Miscellaneous: Today, my friend sent me a bumper sticker that said, "Do you...

By Anonymous - 20/06/2009 04:09 - United States

Today, my friend sent me a bumper sticker that said, "Do you know that gullible said slowly sounds like 'green bears'?" I spent quite a few minutes trying to get gullible to sound like green bears until I realized that it didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 148

You deserved it 65 059

Miscellaneous

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

It is what it is

Scarcity

By Can't Win - 09/09/2012 15:01 - United States - Palatine

Today, my car keys decided to play hide and seek. Good news: I found them under my bed. Bad news: it was after my job interview was scheduled to start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 039

You deserved it 6 526

By confusedmofo - 29/07/2013 06:35 - Indonesia

Today, I went out and met somebody. We got talking and we both realized we are each the ideal romantic partner for the other. The only problem is we are both straight men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 698

You deserved it 8 119

By dirtythief - 18/07/2013 16:01 - Philippines - San Juan

Today, I placed an order at a fast food joint, when the elderly lady behind me cussed me out for ordering the same thing she wanted. She ranted that I was a "dirty thief", while everyone else glared at me as if I was holding up the line. What the fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 525

You deserved it 3 121

By SM - 30/10/2009 03:35 - United States

Today, at work one of my co-worker was oddly nice to me; and my boss, who usually always says hi to me, didn't look or speak to me. Later that day I found out that I was going to be fired, not because my boss told me but because my picture was missing from the wall of employees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 758

You deserved it 2 031

By rplovez - 05/09/2011 23:14 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by covering my car with post-it notes that read "it's you not me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 243

You deserved it 4 001

By Stevo - 18/06/2010 07:13 - United States

Today, my math teacher told me to learn how to say "welcome to wal-mart". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 493

You deserved it 11 874

Tasty!

By Username - 31/01/2011 15:47

Today, my boyfriend told me the thing that gets him really horny. Apple sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 992

You deserved it 5 709

Nice try

By Gog - 26/05/2021 07:59

Today, someone tried to scam me by selling me a ticket to a Chris Cornell concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 86

By stinkerweeder - 05/02/2011 20:30 - United States

Today, it was both my and my stepmother's birthday. In preparation, my dad bought a huge banner with my stepmother's name on it, and a lovely birthday cake. When I told him it was also my birthday, he just grunted and taped a post-it note to the banner with my name on it. Same with the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 724

You deserved it 3 014

Kinkshaming

By no way! - 29/08/2021 17:01

Today, my funny, handsome, intelligent, caring, all around awesome boyfriend and I broke up. He introduced me to his fetish and wanted me to participate. His fetish? Dressing, talking, and acting like a baby. He wanted us to both wear diapers and pretend to be babies together. Fuck that noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 421

You deserved it 203

By AznKoreanGuy - 04/03/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, while getting off the bus, there was a lady in front of me wearing a dress and suddenly her phone dropped out of her bag. I picked up the phone for her which landed right beneath her dress and as she turned around she thought I was trying to take pictures of her panties and slapped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 809

You deserved it 4 666

AAA, hello?

By JFC! - 31/03/2011 01:07 - United States

Today, I was forced to look on in utter horror as an old lady backed out of her parking space, kept going well past the turning point, and slammed straight into my car, putting a dent in the front and shattering the headlights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 650

You deserved it 3 083

Priorities

By Earths_Venus - 19/11/2009 22:31 - Australia

Today, I was driving to my new home with a lot of my belongings in the car. I could hear things shifting in the back. When I parked, I opened the door, ready to catch my vodka. I caught it - and watched my laptop slide out of the car, onto the concrete, and break into 3 pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 773

You deserved it 35 644

By cathouse - 26/03/2011 19:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my family came back from holiday to discover that my little sister had messed with the cat flap before we left. Several stray cats were able to come in, but were unable to get out, and left shit in various areas around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 837

You deserved it 4 210

By Anonymous - 11/08/2016 12:40 - Canada - Toronto

Today, two customers complained about the shitty service they received from my coworkers. I apologized and asked about the complaint. Their issues were legitimate and I promised to pass them on. They demanded to speak to my manager and my coworkers got in trouble. Now they think I'm a snitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 809

You deserved it 1 532

By Anonymous - 30/07/2011 04:35 - United States

Today, I realized the only reason my boyfriend is dating me is because he has a pimple fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 618

You deserved it 5 259

By Anonymous - 24/02/2016 20:35 - Philippines - Las Pi?as City

Today, at preschool, I got to meet the mother of my daughter's best friend. She complimented mine's grades, and noted her quirkiness. I complimented her's for being congenial and being well-rounded. Later, my daughter said they are no longer besties because her mom said I called her daughter fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 631

You deserved it 1 657

By DrunkParents - 31/03/2015 23:32 - United States - Billings

Today, a really drunk couple staggered into the store I work at. One of them yelled at me, "Hey you! Kid! Tell us where the booze is at!" This would have been funny if these people weren't my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 773

You deserved it 2 714

By Anonymous - 13/02/2011 08:36 - United States

Today, I confirmed that my neighbors burn their garbage in their backyard. How? My dog just threw up a nice smelly consistency of spaghetti, plastic and cigarette butts on my carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 755

You deserved it 3 796

By Ash - 27/05/2009 03:08 - United States

Today, I saw this tourist almost get hit by a cab. After he walked away I complained to my boyfriend about how idiotic people like him just deserve to die. After 5 blocks of my ranting the tourist turns around and says "I'm right in front of you bitch." I hid behind my laughing boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 486

You deserved it 88 468

By Anonymous - 06/09/2015 06:59 - United States - Wittenberg

Today, my older brother offered me a cigarette. I took it and barely took a drag before he socked me in the arm and lectured me for taking the offer. He's an alcoholic, and smokes daily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 066

You deserved it 9 554

By Myballshurt - 03/08/2013 04:31 - United States - Harrisburg

Today, I learned a few things. One: friends are assholes. Two: under no circumstance do you close your eyes when they ask you to. Three: getting kicked in the balls hurts a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 370

You deserved it 22 099

By phonebaby - 18/11/2014 01:04 - United States - Stamford

Today, my friend asked me to order take out for him because he gets nervous on phones. I called a chinese restaurant, only to get nervous and hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 527

You deserved it 7 610

By Anonymous - 24/10/2009 14:58 - Canada

Today, after drunk texting a girl the night before, I sent her a message saying I was sorry for everything I said. All she could say back? "Those were some of the most normal drunk texts I have ever read. I'd hate to see how boring you'd be sober." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 270

You deserved it 7 558

By art_major - 25/05/2011 14:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad came to my graduate art show wearing a t-shirt saying "My other daughter is a science major". He'd had it specially made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 787

You deserved it 7 596

By xXPikachuXx - 22/07/2019 02:01

Today, after 3 months of job hunting, I finally got a job. But now my birth certificate and social security card are somehow lost, and I can't start until I let them see a copy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 479

You deserved it 372

By Kev - 20/08/2014 17:53 - United States - Flemington

Today, I got drunk, broke up with my girlfriend, and sent my grandma nude pics, thinking she was my girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 061

You deserved it 43 710

By dumped - 05/06/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me because the love advice that she gets on her cellphone every week says that I'm cheating on her. I've never cheated on her and I was planning to propose next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 763

You deserved it 6 245

By seethroughpee - 06/05/2015 05:22 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 206

You deserved it 3 960

By Anonymous - 02/04/2015 14:19

Today, my elderly dad once again asked me to make a reservation at a restaurant for him and a younger woman he's been seeing. Meanwhile, I haven't had anything even approaching a real date in over a decade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 567

You deserved it 3 389

Motherly love

By tara, sadly - 22/10/2021 14:00

Today, I overheard my mother saying that if murder were legal, there would be absolutely no chance that I wouldn’t have been killed as a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 72

By mary - 09/08/2012 18:10 - United Kingdom

Today, some guy asked me if he could borrow my lighter. I said "of course," reached into my handbag, and gave him the lighter. He stared at me for a few seconds until I realised I'd given him a tampax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 958

You deserved it 6 836

By bubblebuttfuckfart - 13/10/2012 17:32 - Ireland

Today, my aunt brought me a birthday present. I quickly figured out that she'd simply returned the jacket I let her borrow two years ago for my brother's graduation party. It reeks of cigarette smoke and alcohol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 480

You deserved it 1 757

By germx - 18/03/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I was at my job in the Dean of Students office. My boss gave me some papers to copy. As I was copying, I read in a report that my boyfriend was written up for "cohabitation" (having a girl stay over) at my Catholic university. The report was from a weekend I wasn't at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 222

You deserved it 4 179

Baywatch music starts

By Anonymous - 01/05/2019 12:00

Today, I nearly drowned. I was at a wave pool for the first time and stupidly swam out to the deep end. When the waves turned on, I discovered I can't swim in rough water. Despite my yelling, "Help!" and flailing around, the lifeguard paid me no attention. My friend had to save me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 978

You deserved it 524

By Anonymous - 22/12/2013 06:56 - Australia - Elwood

Today, I got a call at 4 in the morning from the security company, saying someone had broken into my workplace. I drove an hour out there, only to find out it was a rat that had set off the alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 478

You deserved it 3 350

The Good Life

By Anonymous - 13/01/2021 11:01

Today, I live in a tiny village in the countryside. Nice and quiet, right? Wrong. The farm next door rents out their land to some kind of soil processing company. Basically, it’s like living next to a never-ending construction site that knows neither Sundays nor holidays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 54

By Smitty Werbenjeagermanjensen - 27/10/2016 03:19 - United States - Amarillo

Today, I had a conversation with the cute girl I like at work for the first time. I told her I worked in the camping department of the store, and we had a long chat about how she heard that the guy who runs that department is a complete dick head. I am the guy who runs that department. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 563

You deserved it 2 627

By ayeayeboy19 - 11/09/2014 14:57 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I was watching "My Strange Addiction". The woman featured ate rocks. While judging her weird habit, I realised I was chewing on a coat-hanger the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 909

You deserved it 14 206

By Anonymous - 16/02/2010 05:15 - United States

Today, I had an interview for a college. The college is in Rhode Island. I live on the West coast. When I asked the interviewer if they got to the mainland by boat or by some other form of transportation, he told me Rhode Island is not an island. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 644

You deserved it 64 635

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Top comments

redbluegreen 40

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Saturday 20 June 2009 12:04

If someone sends you something containing the world gullible, ignore it and assume you're being tricked. It's a good rule to follow. Also, it took you thirty minutes to realize this? That's just sad.

CruelSirDrum 0

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Saturday 20 June 2009 12:14

did you know the word "gullible" isnt even in the dictionary?

redbluegreen 40

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Saturday 20 June 2009 12:04

If someone sends you something containing the world gullible, ignore it and assume you're being tricked. It's a good rule to follow. Also, it took you thirty minutes to realize this? That's just sad.

Ventriloquisitor 0

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Saturday 20 June 2009 13:34

Thankfully it didn't say "thirty" but "quite a few". Still, longer than an instant says to me the OP isn't the brightest of fellows.

redbluegreen 40

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Saturday 20 June 2009 13:40

Oops. How do you know I wasn't watching the OP? I could've been right there... No. I would've intervened. Still, 'quite' a few minutes is a lot more then the fifty seconds to turn your brain on or the two to three times it takes to say it out loud. Reminds me of the If You Seek Amy thing.

dutchguy 0

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Saturday 20 June 2009 14:52

Someone changed it to 'quite a few' all of a sudden.. It did say 30 minutes originally :)

redbluegreen 40

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Saturday 20 June 2009 15:21

I thought so! Thank you. :D

xkonstantine125x 7

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Saturday 20 June 2009 18:27

See shit like this is so not an FML. I submitted my FML and it wasn't posted. However everyone on myspace thought it was so an FML. Here's the FML Today, I took Nyquil to help me sleep. About fifteen minutes ago I realized that Nyquil arouses me more than anyone I've ever slept with. FML OP: YDI. You're a moron and you clearly need to go back to school. Seriously, how stupid can you be?

lexilovesyou 0

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Saturday 20 June 2009 21:04

Its okay; Before I read the last sentence I was trying to figure it out too(:

sourlysweet 0

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Saturday 20 June 2009 21:11

i did the same thing until i read it doesnt... lol i must be gullible!

Joshwana 0

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Sunday 21 June 2009 1:58

Lol, and how was this even an FML?

Xero3g 5

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Sunday 21 June 2009 2:36

It said "the next half hour" instead of quite a few.

maggy_fml 0

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Sunday 21 June 2009 8:40

this is a stupid fml. it basically means anyone can have an fml here when they fall for a very small prank

Tazzles 0

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 5:35

Ahahahahahaha. That's about as stupid as acknowledging the door you're about to walk into, yet still, SOMEHOW, walking into it! Good effort. You get a gold star! :oP

chaos753159 4

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Sunday 24 January 2010 8:07

your FML isnt a FML

angel55033 12

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Saturday 23 April 2011 8:59

that's the point dummy

djmk671 5

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Friday 13 May 2011 13:15

A few= 3 minutes ... Not 30

Hanipan 6

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Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:26

"Quite a few minutes" = "Thirty minutes" ?? Where did you see that?

cwl727 32

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Saturday 22 March 2014 19:56

I am very gullible and I also would have spent a long time trying to figure it out.

Derpulous 15

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Saturday 28 February 2015 21:04

Nowhere does it say it takes 30 minutes

LA_Barbie 11

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Saturday 20 June 2009 12:06

Hahaha I agree how DUMB are u?! Sry YDI

F_M_L_y0 0

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Saturday 20 June 2009 17:59

Agreed.

czechgirl78 0

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Saturday 20 June 2009 12:08

this has happened to me in 4th grade. never again. learn the lesson and don't fall for it...be glad no one was around hahahah

Panicattackx5 0

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Saturday 20 June 2009 12:11

facepalm. utter facepalm

invisibledamage 2

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Saturday 20 June 2009 12:12

That's what I am doing right now. Gulliiibblllee. Greeen beeeaarsss.

brown_eyez 0

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Friday 22 January 2010 15:40

Not an FML

jncwmnd 0

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Saturday 20 June 2009 12:12

U took that long?! o.O after maybe..3 tries I would assume a person would usually give up, kudos for not being a quitter :)

crazyjack 0

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Saturday 20 June 2009 12:13

You're just too stubborn =P

skweez_fml 0

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Wednesday 16 March 2011 3:27

i agrreee

CruelSirDrum 0

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Saturday 20 June 2009 12:14

did you know the word "gullible" isnt even in the dictionary?

TheLetterZero 7

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Saturday 20 June 2009 15:50

Prove that it isn't.

hazebop09 0

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Saturday 20 June 2009 18:06

haha nice one.

Hiimhaileypotter 52

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Monday 31 December 2012 21:17

It's not? :o /sarcasm

Jaguaress 2

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Saturday 20 June 2009 12:15

lol That's so cute. My mom was always gullible like that. Don't lose that naivete, but certainly, as the first commenter said, if it says "gullible" anywhere in the joke, assume you're being tricked.