Today, I went to dinner at my parents' house. I was going to...

By Michelle - 6/12/2014 03:35 - United States - Abingdon

Today, I went to dinner at my parents' house. I was going to surprise them by introducing them to my new boyfriend. They decided to surprise me too, by inviting my ex to the dinner. Everyone was surprised tonight. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2009 17:47 - United States

Today, I had just gotten a milkshake with some friends. We were about to drive past my ex's house, so I though it would be funny to throw the milkshake in his yard. Turns out, if you're going 50mph and try to throw a shake out the window, it comes right back at you. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2012 15:42 - United States

Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML

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By Ropebunnbon - 15/8/2018 13:00

Today, after leaving for the city inspector to make sure everything was up to code, my husband and I remembered that we'd forgotten to take down the rope bondage setup and equipment in the closet. We came home to paperwork on the kitchen counter and the closet door open. FML

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By MaximB - 15/7/2020 14:02

Coming up short

Today, some babe finally super-liked me on Tinder, but didn't want to continue the chat after finding out I'm shorter than her. FML

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By Hum - 2/7/2011 21:50 - Switzerland

Today, while on student exchange in Germany, I was making myself a cup of coffee. When I rummaged around in the fridge, my room-mates asked me what I was looking for. I said I wanted to put "samen" in my coffee. They laughed. Ah yes, "sahne" means "cream". "Samen" means "sperm". FML

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By Anonymous - 3/2/2013 07:32 - Canada - Campbell River

Today, I was running late for work and quickly grabbed my outfit from the dryer. I heard the crackling of static as I took out my shirt. I didn't think anything of it, until later when my co-worker pointed out I had a thong stuck to my back. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2014 16:42 - France - Beausoleil

Today, I came home from vacation, only to find my neighbours relaxing on my patio, and their kids swimming in my pool. FML

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By Dlpnlvr85 - 10/7/2016 18:43 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I woke up to find some really weird stuff in my bed. We just got back from vacation in Florida, and my husband burned really bad. I woke up to his peeled off skin all over my face. FML

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By mizzleshizzle - 9/3/2010 18:42 - Canada

Today, I dropped my physics class because I thought I bombed the 50% second midterm test. I got my results an hour after dropping online. I finished with an 83. I can't get back into the course. FML

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By Eagle - 26/1/2010 06:05 - United States

Today, my mother urged me to "get over this lesbian thing and give me some grandkids." In front of my girlfriend of eleven months. FML

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By badbestfriend - 4/8/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, I took my best friend out for a night in town, after he got dumped by his girlfriend recently. As we were walking around, we passed a group of hot women, a couple who were checking him out. Trying to be encouraging, I said "He's single!" and winked. One of the girls was his ex-girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2020 08:00 - United Kingdom - London

True romantic

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. During the act, he looked deep in to my eyes before whispering, "Up the arse next time?" FML

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By mr_flarpin - 22/8/2012 00:37 - United States - Stoneham

Today, I got stumped by a childproof door. Twice. FML

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By disapointed girl - 28/12/2010 16:58 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a month and I had sex for the first time. We started in the shower and then moved to his bedroom. He then feel asleep when I was on top. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2015 03:55 - United States - Portland

Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML

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By veggiegal - 13/2/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, I found a bone in my sandwich. It was a veggie burger. FML

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By BlueBirdWings - 31/5/2019 02:30

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML

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By fuckmylifeLulu - 9/4/2011 16:07 - United States

Today, I filed my taxes. As a divorcée with children, I was supposed to get $3,500 back from the IRS. Alas, my ex's new wife already filed with my children, who don't live with her. I now owe the IRS $250. FML

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By SoCalStoopid - 9/9/2011 21:17 - United States

Today, to save money, I bought some meat in bulk. When I got home, I was told that power to the neighborhood was out, and probably would be for days. Rather than let the meat rot, I barbecued it all and gave it away to my neighbors. The power came on while everyone was eating. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2009 07:25 - Australia

Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML

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By sqquish - 1/3/2016 18:48 - United States - Smithfield

Today, while visiting my boyfriend to see his new puppies, I squatted down to pet one. The other began to lick my ankles profusely until I lost my balance and fell on him, breaking his leg. FML

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By mavstrr1764847 - 27/6/2011 18:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of five years proposed to me in front of my entire family. He later confessed that it was part of a dare with his friends because, "There was no way you'd say yes." Guess who has to explain this to all my relatives? FML

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By notautistic - 26/9/2014 01:15 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, marks yet again another day that I've been asked if I'm autistic. No, that's just my Korean accent. Apparently I look "too white" to have one. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2011 21:08 - United Kingdom

Today, my younger cousin bought his girlfriend of 3 months a bunch of flowers. The only flower I've ever got from my boyfriend of 3 years is a plastic one he found on the floor in a bar. FML

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By Sad Sally - 24/4/2012 11:22 - United States

Today, a therapist told me that I was too depressed to attend his depression group meetings. FML

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By mydadforgetsme - 4/11/2015 17:26 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my dad forgot it's my birthday. When I told him about it, he accused me of lying and threatened to ground me for a week. FML

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By FartyCar - 30/11/2018 17:30

Today, I found a bag of frozen broccoli in my car boot from when I went shopping 3 days ago. My whole car smells like farts now. FML

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By depresso - 13/3/2009 05:30 - Canada

Today, I found an obituary clipping on my kitchen table. It was for my grandpa. No one told me he died. FML

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By Sam - 14/10/2017 04:30

Today, I went to the doctor to get my swollen lymph nodes checked. As it turns out, they aren't swollen. I'm just fat. FML

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By Robyn - 4/10/2011 09:35 - Ireland

Today, during my second day as a receptionist, every time the phone rang I jumped in shock. My co-workers now already think I'm weird. FML

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By megan - 1/4/2015 17:56 - United States - Lutz

Today, it's April Fool's day. I had to take a CPR class, and everything was going well. We took a break and I went to get a drink of water and started choking. They thought I was making fun of the class, and made me leave. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2014 04:49 - United States - Houston

Today, I met my future mother-in-law. All went well; she complimented my dress, and I complimented her haircut. Then she and her son had a screaming match over how our children will be fat because of their mother. FML

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By me - 12/11/2012 04:30 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, my father told me to take the car and get some groceries. An hour and a half later, coming home with the groceries, I see the cops all around my house because my dad had called them, thinking that I had run away and stolen the car. FML

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By JulietMarie - 18/12/2018 03:00

Today, I met my older sister's cute male roommate. Everything was going smoothly until he asked if I was her mother. I’m only 20. FML

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By ming - 19/8/2018 14:30

Today, despite being 22 and having near-perfect dental hygiene, I was diagnosed with receding gums and can only eat soft food for the rest of my life. Then the dentist told me that this typically only happens to people over fifty who don’t take care of their teeth. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2011 22:06 - United States

Today, I went to my dad and new stepmom's house for the week. Upon arrival, I was handed mouthwash, deodorant, and lice shampoo. The guest bed I was told I'd be sleeping in was fitted with a plastic mattress cover. I don't have lice and I don't wet the bed. FML

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By ballerphilip23 - 15/5/2009 17:11 - Austria

Today, I was standing on the packed bus home when I had a speck of dust in my lenses. As I couldn't rub it out, I tried blinking it out for the next five minutes. Then the hot girl opposite me screams "Stop winking at me, you bastard! Don't even think about it, you ugly fuck!" FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2012 17:12 - United States - Salem

Today, I received the photos my friend took of me proposing to my girlfriend. I'd proposed at the place we'd first met: the local zoo. When I looked them over, I noticed there was an elephant taking a poop in the background. FML

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By dogggg - 14/7/2014 02:10 - India - Pune

Today, I caught my dog drinking from the toilet. After yelling at him, his apology was licking my face. FML

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By kill me - 30/9/2018 03:00

Today, my dad overheard me and my girlfriend having a very personal conversation. His response was to burst into the room and ground me for a month for failing to get her to orgasm the last 3 times we had sex. FML

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Top comments

By Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#6136836 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:05

Awkward! Why would they invite your ex, though?

By Enslaved | 36

#6136866 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:25

Just because the OP was dating a new person doesn't mean that she hasn't broken up with her ex for a while. The parents probably knew about the breakup, liked the ex and was trying to play re-matchmaker without knowing she had already moved on?

COMMENTS

By Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#6136836 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:05

Awkward! Why would they invite your ex, though?

pugpuggy | 21

#6136850 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:13

They probably thought they were still dating. OP stated that the person she brought to dinner was her 'new' boyfriend.

Enslaved | 36

#6136866 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:25

doctorhook86 | 24

#6136979 - Saturday 6 December 2014 19:20

#12: Yeah, sometimes parents are douchebags.

Brandi_Faith | 33

#6137062 - Saturday 6 December 2014 20:17

I think it's pretty rude of your parents to invite your ex (and I assume they knew you two had broken up) unless you guys happened to break it off on great terms and are actually still friends.

betweenwinds | 18

#6137162 - Saturday 6 December 2014 22:35

My question is why on earth the ex would agree to come over. He knew they were broken up and that it'd be awkward. As far as desperate-plans-to-get-OP-back go, family dinners are pretty likely to do more harm than good...

By worldclassrager | 39

#6136837 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:05

Well how was dinner?

ComoEsJuan | 24

#6136869 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:28

It was very ex-citing.

quickit | 24

#6136886 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:53

I don't think it was too ex-quisite.

cwrocker | 14

#6136932 - Saturday 6 December 2014 18:10

It didn't go the way she ex-pected

brssps1 | 19

#6136972 - Saturday 6 December 2014 19:12

It was definitely ex-tra awkard for OP.

doctorhook86 | 24

#6136981 - Saturday 6 December 2014 19:22

It wasn't ex-actly what everyone had in mind.

teentee401 | 36

#6137000 - Saturday 6 December 2014 19:41

I hope OP will leave a follow-up to ex-plain what happened.

Adeptus_Astartes | 22

#6137043 - Saturday 6 December 2014 19:56

This thread is ex-asperating.

marcranger | 28

#6137088 - Saturday 6 December 2014 20:48

I'm ex-tremely amused. I hope the parents had a good ex-cuse.

jbombdighetty | 11

#6137479 - Sunday 7 December 2014 5:13

the amount of downvotes per comment are respectively ex-ponential

PSYqualiac | 17

#6137991 - Sunday 7 December 2014 19:50

I would love if OP left an ex-planation.

Oyas12 | 14

#6138596 - Monday 8 December 2014 5:39

I can't believe this thread actually ex-ist

Andrewluz | 5

#6139439 - Tuesday 9 December 2014 5:15

Ex-plain to me why the puns are so funny

By Aquaman911 | 18

#6136838 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:06

Surprise!

By HarshD9619 | 34

#6136844 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:09

Sounds like a wonderful evening....

quickit | 24

#6136870 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:31

The awkwardness sounds like it was OVER 9000.

R2Y2 | 22

#6136982 - Saturday 6 December 2014 19:24

Vegeta's scouter off the charts

By rekkas | 16

#6136845 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:09

This is why I just try my hardest not to involve my parents in anything .

By your_ma | 27

#6136846 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:10

I'm sure both guys felt super awkward. Poor OP..

By movaa | 11

#6136849 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:13

Now I know why some people hate surprises...Atleast drop a hint or something :/

Adm_Twigs | 19

#6136988 - Saturday 6 December 2014 19:29

I agree, some surprises end poorly... communication is key to avoiding mating ritual death matches

By sarah5745 | 41

#6136857 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:16

Wow that would have probably been super awkward. Hopefully the food was good enough to pass things by....

By ScottVining | 21

#6136859 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:17

Maybe they didn't know you had broken up

By JMichael | 25

#6136863 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:18

I bet that was loads of fun