The Top

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By DandoisFLAT - 12/08/2013 02:42 - United States - Milford

Today, my girlfriend texted me "I think we should move in". Then, ten seconds later she sent another text that said, "Sorry, typo. Move on". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 116

You deserved it 3 296

DandoisFLAT tells us more.

DandoisFLAT 10

Monday 12 August 2013 19:43

Hey, just wanted to inform everyone that yes, she is obviously my ex-girlfriend now and that i'm feeling fine. I was actually out skateboarding with some friends when i got the texts from her, and once i showed them, they made me feel a lot better. We were actually dating for a year and almost two months, but i never thought she would end it like that. So between my friends and the support from you guys i realized that i deserved better then her and i'll be more careful next time in choosing a partner. Thanks guys :)

By WTF - 22/08/2012 22:22 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my boyfriend confided to me that he has a used condom collection. When I reacted with disgust, he "reassured" me that he only keeps the ones he uses with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 573

You deserved it 3 014

Careless Whisper

By ihatejasonderulo - 02/09/2014 15:32 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 691

You deserved it 9 977

By Anonymous - 23/08/2014 18:16 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't really take flute lessons after all. In related news, every time my best friend supposedly drives her to flute lessons, he's actually taking her to his house for a different kind of activity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 611

You deserved it 6 641

By Anonymous - 19/11/2009 16:14 - United States

Today, I took my dog to the vet because he hadn't eaten his food in three days, was drinking a lot of water, and was peeing a lot (all signs of antifreeze poisoning). I spent $200 at the vet to tell me that my dog is fine and just didn't like his current food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 999

You deserved it 5 549

By jakethemuss - 09/08/2014 23:03 - Australia - Perth

Today, I proposed to the love of my life by having the waitress place the ring in her dessert. She ate the whole thing and didn't find the ring. I guess the waitress stole the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 012

You deserved it 6 750

By Boo - 14/07/2011 08:59 - United Kingdom

Today, my new neighbor informed me with great relish that the house I have just bought is haunted because 30 years ago a man shot himself in the kitchen. I'm now paying a huge mortgage on a house I'm frightened to be alone in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 745

You deserved it 9 085

Hot wheels

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was driving when I saw that a cute guy was staring at me. Flattered, I smiled at him, but he didn't even react. I realized he wasn't admiring me, he was admiring my truck. This is the fifth time this week. My truck gets more game than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 310

You deserved it 8 041

Keep it down

By Andy - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, I attended a formal banquet. The host was delivering a speech, when I felt the urge to pee, so I tried to quietly excuse myself. My chair screeched over the floor as I got up, I tripped over my own feet, and I accidentally took the door leading outdoors, where I ended up peeing in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 829

You deserved it 4 550

WAKEY WAKEY

By izaya - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Muskogee

Today, I woke up with a electric dog collar on my neck. I wouldn't have noticed it until my stepfather turned the collar to the highest intensity just to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 936

You deserved it 2 221

By Anonymous - 07/03/2014 02:52

Today, I went to an auction for the first time. When the run-down house I wanted to bid for came up, I opened bidding at £12,000 and surprisingly won. Feeling pleased, I turned to the person next to me and said, "Lucky me!" She replied, "Yes, lucky you!" and then under her breath said, "Cockhead". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 239

You deserved it 9 351

By sophietr8 - 19/01/2013 20:38 - Netherlands - Ferwoude

Today, I attended my aunt's open-casket funeral. My sister spent the first quarter of an hour neither grieving nor celebrating her life, but whining that the "cute" clothes my aunt was dressed in could have been handed down to her, instead of being "wasted". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 800

You deserved it 2 698

sophietr8 tells us more.

sophietr8 7

Sunday 20 January 2013 5:30

In order to explain more, my aunt had promised to lend her the shirt, so she was a little angry that my uncle used that one in the open casket. It was just a momentary thing, but yeah, it was pretty bitchy. I already had a long conversation with her about it.

Sex work is real work

By thatssickkk - 17/02/2010 06:40 - United States

Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 598

You deserved it 2 736

By anonymous - 21/02/2011 05:01

Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 031

You deserved it 14 962

By britney - 15/02/2010 02:54 - Canada

Today, I got flowers sent to my work, I happily opened them in front of my co-workers thinking they were from my crush, I open the card to see "Love you, from mom". My mother thinks my love life is so pathetic, thats she needs to send me flowers to cheer me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 153

You deserved it 5 611

By Anonymous - 12/12/2010 21:55 - United States

Today, I asked my mother why she didn't drink. She laughed and said, "The last time I drank was the night you were conceived. I didn't need any other disasters." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 273

You deserved it 4 591

By Neverthebride - 22/05/2009 22:21 - United States

Today, I asked my best friend why she didn't ask our other best friend Anna to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. She said, "She's too pretty. I need ugly bridesmaids to make me look better." I am the maid of honor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 692

You deserved it 3 860

By apparentlybutch - 05/09/2014 21:11 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I asked out the girl I really like. She turned me down, saying that she's a lesbian. That'd be fine, if I were a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 239

You deserved it 4 582

Rats!

By Etrius - 17/08/2014 15:19 - United States - La Grande

Today, I went to get my hair cut. My stylist had the greatest tattoo of a rat on her arm. I spent the whole appointment thinking about how cool the tattoo was, and what an interesting person she must be to choose such a thing. So I complimented her on it and she said, "Oh it's a wolf." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 342

You deserved it 7 198

By fireman - 06/10/2010 09:31 - United States

Today, I went over to this girl's house that I really like. I was planning on cooking her dinner. In the process, the grease in the pan got too hot and caught fire. We ended up having to call the fire department. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 216

You deserved it 8 420

Please…

By Anonymous - 08/04/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, I was afraid my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion I'd forgotten to take off the desk after I'd whacked off last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she'd had changed the background to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 118

You deserved it 66 343

Alarmed

By oops - 29/07/2015 06:15 - United States

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 014

You deserved it 9 806

By dadisgoatboy - 11/06/2011 06:37 - Switzerland

Today, my dad awkwardly asked me how to selectively clear his browser history. Apparently, my mom discovered his browsing habits and tore him a new one for looking at "nothing but vile smut". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 978

You deserved it 3 490

By DusterOverBits - 23/09/2009 09:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I was home alone, and decided to do some naked cleaning just because I could. After half an hour of liberating nakie-dusting, I turn around to see my boyfriend and his best friend gaping at me open mouthed. His older brother however gave a creepy smile and the thumbs up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 395

You deserved it 44 878

Hey!

By wtf dad - 10/01/2013 03:15 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I learned who my dad's new fiancée is. Upon meeting her she exclaimed, "My, I haven't seen you in a while!" She's my ex-boyfriend's mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 473

You deserved it 3 325

Run away time!

By CreepedOut - 09/03/2010 06:31 - United States

Today, I walked into a subway car which was empty except for this sleeping hobo. Three stops later, the guy wakes up and starts peeing in the corner. I ignore it thinking he'll go back to sleep. Silly me, I didn't realize that he would start running towards me, still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 087

You deserved it 2 824

By DDD - 31/01/2009 15:04 - France

Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 412

You deserved it 66 820

By maddie - 27/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 929

You deserved it 4 998

By Anonymous - 28/07/2009 22:27 - United States

Today, I was supposed to hear back from a major scholarship competition. After months of waiting, during which my parents were convinced I had won, I discovered that my entry had never been received. Apparently the woman I had confirmed with had had a long day, and lied so that she could go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 966

You deserved it 2 886

Take this

By GabsAlot829 - 21/07/2009 22:17 - United States

Today, I babysat the most annoying and obnoxious kids for almost eight hours, when the parents assured me that they would only be gone about three or so hours. After constant calling and worrying, they finally showed up at 11:30, completely drunk. The mother paid me with three dollars and a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 827

You deserved it 3 749

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The Top

Today, I was talking to people around school to make new friends. I met an amazing guy and we really hit it off. He was fantastic in every way, but decided to end our conversation with, "We shall meet in the afterlife!" I don't know if I should be scared or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 693

You deserved it 1 696

Today, after doing inventory at my job, I was approached by a co-worker who I had always thought was cute. I tried talking to her, but it was hard as I kept trembling and stuttering from spending two hours in a meat locker. Now she assumes that I'm "special". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 885

You deserved it 2 497

Today, I got so stressed about my upcoming final exams that, in the silent section of the library, I had a panic attack and almost passed out. No one helped me. 3 people shushed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 388

You deserved it 9 601

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I called him about two minutes after, and he'd already fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 388

You deserved it 35 225

Today, I ran over a recently-killed skunk in the road. My truck now smells absolutely rancid, and the smell will probably last for months. At least it goes well with my dog, who was also skunked 6 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 106

You deserved it 300

Today, I ate a slice of pizza that was left in the oven. Turns out it was my husband’s and he threw a tantrum over it. I profusely apologized and his response was, “Sorry is the cheating I’m gonna do if you keep this childish shit up!” He says stuff like that because he knows I can’t afford to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 388

You deserved it 268