Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML
Today, I got a breast exam. I'd never had one before, but assumed it would be quick and easy. I had no idea how ticklish my boobs are. I burst out in uncontrollable laughter and kept instinctively jerking away. FML
Today, my doctor got my blood test results from the lab. He looked at me gravely and told me I had just weeks left to live. After I started hyperventilating and crying, he burst out laughing and said he was kidding. He then prescribed me some iron tablets and sent me on my way. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for a suspicious lump under my armpit, so he suggested a breast examination. While pressing all over them he said, "We're gonna have to send you for an X-ray because you have the most lumpy breasts I've ever felt in my life." FML
Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML
Today, my doctor died. Last week, after a check up I'd had because I was worried about a cough, he told me not to worry because I was as healthy as he was. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office, where my mother happens to work. When my doctor tried to prank her by saying I have chlamydia, my mother laughed and said she didn't believe it, adding, "Have you even seen the way she interacts with boys?" FML
Today, while getting a breast exam for some suspicious lumps, I was lying on the table with my boobs exposed and I learned my doctor is afraid of wasps. I had to chase the wasp out whilst topless. FML
Today, I was at the gynecologist and he was performing a routine check-up. He was a new doctor and I was just slightly uncomfortable with him. About mid-check-up, as he felt around my uterus, he said in a cartoonish voice, "Oh, it's so squishy up here." The doctor turned me into a sock puppet. FML
Today, I was giving myself a breast exam for lumps. I heard laughing, looked around and saw that the 12 year-old neighbor and his friends were watching through the window. FML
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Top comments
Earths_Venus 25
Buy him a rectal thermometer because he's an asshole.
Earths_Venus 25
Can I buy you a ball gag so you'll shut up?
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Comments (113)
Earths_Venus 25
Buy him a rectal thermometer because he's an asshole.
ohSNAPyall 27
Buy him a reflex hammer because he doesn't think before he acts.
ohSNAPyall 27
Buy him an IV for his salty humor.
ohSNAPyall 27
Buy him a band-aid because you will cut him.
Earths_Venus 25
Can I buy you a ball gag so you'll shut up?
revan546 24
I'll pitch in for that, #27
cadillacgal79 32
27-shall I get the duct tape, rope and chair?
JRT98 12
I'll bring the car battery and jumper cables.
SweetasCandy0609 28
the strikes and you are out #19.
tournamentdecide 33
Too far
DaJoGri 12
I'll bring out the gimp
AnOriginalName 19
It was all nice and kinky til 42 had to whip it out.
Garrett2818 21
This thread got pretty kinky outta nowhere. You guys watch to much ****.
Honeymuncher69 5
i agree!
grouper 10
That's not assholeish at all Mate. He was (playing with her) -___-
Michiganfan4164 7
Did you make sure he needed an eye patch
Soviet_American 29
A doctor with a sense of humor. I like it!
SpamPam 18
Scaring a woman into thinking she has been sexually assaulted by a stranger is no joke
sweetnsourrr 11
I would have laughed, its no big deal.
Fritterzz 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Now that's just breast up.
Sandsh8rk 36
I'll give you an E for Effort.
Earths_Venus 25
And a F for Fail.
vixenfawkeys 5
How is this just getting negative votes?
kaet 21
because "breast" isn't spelled like "messed" so people don't get the joke. also because it wasn't THAT great.
coltonte3 5
I don't think you gave that your breast effort.
DarkRealmGolem 9
God damn there are so many over sensitive little kids on this app that don't know how to laugh at this
oversh4dow 2
105 gets it
sexual_girl 15
I would freak out too! That's not really a funny joke, since your brain (at first) doesn't have time to process that there's no way he could be serious.
184886837272837 32
God I found it hilarious... I mean yeah sure at first I would probably freak out too but I like to think I'd see the funny side of it as well.
Demoniq 25
I agree #60, it's most often easier to live on the lighter side of life than work yourself up over something harmless!
56codybanks 7
always look on the bright side of life ??
yeongji 31
You should have said, "the ones up here are not real, but the package down there is", along with a creepy wink.
Chibi_Kitten 24
I will use this when and if I get a doctor for breast examinations that jokes around the same way.
jessal 28
That is completely unprofessional. I could see if you had known the doctor already but for it being someone you had just met that isn't funny.
silvercamaro 22
I don't think it's that big of a deal, OP freaked out which is understandable and then the doctor said he was kidding. End of story, no one got hurt.
katydid91 31
Yeah, have to disagree with you. OP's reaction was entirely justified. I would be uncomfortable enough with a new doctor doing a breast exam. Then to have said doctor jokingly claim that they weren't an actual doctor, whom had just performed a breast exam on me. Then after hearing they were only joking and to "Take a chill pill", I'd be furious!
z3r0d4z3 22
It was funny. I had to get a physical with a new doctor. Instead of asking me to disrobe and put on the gown, (trying to break the weird tension of the preceeding actions) he said "now we have to unwrap you like a present" (was near Christmas time). I didn't know how to react and it was akward doing the whole turn head cough. Only because I was trying to hold in the laughs and cough at the same time. To this day Its still one of the best doctor jokes I've heard.
clemscott 10
The joke wouldn't have worked if they knew each other
Brandi_Faith 34
See, all of these "Omg" reactions is why doctors usually don't make jokes at all! They're scared of getting reported or sued for stupid things. Personally I think it's hilarious! There was no harm here at all. And the fact that he said he should prescribe a chill pill isn't saying her reaction wasn't justified, it was making another joke. He was trying to lighten the mood in a not so fun situation. And if you don't appreciate the joke then just let it roll off your shoulders. It may not have been his best or most appropriate joke but at least he was trying which shows he cares and wants to make going to the doctor a more fun, mood lightening experience. No need to ruin it for others who like jokes and make him stop telling them altogether. No need to be "furious." Just let it roll off your shoulders as there was no harm done and he did it with good intentions.
pwnman 33
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
If this was your second, third, fourth or hundredth visit, that joke would've been acceptable. This begins dissatisfaction for a patient.
Brandi_Faith 34
The joke wouldn't have worked if he had seen her before. Lighten up people
garrett_8614 14
Seriously calm your ****
Sandsh8rk 36
I have to admit that was mean, but it was pretty damn funny XD
shredwhitendblue 8
He does have a good sense of humor, but I could see where you got upset.
katydid91 31
I would consider finding a new doctor. Those comments were highly inappropriate for a medical professional to say.