Health: Today, I got the worst sunburn I've ever had in my life, and... - FML

By Username - 28/07/2011 21:36 - United States

Today, I got the worst sunburn I've ever had in my life, and then discovered I'm allergic to aloe when I went to treat the burn with some gel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 448

You deserved it 3 641

The smell detective is on the case

Stop talking!

Police Academy 26

By almost broke - 21/02/2016 13:24 - Czech Republic - Brno

Today, because my fiancé is criminally incompetent at budgeting, I'm now having to pay the first installment for my own wedding ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 483

You deserved it 4 431

The struggle is real

By WiredUp - 21/08/2020 13:05 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my step-kids proudly announced that their mum lets them drink coffee at her house. They both have ADD and I've been struggling for months to get them to eat right. Hello futility. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 304

You deserved it 155

By Noname - 20/02/2009 05:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was doing a strip tease for my husband. He asked me to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 250

You deserved it 19 351

By WellThatSucks - 23/05/2016 09:15 - United States

Today, I discovered my dog pooped in my bed, under the covers, by rolling over onto it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 128

You deserved it 1 364

By squirrels69ing - 22/05/2011 01:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 699

You deserved it 6 210

By babasheep - 20/06/2009 05:17 - Canada

Today, after dieting and working out for almost 3 months, I sit down on my chair to finish off some work. It broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 606

You deserved it 4 740

By BonGoWash - 07/02/2013 14:45 - United States - Bronxville

Today, I went to do my laundry. Having no laundry bag, I put clothes in a suitcase and headed to the basement. When my roommate saw me, she burst into tears with happiness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 873

You deserved it 5 674

By scarred - 27/07/2009 04:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 888

You deserved it 3 916

By no_hullabalo - 04/09/2009 14:50 - Taiwan

Today, I went para sailing for the first time ever. My friends thought it would be funny to pull down my trunks right before my feet left the boat. I dangled there in the air for the whole resort to see. And I lost my shorts in the ocean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 745

You deserved it 3 451

By drivencrazy - 06/07/2010 16:42 - United States

Today, while driving, a girl on her cellphone cut me off. A second later, another person behind me on a cellphone rear ended me. Her excuse was, "I'm sorry, you weren't there a minute ago!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 836

You deserved it 2 926

By bridalqueen - 24/03/2009 12:43 - United States

Today, as a veteran blood donor, I made a friend who was donating for the first time- I told her not to be scared and that I've been doing it for six years and that it was a great way to help people. While at the snack area afterwards, I passed out, started convulsing and went into shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 090

You deserved it 7 447

By disciplinaryaction - 21/11/2011 07:02 - United States

Today, a woman and her daughter came into the store I work at. The girl placed a pair of underpants on the counter, and confessed she had stolen them earlier. Assuming she had already heard a lecture, I simply thanked her for bringing them back. Her mom yelled at me for not yelling at her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 663

You deserved it 3 337

By unmarried - 04/05/2016 00:39 - Canada - Weston

Today, my fiancé received his divorce papers. Thanks to his procrastinating, his divorce is effective May 29th. We're supposed to get married on May 28th. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 290

You deserved it 5 286

By Insomnia - 16/02/2019 00:00

Today, while trying to sleep after a night shift, workers came to hook up city sewage service, firing up drills and shouting. An hour later, my child woke me up to tattle on her sister. Just as I was drifting to sleep yet again, the smoke alarm battery started chirping. I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 255

You deserved it 206

Straining

By NoPeeGiven - 14/04/2013 05:10 - United States - Palatine

Today, I had to go to the clinic for a physical. The nurse asked me for a pee sample; however, I had no urine to give. After 20 minutes of standing at the stall I was able to squeeze half a cup of pee. As I approached the sink to cover the sample, I somehow managed to drop it all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 824

You deserved it 9 951

By Joey - 30/01/2011 17:21 - United States

Today, my little brother discovered that bears can be very territorial and will pee on things to keep others away. He took this new found information to heart and peed on various things in the house that he wanted for himself, including my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 980

You deserved it 3 361

Weird and scary

By kira - 09/03/2021 08:01

Today, the guy who has harassed me every day for a month straight proposed, with an actual diamond ring which he’d burned the receipt for. I said no, of course. Later, I found out that he’d attempted suicide. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 458

You deserved it 78

By *sigh* - 23/05/2010 01:24 - United States

Today, I was working as a counsellor at a special needs camp when one of the parents came up to my friend and asked her what my disorder was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 830

You deserved it 3 524

By muscalata - 20/07/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend sent a text asking if I think she’s pretty. I replied "Yes, of course!" She then got mad and blocked me. Turns out she'd said "petty". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 421

You deserved it 776

By broke_kid - 03/01/2010 13:18 - United States

Today, I noticed white stuff in my colored clothes as I transferred them from the washer to the dryer. That's when I realized that the white stuff is my paycheck which I had put in my pants earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 087

You deserved it 14 968

By Baby Face - 16/01/2017 15:03

Today, I was at work refreshing the shelves when a man turned the corner and said, very surprised, "You look 12!" A few weeks back, two people did the same thing, only they said I looked 9. I'm almost 21 years old, and just very short. Starting to get just a little self conscious here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 580

You deserved it 461

That shirt is FIRE!

By Anonymous - 06/09/2019 04:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my shirt caught on fire when I was burning paper for my ancestors at the cemetery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 336

By I didn't though - 10/09/2015 04:07 - United States

Today, I arrived at a camp and met one of my roommates. At bedtime, I had energy still, so I did push-ups. The guy was asleep or so I thought because he was facing the wall. The guy thought I was jacking off and told everyone I did it in the middle of our room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 497

You deserved it 2 778

By Ah hell - 31/01/2009 14:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up with the worst hangover of my life. My best friend comes over and informs me that I had sex with my girlfriend's two best friends last night. Awesome! Then I realized her best friends are guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 833

You deserved it 52 427

By Oops - 03/01/2016 19:09 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. I wanted to tease him, so I got his attention and made my orgasm face when I thought no one was looking. His thirteen year-old cousin saw and now bursts out laughing whenever he sees me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 234

You deserved it 19 386

By all by myself - 25/12/2012 05:00 - United States - Alaska Peninsula Nwr

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I felt down, so I laid in bed and told my parents I needed some alone time. A couple of minutes later, one of them started blasting "All by Myself" so loud that I felt the floorboards vibrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 899

You deserved it 4 314

By nomorepups - 31/10/2016 14:54

Today, I adopted my second dog. When I called to tell my mom about it, she sternly told me that I was not allowed to get any more dogs. I'm 28 and own my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 451

You deserved it 1 003

By cherokeems - 26/03/2015 17:44 - United States - Harriman

Today, my girlfriend of a month told me that the only thing keeping her from swallowing a bottle of pills is being in a relationship with me, because she doesn't handle breakups well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 492

You deserved it 3 019

By ming - 19/08/2018 14:30

Today, despite being 22 and having near-perfect dental hygiene, I was diagnosed with receding gums and can only eat soft food for the rest of my life. Then the dentist told me that this typically only happens to people over fifty who don’t take care of their teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 802

You deserved it 230

By itsme - 08/07/2019 04:00

Today, we got a letter regarding my sister's college career and an appointment she was required to go to. This seems fitting, since she's a senior in high school, or at least she would be if she hadn't passed away a little over a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 760

You deserved it 103

Double trouble

By HipstrCharizard - 07/11/2020 23:02 - United States - Nobleboro

Today, I found out I might have Covid due to my manager's roommate getting it by being irresponsible. Two days ago, I found out I may have hep A from getting takeout at a restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 102

By Masey - 17/09/2009 12:46 - United States

Today, I was running late for work. As I hurried out the door, I managed to trip over my own feet, fall off the front porch, and key my new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 334

You deserved it 7 489

Words is hard

By purpletulip - 21/10/2016 01:35 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my customer complained to me that there were no scallops in her dish when it was "clearly stated on the menu." Finally, after she ran out of breath, I had to show her that the menu said scallions. She didn't understand, screamed at me and then walked out on her bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 282

You deserved it 663

By Kelleee - 30/09/2017 20:00

Today, I paid £200 for a car service to make sure everything was running okay. I got the all clear that everything was perfect and all necessary fluids topped up. I then wrote the car off 20 minutes later in an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 100

You deserved it 434

By Anonymous - 01/11/2018 15:30

Today, I woke up in a puddle of blood after 7 hours of sleep. Before going to bed, I had inserted a tampon that should've kept me dry for at least 8 hours. Apparently it doesn't work well if sleepy me forgets to take the top part of the plastic wrapping off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 391

You deserved it 1 190

By Dave - 23/04/2012 13:22 - United States - Brookfield

Today, I left my number on my receipt for a cute waitress. As I was leaving the bar, she came running out and called me over. I obviously got excited. Turns out I'd forgotten to sign my slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 581

You deserved it 21 795

Not gonna happen

By Anonymous - 28/07/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, my wife and I are supposed to be trying for another baby. We've tried once in the last 7 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 133

Size Queen

By Jenson - 17/11/2020 19:05 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found out that being a good boyfriend who financially supports his girlfriend through university, has a good relationship with her family and even put myself at risk to care for her through a COVID infection, doesn’t matter because she prefers the guy she cheated with who has a bigger knob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 754

You deserved it 133

By minnie - 28/08/2009 18:30 - United States

Today, I was feeling sick and I farted so loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 676

You deserved it 6 882

Put your back into it

By FaronKee - 18/12/2020 00:56 - United Kingdom

Today, for the first time in 2 years I was able to clean my kitchen, because my back pain has stopped me looking after myself. When I stopped cleaning, my pain was so bad, all I could do was lay flat in bed. Not even my pain meds could help. My kitchen is still not completely clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 90

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Friday 29 July 2011 1:22

we have this thing called sunscreen, you prob should've used some!!

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Friday 29 July 2011 2:51

I didn't read that. Too long

Comments

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Friday 29 July 2011 1:22

we have this thing called sunscreen, you prob should've used some!!

dolphincheddar 10

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Friday 29 July 2011 1:30

try using lemon juice. it helps!

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Friday 29 July 2011 1:31

doesn't mustard help with sunburns too?? or is that just burns from fire that it helps get rid of??

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Friday 29 July 2011 1:31

I heard semen helps it also. oh wait that was zits. still bukake bath that shit

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Friday 29 July 2011 1:59

just use a mixture of ketchup and baking soda. works like a charm everytime

itsgen 16

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Friday 29 July 2011 3:10

dude i feel so bad for op fyl indeed

CanWeMicrowaveIt 11

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Friday 29 July 2011 3:27

well, I guess we know why itsgen doesn't have zits...

itsgen 16

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Friday 29 July 2011 3:37

what the hell?

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Friday 29 July 2011 3:55

try ped egg worked for me

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Friday 29 July 2011 4:51

In a week call the creepy dead skin peeling lady to help you

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Friday 29 July 2011 5:10

WTF?!!?! i have sunburn for the first time of my life O.o

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Friday 29 July 2011 5:31

apply vinegar to it with some paper towels they day you get it. You will still be red some but it wont sting at all the next day. This is serious by the way and works.

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Friday 29 July 2011 6:55

well... at least she learned a lesson

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Friday 29 July 2011 7:08

the real FML is u can't beat it with that

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Friday 29 July 2011 8:01

Apply bacon grease to affected areas and rub off with sand paper. Works like a charm

nancyfantastic 3

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Friday 29 July 2011 8:24

98, there is a compound in natural Aloe that a small percentage of the population is allergic to. One of the skin care lines I use at work isolated and removed that compound in their aloe gel so it is hypo allergenic and can be used by people allergic to aloe.

CanWeMicrowaveIt 11

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Friday 29 July 2011 9:23

And that's what happens when you let your GF borrow your Phone for the day -.- Sorry Gen. Forgive meh? :D.

PrimeStarscream 30

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Saturday 30 July 2011 1:07

Agreed.

daniismiles11 0

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Friday 29 July 2011 1:22

yur not the only one -.- people call mi tomato girl

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Friday 29 July 2011 2:00

I can see that by looking at your picture....

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Friday 29 July 2011 3:56

People call mi potato man

toastyjustice 5

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Friday 29 July 2011 7:12

I call you dumbass who didn't use sunscreen

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Friday 29 July 2011 7:49

ouch! I'm so sorry! lol

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Friday 29 July 2011 16:11

ur only 14 && posting pics showing ur underwear... smh

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Saturday 30 July 2011 2:41

122, are you talking about yourself..?

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Saturday 30 July 2011 4:42

no I'm a grown ass women.

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Saturday 30 July 2011 4:48

don't call her a dumbass cuz I have put sunscreen on houurly befor and I still got the worst sunburn in my life before

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Friday 29 July 2011 1:24

Sucks for you, wear sunscreen next time.

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Friday 29 July 2011 1:24

lotion up

InYourAtmosphere 0

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Friday 29 July 2011 1:30

You'd know allll about lotioning up, huh?

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Friday 29 July 2011 1:31

Yep. Want some lessons?

InYourAtmosphere 0

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Friday 29 July 2011 1:54

I don't need it when I can get the real thing.

DCFan 9

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Friday 29 July 2011 3:03

^^^ YOU sir.... are a douchebag.

InYourAtmosphere 0

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Friday 29 July 2011 3:18

Meeeeee? Imma girl.

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Friday 29 July 2011 4:15

Good for you

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Friday 29 July 2011 4:51

So you're a girl.. And you can "get the real thing" meaning you can get pussy? That's either hot or disgusting.

InYourAtmosphere 0

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Friday 29 July 2011 16:39

I just meant sex in general, bud. I'm straight for the record. And wow that's just.. *shakes head in disgust*

InYourAtmosphere 0

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Friday 29 July 2011 16:41

Says the guy obsessed with greasy, fattening foods

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Friday 29 July 2011 1:24

have you ever heard of sunscreen?

Hello_kitty_love_fml 0

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Friday 29 July 2011 1:25

Allergic to Aloe?

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Friday 29 July 2011 1:26

No shit

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Friday 29 July 2011 6:04

I am too :( just gotta be careful!

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Friday 29 July 2011 6:27

You can use vinegar. White vinegar is best. apply to sunburns several times a day, I know it sounds weird but it really works, and the smell goes away after a few minutes. Source: old lifeguard trick

victimization 0

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Friday 29 July 2011 18:47

vinegar works on jellyfish stings too. source: experience haha

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Friday 29 July 2011 20:39

I know right? Well OP, scramble raw eggs (or egg whites — assuming you're not allergic to those too), and spread it over your sunburn; instant relief. By the next day, you should be alright.

MerrikBarbarian 9

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Saturday 30 July 2011 9:00

also hornet and wasp stings! I tested that the other day after being attacked by a swarm of hornets, followed the next day by several wasps. turns out vibrations from nearby construction really sets them off.

InYourAtmosphere 0

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Friday 29 July 2011 1:27

There are plenty of other things you can put on sunburn besides aloe. Sucks though.. aloe feels the best.

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Friday 29 July 2011 1:33

be prepared to change your sheets alot. ... that's gonna be alot of dead skin.

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Friday 29 July 2011 3:54

That is disgusting... True, but disgusting. Thanks for the mental image... Now I have to debate where I'm going to sleep tonight. I just imagined my skin falling off and piling up. I wash my sheets once a week... Thanks... O.O

simonisnotacat 4

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Friday 29 July 2011 4:07

quit your whining. as long as you didn't get a sunburn any time in the past week, you've got nothing to worry about. and it really wasn't that disgusting. thanks... O.O

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Friday 29 July 2011 1:34

WHY did you not use sunscreen???

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Friday 29 July 2011 1:37

Beach? Hopefully you had a good time to make up for the bad(:

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Saturday 30 July 2011 17:48

the beach isn't the only place with sun

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Monday 1 August 2011 20:53

But most people get sunburnt at the beach, and it's summer. -.-

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 10

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 11

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 167

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 93