was too embarrassed to tell him it was the number I needed to find my furniture at IKEA . FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 866

You deserved it 466

By Jordan - 30/04/2011 19:52 - United States

Today, my favorite song came on and I started playing the air guitar and head banging to it. I didn't realize just how close I was to the chair next to me and went face first into the metal back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 274

You deserved it 37 351

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 10:33 - Australia

Today, I temporarily got off the bus for the other students to get off, because they push and shove along their way. Then the bus driver closed the door on me and drove off. My laptop was on that bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 445

You deserved it 17 178

By kidswithnomanners - 05/09/2011 17:04 - United States

Today, I approached my daughter and told her she needs to clean her room. Her response was, "Thank you Captain Obvious." She's 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 267

You deserved it 10 230

By JSeth - 04/07/2009 16:52 - Canada

Today, my mom found a book of dirty stories I'd written in grade 10. She then told me that I wrote about things she'd never even thought about, and she's been having sex for years. If that wasn't bad enough, she's taken them in to work to show people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 593

You deserved it 10 125

By vegantreegirl - 04/02/2019 20:00

Today, I was using the restroom at work when my glasses slipped off my face and landed right in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 426

You deserved it 304

By Anonymous - 01/01/2016 10:08 - United States - San Antonio

Today, during a party, my drunk mother stumbled over to take a picture of me and my brother. She told me to put a party blower in my mouth for the picture, but I politely declined. She threatened to spank me in front of everyone if I didn't do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 507

You deserved it 2 260

By WHAT A NICE GUY YOU ARE, SIR SHITSPAWN!!!1! - 09/08/2013 22:13 - United States

Today, this weird kid in class asked me on a date. He claims to be a werewolf. His excuse for not being able to turn into one? A "rare disease." His excuse for everyone rejecting him? "Friend-zoning bitches." I was the last resort even for a jackoff "nice guy" werewolf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 342

You deserved it 3 696

By ugly - 11/06/2012 12:01 - Australia

Today, I was telling my best friend that I was feeling unattractive, and that I never get asked out. As she was trying to make me feel better, we were interrupted by a stranger trying to hit on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 357

You deserved it 3 568

By Anonymous - 26/08/2019 14:00

Today, I went through my purse to see where my keys were. I found my house keys, but not my car keys, so I freaked out. When I remembered that I was driving, I felt stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 606

You deserved it 1 670

By merpaderp14 - 09/09/2013 06:15 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend found out it makes a funny fart sound when he blows hard into my mouth in the middle of making out. I can't get him to stop doing it every time we kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 987

You deserved it 5 942

By [email protected] - 03/01/2009 08:38 - France

Today, I was eating at a nice restaurant. Feeling curious, I daringly asked for the surprise "Maiden's Dream" dessert. The waiter came back with a banana between two balls of ice-cream on a plate, and no spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 618

You deserved it 8 220

By Michaelichael - 28/03/2009 20:17 - United States

Today, I was mowing the lawn of my brand new house, located in a very nice neighborhood (I am a hispanic male), and a lady in her nice white cadillac drove up and asked me, in extremely broken spanish, if I could mow her lawn too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148 239

You deserved it 11 674

By Anonymous - 25/03/2014 02:11 - United States - Pratt

Today, I told my boyfriend the dentist said my blood pressure was high. He was more interested in the fact that the dentist took my blood pressure than my blood pressure being high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 448

You deserved it 10 690

By sleeplessinrichmond - 15/09/2013 06:02 - United States - Bronx

Today, the guy on the floor above me decided it was time for a tuba jam session. Apparently optimal tuba time is 2am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 674

You deserved it 2 944

By mildlyconcussed - 10/08/2015 08:32 - Italy - Somma Vesuviana

Today, I went to a gig. The drummer threw his drumsticks out at the end and I managed to catch one. With my face. Not only did I get a black eye, but the person next to me snatched the drumstick from my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 584

You deserved it 1 885

By Kay - 20/10/2016 10:37

Today, at the register, I got a spontaneous nose bleed. The lady behind the counter apparently didn't do well with blood. Her face turned white, she passed out and fell with her head on the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 657

You deserved it 601

By AgathedeBlouse - 18/11/2008 06:42 - France

Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the arse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 499

You deserved it 25 086

By Screwed - 07/06/2014 13:31 - Australia

Today, I took some heavy pain medication before calling my boyfriend. I don't remember the call, but apparently confessed to really liking corn, and faking orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 306

You deserved it 15 757

By jojolee68 - 28/02/2015 19:53 - United States

Today, I'm stuck in a taxi cab while the driver listens to a radio show about sex fetishes. Can't wait to look him in the eye as I pay him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 834

You deserved it 2 787

By oumalina - 12/08/2010 01:54 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I ordered pizza and watched a movie. After dinner we started to make out. I began to take my clothes off when he stopped me. He said that sex is exercise and you can't exercise for 30 minutes after eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 934

You deserved it 8 391

Witches Brew

By Hellassi - 09/07/2021 00:01

Today, my stepmom burned all my Harry Potter stuff. Apparently, Harry Potter is the "Devil’s plan to corrupt good Christian children" and "That shit is make believe anyway." What did my dad ever see in this evil witch? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 95

By lectro - 23/11/2008 08:22 - France

Today, I swallowed the piercing that I had bought for my tongue yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 900

You deserved it 30 956

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 09:53 - France

Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 069

You deserved it 41 403

By Anonymous - 04/10/2015 23:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was stung by a wasp. Startled, I stumbled and grabbed a nearby tree branch to regain my balance. The branch happened to be the location of the wasp's nest, which fell to the ground and split open. The wasps weren't happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 199

You deserved it 1 930

By Wouldntitbeniceif - 01/05/2009 03:13 - United States

Today, I went for a hike with the local search and rescue volunteer group that I recently joined. I got lost and spent 5 hours wandering aimlessly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 778

You deserved it 15 019

Bobs and vagene

By analeis - 25/03/2012 18:04 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, I was vomiting after an evening of drinking. My boyfriend was kind enough to hold my hair back while I spewed chunks into the toilet. Apparently he got bored though, because his hands made their way down to my boobs, which he started jiggling while singing Jingle Bells. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 800

You deserved it 29 448

By Noname - 19/02/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, my sister asked if she could look through my closet to find something to wear. She is 6 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 546

You deserved it 8 823

That backfired

By Alexander D. - 14/07/2012 00:48 - United States

Today, I was fired for telling a customer's kid to shut his mouth. As revenge, I sent the CEO a picture I acquired months ago of my boss drunkenly pissing on a cow. He wrote that it was the funniest thing he had ever seen, and that I am "clearly an insufferable killjoy; a total liability to the company." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 647

You deserved it 37 065

By devinbyrne - 05/03/2011 20:26 - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom, when someone came up behind me. Instead of waiting for a urinal to free up, he wedged his way in between me and another guy, and promptly began peeing in my urinal, crossing streams in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 607

You deserved it 3 745

It's not a phase!

By Anonymous - 11/06/2021 07:59

Today, despite 18 years of marriage and two kids together, my father-in-law still insists my wife will one day grow up, realise I was the result of some rebellious phase she’s going through, divorce me and marry a decent boy from her hometown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 51

By WhoNose - 06/11/2016 23:52

Today, the smoke detector in my bedroom malfunctioned and started going off while my cat was asleep on my shoulder. He panicked and deeply lacerated my nose with his claw as he ran off. Blood got everywhere, and to add insult to injury the unit has no removable battery and wouldn't turn off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 628

You deserved it 742

By ThanksMom - 26/03/2009 18:17 - United States

Today, my parents were helping me construct my bed. We ended up not having enough screws to properly secure the frame. My dad mentioned that it might cause problems if I got a girl into my bed. My mom said, "Don't worry about it, we all know that's not going to happen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 380

You deserved it 9 160

Nice place

By Anonymous - 07/03/2021 15:01 - Australia - Clayton

Today, I experienced the perfect romantic moment as I was sitting on a hill on the beach overlooking the sunset, cuddling my girlfriend. It was abruptly ruined. How? A rat ran past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 170

No kidding

By huh? - 23/06/2020 05:02

Today, I was ecstatic that the pregnancy test I took was negative. I went to high five my boyfriend as I told him the good news. Apparently, it’s monstrous, unladylike and weird for a woman to not want children. When I pointed out he doesn’t want kids either, he said, "That’s normal for guys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 163

You deserved it 198

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Top comments

kell84 5

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Friday 7 December 2012 16:29

Dafuq? Enjoy the day. Fuck that loser. He's just sad that he can't kiss anyone.

Welshite 39

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Friday 7 December 2012 16:30

Tell him off for his unnecessary display of littering.

kell84 5

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Friday 7 December 2012 16:29

Dafuq? Enjoy the day. Fuck that loser. He's just sad that he can't kiss anyone.

ryry013 6

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Friday 7 December 2012 16:32

I couldn't imagine myself walking through the park, and throwing my trash at someone, because they were kissing.

Lindahhxd 7

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Friday 7 December 2012 16:46

Hey! Doesn't mean you can't have a second kiss that's meaningful again.

silvercamaro 22

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Friday 7 December 2012 17:06

Agreed, he sounds like a loser

lilhellian 26

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Friday 7 December 2012 17:29

Guys don't be so harsh, he helped Op make it a night she will never forget. :) But he is still an asscracker.

Neonemerld 21

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Friday 7 December 2012 19:18

43, I'd rather remember a night because some great happened, not because someone threw trash at me.

happle 21

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Friday 7 December 2012 20:34

I don't understand why people hate displays of affection so much. My friends give me a hard time each and every time they see me kiss my boyfriend.

suboy 10

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Friday 7 December 2012 20:54

Haters gonna hate

CharresBarkrey 15

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Friday 7 December 2012 23:22

75 - It gets annoying when it happens a lot. Sometimes it's better to save it for when you're alone, and not with friends.

pipinya 8

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Saturday 8 December 2012 1:10

Why was 43 thumbed down so much? I'm sure he meant that they'll all be able to look back on the incident and laugh at it. Much unlike some of the commenters on this post

CharresBarkrey 15

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Saturday 8 December 2012 10:42

89 - I'm sure not everyone reads comments the same exact way you do. Personally, I read their comment as being sarcastic.

pbruins84 17

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Saturday 8 December 2012 11:32

fuck that loser? fuck each other!!

emeraldisle 30

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Friday 7 December 2012 16:30

Throw it back at them.

gc327072 30

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Friday 7 December 2012 16:36

...and say it was for unnecessary display of douchebaggery.

Welshite 39

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Friday 7 December 2012 16:30

Tell him off for his unnecessary display of littering.

ManInTheMachine 19

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Friday 7 December 2012 16:30

Actions speak louder than words. Your show that you're in a loving relationship. Theirs show that they're an asshole. And probably lonely.

ManInTheMachine 19

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Friday 7 December 2012 16:32

*Yours

SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18

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Friday 7 December 2012 16:30

So? Throw rocks at them for "Unnecessary public displays of stupidity."

MichellinMan 20

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Friday 7 December 2012 21:31

Thou shall be stoned!

gc327072 30

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Friday 7 December 2012 22:03

81- They'll stone you when you're tryin to be so good, They'll stone you just like they said they said they would, They'll stone you when you're tryin to go home, Yea, they'll stone you when you're there all alone. But I WOULD NOT FEEL SO ALL ALONE...

ScotsLassie 6

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Friday 7 December 2012 16:30

Well at least it was memorable

KK3137 31

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Friday 7 December 2012 16:30

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Feared 9

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Friday 7 December 2012 17:51

Or not trashy enough... Thus the addition.

DocBastard 38

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Friday 7 December 2012 16:32

Dinner, movie, and a walk in the park? What is this, 1957? I thought dates these days consisted of fast food, Xbox, and making out on your parents' sofa.

ManInTheMachine 19

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Friday 7 December 2012 16:34

Young love, Doc. We don't know how old these 'uns are. So I think you mean "Fast food, *twitter and Facebook status updates, and sexting each other."

Schizomaniac 24

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Friday 7 December 2012 16:42

1957? Is that the year you graduated medical school?

lilhellian 26

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Friday 7 December 2012 17:07

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

andiewithlove 21

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Friday 7 December 2012 17:45

Your sarcasm offends me 34. I flipping love video games!

Trisha_aus 15

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Friday 7 December 2012 17:54

I was just watching an old episode of House..too similar

lilhellian 26

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Friday 7 December 2012 17:54

Why 46, you apparently know it is sarcasm and not meant to be serious. In all serious I used to have a gf that could easily kick my ass in any videogame.