themouseman1212
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I saw a woman breastfeeding at the natural foods market. It's the first time I've seen a woman's nipple in over two years. I've been married for ten. FML
Top comments
tacojauns 45
Man how did your wife lose her nipples?
TwitchingNebula 17
You should at least watch some ****.
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Comments (144)
tinysocks 11
Time to spice 'er up buddy!
courtney680 17
He should probably talk to her and ask why she doesn't want him to see her naked. And just because he doesn't see her nipples, doesn't mean they aren't having sex. Just saying..
MrBrightside21 20
Shocking fact for most men: The first female nipple you have ever seen was your mother's. Shocking fact for me: The only nipple I have ever seen was my mother's.
TheElBurrrito 21
27, E ever watch ****?
EggsinaBasket 9
49 I believe he means in real life and not through a computer screen.
twinkiefeets 17
27--your only 16 you have plenty of time to see nipples. I didn't see a penis til I was 19!
ShyAnn29 14
96 wow, I was 27 when I first saw a guys penis!
kevsandy303 12
At one point you were gushing out of a penis. Just saying.
rogerover 19
Seeing nipples is an essential part of most heterosexual encounter. Unless of course they're removed.
jatinbhanot 6
I'd say sad... shocking just isn't the right word..
jatinbhanot 6
"Seeing nipples is an essential part of a heterosexual encounter".. who are you??? Sheldon Cooper!!!
themouseman1212 16
I'm not 16. Check my profile.
themouseman1212 16
Can't delete the comment. Didn't see you were talking to someone else.
TwitchingNebula 17
You should at least watch some ****.
wlddog 14
That usually means its time for the handcuffs, babs, and riding crop to come out. I blame OP for not dropping his balls and going after her.
marxistbkly 3
Because there is nothing that stats good times like going to jail for marital rape.
RaulGarcia30 10
Seriously how have you not watched ****??
kultyre 7
You should ask your wife for some children.
lopsop 12
Then he can watch them breast feed and not have to go to the natural food market
sigurd 11
I don't think looking at kids nipples count, perv.
SaturnV 25
I don't believe that bringing children into a marriage which clearly has some issues would be in anyone's best interest.
RpiesSPIES 27
I hope you see the irony of the situation.
Pleonasm 35
What is the irony, please?
RpiesSPIES 27
Breast feeding in the Natural Foods market, of course.
R4inb0wBrit3 13
Huh. That IS ironic.
Supergirl1988 16
How is that ironic?
Pleonasm 35
So irony is just a funny juxtaposition of events now. Huh. I thought it was when the reverse of what was expected in a situation happened. I wasn't NOT expecting it to be there... So I guess breast feeding in a farm is Irony Level: OVER 9000! And I guess that breastfeeding your child so that he grows up healthier but instead, your breastmilk is toxic and causes health problems, THAT'S totally not irony.
evig_fml 16
Pleo, to simplify the discussion...yes.
RpiesSPIES 27
After going through my thoughts on the situation and re-evaluating the meaning of what I thought something was, as in believing two moments such as this not needing to contradict the other (which it seems it does), my comment has fallen into dismay. It's not irony but just purely coincidental. While I'm glad that my understanding of Irony has been cleared up, I'm sad that my prior comments have taken a turn for the worst.
Pleonasm 35
Well at least you're admitting all this and taking it all very sensibly too. No raging or claims of sarcasm, just honesty. It's actually nice for a change.
efelsh 14
Dude you kill me! Keep up the awesome comments, they're funny as ****!
SammyS2012 21
Irony and a coincedence are mixed up a lot nowadays. my younger cousins (around 10 and 12 years old) kept saying "that's ironic!" for everything. when i explained what the true definition for irony was, they came up with their own scenario: a burglar enters a house and the house's guard dog attacks the house's master. i dont know what runs through their minds o.O
allie2590 31
Wow. Before looking at the thumbs on these comments, I had no idea how many people don't understand irony.
TheFirstSamurai 18
Wouldn't #4's comment count as situational irony?
TheFirstSamurai 18
Actually i take that back.
kristabelli 19
Ok... "Natural Food" + breast milk, arguably one of the most natural foods on the planet... I say that's a decent example of irony. Not great maybe, but it's still mild irony. You wouldn't necessarily expect to see that.
kristabelli 19
I'm slightly disappointed that you didn't stand up for yourself, #4.
TheNewGuy03 28
76: Still just a coincidence. Yes, it's unexpected, but coincidences are also unexpected, which make them ... coincidental! :D Everyone's happy.
doctorhook86 24
#4 and #15 only count as irony if the breasts were demonstrably *unnatural*. A baby breastfeeding from a woman with fake **** inside of a natural foods store--that's irony.
doctorhook86 24
76: That's the opposite of irony; it's appropriate (albeit in an amusing way). Irony is when something is contrary to the situation in an amusing way. For example, a deer hunting with a rifle is ironic. A fuel truck running out of gas is ironic. An unsinkable ship sinking on its maiden voyage is ironic. A penguin relaxing on a warm, sandy beach is ironic. Steve Jobs with an Android phone is ironic. Hope this helps.
trivel64 16
One of my favorite examples of irony is a fire truck on fire.
babeababe 16
A traffic jam when you're already late A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife It's meeting the man of my dreams And then meeting his beautiful wife And isn't it ironic...don't you think A little too ironic...and, yeah, I really do think...
RpiesSPIES 27
#77 Why would I argue in this situation? It would only make me look like an ignoramus, especially after Pleo gave a well-reasoned argument alongide my own clarification methods. I was wrong and I acknowledge that. P.S., 89, if I knew what classified a poem, I'd say you did a nice job at one :P
hooligyn123 18
#87 was quoting a song by Alanis Morisette. Ah thank you 90's with a song devoted to explaining irony. Sadly my high school classmates still didn't get irony even with that song being pumped into every where and every station ever. Kinda... Ironic.
ThatsMyPie 20
But those things aren't even ironic. They're just unfortunate coincidences.
babeababe 16
Gotta love the 90's :)
doctorhook86 24
106: Just like #115 said, the most ironic part of that song was that most of the examples in it aren't ironic. Just because Alanis Morisette says something is ironic doesn't make it true. A hit song about irony that misunderstands the meaning of irony--that's ironic.
hooligyn123 18
Touché good sir, Touché. I will avoid commenting on 2 hrs sleep. You are correct they are more unfortunate coincidences. That'll teach me to be witty and sleep deprived lol
BadApple88 29
Talk it out with your wife. Divorce is not an option. Especially not over something that can be fixed
TwitchingNebula 17
Nobody said anything about divorce...
lambda_fml 40
The Bad Apple did.
clueless05 12
Technically, divorce is an option...
RedPillSucks 31
Was probably trying to head off the cries to "divorce her"
KaiserSD 8
No, that's bs. He's been married for ten years and hasn't seen his wife naked in two, that's messed up, and I would run, run as far and as fast as your little legs will carry you, because its only going to get worse...
themouseman1212 16
I'm trying to. It's been a long time. But I'm still hopeful. Just trying to be the best husband and father I can be. Thanks for the support.
dragoongirl90 34
I agree. No one should have to put up with that. Sex and physical intimacy is an important requirement of marriage.
Catkam623 27
Marriage and celibacy not so different.
zandalee 19
Bullshit! My husband and I are still at it like bloody rabbits after 24 years! Lol.
Catkam623 27
Do you have children?
dalink 24
After 24 yrs of marriage?? Like rabbits?? Hold off on the Viagra.
zandalee 19
Three kids. Oldest 19... No Viagra needed here. ;)
tacojauns 45
Man how did your wife lose her nipples?
Jacksparrow72 21
Can opener accident.
Imhere4fml 24
Well, he went to ruff on them and I'm also assuming that's why she doesn't want to do anything now.
Tigerblossom 19
Closed them in her laptop.
HannahLouise96 13
Ugh, 62. That comment made me wince. >.<
redrose_rocker 12
And the can opener comment didn't?! Haha
aussieaccents 7
She burned them while leaning over a boiling pot on the stove.
Potato_Pi 7
You guys really need to talk, that is a serious problem.
lambda_fml 40
And what? Make her flash her nipples twice a week?
kishorekumar_a 10
Can someone explain 73's comment to me? I don't get this one. Sorry
stargirl_95 24
#124 - it's a reference to a former FML where the OP ended up having sex with a technician after he asked her for a glass of water
waffle3z 6
#29; Yes.
CantusVulpis 12
Um... Two years and you haven't fixed this problem? Come on man, talk to your wife, get marriage counseling or something because that can't be a healthy relationship.
themouseman1212 16
I will soon. It's been a matter of finances. Marriage counseling isn't covered on insurance and we haven't had the funds to consider it. But that's getting better and I see that as a possibility in the near future. If she will agree to it. I know I can go on my own and will if I have to. We'll see.
Rababco 29
@143 I'm actually rather impressed than you want to work this out instead of just getting a divorce or cheating. You obviously love your wife dearly if you want to fix this so badly. I hope you and your wife can get counseling and find a solution to this problem. It's possible your wife has underlying issues that cause her not to want to have sex that one or both of you aren't aware of (like depression, a sudden lack of a desire for sex or pleasure from sex, pain during sex etc.) I'm guessing other than a lack of sex that you and your wife are generally satisfied with your marriage. I wish you both well. :)
waffule365 16
Maybe its time to buy some flowers and chocolates for your wife in an attempt to get her in the mood.