Today, I listened to a woman take an extremely fragrant crap while I waited for my pregnacy test result in the Target bathroom. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, at nine months pregnant, I stopped at a truck stop to use the restroom. I opened an unlocked stall door and stood face to face with a woman bent over wiping. She let out a scream so blood-curdlingly loud that I wet myself. FML
Today, I went to see a play. I'm pregnant, so I always need to pee. At intermission, I ran to use the bathroom, but there was a really long line. I asked the woman in front of me if I could pass her. She responded, "You don't look pregnant!", and lectured me about lying while I peed my pants. FML
Today, I had to use a public bathroom. I'm pregnant, though I don't really suffer from morning sickness. I do however suffer from sympathy puking, which kicked in with horrifying consequences when someone burst in and started vomiting in one of the other stalls. FML
Today, I was in the doctor's office waiting for my husband to arrive, when a little old lady sat beside me. She seemed nice, until she started farting and blaming it on me. They weren't silent; they sounded like trucker farts and smelled like death. I was there for over an hour. FML
Today, I went to my gynecologist's for a check-up. After the doctor checked me I went to the bathroom. It turns out the walls aren't soundproofed, because I could hear the doctor telling his assistant, "God! How did she ever find a husband?" FML
Today, I was sitting in the doctor's waiting room and thought that I was alone. I let rip two massive farts before realising there was a very short woman behind the computer screen at the desk. FML
Today, I really had to go to the bathroom. Due to my fear of public restrooms, I made sure it was clear before I started. I heard someone sigh halfway through. Embarrassed, I waited a full ten minutes before leaving the stall, only to see that it was only the automatic air freshener. FML
Today, as I was about to enter a public restroom, a man walked out and said, "You may want to hold your nose in there. I just took the biggest dump of my life." It was the ladies' restroom. FML
Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
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Top comments
harmony88 0
Surely you could have waited until you were at home to take the test....
juliadream 0
...why the Target bathroom? As opposed to the privacy of your own bathroom...?
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Comments (145)
harmony88 0
Surely you could have waited until you were at home to take the test....
meepmeep_fml 0
Uhh, you know, I don't think the use of the word 'fragrant' here constitutes sarcasm. You're kind of retarded, lrn2internet. also, where/were, maybe you actually do need to lrn2words?
ChairForce 0
Not just morning, but first thing. For the most accurate results you need the first morning pee that you've been storing in your bladder overnight. So unless she hopped out of bed, got dressed, went to Target to buy the test, then went to the bathroom there all without peeing she's not following the directions for the test. As for "fragrant", who gives a shit (pun not intended)?
thedinosaurgirl 0
I second this. INFINITELY trashy and in unbelievably poor taste.
Tweety122888 0
maybe she doesn't want anyone to know?!
cmw_69 3
why'd you do it at target ? , why not a home ?
Bravo11 14
OP deserves it for not telling us the test results.
LyricaSilvan 30
Yes, because taking it in a PUBLIC bathroom would absolutely keep anyone be from finding out. Use your head, 126.
joeyl2008 29
@149. it would lessen the chance of someone she knows finding out
BumpkinsBigBash 8
not really still because she would be in a room by herself
juliadream 0
...why the Target bathroom? As opposed to the privacy of your own bathroom...?
ZombieKnickers_fml 8
Some people take them as soon as they get them. So they go to the nearest toilet. I'm not familar with the shop "Target" so I don't know if its usually a hygenic place to pee.
dvd175 5
Or she cud be a homeless person with a computer...according to this site, they make quite alot of money 0.o
npk88 0
at least it wasn't walmart...she has SOME class
thedinosaurgirl 0
You've obviously never worked at a Target. As a former team-member (their euphemism for "employee,") let me assure you: the only thing higher-class about Target is the pricing. =/
yetanotherreader 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Wow, so you heard someone take a crap, and your life is ****** how exactly? Yes, it's unpleasant, but you weren't embarrassed or hurt. What's next? Someone cuts you off in traffic, or you get served coffee with two spoons of sugar instead of one, and you post on fmylife.com about that too? People should really stop posting non-stories here. Now if that pregnancy test result was different from what you expected, THAT would be a valid reason to post.
AtoZnumbersand_ 1
The FML isn't that she heard someone taking a crap. Someone who takes a test in a public bathroom most likely doesn't want a baby, Otherwise she wouldn't feel the need to do it somewhere other than home. How do you know when your life is screwed up? You're on a toilet in a department store, waiting to find out if you're pregnant, sitting next to someone who's doing a shit. OP: FYL.
muichini 0
I originally though not fml till you gave the summery you did. then I felt sad. cause that is an fml, wish more story's were posted that way.
nofyourlife 0
.
Akharr01 5
:)
VirtuallyUnbreak 0
******* OP probably didn't even pay for the test. Why the Target bathroom??
alexandraa_fml 0
If the said person taking the test doesn't want to be pregnant and doesn't want mom and dad to know, then yeah, theyre going to have to find some place else other than home to do it. :/
KayOh37 0
what was the result to the test?
musicislife1995_fml 0
you're about to find out something that could change your life but care more about a smelly crap? get your priorities straight, ****. and I say **** because it sounds like you don't care
TheTruth1428 0
YDI. 1) You life isn't ****** because someone had to take a shit. Everyone does it. 2) YDI for taking the test in a Target bathroom, not at home. 3) Unless your shit smells like roses and you never make a noise, shut up.
blalien 0
Also, YDI for slutting it up.
xNephilim 19
Maybe she's got a boyfriend who doesn't like children and the birthcontrol failed? Stop judging people you don't know.
Daydreamer86 0
Because apparently it's wrong for crap to smell? I'm sorry, but I don't see an FML here. Crap is smelly, and a person had to go. Big deal. Get on with life. On the other hand, if the pregnancy test was positive, then that would be an FML.
annamaria55555 9
Would you enjoy hearing and smelling someone taking a crap while you're probably freaking out waiting to see whether or not you might be bringing a human being into this world? Anyhow lighten up, FMLs can be silly and stupid or serious.
danii_s2 0
geez wud ppl just chill? this site gives us a laugh, generally at ppls misfortune/stupidity. if ur not enjoying the website, go elsewhere or quit complaining. the comments r starting to ruin it for me. I found this funny, n u guys r so serious. if all u wana read about is ppl gettin cancer/dying- times wen their life actually is effed, go elsewhere. seriously.
NorfolkDude 2
Judging by your lack of decent grammar and spelling, my thought is that you're a bona fide idiot who probably encourages retarded behaviors such as taking a pregnancy test in a Target bathroom. I just wonder if your mother took a pregnancy test in a Target bathroom and found out she had you? Judging by her lack of intelligent, I would say she passed it on to you.
GoddessDigi 12
*intelligence And you missed a few uppercase letters in there. Don't correct someone else's grammar unless yours is flawless.
Ascaryrobot 0
I'm not sure intelligence is genetic
thesunshotme 0
Christ Al-*******-mighty. What is WITH all the grammar nazis on this site? In case everyone's forgotten, we're commenting on a ******* entertainment website, not writing a goddamn english paper. Putting people down for writing in chatspeak doesn't demonstrate your intelligence, asshole.
Lonely_Lez 0
Actually there is a genetic component to intelligence. This can be seen in IQ scores of monozygotic twins who are separated at birth and raised in different environments. Of course, this is only a part of intelligence, and it has environmental causes as well (which can be also affected by parenting--nurturing, helping skill development, etc.--so I would say that your mother (as well as your father and other ancestors) has a lot to do with intelligence, in a few different ways. :) As to the grammar nazism, IT'S FUN. If you don't want your grammar to be corrected, don't post on the Internet, because others have a free pass to comment on and correct what you say. For spelling, I suggest you download Mozilla Firefox and then get a dictionary add-on for your particular language (and for the language you post in, if it's a second language) because it will let you know when you spell a word wrong and will give you suggestions as to possible correct spellings.
Demetra_fml 0
So those who lack decent grammar and spelling fundamentals are bona fide idiots, those who are so nervous about being pregnant that they choose to test themselves in a Target bathroom are retarded, and the HYPOTHETICAL notion of Dani's mother finding out she is pregnant in a Target bathroom must mean that she, too, has bad grammar and is retarded, therefore, Dani is as well? Okay, Holier-Than-Thou. FYL. Let's focus on the actual FML, in which case is a decent FML as she may be pregnant, obviously does not want to be, and has to wait the time limit on the pregnancy test while inhaling the sweet smell of public bathroom bowel movements.
Skynyrdrock 0
If the comments ruin it for you, stay on the home page and don't read the comments. Fairly obvious, it seems to me.
jchansfan 0
You're kind of an idiot for taking the test in a public bathroom and expecting otherwise. Just saying. PS: YDI.