By Anonymous - 21/9/2020 13:58

My new friend

Today, I realized at the train station that every day for a month, I've been waving to a cardboard cut-out of a person in the morning. I thought they were real. They're cardboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

872

You deserved it

413

Favorite

Boozehound alert

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

A beautiful truck decoration

By Darla - 5/10/2012 08:14 - United States - Arcadia

Today, I realized that at age 54, I'm no longer young enough to go commando anymore. Every time I sneezed today, I peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21658

You deserved it

12880

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/1/2014 05:14 - United States - Stockbridge

Today, I decided to do a little shopping at Victoria's Secret. The woman at the register smiled and asked, "Got a special someone to impress?" I told her that my boyfriend of three years was in town for New Year's and we haven't seen each other in months. Then I went home to my four cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61582

You deserved it

13635

Favorite

By ohgodwhy - 10/2/2012 09:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to cheer me up after I'd had a sleepless night. He thought it would be a good time to propose. Unfortunately, it coincided with me yawning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28913

You deserved it

5103

Favorite

By insert pussy pun, hurr durr - 29/6/2016 17:34 - United States - Hopkinsville

Today, my boyfriend got irrationally pissed at me because his cat decided to sit on my lap instead of his. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12203

You deserved it

1119

Favorite

By ladyofzanarkand - 25/5/2018 20:30

He doesn't even go here!

Today, I had my high school piano recital. The entire time I was playing, one of my classmates sitting up front kept booing me and yelling "YOU SUCK" at the top of his lungs. He drowned out the entire song. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3960

You deserved it

221

Favorite

By Username - 14/7/2011 20:09 - United States

Today, I walked in on my father and brother attempting to harmonize their farts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36231

You deserved it

5730

Favorite

By Mik - 8/6/2011 03:05 - United States

Today, I was bored. Some people would've called up friends to hang out. Not me. I had the sudden urge to make an entire Excel Spreadsheet on how much I've spent on iTunes, month-by-month. I'm not sure what's worse, that I got really into it, or that I've spent nearly $800.00 on iTunes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17093

You deserved it

32075

Favorite

By soawkward - 26/1/2012 19:09 - Canada

Today, I passed out in the shower with my boyfriend. He just left me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32907

You deserved it

5122

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 17:55 - United States

Today, I realized I've been playing too much Call of Duty. I started screaming, "Spawn, bitch! Spawn!" at my microwavable pizza while it was in the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14267

You deserved it

55953

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/2/2010 16:28 - United States

Today, I was driving with my mom. She had some soda with her from earlier, and even though it was probably warm, I was thirsty. I ask for a sip, she hands it to me and says sure. And I get a mouthful of ash-and-cigarette-butt-filled soda. Apparently she didn't feel the need to mention this to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30938

You deserved it

3611

Favorite

By Coley - 29/1/2009 22:46 - Canada

Today, I went to the doctor to talk about my depression and low self-esteem. He told me that I shouldn't think of myself as a fat pig for being overweight. I don't think that and I'm NOT overweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29847

You deserved it

3600

Favorite

By whereismyring - 28/3/2016 00:47 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex-boyfriend announced he was engaged. We broke up last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24493

You deserved it

1693

Favorite

By shadokis - 12/9/2012 18:31 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my 2-year-old cat finally decided to start catching mice. Like any other cat would, she left it for me to find. I found it in the middle of the night, as my bare foot rolled its guts out of its ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28872

You deserved it

2533

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/3/2013 18:55 - United States - Escondido

Today, I have the flu. I had to wash the dishes, cook dinner, take out the trash, and take care of the laundry, all while my wife sat around watching TV, because she was "too tired". I work 8 hours a day. She's a college student. She doesn't see what's so unfair about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42256

You deserved it

8151

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/9/2010 02:35 - United States

Today, I had a cold and was vomiting. I sneezed really hard, smacking my nose onto the toilet seat. I woke up a few minutes later with my nose bleeding, painful, and still stuffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30028

You deserved it

2798

Favorite

By worksucker - 5/7/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, 30 minutes before I was supposed to quit work at 6pm, my boss showed up. After telling him how the day went, he asked why I was still there. Apparently, for the holiday, we close early. 4 hours earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28454

You deserved it

7462

Favorite

By WOCOACH - 9/9/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44766

You deserved it

4948

Favorite

By post-loss - 6/6/2017 18:00

Today, in my excitement to make some new cards for the postcard exchange I take part in, I apparently spilled my bottle of glue directly into the bag that contains my entire postcard collection. I didn't notice until several hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3553

You deserved it

562

Favorite

By letsloseweight - 13/7/2009 11:30 - Korea Republic of

Today, it started raining unexpectedly. My daughter and I didn't have an umbrella, so my daughter raised one of my big flabby arms and put it over her head to protect her from the rain. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27231

You deserved it

45137

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/1/2014 19:43 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after months of random vomiting with no apparent cause, I finally got some tests done. The doctor says there's nothing wrong with me and that it's all just in my head. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45615

You deserved it

4217

Favorite

By NotYourLady - 4/9/2009 06:23 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting a boy who was 11 years old. He told me that he loved me and wanted to be my boyfriend. I told him that I think he is a really great kid but I'm 17 so it would never work out. He said okay. When his parents came home he told them that I hit him and started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55808

You deserved it

3652

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/4/2014 20:05 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I am on vacation in Dubai with my dad and a few of his friends. I thought we were going to travel and see some amazing things, but I'm confined to my hotel room while everyone drinks and watches Family Guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44763

You deserved it

4705

Favorite

By nightmare ass - 15/5/2019 06:11

Today, I let out the most vile, nose-melting dairy curdling fart of my life. The sound didn’t wake me up. But the nightmare I had from how rank smelling it was sure did. My own fart ruined my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1439

You deserved it

380

Favorite

By GoldenSteve - 5/11/2015 15:31 - United States - Humble

Today, my gym teacher ranted about how the government should put all the death row inmates in a coliseum and film them fighting. I guess he lied when he said he only drinks at the weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22358

You deserved it

2511

Favorite

By Hey, thats not math!? - 9/8/2016 20:20 - United States - Sunnyside

Today, I logged on to my Gmail account and to find that my brother had sent my math teacher a picture of Bigfoot peeing into a urinal. Using my account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13417

You deserved it

1280

Favorite

By dasnich - 5/2/2012 03:46 - United States

Today, after a twelve week dry spell followed by an eight week one, I decided to take a bit more initiative at seducing my girlfriend. Not only was she "not in the mood" again, but she offered me Trident Layers gum instead. She apparently thought that it was a fair trade. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29648

You deserved it

5324

Favorite

By shellski - 21/1/2012 01:21 - United States

Today, a kid from school came to my house. He asked my dad if I was at home, because we were "planning a bit of the old, you know..." and made an obscene gesture. Now I'm grounded for a month, and no matter what I say, my dad won't believe that I've never even spoken to the kid before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30265

You deserved it

2289

Favorite

By maximus - 20/1/2010 00:08 - United States

Today, I was in the line at Chipotle and noticed a very attractive lady in her mid 20's. I deliberately took the table next to her and her friend and happened to overhear what they were talking about. They were both discussing how much diarrhea they were going to have when they got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10199

You deserved it

31056

Favorite

By luni - 26/6/2011 21:17 - United Kingdom

Today, when my boyfriend said it was time to play with his baby, I figured he was talking about me. He meant his Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37739

You deserved it

8857

Favorite

By HatedbyBras - 14/6/2009 21:37 - Netherlands

Today, I tried to take off my girlfriend's bra. When I finally unhooked it, it snapped back and hit me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50209

You deserved it

25132

Favorite

By Screwed Up - 9/5/2013 05:30 - United States

Today, I went to therapy. I started talking about my childhood and my life. By the time the session was over my therapist was crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66295

You deserved it

4273

Favorite

By kjmsit - 16/6/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I reached into my fridge to grab a strawberry soda. I noticed the can had started to leak from the top so I slurped up the spilt red liquid on the top of the can. I realized it wasn't soda, but blood from a defrosting steak on the shelf above it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54605

You deserved it

23340

Favorite

By WhyGodWhy - 18/10/2016 06:33 - United States - Addison

Today, I spent the first night in my new home as a first-time homeowner. I was relaxing and enjoying the feeling of having my own space when I reached over to get my glasses and came back with a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10540

You deserved it

790

Favorite

By soccerlove09 - 11/10/2010 18:18 - United States

Today, I bought a personalized cookie cake with "Will you go out with me?" for the girl I've liked for five months. When I showed her, she said no, but took the cake with her anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33878

You deserved it

6300

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/6/2009 13:32 - Singapore

Today, my 9 year old nephew found his way onto my iTunes. I now have 401 songs titled "aidfj3P" by "ffjiel". FML

I agree, your life sucks

61005

You deserved it

7131

Favorite

By itchtoscratch - 4/7/2016 04:14

Today, I get more pleasure out of scratching my balls than I do out of any sexual activity with my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14762

You deserved it

3046

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 05:54 - United States

Today, my brother asked if he could borrow my razor, since he recently hit puberty and wanted to have a shave. I decided to be nice and let him. When he returned it half an hour later, I couldn't help but notice his facial hair was untouched. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41671

You deserved it

8177

Favorite

By snarly1 - 3/1/2012 08:14 - United States

Today, it was our one year anniversary. After a surprise re-creation of our first date, we went home, in the mood for love. The food poisoning from the restaurant had a different idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32736

You deserved it

2473

Favorite

By holy sleet - 29/11/2013 21:49 - United States - Rochester

Today, while ice-skating with my girlfriend, I tried to do what they do in the movies and make her gently fall into my arms. Instead she slipped, fell, and hit her head on the ice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27733

You deserved it

41623

Favorite

By oh_mylanta - 2/3/2009 09:10 - United States

Today, I came to work, to find my creepy boss sitting in my office. I work the night shift, so very unusual to find him there. I asked how he was, and he replied, "I told my wife about us; she kicked me out." I've been working there a month. Also, I'm married and pregnant. So, excuse me, "US?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

100949

You deserved it

5334

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Yudith | 20

#7939808 - Monday 21 September 2020 18:36

Check if the coffee you are drinking in the morning is real coffee.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7939781 - Monday 21 September 2020 17:29

They are real -- they are real cardboard cut-outs. Unless you are hallucinating the cut-outs.

Haven't you been offended that the person you were waving to hasn't acknowledged you at all?

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7939781 - Monday 21 September 2020 17:29

They are real -- they are real cardboard cut-outs. Unless you are hallucinating the cut-outs.

Haven't you been offended that the person you were waving to hasn't acknowledged you at all?

By Yudith | 20

#7939808 - Monday 21 September 2020 18:36

Check if the coffee you are drinking in the morning is real coffee.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7940693 - Friday 25 September 2020 17:45

I thought I saw a cardboard cut-out of Jason Bateman at the Emmys. Turns out it was really him. Freaked me the fuck out.