Today, while I was fitting a new fuse box, a giant spider tried to eat my fingers. As I pulled away, I touched the exposed wires. I woke up flat on my back to the customer slapping my face, burnt fingers, and bruises everywhere. I had also peed and shit myself. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, while taking a shower, a spider fell from the ceiling onto my foot. I took down my shower head to wash it down the drain, and in the process, got soap in my eye and rammed my head into the wall. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shat myself. FML
Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I'm allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist, and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML
Today, at work, I thought I had to fart, but didn’t trust it. I squeezed cheek and hurried to the bathroom. As I was sitting down, liquid shot out of my butthole and got on the seat. I then sat in it. On top of, that I saw a spider crawl out of my underwear. The spider bothers me more. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML
Today, while hiking, I walked face first into a spider web. Freaking out, I shook my hair out in case there was a spider. Later on in the day the spider fell from my hair into my food. FML
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Top comments
Nico Noppe 10
First rule of working with electricity: TURN IT OFF! Congratulations on being the textbook case of why this is the first rule.
Sertorius 10
Still alive though, so I'm calling that a win.
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Comments (18)
Sertorius 10
Still alive though, so I'm calling that a win.
BurnInDemonFire 39
So, did your customer sympathize with you, or are you a "pussy" who won't be hired by that specific customer again?
Nico Noppe 10
First rule of working with electricity: TURN IT OFF! Congratulations on being the textbook case of why this is the first rule.
2shack 7
A red seal electrician is permitted to work on live wires. So no, not a rule.
MATTY2512 15
Doesn’t make it wise.
tounces7 28
They were replacing the box itself. How would they turn the power off? Shut off the whole city?
Kristoffer 35
TBH you should not have been working on live wires. I know electricians do it all the time but you just proved why it's unsafe.
Listerinekiss 8
That is just incredibly shocking. I'm glad you woke up though.
RichardPencil 32
Ohm, my god! Watt a revolting turn of current events. Why were you so amped up to resist hiring a qualified electrician?
Cali 57
While I'm loving these puns, I'm pretty sure OP was the qualified electrician :P
RichardPencil 32
Perhaps, but I'm guessing he's a guy who has been to a Lowe's and watched a few YouTube DIY videos.
onceuponatime456 16
Why the hell was the electricity still on if you were hooking up wires?
ayenii 14
They weren’t. OP was replacing the box, hence “fitting the box”, not working with wires, let alone live ones.
ojosRojos 28
That’s actually terrifying. Glad you’re okay!
Levvy 22
Well, at least you didn't get bumped into by a spider that was in all likelihood not going to bite you because spider venom is for predation, not defense, and wasting it can get them killed. So, that's a win, right?
wanted_2_want 40
You should’ve touched the live wires while letting the spider biting you. SPIDER MAN in real life. Or at least a “wannabe one”