Today, I went to dinner at my parents' house. I was going to...

By Michelle - United States - Abingdon

Today, I went to dinner at my parents' house. I was going to surprise them by introducing them to my new boyfriend. They decided to surprise me too, by inviting my ex to the dinner. Everyone was surprised tonight. FML

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Love

Long story short

On yer bike

Looks like we made it… Oh.

By Stoodup

Today I spent an hour getting ready for my first date of the year, only to wait 30 min in the cold and then walking back home by myself. Why didn’t he show up? On his way to the date he got invited for a threesome and decided to do that instead. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got a call from the wife, but I was asleep so she left a voicemail. Seems like she accidentally called while sleeping with another man. FML

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By Monroe - United States

Today, I was babysitting my cousin when I realized my aunt didn't tell me where the diapers were. I searched the entire house, but I had no luck. Then my cousin ripped off the diaper she was wearing and peed on the kitchen floor. FML

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By d.stack - United States

Today, I ran sound for my ex's wedding rehearsal since I was the only sound tech in town. Her dad was late for the rehearsal, so the pastor had me to walk her down the aisle. FML

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By thenewgirlfriend - United States - League City

Today, I cut my bangs. When I asked my boyfriend if he liked it he said, "It's like I'm dating a new girl, this way I won't get bored with you." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was looking through some old family photos. I don't know what the hell was going on in my head, but I idly double-tapped on one to zoom in. They were prints. FML

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By Anonymous - Egypt - Cairo

Today, my brother decided our bathroom needed a clock so he used an old DVD player. He put it on the edge of the tub. FML

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By IsThisRealLife - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, we spent the day with my grandmother. During a family conversation,, my sweet little grandmother looked me up and down, and without any hesitation said, "I remember you being so beautiful," before looking at my mother, mouthing, "What happened?" and laughing. She's 87. FML

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By Sickinbed - United States

Today, I was taking a nap in our country house. I was sick with a fever of 101.3. When I woke up, I see that my family had left to go back to the apartment. They forgot me. FML

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By ninnang - United States - Honolulu

Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died". My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the gnat infestation in my dorm room was not caused by the recent cool weather, but rather the rotten pear I found under my roommates bed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while on my way to the break room, it seemed as if everyone was staring at me and giving me odd looks. I asked my friend, "Did I get prettier overnight or something?" She answered, "No, your shirt is just see-through." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to visit my parents after 4 years of not seeing them. They moved without telling me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I called my boyfriend and a woman answered. Turns out, she's also his girlfriend. She broke up with me on his behalf. FML

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By tjm - United States

Today, after finally getting a job offer after months of unemployment, I found out that the person who was going to hire me got fired. Which means I'm not getting the job. FML

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By staciefacecat

Today, my drunk boyfriend flipped out and told me I was a total control freak, and that he couldn't handle how weird and clingy I am. All I did was ask if his phone was charged. FML

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By claustrophobic - United States - Baltimore

Today, I have been in my "office" for 6 weeks. It is literally a closet. I was reminded of this fact when a janitor walked in without knocking, carrying empty boxes he intended to store. FML

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By whytoday

Today, I read an article on babies dying after being accidentally left in cars in the sun. On my lunch break, I decided to walk around the parking lot, checking to see that no kids were abandoned in cars. A guy gave me a smack for looking through his car window. FML

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By QuickieGirl - United States

Today, I realized my girlfriend thinks that the goal of sex is to get it over with as quickly as possible. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Nutley

Today, trying to be nice, I asked my little sister how school was. She burst into a temper tantrum and screamed at me to fuck off. She's eight. FML

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By cherknobil

Today, I went to my favorite burger joint. Upon taking the first bite of my burger, I dislocated my jaw. The employees had to call 911. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband was kind enough to hold my hair back while I was going down on him, but didn't have the thought to comfort me this morning while I suffered the effects of morning sickness. FML

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By YEEYEE517

The customer is always something

Today, working in retail, I noticed a customer looking for an item, so I walked up to them and asked, "Is there something I can help you find?" He replied, "Did I ask for your fucking help?" FML

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By Sam - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, my colleagues were excitedly talking about going for drinks after work. I heard one of them ask, Is Sam coming?' and shortly after leave without me. I'm Sam. FML

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By ch - United States

Today, my grandmother patched up my $300, vintage, limited edition, designer jeans because she thought I'd accidentally ripped them. FML

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By WHOO HOO AIDS - Poland - Warsaw

Today, I realised half my underpants were missing. In related news, my slob of a housemate hasn't washed hers in several weeks, and has been stealing mine. FML

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By cuppycakeslove - United States

Today, I had to sit through chemistry class watching the kid in front of me slowly peel off the scabs on his arms, examine them, and then eat them. For an hour. FML

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By Why - Australia - Sydney

Today, for our 25th anniversary, my husband and I had dinner on a cruise ship, a dinner we had been planning for months. Upon boarding, I realized the expensive dress that I had bought just for the occasion had exactly the same print as the chair covers and the carpet. The cruise lasted 8 hours. FML

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By Adam - United States

Today, I woke up to go pee and my cat followed me into the bathroom as usual. Then, in a not so usual fashion, she tried to jump from the sink to the top of the toilet, missed, and fell into the bowl while I was peeing. I'm scratched in a bad place, I have urine to clean up off the bathroom floor, and a traumatized cat. FML

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By lorena_v

Today, I screamed at the top of my lungs in the middle of a math test because I saw a spider that wound up being a hairball. My teacher was incredibly sympathetic, taking off only five points for "disrupting our working environment". FML

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By Imrickar - United States

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend why being with a girl while being with me is cheating. FML

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By lifesabitch2016 - United States - Moses Lake

Today, I explained to my dad that I had spent over three hours baking, frosting, and decorating a cake from scratch and how proud I was of it. Without even looking up at me, he replied, "You really need a boyfriend." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally weighed myself after going on a strict diet of only fruits, vegetables, and coffee. I gained weight. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, my girlfriend finally got a Facebook account. Too bad she doesn't know the difference between a wall post and a message. She just described how much she enjoyed our sex last night, in great detail. My mom liked it. FML

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By weaknesspersonified - Austria

Today, I felt sad, useless and like I could never achieve anything. To cheer myself up, I wanted to smell some essential orange oil. I couldn't open the bottle. FML

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By TT - United States

Today, I went to get some teeth pulled. I had Novocaine in my gums and lip so I couldn't feel a thing. When the doctor is pulling out the last tooth, he sneezes and pulls the tooth out. He looks in my mouth and I hear, "Oh, shit..." I now have stitches in my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Calexico

Today, I decided to turn my life around and start exercising more. I didn't even make it out the door before I tripped and fractured my ankle. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that my parents are planning to divorce. My dad said, "I'll take Rachel." Rachel isn't even his daughter; I am. Rachel is my mom's daughter with her first husband. FML

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By natalieeee - United States

Today, I was talking to this really nice guy who likes me, and he tells me he's packing. I asked him where he was going, he said Puerto Rico. And I said "LUCKY!" He replied "it's for the funeral". I forgot his grandma had died. FML

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Top comments

By Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#6136836 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:05

Awkward! Why would they invite your ex, though?

By Enslaved | 36

#6136866 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:25

Just because the OP was dating a new person doesn't mean that she hasn't broken up with her ex for a while. The parents probably knew about the breakup, liked the ex and was trying to play re-matchmaker without knowing she had already moved on?

COMMENTS

By Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#6136836 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:05

Awkward! Why would they invite your ex, though?

pugpuggy | 21

#6136850 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:13

They probably thought they were still dating. OP stated that the person she brought to dinner was her 'new' boyfriend.

Enslaved | 36

#6136866 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:25

doctorhook86 | 24

#6136979 - Saturday 6 December 2014 19:20

#12: Yeah, sometimes parents are douchebags.

Brandi_Faith | 33

#6137062 - Saturday 6 December 2014 20:17

I think it's pretty rude of your parents to invite your ex (and I assume they knew you two had broken up) unless you guys happened to break it off on great terms and are actually still friends.

betweenwinds | 18

#6137162 - Saturday 6 December 2014 22:35

My question is why on earth the ex would agree to come over. He knew they were broken up and that it'd be awkward. As far as desperate-plans-to-get-OP-back go, family dinners are pretty likely to do more harm than good...

By worldclassrager | 39

#6136837 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:05

Well how was dinner?

ComoEsJuan | 24

#6136869 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:28

It was very ex-citing.

quickit | 24

#6136886 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:53

I don't think it was too ex-quisite.

cwrocker | 14

#6136932 - Saturday 6 December 2014 18:10

It didn't go the way she ex-pected

brssps1 | 19

#6136972 - Saturday 6 December 2014 19:12

It was definitely ex-tra awkard for OP.

doctorhook86 | 24

#6136981 - Saturday 6 December 2014 19:22

It wasn't ex-actly what everyone had in mind.

teentee401 | 36

#6137000 - Saturday 6 December 2014 19:41

I hope OP will leave a follow-up to ex-plain what happened.

Adeptus_Astartes | 22

#6137043 - Saturday 6 December 2014 19:56

This thread is ex-asperating.

marcranger | 28

#6137088 - Saturday 6 December 2014 20:48

I'm ex-tremely amused. I hope the parents had a good ex-cuse.

jbombdighetty | 11

#6137479 - Sunday 7 December 2014 5:13

the amount of downvotes per comment are respectively ex-ponential

PSYqualiac | 17

#6137991 - Sunday 7 December 2014 19:50

I would love if OP left an ex-planation.

Oyas12 | 14

#6138596 - Monday 8 December 2014 5:39

I can't believe this thread actually ex-ist

Andrewluz | 5

#6139439 - Tuesday 9 December 2014 5:15

Ex-plain to me why the puns are so funny

By Aquaman911 | 18

#6136838 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:06

Surprise!

By HarshD9619 | 34

#6136844 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:09

Sounds like a wonderful evening....

quickit | 24

#6136870 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:31

The awkwardness sounds like it was OVER 9000.

R2Y2 | 22

#6136982 - Saturday 6 December 2014 19:24

Vegeta's scouter off the charts

By rekkas | 16

#6136845 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:09

This is why I just try my hardest not to involve my parents in anything .

By your_ma | 27

#6136846 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:10

I'm sure both guys felt super awkward. Poor OP..

By movaa | 11

#6136849 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:13

Now I know why some people hate surprises...Atleast drop a hint or something :/

Adm_Twigs | 19

#6136988 - Saturday 6 December 2014 19:29

I agree, some surprises end poorly... communication is key to avoiding mating ritual death matches

By sarah5745 | 41

#6136857 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:16

Wow that would have probably been super awkward. Hopefully the food was good enough to pass things by....

By ScottVining | 21

#6136859 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:17

Maybe they didn't know you had broken up

By JMichael | 25

#6136863 - Saturday 6 December 2014 16:18

I bet that was loads of fun