Love: Today, I found out that my boyfriend of over a year has been... - FML

By heartbroken - 10/07/2013 19:08 - Australia

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of over a year has been cheating on me the whole time, but that "it's just physical". However, he doesn't want to do anything "physical" with me, except cuddle when we're together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 940

You deserved it 4 708

Walk the line

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Broken heart

By best friend! - 10/03/2012 05:12 - Canada

Today, my best friend informed me that she has been sleeping with my boyfriend. She tried to justify it by saying, "He's just going to break up with you anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 478

You deserved it 2 392

By mymomplucksbutthair - 25/06/2013 20:43 - United States

Today, my mom confessed to me that she used to pluck my step-dad's butt hair. I hope the brain-gods delete this obnoxious mental picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 767

You deserved it 3 378

By Anonymous - 26/08/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, a customer at work made threats against me and my two-month old son. Instead of following policy by notifying the police, my manager apologized to him and told me to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 028

You deserved it 124

By Anonymous - 30/06/2011 15:38 - United States

Today, my parents found my stash of alcohol. They drank it all within a single evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 682

You deserved it 34 712

By Parent - 08/04/2018 23:00 - United States - Elkhart

Today, being a divorced dad, I had a very important job opportunity for which I would be gone overnight. When I returned, I found my son locked in his room while the babysitter was having sex with a man in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 713

You deserved it 391

By notonthepavement - 15/02/2016 11:04 - United States - Desoto

Today, as I went to kiss my date goodbye and drive home, he mistakenly rammed his thumb across my eye hard enough to push my contact back into my eye socket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 676

You deserved it 1 651

By kklaucen14 - 06/08/2012 01:15 - United States - Connersville

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a party. He got drunk and started talking about how his hot blonde girlfriend gives him great blowjobs. I'm a brunette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 923

You deserved it 3 245

By middleagednurse - 14/01/2015 17:49 - United States - Miami

Today, my husband bought me XL pajamas for my birthday. I got really angry, telling him that's obviously not my size. I tried them on just to show him how ridiculous they look. They fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 892

You deserved it 41 634

By Username - 22/11/2010 22:39

Today, I admitted to my boyfriend of three years that I have been suffering from depression for a while now. He took it as a good time to dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 344

You deserved it 4 353

By dentallycorrect - 19/08/2010 05:16 - United States

Today, while casually sitting at a bar, a drunk biker with no teeth leaned over and tried to kiss me. I'm a sailor in the Navy, but I think I screamed like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 203

You deserved it 5 377

By Anonymous - 17/11/2014 22:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had a dream that I kicked the moon like a soccer ball. It started swearing in my boyfriend's voice. That part wasn't a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 195

You deserved it 3 779

By vomitgirl - 28/04/2015 05:24 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, during my shift at work, I started to feel really sick and started throwing up. While I had my head in a bag, I had several customers ask me for directions and another customer abuse me for my lack of service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 039

You deserved it 2 434

By Btdtgts - 25/03/2017 14:00

Today, I had to take out the grease traps from our fryers. A very rude co-worker cut me off, so I had to abruptly stop and try to prevent as much spilling as possible. Luckily, it only spilled on me. I'm here for six more hours with burned, smelly, greasy spots all over my skin and clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 526

You deserved it 312

By 4fucksake - 18/07/2010 23:26 - Ireland

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend showed me how he gives himself a semi-erection before he goes into the men's showers after training so his penis will look bigger in front of all the guys. I find it worrying that he won't have sex with me, but has no problem walking around in front of men naked with a semi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 251

You deserved it 4 673

By Clumsy - 04/08/2018 15:00

Today, while baby-proofing the stairs so that my toddler wouldn't fall, I slipped on his toy car, broke the brand new gate while grabbing it so I wouldn't fall down the stairs, and broke my wrist and a rib. My husband should mom-proof the house for me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 153

You deserved it 353

By Anonymous - 03/10/2016 23:50 - United States - Westerville

Today, the family computer kept overheating. My four-year-old son thought the solution was to pour a nice, cold cup of water on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 961

You deserved it 1 219

By nekal - 21/09/2016 16:50 - United States - Nashville

Today, I tried to sneakily leave my boyfriend's house at 3 a.m. without his parents knowing. I had a flat tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 881

You deserved it 3 623

By Anonymous - 15/04/2009 01:16 - United States

Today, I was carrying some luggage downstairs to put in my car to head back to college. My brother told me my shoes were untied. He said he would tie them for me as I was carrying luggage. I fell down the stairs because he thought it would be funny to tie them together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 795

You deserved it 11 146

By bubbles - 12/10/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I was taking a bubble bath, and had my iPod touch on the side of my bathtub so I could listen to my music. My dog walked up to the side of the tub, looked me in the eye, and nudged my iPod into the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 968

You deserved it 55 604

Sexy talk

By Anonymous - 09/01/2010 03:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on in his room. In a sexy voice, I asked him, "What are you thinking right now?" He replied, "I'm thinkin' Arby's." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 737

You deserved it 5 949

By mandy - 23/10/2009 00:40 - United States

Today, I was taking the bus to work and it was a rather bumpy ride. The child sitting across from me asked her mom if her chin moves like mine when the bus goes up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 841

You deserved it 6 680

By Sessionsjc - 23/03/2018 01:00 - United States - Boca Raton

Spicy

Today, during my run through a nature preserve, I rounded the corner to a pair of legs sticking out on the trail. My first thought was that someone was hurt, but as I got closer I realized it was one guy blowing another on the side of the trail. I had to jump over his legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 459

You deserved it 419

By Sad bitch - 18/06/2018 19:00

Today, I realized why my lavender products were no longer helping me calm down. I use lavender so much when I'm anxious that I've associated the smell with anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 448

You deserved it 676

By Bear - 10/07/2017 04:30

Today, while picking up my 14-year-old sister, a friend of hers asked if I was her mother. I'm only 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 659

You deserved it 368

By uncomfortable - 12/03/2009 00:20 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents. It got to an intense sex scene. I felt grateful when I saw his father reaching for the remote to fastforward past the scene. He put it into slowmotion. We watched in silence for about 3 minutes before he managed to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 175

You deserved it 5 582

By InsultToInjury - 28/12/2018 04:00

Today, I had a one night stand. After her laying there without moving for ages, she impatiently asked if I'd finished. Once she got bored and told me to just finish myself off, her song playlist began playing "Never Gonna Dance Again". Very romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 029

You deserved it 1 196

By Ecolo-girl - 11/03/2016 06:22 - France - Quint

Today, my wife, the budding environmentalist, who is also 6 months pregnant, threatened to leave me because according to her I'm responsible for the world's deforestation. I'd only drawn her a picture of her with our baby-to-be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 960

You deserved it 2 011

By rejected4555 - 03/08/2012 12:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to go to the gym with him, and I responded that we could do another kind of workout upstairs. He quickly said he'd rather just go to the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 033

You deserved it 6 277

By Anonymous - 03/05/2013 21:00 - Germany

Today, I overheard my boyfriend admitting that he's only dating me because having me around "sucks a bit less than fucking my own hand". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 660

You deserved it 5 299

By Omi - 20/10/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, I microwaved a cup of soup. While walking back to my desk to eat and do homework, I noticed a message that said, "WARNING: Hold cup by sides, as lid may not be secure." At that exact moment, the lid that I was holding fell off and the soup drenched my Nintendo DS, and printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 851

You deserved it 41 472

By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 01:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. She wants to try dating women. This is the second time this has happened to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 473

You deserved it 6 512

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 22:38 - United States

Today, as I was making instant hot chocolate from the hot water dispenser in the break-room at work, a coworker informed me that it was industrial "recycled" wastewater that was only supposed to be used for washing tools. Thanks. I've only been doing that every day for the past 8 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 019

You deserved it 5 241

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 14:00

Today, I went over to my parents' house with my female, unspayed dog. I guess they haven’t had their dog neutered, because he tried to mount her. When I attempted to stop him, he knocked me into their stone fire pit, splitting my head and elbow open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 430

You deserved it 1 277

By Anonymous - 12/12/2011 20:23 - United States

Today, I had an allergic reaction to my deodorant. My armpits wouldn't stop itching, and by the time my shift was over, they were raw and bloody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 408

You deserved it 3 702

By Anonymous - 03/10/2012 16:29 - United States - Santee

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 885

You deserved it 5 373

By chaos2007 - 13/05/2009 05:11 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. After a day out partying, I came home to find all my stuff smashed in the yard, even my 42" plasma TV. After asking my girlfriend what her problem was, she said a "slut" left a message on the machine stating how fun last night was. It turned out to be my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 144

You deserved it 5 095

We finally made it

By Depression... - 10/10/2012 06:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had my first orgasm. Unfortunately, it was during breakup sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 053

You deserved it 9 096

By littl3storm - 12/05/2019 21:30

Spicy

Today, I found out that I work with a bunch of sex addicts. One of them is my cousin, and she did NOT hold back when telling me her and her fiancé's plans about swinging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 814

You deserved it 185

By emoflowers - 10/04/2012 02:51 - United States - Amarillo

Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 383

You deserved it 3 319

Cool

By Anonymous - 29/10/2019 18:00

Today, I tore my calf muscle while skipping and singing Yellow Brick Road. I'm off my foot for 4-6 weeks and don't even have a cool story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 316

You deserved it 367

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Thursday 11 July 2013 0:08

Did you straight up, break up with him? Cause hes an obvious douche.

anythingmustbe 18

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Thursday 11 July 2013 0:09

You mean ex-boyfriend right? Don't worry there will be other guys who are caring. They want to get physical!Physical!

Comments

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Thursday 11 July 2013 0:08

Did you straight up, break up with him? Cause hes an obvious douche.

NuggetFarmer99 3

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Thursday 11 July 2013 0:17

I hope she did more than just straight up break up with him. I hope he feels like a total loser with no purpose but to steal perfectly good oxygen and water.

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Thursday 11 July 2013 1:13

Well she has a perfectly good reason since there's nothing mentally there either it seems...

tjv3 10

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Thursday 11 July 2013 2:38

Sorry OP what a jerk, loser, and worthless person. I can't stand cheaters! Ditch him and hey I'm single lol;) but for real you will find a much better person than the cheater

HortonThelephant 15

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Thursday 11 July 2013 2:58

Oblivious*

illegalbeagle69 23

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Thursday 11 July 2013 6:57

She should straight up kick him in the balls.

applebramble 22

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Thursday 11 July 2013 15:15

Yeah what a fucking asshole! Hope you've dumped him . He's not worth it :/

anythingmustbe 18

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Thursday 11 July 2013 0:09

You mean ex-boyfriend right? Don't worry there will be other guys who are caring. They want to get physical!Physical!

OnlyAvailableID 28

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Thursday 11 July 2013 0:40

So you're saying other boys want to hear OP's body drop, her body drop?

CallMeMcFeelii 13

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Thursday 11 July 2013 3:26

Phone pocket posted..my bad.

avapaige1234 19

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Thursday 11 July 2013 0:10

Just cuddling with you even with no sex could have been sweet and respectful, if he hadn't been cheating on you. You deserve better than an a-hole.

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Thursday 11 July 2013 0:10

Do something "physical" to his face then because "it's just physical"

HungerGames95 13

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Thursday 11 July 2013 0:11

Send your Dad over with a baseball bat in an hour to do something "physical" to him.

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Thursday 11 July 2013 0:59

Screw sending her dad, OP should take the bastard on herself.

HungerGames95 13

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Thursday 11 July 2013 1:52

I was referencing a previous FML.

illegalbeagle69 23

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Thursday 11 July 2013 6:58

I caught on

melbournearsenal 18

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Thursday 11 July 2013 7:00

Here in Australia we tend to use Cricket Bats for such occasions !

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Thursday 11 July 2013 11:31

cricket balls might hurt more me thinks. that shit is painful

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Friday 12 July 2013 2:33

If she wants to beat him with metal and leather, I can hook OP up. Seriously; ever smacked a person with a bridle? Very satisfying.

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Thursday 11 July 2013 0:11

Sounds like you need to get physical with him, in a different way.

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Thursday 11 July 2013 2:16

I read get physical and all of sudden Madonna popped into my head.

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Thursday 11 July 2013 2:35

You mean Olivia Newton John right?

Soniye 14

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Thursday 11 July 2013 3:18

Lol Madonna ? Wtf I thought it was Olivia too

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Thursday 11 July 2013 0:11

That sucks. He should have found someone he was physically and emotionally attracted to, rather than using two girls to get both things. He sounds like a douche, and you probably deserve better. Good luck OP

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Thursday 11 July 2013 2:42

OP here. I just created an account to reply. That's just the thing... He was physically attracted to me. When we first met he was really into me physically as well as emotionally/ mentally. He wanted me a lot, couldn't keep his hands off me etc. But after a while it seems like he just got kinda bored of me and now it seems like he isn't really interested. We're long distance so we can only see each other once every couple of months, even though we talk every day, usually for more than 12 hours.

anythingmustbe 18

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Thursday 11 July 2013 3:06

You are still going out with him???

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Thursday 11 July 2013 8:02

Wait.. You talk for more than 12 hours.. Everyday!? Whoa! Am I the only one surprised by this?

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Thursday 11 July 2013 0:12

why don't you give him something "physical" like a punch in the face

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Thursday 11 July 2013 0:12

Dump that cheater & tell him "well it's just a breakup" & see how he feels.

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Thursday 11 July 2013 0:12

*girlfriend

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Thursday 11 July 2013 5:41

#11, what are you talking about? Are you suggesting OP is a lesbian? If you are, that's not the case here OP, you deserve much better than that scumbag.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 30

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 118

You deserved it 146