Today, my mother felt the need to remind me not to fall in love...

By DontBeRude - 28/9/2015 04:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother felt the need to remind me not to fall in love with a fictional character. After laughing and reassuring her that I knew the difference between fiction and reality, she replied, "You know, honey, sometimes I'm not so sure." FML

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Love

Season finale

Hello everyone!

Minefield

By well okay then - 10/9/2012 04:39 - United States

Today, while shopping, I saw a little girl and her mom. The girl was pouting so I tried to cheer her up by asking her if she was a princess, because she was so pretty. She smiled but her mom looked at me with disgust and told me to, "Get lost, pedo." I'm a 17-year-old girl. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2016 13:17 - United Kingdom - Maidstone

Today, I woke up to find my face covered in scratches, some of them bleeding. I was rather puzzled, as I don't have a cat. Then I realised that the feathers in my pillow had stuck out and scratched my face. I was attacked by my own pillow. FML

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By Ryan - 20/12/2011 17:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I dated smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

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By Sub - 4/12/2009 01:14 - United States

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to a female friend of mine, because I thought they would get along. Apparently they get along better than I expected; she dumped me for the other girl. FML

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By julia - 1/12/2012 01:02 - United States - Downers Grove

Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2010 19:11 - United States

Today, my cat brought yet another chipmunk into our house. She never kills them, so they stay in our house until we either capture them or they escape. So far, she's brought in three squirrels, four chipmunks, four mice, and a snake. FML

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By lopez - 16/12/2008 03:58 - France

Today, I needed to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone had left work, I decided that, since I AM a Jedi, my penis ought to be my lightsaber. All of a sudden I hear a familiar voice: "At least someone is having fun!" It was my boss. FML

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By strangely - 25/7/2015 00:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML

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By iSamsung - 6/3/2016 14:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I decided to make new friends, so I sat with the lonely guy at lunch. Now he keeps following me, with his phone in a camera position. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 06:00

Had any calls lately?

Today, I noticed that all 200 remaining business cards out of the 500 that I had made have the wrong phone number on them. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2010 21:00 - United States

Today, I got fired for taking time off to see my sister in the hospital after she got in a car accident. Before I got fired, I found out my boss took time off because her horoscope said she should. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2013 19:15 - Germany - Paderborn

Today, at work, a woman demanded a refund for a video game. She had no receipt, so due to company policy, I couldn't refund her. She reacted by loudly accusing me of being racist, then yelled that she'd see me in court as she finally stormed out. FML

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By highfive - 17/10/2014 01:27 - United States - Dedham

Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2016 02:08 - United States - Spanaway

Today, an elderly patient complained because I used the words "vaginal" and "breast". I work at an OBGYN's office. FML

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By Amanda - 26/11/2013 20:00 - United States

Today, my ex's mom got a job as our new soccer coach and recognized me from our New Year's party last year. She made me, and me alone, do 10 laps around the field in the rain for breaking her son's heart. FML

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By Thanks guys - 26/11/2013 05:21 - United States - Richmond

Today, I logged onto Facebook to see one of my "friends" had used my account to post a coming-out story. It had comments on it such as "I knew it!" "Finally." and "That explains so much." FML

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By ladygrey - 20/7/2019 00:08

Today, my daughter informed me that she hates everything about her appearance and wants to get every possible plastic surgery when she’s older. She’s 7. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/7/2019 22:00

Today, I was having trouble sleeping, and I was almost asleep when I got a call from one of those spam places. They left a voicemail, which I made the mistake of listening to. The voice was so slowed down, it was very creepy, especially late at night. I don't think I'll be sleeping at all tonight. FML

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By Sunny - 18/9/2013 22:59 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, every time I write the word "analyst," I can't help but giggle because it begins with "anal." I'm 24, and studying to be a conflict analyst. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2013 14:55 - United States

Today, my coworkers glued pairs of different sized googly eyes all over my office equipment, seconds before an important client arrived. FML

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By thecaptainmorgan - 12/10/2014 04:04 - United States - Tulsa

Today, my boss discovered that I'm prone to random fainting, due to hypoglycemia. He has now nicknamed me "fainting goat" and makes relentless bleating noises every time he sees me. FML

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By skrumpp - 20/3/2014 16:15

Today, I had a text message when I woke up. I was excited as I usually don't get texts from people. Turns out it was from T-Mobile. They text me more than actual people do. FML

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By talkssuck - 30/3/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I was hooking up with my girlfriend when her dad knocked on the clear door that leads to the room. About 5 minutes later both of her parents came in to give us the "talk" which included the first time her parents did it. In detail. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/10/2018 13:30

Today, I was talking to my military brother about him coming home soon. I told him that our parents don't always handle change well, but are excited to see him. He took that to mean that they don't want him home and to make plans to stay where he is. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2009 17:38 - United States

Today, I decided to lay out topless in my fenced-in backyard. For about an hour, everything was going great until I sneezed and my creepy, middle-aged neighbor said "bless you". From my bushes. FML

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By karengoeswest - 16/8/2018 15:00

Today, my coworker was talking about how he's met the man of his dreams and they've been dating for 3 months. He showed me a picture of them at Niagara Falls last weekend. His new boyfriend is my husband, who was supposedly on a business trip in Boston. FML

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By awkwardbf - 9/9/2009 01:26 - United States

Today, I was sitting on my boyfriends lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each other's company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML

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By onlywantuanyway - 5/9/2014 22:59

Today, my boyfriend again told me how he wants to have an open relationship. Of course, this means he can do what he likes with anyone, but if I so much as kiss someone else, I'm a cheating slut. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2010 04:00 - United States

Today, I was going to my first job interview since I was laid off. About 10 yards from the door, I felt a sharp pain in my side and something in my pocket. It turned out to be a knife in my side, and a mugger robbing me because I looked rich. I haven't had any money in months, and missed the interview. FML

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By mother teresa was a cunt - 17/9/2015 14:54 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I baked some brownies and after my mom ate one, I joked that I put weed in them. Turns out the placebo effect's a bitch, because she quickly started acting high as a kite. One bitch fit later, the brownies are in the trash and I'm grounded until I tell her where I bought the "weed". FML

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By ugh - 12/11/2014 03:31 - United States - Antioch

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me over some rumors he heard about me. These rumors are from high-school, seven years ago. FML

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By dude - 20/1/2009 14:01 - France

Today, I called up my ex girlfriend to ask her if I could come round hers to get my pyjamas back. She replied: "I'm keeping them just in case..." - "In case of what?" - "In case I want to dress up like an asshole". FML

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By dogsickftl - 31/10/2009 19:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I left my hammer outside after putting up my 'for sale' sign in front of my house. I realised and went outside to get it. The hammer had been used to smash my car window and steal stuff inside. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2017 01:30

Today, I ordered a surveillance camera for my home. The package got stolen after being delivered. I think they're onto me. FML

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By ohmygod - 20/6/2013 05:49 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch when my grandmother came over and started watching me. Suddenly she said, "I see you're getting breasts". I'm a guy. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2015 02:02 - United States

Today, I went to the hospital for a scan. The tech went wide-eyed and stared at his screen in horror before realizing I could see him. He wouldn't tell me what he saw, apparently only my doctor is allowed to do that. So now I have to wait for god knows how long to get my results back. FML

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By me - 22/9/2013 13:34 - United States - Richmond

Today, I realized the only "person" I have talked to in the last two days is Siri. FML

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By Steve.mc - 1/5/2011 07:03 - Canada

Today, someone asked my wife if I was her father. FML

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By twinzies - 20/2/2016 02:46 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, there's a new freshman at my school that looks exactly like me. Whenever we see her, my friends shout "Twinzies!" I don't have anything against her, but I'm bummed because I'm a male senior. FML

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By Chiiii - 15/11/2017 01:30

Today, I got home from working abroad for 8 months and opened my post. I'm being taken to court over 3 parking tickets my mum didn't tell me she'd gotten using my car. If we lose, my credit score is affected for 6 years. FML

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Top comments

By DestinyNiya | 33

#6422105 - Monday 28 September 2015 14:04

Don't worry, OP, we all feel you.

By Psyker_Girl | 13

#6422111 - Monday 28 September 2015 14:06

Don't worry, we all love Dean Winchester.

COMMENTS

By DestinyNiya | 33

#6422105 - Monday 28 September 2015 14:04

Don't worry, OP, we all feel you.

Brandi_Faith | 33

#6422708 - Tuesday 29 September 2015 6:30

Who hasn't fallen in love with a fictional character?

By abattior | 18

#6422106 - Monday 28 September 2015 14:04

Guess she's the one you need to be worried about.

DaRito | 25

#6422300 - Monday 28 September 2015 20:27

... For looking out for her daughter's weird fandom behavior?

By spicypie | 10

#6422108 - Monday 28 September 2015 14:05

We've all been there, don't worry op!

By vikky538 | 28

#6422109 - Monday 28 September 2015 14:05

Was it about twilight?

jadeleepenguin | 29

#6422114 - Monday 28 September 2015 14:06

Are you stuck in 2008?

SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#6423238 - Tuesday 29 September 2015 23:10

You're so two thousand and late.

By uglytwin | 15

#6422110 - Monday 28 September 2015 14:06

We fangirls are here for you.

By Psyker_Girl | 13

#6422111 - Monday 28 September 2015 14:06

Don't worry, we all love Dean Winchester.

KRYPYAT | 14

#6422130 - Monday 28 September 2015 14:34

Squirrel FTW!

christopherwilli | 14

#6422144 - Monday 28 September 2015 15:00

When did supernatural make it to FML?

Psyker_Girl | 13

#6422152 - Monday 28 September 2015 15:35

Supernatural is everywhere.

makeupgirl_fml | 22

#6422177 - Monday 28 September 2015 16:20

TRUTH!

DoomedGemini | 37

#6422237 - Monday 28 September 2015 18:34

Gotta say, I prefer Sam myself.

coatl45 | 11

#6422254 - Monday 28 September 2015 19:17

I've given up on falling for the girls in Supernatural. They all die.

hplover32 | 17

#6422273 - Monday 28 September 2015 19:53

Yes we do!!!

xxsakuraxx | 29

#6422394 - Monday 28 September 2015 22:55

I'm a Dean girl, but I'm Sam-curious.

xxsakuraxx | 29

#6422395 - Monday 28 September 2015 23:01

Supernatural is EVERYWHERE! There is no escaping it. In the 'heat of the moment' our fandom will salt and burn your fandom. There is nothing left for you to do, so 'carry on my wayward son.'