Today, my estranged wife, who I am divorcing, asked me to find homes for our animals. I have a dog, which I am keeping. She has 3 dogs, 4 cats, 1 pig, 3 goats, 2 horses and 54 chickens. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my wife and I agreed to get two horses. She got three horses and a pregnant goat. FML
Today, my girlfriend got evicted for having too many dogs. She expects me to let her and all 5 dogs live in my one-bedroom apartment. When I told her no, that I’d get evicted too, she said that should be a sacrifice I’m willing to make for “our family” if I really loved her. They aren’t even my dogs. FML
Today, my wife is divorcing me because she wants to party more with her friends alone. One year ago, I followed her to Norway, where her family lives. I left my friends, family and job opportunities (which were very good) in order to live with her. Now I am shoveling shit on a horse farm. FML
Today, my landlord came over while I wasn't home. My friend and her pets were thrown out by her husband. I'm the only person she knows in this state and she begged me to stay. I reluctantly told her fine; just don't answer the door. She did, with the animals, and told him she was living here. FML
Today, my mother moved in to my 2-bedroom apartment with me. She brought her boyfriend, 4 chihuahuas, and 2 birds with her. FML
Today, my wife isn't speaking to me and is considering separation because I got rid of the puppy she surprised me with for my birthday. She knows I hate dogs and I'm severely allergic to them, but thought it would be a happy case of "Dad later falls in love." FML
Today, my ex took my cat and gave her to an animal shelter while I was at work, saying he can't stand living with her any longer. He's moving out in 2 days. FML
Today, I’m divorcing my wife because she puts her dog above our children. The final straw came when she jumped from a moving golf cart with our daughter in her arms when her stupid ass dog jumped out. Our child could’ve died but all she cared about was the damn dog. FML
Today, my wife said she wants a divorce. Three days ago, I added her onto the title to my house, my bank accounts, and my business. FML
Today, my friend asked me if I could watch her mother's cats while they go on vacation. I agreed since her house is on my way to work. When I talked to her mother, I found out she has 30-something cats. She reckons she lost count. FML
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Top comments
jbuckets_404 38
OP, Your name wouldn't happen to be "Noah," would it by any chance?
Vern Ehlers 5
Offer to have a pig roast, with sides of fried chicken, and curried goat. Then take a trip to the glue factory, and end your day at a local Chinese restaurant.
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Comments (36)
DorrieBelle 10
Is Old MacDonald still single ? Set him up with your ex and all her livestock !
jbuckets_404 38
OP, Your name wouldn't happen to be "Noah," would it by any chance?
Dave_Davington 33
Nah, the numbers are all wrong.
RichardPencil 30
My name is No, My sign is No, My number is No.
Zekfen 17
Tell her the local Chinese restaurant has offered to take them off your hands, bet she finds them a home herself after that!
fabs1171 23
No partridge in a pear tree?
Spiritbird 17
Divorce her now while you still have time. Otherwise this crackpot will raise a zoo and ask you to find a ******* jungle for them before you separate, in future.
Zekfen 17
He stated that she is estranged (separated) and that he is divorcing her....
Spiritbird 17
Who cares? Why to go in secondary details? Main thing i wanted to say was don't give her more time so she increases her animal squad.
littlenightowl 22
if you have a no-kill animal shelter nearby, they should take them! I don’t know how it is where you are, but my county shelter takes livestock; definitely ask and see if they can take them, or if they know organizations who can
Vern Ehlers 5
Offer to have a pig roast, with sides of fried chicken, and curried goat. Then take a trip to the glue factory, and end your day at a local Chinese restaurant.
Yudith 25
You know horse meat is delicious and nutritious, right?
manofmerr 27
and i feel like you should specify which animal goes to the chinese restaurant.
Michael Griffin 4
Ammo is cheap. build a big fire. invite everyone you know over. problem solved.
RichardPencil 30
The English language has a great word for such requests: No. Learn it, use it.
DanaeZee 18
Damn it, Old McDonald, this is so sad. Hope you keep the farm....Ee a ee a oh!