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By ToughTitties - 14/12/2012 13:45 - United Kingdom - Woodford Green

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when he suddenly grabbed my front. He said, in a sexy voice, "Is that your boob?". He had grabbed a fat roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 656

You deserved it 21 473

ToughTitties tells us more.

ToughTitties 4

Saturday 15 December 2012 12:48

Hey guys, its the OP here (didn't get an account to post the FML, but had to in order to comment, hence the name change) I'm not fat, I'm probably about 125 pounds and 5 foot 3, I was just leaning over- you know how your tummy kinda.. yeah. You guys get the idea! My boobs are way bigger than my tummy so it's all good. But I'm probably going on a diet after the holidays, because you guys are such ... well.. I can't say inspiration, more like a virtual kick up the backside. Thanks for commenting on my post, and happy holidays to you all!

By negromancer - 11/07/2009 01:08 - United States

Today, I worked up the courage to ask my crush out for coffee after work. She agreed and I confidently said, "Alright, it's a date!" She replied, "Haha, a date with you? I'm just going for the free coffee!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 689

You deserved it 4 395

By Anonymous - 09/11/2011 04:11 - United States

Today, I discovered my sister has a crystal meth problem when she set fire to our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 319

You deserved it 2 627

By Anonymous - 04/11/2010 21:44 - United States

Today, I came home to find my younger daughter left her silly band collection on the carpet in front of the fireplace. I now have melted unicorns and princesses stuck in my carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 019

You deserved it 4 201

By Anonymous - 22/09/2015 02:47 - United States

Today, I had finally summoned the courage to break up with my boyfriend, something I've needed to do for a long time. Right before my speech, he presented me with tickets to my favorite band a month from now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 963

You deserved it 6 008

Cheats, cheats everwhere

By bbbblt - 15/08/2010 11:39 - Australia

Today, my sister got caught cheating on her boyfriend. She was cheating on him with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 010

You deserved it 3 859

By notsohandy - 03/01/2014 22:08 - Denmark - Hadsten

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 982

You deserved it 8 139

By ThisisMedSchool - 01/11/2012 21:18 - United States - Johnson City

Today, while studying liver pathology and highlighting important lines in my textbook, I realized that I could count the number of words I hadn't highlighted on one hand, over the last six pages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 446

You deserved it 8 903

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 02:35 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, in the bathroom. I noticed a pregnancy test in the trash can. He lives alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 540

You deserved it 3 141

By Anonymous - 19/06/2009 17:52 - United States

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea to see what websites I go on from my computer while I wasn't home. She clicked the link that gave my computer a virus that I just got rid of a few days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 190

You deserved it 5 550

By EPICfml. - 02/03/2009 19:01 - United States

Today, my dad woke me up at 6 told me to take a shower and drove me to school only to say "just kidding, happy snowday!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 640

You deserved it 13 536

By moopymoplady - 29/11/2011 00:44 - Canada

Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 294

You deserved it 5 631

By Tyler Smith - 03/11/2011 11:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thinks my house is filled with ghosts. She can only hear them when I fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 413

You deserved it 5 729

Some taken

By Atomic_Tangerine - 29/06/2009 23:07 - United States

Today, my mom, sister, and I were talking about a friend's girlfriend. My sister's opinion of her was that she was cute but not hot. My mom agreed, saying that she didn't think that someone without boobs could EVER be hot. She then looked at me and said, "No offense." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 742

You deserved it 3 691

By endure_survive - 15/12/2014 03:17 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I ate at Subway during my lunch hour. A group of teenage girls sat down at the table next to mine. They all shared good laugh about the "friendless, chubby chick" sitting near them, while attempting to discreetly point at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 545

You deserved it 3 081

endure_survive tells us more.

endure_survive 11

Monday 15 December 2014 10:22

Sweet onion chicken teriyaki And also, thanks everyone for the nice comments

Acting 101

By jazzyfizzle - 31/05/2009 01:13 - United States

Today, I was partnered with this really sexy guy for an audition. He says, "Am I really stuck with you? I can't even stand being seen with you in public!" I start cursing him out really loud, but then I realize that he's only reading the script. Everyone was staring, and he called me a crazy bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 191

You deserved it 71 412

Nice try, Steve

By betrayed - 16/07/2014 20:09 - United States - Portland

Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 691

You deserved it 4 601

Pleased to see me?

By Lukev7 - 12/09/2009 13:14 - Australia

Today, it was my first day at Military School. Our commander walked into the sleeping quarters, instructing us all to get up and stand at the foot of our beds. I had morning wood, which the commander wasted no time in addressing in front of the rest of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 023

You deserved it 5 603

Panic!

By daybyday - 22/11/2011 08:08 - Australia

Today, I found out that what I thought could be a life-threatening issue causing me chest pains was only because I over-obsessed about it. Now not only do I have social anxiety, but I get so anxious I can create fake illnesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 676

You deserved it 6 387

By SpaceAstronaut - 28/12/2009 21:42 - United States

Today, I decided to take a nap while listening to my iPod, on the lowest volume possible. My girlfriend woke me up by turning the volume all the way up. I still can't hear out of both ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 814

You deserved it 5 225

By anonymous - 25/10/2010 21:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend suggested we imagine each other as someone else when we had sex. I imagined he was Tom Cruise. He imagined I was my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 956

You deserved it 8 865

Mah bawsac

By Anonymous - 12/07/2014 20:19 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 042

You deserved it 8 055

By anon - 24/05/2012 18:59 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I am on vacation in the Smoky Mountains with my parents. They just decided to take me to the place I was conceived seventeen years ago: a bench at a public park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 517

You deserved it 2 669

By bigjohn106 - 17/07/2011 12:34 - United States

Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee, my girlfriend fainted. Her father, a lawyer, rushed over and said, "Anything she says for the next 72 hours is not legally binding" and whisked her away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 720

You deserved it 3 218

Foiled

By james88 - 07/01/2013 21:39 - United States - Altoona

Today, in an elaborate plan to finally meet my cute neighbor, I convinced my friendly mailman to switch up our mail so I'd have an excuse to meet her. After I delivered her mail, I waited for her to mention that she had my mail, but she never did. I even saw her take it out of her mail box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 565

You deserved it 37 828

By still had to pay - 23/12/2012 21:36 - Australia

Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 594

You deserved it 6 281

By K.S.S. - 17/04/2016 02:24 - United States - Rushville

Today, when I tried to break up with my girlfriend of 2 years, she had no idea we were even dating. She thought of all the movies, dinners, and "sleepovers" I had with her was because we were such great friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 519

You deserved it 4 316

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 02:38 - United States

Today, while snow plowing I accidentally ran over my kid's basketball. I told him what had happened and he responded by spilling his ant farm into my underwear drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 946

You deserved it 7 897

By Soresack - 04/01/2010 13:34 - United States

Today, I slipped on a patch of ice and fell. I would have fallen straight onto my ass, but thankfully my testicles broke my fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 645

You deserved it 3 205

Remember those vampire dudes?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the painting I worked on for three weeks was rejected from an art contest because the rules prohibit fan art. It wasn't fan art. They mistook it for Twilight fan art. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 264

You deserved it 8 299

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The Top

Today, I walked into my boss's office to ask for a raise, and walked out unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 204

You deserved it 4 975

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 971

You deserved it 2 775

Today, it was my wedding, and I live in a country that doesn't take premarital sex lightly. My wife chose the last girl I slept with to be her main bridesmaid. She doesn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 2 190

Today, my step mom and her kids moved in. This is my first night sharing a room with her daughter. She snores, sleep talks, and sleep scratches the side of the bed creating a sound like nails on a chalkboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 788

You deserved it 3 421

Today, despite having the same parents, I'm a lawyer and my brother is a redneck. He called wanting my advice, because he tried to book a prostitute online but when she turned up, she was a Latvian mail-order bride, and he wants me to fix it with my "big city law degree." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 171

You deserved it 118

Today, my husband decided it's completely fine to walk around the house with his penis out in front of his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 339

You deserved it 154