Today, my youngest child gave me the cold she had. I also started... - FML

By _SouthernClass_ - 29/8/2019 12:00 - United States

Today, my youngest child gave me the cold she had. I also started my period yesterday. Now I can’t stop coughing, and I feel like a human ketchup packet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1728

You deserved it

163

Tweet

Share

Trip Advisor says no

Workaholic

Great guy

By Anonymous - 26/6/2020 02:02

Emergency haircut

Today, I told off my crazy sister-in-law after she made my wife cry for putting on weight during lockdown. Then, as I was sleeping in my armchair, the crazy bitch snuck into the house and cut off every single one of my meter-long dreadlocks. Now I got a BALD HEAD. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2051

You deserved it

260

Tweet

Share

By Ulysse - 1/1/2009 19:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I have my new iPod Touch, and I'm walking down the street. Since it's really cold, I'm wearing gloves. At some point, I want to change the song, and don't want to remove my gloves. I try changing the song with my nose, for about 3 minutes, until I realize I look really stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7211

You deserved it

37341

Tweet

Share

By surfer - 21/7/2014 17:14 - United States - New York

Today, I went surfing, got a few rides, then realized I had my phone in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41131

You deserved it

26143

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 06:44 - United States

Today, I was on an airplane that was experiencing some turbulence. Feeling anxious, I reached over and grabbed my husband's hand for comfort. He then said, "Why are you scared of dying? You're not even pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44843

You deserved it

4184

Tweet

Share

By Secretisout - 22/12/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I found out where all my expensive bras and panties have been disappearing to. Apparently, while I'm at work, my fifteen year-old son's girlfriend has been stealing them after they have sex in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30097

You deserved it

3424

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/12/2010 02:29 - Italy

Today, I managed to not think too much about how alone I feel living in a strange city, and I went out to find a quiet place to write and eat. After I ordered my meal, I saw that I was the only diner that was sitting alone at a table. Then 'All By Myself' came on the radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36083

You deserved it

3628

Tweet

Share

By really - 26/3/2017 00:00

Today, a customer left their shopping cart behind their car and backed into it. She then came inside and threatened to sue me personally for not sending someone to collect it from where she left it. After 5 minutes of her yelling, I finally got a word in edgeways: I don't work there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6138

You deserved it

340

Tweet

Share

By O_o - 9/2/2014 00:42 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, I had to explain to my husband why saving the condom from the first time we had sex is not romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59068

You deserved it

6646

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/5/2012 22:41 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I had a chest x-ray. I thought everything was okay, that is until the tech gasped slightly and muttered, "Mother of God." I asked him what was wrong, and he kept insisting he had no idea what I was talking about. Now I'm so upset I can't even sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34955

You deserved it

2451

Tweet

Share

By Time to study again - 8/11/2017 15:00

Today, I was taking the SAT and feeling really confident in my answers. When we were close to finishing, some idiot pulled the fire alarm. All of us have to retake it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4530

You deserved it

208

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/1/2014 09:50 - United States - Southerly North Slope Bo

Today, I tried proving to my best friend that I wasn't a lesbian by telling her I once liked her brother. She was mad because I never told her and now she's calling him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41995

You deserved it

6317

Tweet

Share

By UhOh - 8/7/2011 20:38 - United States

Today, after weeks of drinking my mom's vodka and replacing it with water, it now only tastes like water. She has a habit of drinking on Fridays. Today is Friday. My life is a ticking time bomb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11128

You deserved it

88690

Tweet

Share

By surprise - 15/1/2015 20:30 - United States - Starkville

Today, I wanted to surprise my roommate by picking her up from class with her dog. Her dog decided to surprise me by dumping a load on my passenger seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21005

You deserved it

16456

Tweet

Share

By Timeless - 24/2/2009 05:22 - Canada

Today, I decided to brush up on my flirting skills and ask a guy I thought was kind of cute what time it was. He pointed to the very visible watch on my wrist and said "You should know already". FML

I agree, your life sucks

9167

You deserved it

55748

Tweet

Share

By ZombieMommy - 10/3/2017 05:00 - United States - Conroe

Plooped

Today, I was pouring milk into my coffee and, as it plooped into my mug, I noticed the expiration date on the jug passed 2 weeks ago. Nobody here drinks milk very often and I ran out of creamer so I've been unknowingly drinking my coffee with curdled milk for the past 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3259

You deserved it

2249

Tweet

Share

By good_gravy - 20/2/2012 19:39 - United States

Today, my dog threw up on my bed while I was sleeping. I lost an hour of the day washing the vomit out with a rag, and my garbage disposal jammed on whatever otherworldly things my dog ate the day before. I had to dig it out by hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24122

You deserved it

3611

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/3/2015 03:02 - United States - Lake Forest

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, some homeless person came up to the window and started doing a voice-over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38234

You deserved it

13824

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 5/9/2014 18:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I just got back from a two week vacation. I live with six people and only the dog was happy to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36875

You deserved it

3572

Tweet

Share

By bandeek - 23/10/2016 18:52

Today, my boyfriend and I fell asleep twice during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11914

You deserved it

2807

Tweet

Share

By chicagobulls102 - 10/9/2011 18:19 - United States

Today, the really cute guy who asked for my number last night texted me. He wanted to know if he could get my friend's number, because he'd been too shy to ask her directly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34658

You deserved it

2763

Tweet

Share

By xkal174 - 15/11/2010 11:33 - United States

Today, I just found out that my ex girlfriend is gonna be my step mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

81181

You deserved it

4605

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/5/2020 17:00

Tense

Today, my dad happened to mention he proposed to his girlfriend I had no idea he was dating. Turns out it's one of my old high school teachers, specifically the bitch who hated me as much as I hated her. My dad is so oblivious, he has no idea WWIII is about to start in our living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1739

You deserved it

162

Tweet

Share

By marcy_89 - 23/7/2019 16:01

Today, with 3 miles left of a 16-mile bike ride, I got a flat tire and had to push my bike back to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1422

You deserved it

191

Tweet

Share

By Why? - 5/3/2015 22:34 - United States - Broomfield

Today, I'm faced with the prospect of having to defend my sister from a herd of very angry bronies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27452

You deserved it

2526

Tweet

Share

By fartwoman - 23/6/2010 01:41 - United States

Today, in math class, I had the urge to fart. I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time, nobody would hear it. I dropped my textbook, everyone looked at me, then I farted. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21064

You deserved it

62724

Tweet

Share

By Frozen Food Fan - 11/8/2015 14:29 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I posted on Facebook about a cooking mishap I had. My fiancé and ex then spent the next hour trading stories of my other kitchen disasters in the comments. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24874

You deserved it

5469

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/6/2020 17:02

Boundaries

Today, I took my new girl out on a date after work. Ten minutes later, my ex-wife, her new boyfriend and my daughter showed up at the same restaurant and decided a double date would be fun. My ex lives an hour away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1641

You deserved it

114

Tweet

Share

By archer - 20/11/2008 11:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend who has just returned from his 3 month placement abroad cancelled our date. Why? Because there was a match England vs Germany. A friendly match. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27597

You deserved it

4211

Tweet

Share

By alphabetman - 14/9/2009 09:56 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Thinking I was being cute I spelled out "Marry Me" in alphabet soup, because that's her favorite. She took one look at it and started to laugh. She then began to spell out "no". She still ate the soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45834

You deserved it

6749

Tweet

Share

By none - 17/1/2009 23:35 - United States

Today, was just like almost every for the past few months; I slept till 1pm, smoked cigarettes, jerked off, went to the store to get coffee, smoked more cigarettes, and sat in my room alone until 4am, jerking off and smoking cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13089

You deserved it

46032

Tweet

Share

By finalyearsofhate - 13/3/2017 22:00

Today, my son took a nap quietly for the first time ever. As I went to wake him up, I realized why. A previously poop-filled diaper came flying at me when I opened the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4205

You deserved it

514

Tweet

Share

By divorcee - 6/9/2012 03:27 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, I got back to work. Last week, my divorce was finalized and my last name is, once again, my maiden name. Since I'm a teacher, all my students will remember me by my ex-husband's last name. I get to be reminded every day that my marriage failed until everyone memorizes my maiden name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27970

You deserved it

4054

Tweet

Share

By Anonymity - 28/3/2009 03:15 - Canada

Today, my mother was vaccuming the stairs. Trying to be polite, I climbed over the banister to the floor above, so I wouldn't interrupt her. She looked at me odd and said, "I'm surprised that held your weight." The banister is maple and steel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54628

You deserved it

5567

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/1/2017 22:00

Today, I got reverse suspended for correcting my teacher. Now my mom has to go to all my high school classes with me for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5943

You deserved it

610

Tweet

Share

By Matt - 15/10/2009 23:17 - United States

Today, I realized that choosing to live in the honors dorms was a terrible mistake. Quiet hours start at 6 PM and the only exception is if you are a member of the university marching band, which means you can practice your instrument at anytime in the lounge... located next to my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32019

You deserved it

4568

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/9/2013 04:37 - United States - West Hartford

Today, I found out the unionized cleaning people that empty the garbage and clean the toilets make $19/hr and have more paid time off than I do with my college degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52220

You deserved it

7263

Tweet

Share

By Girl - 17/3/2010 07:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of more than two years told me in front of all of our friends that he'd trade me for some Playstation 3 games. I laughed it off because I thought he was kidding. He made it clear that he was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37568

You deserved it

5107

Tweet

Share

By damn cats - 12/8/2018 22:00

Today my cat watched me clean and refill his water bowls, then shoved his fresh-out-of-the-litter-box paw in my glass of water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2325

You deserved it

299

Tweet

Share

By mastermind - 1/9/2019 02:00

Today, I can add "Ferrari" to the long list of cars I’ve almost been hit by. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1311

You deserved it

197

Tweet

Share

By Yuck - 11/10/2018 05:00

Today, I worked a 12-hour shift. Today my parents' cat also had diarrhoea. Rather than clean it up when said cat projectile shat all through my bed, they simply closed my door and left it for me. Since it's in my room, apparently it's my problem. They can't understand why I'm pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3192

You deserved it

233

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By aerith105 | 14

#7838049 - Thursday 29 August 2019 20:09

oh honey I have definitely been there. FYL indeed

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7837993 - Thursday 29 August 2019 18:52

"Thanks" for the visual. Brain-bleach, STAT!!!

COMMENTS

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7837993 - Thursday 29 August 2019 18:52

"Thanks" for the visual. Brain-bleach, STAT!!!

By aerith105 | 14

#7838049 - Thursday 29 August 2019 20:09

oh honey I have definitely been there. FYL indeed

Reply

_SouthernClass_ | 7

#7838533 - Friday 30 August 2019 19:30

It sucks soooooo badly!!!

By bluejello2001 | 17

#7838227 - Friday 30 August 2019 7:11

...
That is a brilliant description that I will definitely be using in the future

Reply

_SouthernClass_ | 7

#7838534 - Friday 30 August 2019 19:30

Thank you! My husband came up with it lmao

By Taurus_ChicKa | 36

#7838655 - Saturday 31 August 2019 7:14

Ugh, been there. I swear, periods lower our immune systems. Every time I get sick, it's when I'm on my period. >.<

By julianamariex3 | 12

#7838669 - Saturday 31 August 2019 8:23

That used to be me before I started using tampons.