Love: Today, I went to dinner at my parents' house. I was going to...

By Michelle - United States - Abingdon

Today, I went to dinner at my parents' house. I was going to surprise them by introducing them to my new boyfriend. They decided to surprise me too, by inviting my ex to the dinner. Everyone was surprised tonight. FML

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Love

There's no helping some people

Fear factor

Call CPS!

By Infested Girlfriend - 30/4/2020 05:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Sharing is caring

Today, my boyfriend and I are so close that we share everything. This now includes his head lice. Thanks, dude. FML

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By teejayrn - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him for the first time. His response was to smile and pat me on the head. FML

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32691

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By alphafoxy21 - United States

Today, after spending 8 months and $11,000 on school, I was denied a job in my chosen career field. They told me they decided to go with someone with more experience. So who got the job? One of my classmates. This is her first job. EVER. FML

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By Walter - Spain

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML

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31977

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By Anonymous - Spain - Las Palmas

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the airport for some much needed vacation time. We arrived on time but were stopped at the gate when they told me I didn't have the right passport. The plane left without me. My girlfriend did too. FML

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By Anonymous

And now, on Judge Judy

Today, I found out my roommates spent my rent money and told the landlord I never paid. I've paid my rent and theirs the past 6 months. My name's on the lease. FML

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By Loud - Australia

Today, at work, I needed to fart and thought it would be fast and silent, so I let it rip. I was wrong. Everyone turned around and looked at me as my fart rolled on for a good 10 seconds. The worst part, I screamed, "It wasn't me!" while I was still farting. FML

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By my name is sarah - United States - Midland

Today, my mom called me by her favorite TV show character's name. Again. This is the eighth time this week. I'm an only child, and I'm 15. I thought she had my name down pat by now. FML

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By Anonymous - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that taking triple the maximum dosage of painkillers won't actually triple its effects. She rolled her eyes, called me clueless, and said that I should "leave this stuff to the professionals." She's studying to become a doctor. FML

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By OhhhNooo - United States

Today, my Dad told me that I was named after the dog he accidentally shot in the head as a teenager. FML

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33760

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By Anonymous

Today, I was having trouble sleeping, and I was almost asleep when I got a call from one of those spam places. They left a voicemail, which I made the mistake of listening to. The voice was so slowed down, it was very creepy, especially late at night. I don't think I'll be sleeping at all tonight. FML

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By suckmeoff - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My grandma gave me a hug and a check after wishing me a happy birthday and walked away giggling. I was excited because it was the only gift I had gotten all day. Ten minutes later, I realized that it was actually just my tax refund. FML

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By hockusa3 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I was driving to the DMV to take a test, after getting some points removed from my license. On the way there, I got a speeding ticket and got my license suspended completely. FML

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By woahitbechels - United States

Today, I dreamed that I was kidnapped by Charlie Sheen. FML

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35929

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML

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52596

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By ohcollege - United States

Today, the rain was pouring really hard outside. I found this out when it started raining on me at 4 am inside my dorm room. Thanks college. FML

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By Tom_why - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping some mental health patients at work, I spent 20 mins to fail to connect the DVD player to the TV and went back to make them something to eat. I came back into the room after 5 mins and one of the patients had connected it for himself. He has a profound learning disability. FML

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44270

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By Greatgrandpa - Curacao

Today, my only child introduced his new girlfriend to me. He is 36 and has no children. She is 46 and has a pregnant daughter who she is very close with. I don't know if I'll ever be a grandfather, but in any case, my son is going to be one before me. FML

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32921

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By liza - 29/3/2021 16:59

Spirits, awake!

Today, since my alarm didn’t go off at 7 a.m., I awoke to my mother attempting to perform Necromancy on me “as a joke.” She wore a black robe and everything. FML

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702

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179

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By My_Cow_kiM - United States

Today, I told my mom I'm severely allergic to my cat and that the doctor told me it would be best to get rid of the cat. Somewhat jokingly, I told her it was either me or the cat. She chose the cat. She was serious too. FML

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By Chucho - United States - Boston

Today, my mom told me that she rather wait for the city bus all day, than allow me to give her a ride. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, as part of the treatment for my bulimia, my doctor informed me that I will not be allowed to go to the bathroom unsupervised. Meaning there will have to be another person in the bathroom with me at all times. I have a nervous bladder. I couldn't go if I wanted to. FML

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27195

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By Anonymous - United States - Decatur

Today, I drove across two states to see my brother, who's had a history of heart problems. My mother had sent me a long e-mail saying he was on his death bed and wanted to talk to me to "get his affairs in order." When I arrived worriedly, he was fine. My mother guilt-tripped me to come visit. FML

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25618

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By Ellie - United States

Today, I was practicing for a choir concert that I have next week. My mom walked into my room and listened to me for a little while. After I finished the last song, she smiled, patted me on the head and said, "It's okay honey, I can't sing either." FML

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By **(: - United States

Today, I learned that if you stare down an attractive man while pumping gas, he'll stare back. Then he might ask for your number. At which point his girlfriend will get out of the car and threaten to kick your ass. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend emotionally proposed over dinner, and I said yes. Soon after he left, he tweeted "I just fucked up...." and a few minutes later called me and claimed the proposal was a prank. FML

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By Wet dreamer

Today, I slept in my boyfriend's room for the first time. I also wet the bed for the first time in a decade. FML

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5806

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By PuppyPeeTimee. - United Kingdom

Today, we were in the car with my puppy, who favours my sister. She had been sat on her lap for a while, when she stood up and climbed onto my lap. I was really pleased until she peed on me and then went straight back to my sister. FML

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By bigdawg702 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend of 9 months that I was ready for marriage and start having kids. She hasn't called or texted me since. FML

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By Bg2466 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I got a bad review on my work's Facebook page. The girl said I was very rude and I should never work with the public. I was trying to flirt with her. FML

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By my back hurts - Australia - Campbelltown

Today, I spent a large portion of the afternoon playing hide and seek with the door-to-door salesman who saw me sneak in the back door and won't stop knocking. No amount of hiding behind the couch will make him go away. FML

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40497

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By Fattie - Malaysia

Today, I was working at the gas station. An old lady was watching me fill her gas tank. A really beautiful girl walked by. I lost concentration and overfilled the tank. I quickly pulled it out and squirted the old lady with a bit of petrol. She was smiling and gave a slight moan. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Newport

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in years to ask about my upcoming wedding and possibly walking me down the aisle. He claimed the only reason he left was because he thought I'd be gay. I am. FML

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By Anonymous - Italy - Catanzaro

Today, while shaving my nether regions, I slipped and sliced myself in three separate places. They won't completely stop bleeding. I'm virtually having a second period, and it hurts to close my legs. FML

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37711

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By cherry - Australia

Today, I was fooling around with someone I had met at a club, in my room. It got really heated, and I was really getting into this guy, until he lifts up my leg and asks "Can I lick your leg?" FML

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59625

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By Anonymous - United States - Staten Island

Date grape

Today, my boyfriend and I were drinking wine naked after sex. He went to get another glass, but on the way back tripped and fell flat on his face. His roommate unexpectedly came home, saw him face-down on the floor, thought I'd drugged him and tackled me before I could explain. FML

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1865

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By birthdayboy

Today, it was my birthday. My only birthday present was a cake that my dad bought from Walmart. Well, it sure looked tasty. The only problem: it had nuts on it. Guess what I'm highly allergic too? At least my dad told me he'd "tell me how it tastes." FML

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1811

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By Canonlizardjet - United States - Ormond Beach

Today, I had a near-death experience. Went to print a document and a lizard shot out of the printer right out at me. Gives a whole new meaning to a Canon printer, a fricking lizard Canon. FML

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6496

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By notacashier - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I used the self-checkout for the first time. I didn't see a slot for bills, so I tried to put them in the coin slot for a solid three minutes. There was a huge line behind me, silently judging. FML

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39572

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By mortifying - United Kingdom - Harlow

Skinny girl

Today, I started playing footsie with the girl I like next to me in Biology. Turns out it was the table leg. FML

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563

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Top comments

By Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#6136836 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:05

Awkward! Why would they invite your ex, though?

By Enslaved | 36

#6136866 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:25

Just because the OP was dating a new person doesn't mean that she hasn't broken up with her ex for a while. The parents probably knew about the breakup, liked the ex and was trying to play re-matchmaker without knowing she had already moved on?

COMMENTS

By Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#6136836 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:05

Awkward! Why would they invite your ex, though?

pugpuggy | 21

#6136850 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:13

They probably thought they were still dating. OP stated that the person she brought to dinner was her 'new' boyfriend.

Enslaved | 36

#6136866 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:25

doctorhook86 | 24

#6136979 - Saturday 6 December 2014 19:20

#12: Yeah, sometimes parents are douchebags.

Brandi_Faith | 33

#6137062 - Saturday 6 December 2014 20:17

I think it's pretty rude of your parents to invite your ex (and I assume they knew you two had broken up) unless you guys happened to break it off on great terms and are actually still friends.

betweenwinds | 18

#6137162 - Saturday 6 December 2014 22:35

My question is why on earth the ex would agree to come over. He knew they were broken up and that it'd be awkward. As far as desperate-plans-to-get-OP-back go, family dinners are pretty likely to do more harm than good...

By worldclassrager | 39

#6136837 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:05

Well how was dinner?

ComoEsJuan | 24

#6136869 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:28

It was very ex-citing.

quickit | 24

#6136886 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:53

I don't think it was too ex-quisite.

cwrocker | 14

#6136932 - Saturday 6 December 2014 18:10

It didn't go the way she ex-pected

brssps1 | 19

#6136972 - Saturday 6 December 2014 19:12

It was definitely ex-tra awkard for OP.

doctorhook86 | 24

#6136981 - Saturday 6 December 2014 19:22

It wasn't ex-actly what everyone had in mind.

teentee401 | 36

#6137000 - Saturday 6 December 2014 19:41

I hope OP will leave a follow-up to ex-plain what happened.

Adeptus_Astartes | 22

#6137043 - Saturday 6 December 2014 19:56

This thread is ex-asperating.

marcranger | 28

#6137088 - Saturday 6 December 2014 20:48

I'm ex-tremely amused. I hope the parents had a good ex-cuse.

jbombdighetty | 11

#6137479 - Sunday 7 December 2014 5:13

the amount of downvotes per comment are respectively ex-ponential

PSYqualiac | 17

#6137991 - Sunday 7 December 2014 19:50

I would love if OP left an ex-planation.

Oyas12 | 14

#6138596 - Monday 8 December 2014 5:39

I can't believe this thread actually ex-ist

Andrewluz | 5

#6139439 - Tuesday 9 December 2014 5:15

Ex-plain to me why the puns are so funny

By Aquaman911 | 18

#6136838 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:06

Surprise!

By HarshD9619 | 34

#6136844 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:09

Sounds like a wonderful evening....

quickit | 24

#6136870 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:31

The awkwardness sounds like it was OVER 9000.

R2Y2 | 22

#6136982 - Saturday 6 December 2014 19:24

Vegeta's scouter off the charts

By rekkas | 16

#6136845 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:09

This is why I just try my hardest not to involve my parents in anything .

By your_ma | 27

#6136846 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:10

I'm sure both guys felt super awkward. Poor OP..

By movaa | 11

#6136849 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:13

Now I know why some people hate surprises...Atleast drop a hint or something :/

Adm_Twigs | 19

#6136988 - Saturday 6 December 2014 19:29

I agree, some surprises end poorly... communication is key to avoiding mating ritual death matches

By sarah5745 | 41

#6136857 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:16

Wow that would have probably been super awkward. Hopefully the food was good enough to pass things by....

By ScottVining | 21

#6136859 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:17

Maybe they didn't know you had broken up

By JMichael | 25

#6136863 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:18

I bet that was loads of fun