Today, my 17 year old told me he wanted to pursue a career in... - FML

By Anonymous - 22/1/2016 02:21 - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today, my 17 year old told me he wanted to pursue a career in art. Knowing he's extremely talented at drawing, I congratulated him and told him to pursue that dream. A few hours later I learn that he's been arrested for spray painting graffiti dicks all over a school wall. Well, he's famous now. FML

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Family values

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Creepy

By Anonymous - 23/5/2015 07:03 - United States - Tampa

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

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By Why - 3/9/2015 19:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to create another signature. I have to use one at the bank and the other around my mother, so that when she tries to cash my paychecks the bank won't let her. FML

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By shit_fer_luck - 16/12/2014 16:35 - United States - West Lafayette

Today, someone backed straight into my car as I was hunting for a parking spot. I just got my car back from the body shop after a hit-and-run. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/1/2013 22:20 - Denmark - Fredericia

Today, my husband quit his stable job of 12 years at the bank to pursue a career selling kites. If we don't end up homeless because of this, god knows we will when he has a real mid-life crisis. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2011 11:22 - France

Today, my kitchen is flooded, and according to my landlord, this is normal, because it rained last night. Funny, I thought the purpose of a roof was to stop water from getting in. Guess I was wrong. Silly me. FML

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By Des - 18/6/2018 15:00

Today, my new neighbors moved in across the street. Also today, they began to park at the end of my driveway. Not used to a car being there, I backed out and promptly hit it. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

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By Wolfrunner87 - 13/7/2015 05:06 - Australia - Broadmeadows

Today, my bosses were boasting about their work-funded retreat, including the $1,800 bottle of wine the company paid for. This would be fine if they hadn't just told me there are no funds to pay me for the work they've got me doing. We are also the biggest company in our industry. FML

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By Fatnlonely - 20/8/2019 12:00

Today, at a pool party, I had forgotten to bring a swim suit, so I went in in my bra and shorts. After everyone screaming and telling me to put my shirt back on, I asked, "Why? It's the same as a bikini." My best friend told me it was because no one wanted to see me topless. FML

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By sorry, kiddo - 30/6/2013 21:44 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML

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By akieferr - 3/9/2014 02:41 - United States

Today, while undergoing the cumbersome task of screwing the tiny silver ball onto my lip piercing, I clumsily dropped it onto the counter and watched it bounce into the trash can, where it nestled snugly into a used maxi pad. FML

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By wasted_life - 18/1/2009 03:44 - United States

Today, I got demoted at my job. Instead of working with patients, they want me to file. The thing is, I'm a volunteer; I work for them for free. FML

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By NotGay - 16/6/2012 05:45 - United States - Lake Zurich

Today, I decided to motivate myself to workout by looking at a picture of a guy with a six-pack on my computer screen while doing abs. My dad walked in after I finished and was still breathing heavily from working out. FML

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By Chris - 12/8/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, I was watching TV when a Toy Story 3 commercial came on. My Mom said, "Oh, I remember when I took you to see Toy Story. Now Andy's all grown up and so are you. The only difference is Andy is going to college and you're not." FML

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By Jenny - 28/12/2017 15:30 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I discovered the importance of having sex before marriage. We found out that my husband is gay on our wedding night. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2014 00:51 - United States - Bloomington

Today, my mother locked me out of the house. Why? The dog and her needed some time to talk. FML

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By spongebob squarepants - 28/2/2018 01:30

Today, I rear-ended someone while trying to watch my odometer hit 80,000 miles. FML

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By erin1985 - 22/2/2010 00:31 - Australia

Today, I was out on a date with a guy. I leaned down to get something out of my bag and hit my head on some protruding concrete. I said I was fine. Then blood came running down my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2016 20:13

Today, I went to the store to buy new blankets and a comforter. A cute guy started chatting with me and asked about the new bedroom decor. I lied and said I just had a major break up and needed new things, instead of admitting I was too lazy to dig out and wash my winter blankets from last year. FML

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By Pimaan - 26/10/2011 16:14 - United States

Today, I decided to be a generous guy and slip a dollar from my pocket to a beggar. Turns out I'd slipped my hard-earned $100 bill instead. FML

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By rnw - 21/7/2016 05:34 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I thought my knee hurt because of over exercising in the gym. Then I remembered it was because I smacked it against my chair so hard I crumbled down and couldn't move for 5 minutes. And how I remembered? I did it again. FML

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By jobless - 7/5/2009 21:10 - United States

Today, I had a phone interview with my potential new boss. I was getting excited about the prospects of landing a great job. I had nailed every question the man asked me and right after he told me he'll call me tomorrow if he wants me to come in I sweetly said, "Talk to you tomorrow, Love you" FML

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By gunman - 20/10/2009 04:57 - United States

Today, I was showing my friend's dad an airsoft gun I was hoping he would be interested in buying. It's a pistol worth about 90 bucks. In the midst of showing him, I thought it would be funny to do a fake, upwards "pistol whip". The mag ended up flying out full speed and hitting him in the eye. FML

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By anonymous - 6/6/2016 16:51 - United States - Phoenix

Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, the strange cat that has adopted me inexplicably made its way into my house and curled up next to my head while I slept. I'm horribly allergic. FML

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By Parental - 22/1/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, I spent 3 hours in my home recording studio. I was recording vocals and was trying to hit a very hard series of notes. I nailed it after 2 hours and listened. You can hear the vocals, but the EQ settings were tweaked in just the right way where you can hear my dog licking his nuts. FML

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By virgin - 25/11/2018 20:00

Early program

Today, I was so excited because tomorrow I'm going to be losing my virginity. I just used the bathroom and I got my period. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/7/2009 02:35 - Brazil

Today, my long-distance boyfriend was at my house for a 10-day visit. He told me that we'd never spent so much time together, so he didn't know me well and now, he'd finally met the "real me". He doesn't like it. FML

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By Z - 3/7/2010 19:26 - United States

Today, after a large, dramatic fight with my girlfriend in a parking lot, we stopped arguing altogether and hugged, dropping the issue. Twenty seconds later, I accidentally slammed her hand in the car door, breaking two of her fingers. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2020 20:00

Good job!

Today, my husband fell asleep in the middle of a blowjob. I feel kind of insulted. FML

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By MissKitty - 10/3/2017 04:00

Special Snowflake Kitty

Today, I found out why I couldn't properly breathe nor sleep for the past 2 days. I'm allergic to the new kitty litter. This is the special litter I had to buy because my snowflake cat is allergic to all the other brands. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2012 08:31 - United States

Today, my mother told my therapist that I've been reverting to childlike behavior and she was worried about my maturity. She was worried because I screamed hysterically after dropping a pot of boiling noodles on my lap. FML

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By Why? - 5/3/2015 22:34 - United States - Broomfield

Today, I'm faced with the prospect of having to defend my sister from a herd of very angry bronies. FML

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By KyngJulian - 23/4/2013 02:48 - United States

Today, I found out I was an alcoholic. Not from my friends or family, but because the ice-maker couldn't keep up with the amount of drinks I've been making. FML

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By ultraattitude - 14/6/2012 19:34 - United States

Today, I went to see my dermatologist friend for a free consultation on my terrible acne. During my visit, she said I probably won't be getting any more pimples. Excited, I asked her how she could tell. She replied, "There's no more room for it." FML

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By argh - 20/3/2012 08:16 - United States - Houston

Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML

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By c.hip - 19/8/2011 03:22 - United States

Today, I picked off what I thought was a small bug feeding on my skin. I was wrong. It was a mole. I spent the last 30 minutes trying to stop the continuous bleeding. FML

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By kansasgirl - 2/3/2010 18:21 - United States

Today, my two year old decided to run out the front door alone. I ran after him, tripped over the bottom of my jeans, fell onto the sidewalk and scraped up both my hands and knees. My neighbors just watched. FML

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By blah blah daddy - 2/10/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML

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By AwkwardMoments - 26/1/2017 14:00

Today, while napping on the couch, I had a very vivid dream about a girl I like. I woke up to my mother and father choking back laughter and recording me on their phones. I don't know what's worse: waking up with a boner in front of my parents or finding out I was also talking dirty in my sleep. FML

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By ineedsleep - 30/10/2014 14:15 - Finland - J?rvenp

Today, I found out that there's a very loud and frisky couple living above my bedroom, and a family with a crying baby living above my living room. At this rate, I'll end up sleeping in the bathtub in my own home. FML

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By oliver - 27/1/2016 12:02 - United States

Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML

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Top comments

By Nahpets | 22

#6517102 - Friday 22 January 2016 13:31

I'm really sorry, but this is hilarious :D But FYL indeed

By Sandsh8rk | 36

#6517113 - Friday 22 January 2016 13:49

Please encourage him to pursue his interest in art by NOT spray painting private property! Not only is it illegal, if he decides to try and tag trains he could be risking his life...

COMMENTS

By Nahpets | 22

#6517102 - Friday 22 January 2016 13:31

I'm really sorry, but this is hilarious :D But FYL indeed

Reply

friedpwnadge | 25

#6517264 - Friday 22 January 2016 17:48

This kid is going places.

Reply

FSGInsainity | 15

#6517422 - Friday 22 January 2016 21:54

#30 Yeah, like prison

By loueasy | 23

#6517103 - Friday 22 January 2016 13:31

Well that was a dick move

By jlang917 | 14

#6517104 - Friday 22 January 2016 13:32

Your son deserves it, but FYL

By yuno_gasai_fml | 34

#6517105 - Friday 22 January 2016 13:33

I was going to make a dick joke but #2 beat me to it

Reply

Oyas12 | 14

#6517461 - Friday 22 January 2016 22:58

yeah, he beat your dick... joke

By lexred | 30

#6517106 - Friday 22 January 2016 13:34

Gra-fin-ci......(graffiti da Vinci). Fyl op.

Reply

LPac5295 | 27

#6517194 - Friday 22 January 2016 15:49

Just no...

Reply

angel79_fml | 5

#6517470 - Friday 22 January 2016 23:16

More like Leonardo Di-Cockio

By somochi | 9

#6517108 - Friday 22 January 2016 13:37

Look on the bright side OP, at least you didn't get arrested :D

Reply

ninjuh_wingman | 29

#6517111 - Friday 22 January 2016 13:45

That's not really a bright side since OP didn't do anything that would get them arrested in the first place.

Reply

somochi | 9

#6517405 - Friday 22 January 2016 21:25

Idk man, just trying to look for the bright side ;-;

By Mewsmash | 9

#6517110 - Friday 22 January 2016 13:43

Sounds like you have a real Pablo "Dick"- casso on your hands.

Reply

Oyas12 | 14

#6517463 - Friday 22 January 2016 22:59

lol! that was genius

By shmabe | 13

#6517112 - Friday 22 January 2016 13:45

Pablo Picasso? More like Pablo Dickcasso

Reply

lexred | 30

#6517145 - Friday 22 January 2016 14:36

#9.....one thing that I've learnt in FML is that.....word tricks like yours and mine(#5) don't always work. Most of the time they get down voted.

Reply

LPac5295 | 27

#6517197 - Friday 22 January 2016 15:50

Ok this one wasn't as bad as gra-fin-ci.

Reply

BaDoomes | 4

#6517359 - Friday 22 January 2016 20:01

#16 I know, here a lot of people can't take jokes...That's why 9gag's the best for me. FML is fun though.

Reply

MsFit | 17

#6517443 - Friday 22 January 2016 22:32

34- Most of the time it's because the joke isn't funny. People have different senses of humor. Not finding jokes funny isn't the same thing as not being able to take a joke.

Reply

fakedsincerity | 32

#6517507 - Saturday 23 January 2016 1:19

Pretty sure it got downvoted because the comment above says the same thing and they got all the upvotes instead. :P

Reply

Mewsmash | 9

#6519438 - Monday 25 January 2016 15:16

I'm basking in the glory of commenting first
Sorry about not getting up votes for the identical comment though

By Sandsh8rk | 36

#6517113 - Friday 22 January 2016 13:49

Please encourage him to pursue his interest in art by NOT spray painting private property! Not only is it illegal, if he decides to try and tag trains he could be risking his life...

Reply

TheLemonMan | 24

#6517154 - Friday 22 January 2016 14:47

The way this is worded makes you sound like his concerned mother

Reply

MagnusDeus | 24

#6517255 - Friday 22 January 2016 17:36

I agree if he's just tagging, and painting dicks, but if he's actually going to paint art, I say go for it. Society is too bland; make it colorful.

Reply

brocho | 26

#6517475 - Friday 22 January 2016 23:30

29, I agree that society is too bland and needs more color, but it's still not a good idea to paint private property without the owner's consent.

Reply

MagnusDeus | 24

#6518016 - Saturday 23 January 2016 18:08

Well I feel it's the same kind of risk musicians take when trespassing to have an impromptu concert on a rooftop or some other place. Artists aren't supposed to follow the rules, that's what make them artists. (Not playing devil's advocate here, just like freedom of expression)

By kripea | 14

#6517115 - Friday 22 January 2016 13:57

I read it as graffiti "ducks" at first, imagined little yellow ones all over the wall and thought it was quite cute...
Well op, unless he becomes the next Banksy this art won't make much of a career...