Work: Today, at work I got told off by my manager for texting while...

By Don't text and work - 23/06/2009 05:04 - France

Today, at work I got told off by my manager for texting while working. Enraged by this, I trash talked her to the new girl at work. The new girl, a.k.a. my manager's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 137

You deserved it 68 728

Work

The smell detective is on the case

Stop talking!

Sweets dreams are made of these

By why me?? - 07/08/2013 04:21 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was leaving my friends' apartment in my mom's car and I backed into a fire hydrant. I lied and told my mom it was a hit and run. So she called the apartment complex. They had me on video hitting the fire hydrant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 047

You deserved it 59 515

By Joel - 28/10/2018 15:30

Today, I got a ticket for doing 38mph in a 45mph zone. Apparently you can be cited for "impeding traffic" even when you're the only car on the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 879

You deserved it 1 066

By Anonymous - 22/10/2010 01:03 - France

Today, I teach English in Taiwan. I got two new students, brothers named Harry and Potter. People, they're children, not pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 619

You deserved it 5 031

By Jay - 04/11/2017 04:00

Today, I got called into the principal's office of my son's school. Why? He'd called his teacher a "fudge packer". No more weekends with his uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 225

You deserved it 340

Classic

By Anonymous - 16/11/2021 17:01

Today, I went to the cinema. The lady at the reception gave me my ticket and wished me a good screening. My reply? "Thanks, you too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 247

By ugly me - 24/10/2010 00:50 - United States

Today, I was sitting on a plane waiting for everyone to get on. A cute guy around my age had the option of sitting next to me or an old guy. He gave me a horrified look and immediately sat next to the old man. I got to sit next to his mother. She evil eyed me the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 339

You deserved it 3 604

Christine

By Anonymous - 15/02/2021 02:01

Today, after waiting a week for an update on my car after the engine blew, all covered by warranty, I was informed that my car is under investigation for warranty fraud. This is its fourth engine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 88

By woof woof?? - 15/06/2013 20:26 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he discovered that if he hits a certain area just right, my leg starts shaking like a dog. Now he won't stop patting my head and saying, "Who's a good girl?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 818

You deserved it 9 977

By Ihadnoidea - 12/12/2015 19:41 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, while working at a gas station, I accidentally changed the price of gas to 8.9 cents per litre. It took me fifteen minutes to figure out why everyone wanted only two or three dollars of gas. I fixed it, but now my managers are debating charging me for lost revenue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 321

You deserved it 7 044

By thelarkscaw - 15/06/2009 03:37 - United States

Today, I thought I saw a woodchuck far out in my yard. I wanted to take a cool picture of it so I slowly crept closer and closer to it. I spent half an hour sneaking up on a log. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 090

You deserved it 53 430

By dwaggle - 02/07/2009 00:58 - United States

Today, my wife tried to catch the bouquet at my sister's wedding. Afterward I informed her that only single women were supposed to do that, and she replied "I know". My wife told me that she was divorcing me at my sister's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 134

You deserved it 2 741

By Unloved. - 15/09/2009 10:09 - New Zealand

Today, I had dinner with my family in celebration of my 19th Birthday. I've been hinting that I need a new laptop for months now and I was sure my family had bought me one. I have got a pair of slipper socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 990

You deserved it 9 704

By Cheerieful - 07/05/2011 16:26 - United States

Today, I playfully nudged my friend on the shoulder. She countered by shoving me head-first into a trash can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 126

You deserved it 10 224

Quickshot

By anon - 31/08/2014 15:14 - United States

Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 233

You deserved it 5 980

By AngryLittleMan - 23/04/2012 03:00 - United States

Today, I discovered something more dangerous than drivers who text: drivers who break your car windows with a bat while stopped at a red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 523

You deserved it 2 188

Eau de toilette

By anon - 05/03/2011 10:15 - United States

Today, as I was about to go in the bathroom, a girl walked out, shaking water off her hands. Some of it landed on my face, and I just wiped it off. Then she said to her friend who was waiting for her, "The sink's broken. Can I use your hand sanitizer?" So what landed on my face? FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 394

You deserved it 3 096

By loving grandaughter - 27/11/2010 11:28 - United States

Today, after months of cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner for my husband's grandmother due to her getting a hip replacement, I overheard her calling me a whore over the phone from the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 867

You deserved it 2 737

By cameltoeyourface - 26/07/2010 00:42 - United States

Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 794

You deserved it 10 349

By Anonymous - 27/02/2016 11:17 - United States

Today, I forgot to bring my lunch to work. I got so hungry, I resorted to eating antacid tablets from the medicine cabinet for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 182

You deserved it 6 292

By disappointed - 25/03/2014 11:36 - United States - West Fargo

Today, I finally finished watching Dexter. I was more disappointed by the finale than the picture I later received of my girlfriend cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 909

You deserved it 5 506

By Ouch - 25/04/2011 19:31 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate and planning on having sex for the first time. I picked her up off the couch, and in so doing, accidentally lifted her too high, putting her head through the ceiling. She had a mild concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 650

You deserved it 20 610

By me - 30/11/2011 06:43 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try something new. I ended up tied to the bed, and my girlfriend discovered how ticklish I am. Worst 3 hours of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 933

You deserved it 8 782

Spiritual connection

By EmoToyBoy - 30/04/2020 14:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that she doesn't want a physical relationship, but an emotional one instead. I said that I was fine with that, as long as we talked things through in the future. She dumped me there and then, because "no straight guy would agree to that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 000

You deserved it 408

Interpreter blues

By Aleksandar Veljović - 25/11/2020 05:01

Today, at the hospital, I had to tell someone he was going to die because I was the only one to speak his language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 54

By Nicky13Na - 12/09/2017 23:15

Today, I hit the six-year mark for daily vomiting. All the doctor can say is that it's psychological. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 103

You deserved it 298

Blasphemy

By IAMALITAHA - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I had a job interview where I was interrupted for using the word creative because there is "only one creator". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 182

You deserved it 4 584

This is America

By ChiefKoala - 20/10/2019 22:00

Today, it will be the third time since moving to this area that I will have to call out of work because of gunshots heard nearby, police looking for someone and advising us to stay indoors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 571

You deserved it 209

By username - 19/05/2015 06:45 - United Kingdom - Leatherhead

Today, my girlfriend suggested we start using a safe word during sex - not because we're into BDSM or anything like that, it's just in case she gets bored and wants me to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 660

You deserved it 5 894

By Anonymous - 26/08/2013 20:17 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, half-way through my trip to Florida, I received a call from my friend of six years. "I sort of had sex with your girlfriend while you were gone." He said it "just sort of happened." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 965

You deserved it 4 580

By stolenbike - 14/06/2009 17:28 - United States

Today, my motorcycle was stolen from the 4th level of my “secure” gated parking garage. I strategically park it tightly between my car and a concrete wall to limit theft opportunity. They scratched my car trying to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 753

You deserved it 3 923

By Anonymous - 26/04/2013 14:50 - United States

Today, I was driving and a cute guy was staring at me. Flattered, I smiled at him, but he didn't even react. I realized he wasn't admiring me he was admiring my truck. This is the 5th time this week. My truck gets more game than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 752

You deserved it 7 763

By FlyingPain - 05/08/2016 11:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that I need to get a root canal, the only day I can get an appointment is on the same day I'm flying out for training for my new job. I can't get out of either, so now need to face my fear of flying and fear of dentists the same day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 766

You deserved it 1 370

By Anonymous - 02/04/2017 14:00

Today, I found out that my crazy stalker got a crazy stalker too. And she's also stalking me. So basically, I'm in some sort of a stalking triangle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 349

You deserved it 284

By crawfo - 31/08/2009 13:54 - Australia

Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 228

You deserved it 12 036

By Anonymous - 13/10/2008 08:24 - Australia

Today, I got up at 8am and didn't take a shower so I could hear the postman at the door. He never came. I stink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 535

You deserved it 74 880

By scaryhairy - 04/11/2009 01:44 - United States

Today, I accidentally cut myself with a razor blade on my toe. Not only does it sting really badly, but it reinforces the fact that I have abnormally hairy toes that need to be shaved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 940

You deserved it 5 161

By NotDrunk - 11/09/2012 06:47 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was at a family dinner, which had gone into meltdown after my aunt said something sarcastic about my mother's drinking. I went out for some fresh air and stumbled about in the dark, unaware of the fact that a pool was being dug. I fell into the huge hole and lost a shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 666

You deserved it 2 590

By Doesn't Matter Had Sex - 09/09/2015 02:37 - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, I had sex with this guy. His dad came upstairs and poked his head through the door right after we had finished, but were still naked in bed. All he said was, "No twins," and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 338

You deserved it 4 465

Itchy butt

By peachezthelette - 27/12/2020 19:58

Today, while at work, I had to explain over the phone to my 33-year-old boyfriend how to use Preparation H. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 98

By Veronica Rambo - 24/10/2018 17:30

Today, it was my first day going to work with new hours where I'm in the office alone for an hour. I managed to lock myself out without my jacket, my phone, and my keys. It was raining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 373

You deserved it 687

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

SarahinSane 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 23 June 2009 12:09

Moral of the story: be careful who you talk to. Or, better yet, trust nobody. Still, YDI. People who text all day under their desks instead of actually doing their job seriously irk me.

Kylewillger 1

Send a private message

Tuesday 23 June 2009 12:09

Boo you whore!

waterynuggets 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 23 June 2009 12:08

Fail. YDI

rallets 22

Send a private message

Tuesday 23 June 2009 12:45

P R O C E E D

lexilovesyou 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 23 June 2009 15:19

what does fail mean?? & suckss for youu. Hate too say it but........... YOU DESERVE IT!!!

singachic87 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 23 June 2009 22:04

@ 31: "what does fail mean?" REALLY?? fail: to be inadequate or insufficient, to be deficient in. In other words, the OP fucked up.

maggy_fml 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 24 June 2009 9:06

indeed, why text at work? texting is the devil these days x[

LoosechangeX 0

Send a private message

Thursday 30 September 2010 1:07

I think texting at work is fine if you can still get your work done and also the OP should not have talked behind her bosses back. If you have something to say you say it to a persons face.

Kylewillger 1

Send a private message

Tuesday 23 June 2009 12:09

Boo you whore!

SarahinSane 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 23 June 2009 12:09

Moral of the story: be careful who you talk to. Or, better yet, trust nobody. Still, YDI. People who text all day under their desks instead of actually doing their job seriously irk me.

lmmmr 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 23 June 2009 16:53

OR, Moral of the story: Don't be a child and throw a temper tantrum when you get caught doing something against the rules.

SarahinSane 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 23 June 2009 19:05

That too.

AMMM 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 24 June 2009 22:54

Exactly. If you break the rules, don't get pissed off when you get in trouble for it.

teentee401 36

Send a private message

Monday 8 September 2014 12:18

"WAHHH! I go in trouble for not doing my job AT my job! My manager sucks!"

pinkpooh123 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 23 June 2009 12:12

Ydi! Thts y ppl suck up to their bosses to avoid getting fired so yeah smooth

albinoV 1

Send a private message

Tuesday 23 June 2009 12:13

Grow up.

4dakill 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 23 June 2009 12:14

YDI for "PROCEEDING" to talk to people

audereyy 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 23 June 2009 16:29

who cares if they use the word PROCEEDING? I personally like that word. ydi for texting during work! you should be focused on work not your social life

elliebutton 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 23 June 2009 12:16

So you go up to the new girl and drown her in your pitiful problems and sorrow without finding out anything about her? I'm calling DOUCHEBAG.

Heelix 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 24 June 2009 3:03

Yeh i agree, wen u r new at work you can always pick out the douchbags coz they are always the first to tell the new guy how shit work it. Avoid those people!