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Hey OP here and wow didnt think this would pass! To all those people saying I should have stood up for myself earlier in my childhood I have one question. How was I, a 5'8'', 120 pound boy, supposed to fight off the 6 foot 200 pound lineman on our football team? Think before you comment. I wouldn't stand a chance.

Welcome to the neighborhood

By Anonymous - 16/10/2015 17:12 - United States - Eagle River

Today, four days after moving into my new house, I woke up to a guy yelling, "Fuck you, Claire" followed by a brick smashing through my living room window. Now I know why Claire was so eager to finalize the sale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 362

You deserved it 1 581

By Questions - 12/05/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom - Ashford

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I'd help clean out his ex-girlfriend's closet. I found their wedding photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 576

You deserved it 530

By Allie cat - 02/12/2016 13:43

Today, while in deep sleep, I was suddenly awoken by a tickle on my face and nearly threw my cat off the bed. Apparently, 4 a.m. Is the perfect time to touch noses with your human. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 494

You deserved it 1 584

By DontBeRude - 28/09/2015 04:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother felt the need to remind me not to fall in love with a fictional character. After laughing and reassuring her that I knew the difference between fiction and reality, she replied, "You know, honey, sometimes I'm not so sure." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 477

You deserved it 3 877

No bother

By Geese Ahoy - 14/11/2016 17:00 - United States - Elizabeth

Today, I was reading on a park bench not far from a grassy spot and a pond. A flock of geese landed on the grassy patch and began to eat some grass. I thought that I may be bothering the geese, but decided if I left them alone, they'd leave me alone as well. I was wrong. Geese are assholes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 266

You deserved it 1 091

By Urinator - 16/09/2015 18:26 - United Kingdom - Inchture

Today, I invited a girl back to my house and she seemed cool. I then left to go to the toilet. When I came back, there was a giant wet patch on the rug. The girl then blamed it on my dog, whose picture is on the wall. My dog died last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 770

You deserved it 1 923

By timetraveler1854 - 03/11/2016 00:55 - United States - Nanuet

Today, I needed to cut something open so I asked my roommate to toss me my pocket knife from the counter. Apparently, he heard, "Open the knife then toss me it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 199

You deserved it 1 028

timetraveler1854 tells us more.

timetraveler1854 19

Sunday 13 November 2016 4:43

Oh man, this is my FML. I wasn't logged in when I published it. When my friend threw my knife to me, I tried knocking it away with the box I was holding but it grazed the back of my hand resulting in me needing stitches as it says in the title. And to the guy that says I shouldn't be doing cattle mutilations in my house, you don't see me walking into your home telling you what to do.

Hammertime

By ticketed - 02/07/2017 00:00

Today, like every other day, I didn't stop at the stop sign right before my house because it's pointless and there's never any cops patrolling my neighborhood. Boy, was I wrong this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 234

You deserved it 10 226

Premature

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Surrey

Today, the girl I've gone on two dates with showed up at my house with several boxes of her stuff, expecting to move in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 532

You deserved it 2 711

By crawforda350 - 02/09/2017 11:51

Today, my neighbor that's going through a midlife crisis showed off his brand new Corvette. He did donuts on my lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 712

You deserved it 325

crawforda350 tells us more.

crawforda350 12

Friday 1 September 2017 20:23

hey, op here, he already agreed to pay for the yard to be fixed, and im not gonna destroy his car, hes a good guy, known him since i moved in(years) but he does stupid stuff at times.