Love: Today, my boyfriend accused me of deleting my texts from my phone... - FML

By lonestar - 03/02/2010 13:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend accused me of deleting my texts from my phone because I'm afraid of him finding out about another man in my life. Truth is, I don't have a life outside of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 093

You deserved it 5 677

BO Central

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Still pining

By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, my daughter's school called to inform me that I needed to bring her some sneakers. Not feeling like driving the 15 minutes to her school, I told them I was away from town. Then I realized I was on my house phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 646

You deserved it 71 052

By thisisnotavirustrustme.exe - 18/04/2015 19:34 - United States - New City

Today, I discovered why my pet bird has been hiding behind my couch pillow lately. It's not because she was nesting, as I thought. She's been secretly tearing apart the whole couch from behind there instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 334

You deserved it 4 686

By Anonymous - 08/11/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I went through my spam folder. I found out that I'd received several emails telling me that I have been sending emails containing essays for a class of mine to the wrong address. The term ended yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 958

You deserved it 11 994

You give me fever

By Boredstoner420 - 14/03/2020 21:00

Today, I got way too bored and stoned, so I created a Tinder profile named "Covid" with a picture of the Coronavirus and a funny description. I'd never had so many matches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 143

You deserved it 722

By Anonymous - 12/03/2015 01:50 - United States - Guthrie

Today, I went running. I live in a small town and people know me fairly well. It was dark when I went to avoid the heat. I was almost finished with my run when the cop comes up and asks me what I'm running from. Clearly being fat and out of shape is not a good enough alibi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 261

You deserved it 2 570

By richkief76 - 10/05/2011 02:34

Today, I finally found where the awful lingering stench in my house was coming from. My son thought it would be funny to piss in the baby's humidifier. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 896

You deserved it 8 308

Great deal

By Depressed - 04/08/2011 11:45 - Sudan

Today, I arrived in Africa to start my new job. I agreed to come to a city with little to no electricity, and poor water for triple the money I was making in Canada. I just realized my boss and I negotiated in two completely different currencies, and I'm now making half of what I used to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 366

You deserved it 41 250

By everyoneheard - 28/03/2013 15:11 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 909

You deserved it 18 161

By romantic84 - 31/05/2011 04:51 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend told me how she loves when I kiss her out of the blue. I don't have the heart to admit I only do it so I can get some peace and quiet for a few seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 660

You deserved it 38 840

By Anonymous - 15/10/2012 04:07 - United States - Aurora

Today, I told my daughter that she won't be going to her homecoming dance as punishment for her terrible grades. She's been crying and singing "If I Die Young" in her room for hours. At this point, I don't know if I need to call a therapist or a vocal coach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 479

You deserved it 10 126

By herve - 22/05/2009 19:50 - Lebanon

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 791

You deserved it 11 572

By kinkyapparently - 22/10/2015 14:47 - United States - San Juan Capistrano

Today, my husband broke his toe after tripping over a dog toy. Instead of telling the doctors what happened, he said it was "sex related". I had to sit there, beet red with embarrassment, getting weird looks while he giggled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 811

You deserved it 2 458

By Anonymous - 13/08/2010 02:21 - United States

Today, while at work at a new job, my brother comes and takes my car. Along with all my money, my phone, and whatever else I had in my purse. His message to me through one of my co-workers was "walk home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 375

You deserved it 3 483

By Gretchen - 25/02/2011 01:56

Today, I went to see my banker. As we were finishing everything up, I leaned forward to sign something. As I went back to sit down, my 2 year old pulled the chair out from under me, and I crashed down to the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 274

You deserved it 5 678

By CanadianEH - 08/11/2016 23:39

Today, my dog ate my underwear. This is the twenty-seventh pair that he has eaten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 594

You deserved it 3 194

By Bill - 18/08/2011 23:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my new college roommate not only makes casual conversation about his bowel movements, he also names them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 545

You deserved it 2 776

Cash me?

By Anonymous - 02/09/2019 11:00 - Canada - Lakeville

Today, working in a liquor store, I had to tell a girl I couldn't sell her alcohol since she was severely intoxicated. She told me to "cash me ousside, how bow dat?" then smashed a bottle of wine and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 750

You deserved it 109

By facepalm - 27/02/2009 08:39 - Singapore

Spicy

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 556

You deserved it 15 123

By ripfluffy - 28/09/2009 07:15 - United States

Today, I learned to check inside the oven before you preheat it. Sometimes children hide their pet rabbit in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 516

You deserved it 9 996

By Steph - 19/08/2019 02:00 - United States

Today, I was at a soccer game when some guys walking behind me yelled that I had a nice ass. I then heard someone shout, "Hey, assholes. That's my daughter." He yelled at them for quite a while. He wasn't my dad, just some weird dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 508

You deserved it 397

Puppy love

By Hotmama - 30/01/2017 08:00 - United States

Today, I was nice to my son's friend. He's 27 and needs to get a life, so now he won't stop texting me and flirting. I will have to escort him back, not just to the "friend zone", but to the "I'm twice your age and your friend's mom zone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 076

You deserved it 621

By Anonymous - 27/11/2010 14:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, while making love to my boyfriend, my sister called my cell phone. Not wanting to face the consequences of not answering, I had a long conversation with her. My boyfriend kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 246

You deserved it 43 855

By brandon - 10/01/2011 17:04 - Canada

Today, I spent 30 minutes trying to unlock my garage door. After shouting several profanities, my roommate walked up to me, turned the key the other way, and unlocked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 602

You deserved it 33 258

Intrusive thoughts

By Anonymous - 23/01/2021 11:01

Today, in a seminar held by my country's government and the UN, I suddenly realized how stupid the reason for my recent breakup was. So, I ran out of the hall under the stares of over a hundred people and started bawling my eyes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 582

You deserved it 381

By feelsterrible - 09/08/2012 19:51 - United States - Duluth

Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 306

You deserved it 54 347

By Anonymous - 22/01/2012 14:17 - United States

Today, I noticed a man in my neighborhood waving at me. I don't talk to him often so I excitedly waved back. Turns out he was trying to warn me of the car about to hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 875

You deserved it 4 434

By probablydodgedabullet - 08/11/2013 11:30 - Australia - Wollongong

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via a text message consisting solely of emoticons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 772

You deserved it 4 636

By embarrassed much - 27/02/2016 03:14 - United States - Orlando

Today, I was talking to my new boss while on speakerphone. Then, my sister yelled for me, asking me to check whether she had a yeast infection or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 320

You deserved it 2 630

By Skatedump - 14/04/2019 14:00 - South Africa

Today, on the one-year anniversary of my best friend committing suicide, my boyfriend of 2 years decides to dump me because he wants to focus on his skateboarding career. He doesn't even know how to skateboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 276

You deserved it 191

By crazyt446 - 11/07/2009 15:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I called my boyfriend and when he answered, I said the dirtiest thing I could think of to him on the phone. After a long silence, I heard, "Lacey? Is that you?" I accidentally called my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 418

You deserved it 71 438

By OG Pinecone - 23/07/2019 20:11 - United States - Englewood

Today, I was hanging with friends up at my best friend's cabin. We were in his hot tub cracking jokes when he told one that sent me into a fit of hysterics. He tried to shut me up by splashing water on me. It worked, because when I jerked my head to the side, I dislocated a rib. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 192

By Sadface - 06/12/2009 17:34 - United States

Today, my 15 year old son told me he had his first kiss. I told him how I was the same age when I had mine, and then I told him all kinds of wild stories about things I did in my childhood and college life. Truth is, I made them all up. I didn't get kissed till I was 24, and laid till I was 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 873

You deserved it 13 959

By loveurlifejk - 28/12/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I was woken up to my mother screaming obscenities at me, all because I threw up last night after days of not feeling well, and the flushing of the toilet afterwards woke her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 538

You deserved it 2 108

By NotSoSick - 12/02/2010 05:11 - United States

Today, my doctor put me on some extra strength antibiotics for an infection. On the label it says "WARNING: may cause Diarrhea"... 'may cause' is a funny term... this is the second time I've sharted in my pants today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 440

You deserved it 3 845

By Not so much of a teachers pet - 22/10/2014 20:55 - United States

Today, I got in an argument with my teacher for always comparing me to my sister that she had a few years before. After I said, "I'm not my sister so please stop comparing me to her," she responded, "Of course you're not your sister, I actually like your sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 165

You deserved it 5 746

By willconqueror1 - 22/09/2014 14:25 - United States

Today, coming home from a trip in the mountains, I got a cracked radiator and my car overheated. My dad came to get me, he drove my car and I followed in his. I got pulled over and ticketed for his expired registration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 222

You deserved it 3 476

By Does this thought count? - 01/08/2014 00:17 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my ex-boyfriend surprised me with a gorgeous, giant stuffed tiger as a belated birthday gift. I thought it was a lovely gesture until a friend told me she had thrown it in the dumpster behind our building this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 775

You deserved it 3 917

By nhyari - 25/08/2014 18:58 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my girlfriend got her period. It seemed more painful for her than usual, so I offered to go out and buy some painkillers and maybe some chocolate for her. She thought I was being sarcastic and slapped me so hard I saw stars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 050

You deserved it 4 140

Hard to bare

By Anonymous - 03/04/2020 14:00

Today, I was showing my boss a picture on my phone. I didn’t expect her to take my phone from my hand and continue to flip through photos. I anxiously motioned for her to give my phone back, only to realize she had already swiped to my nude picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 555

You deserved it 648

By kash - 01/06/2015 18:14 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend, when a guy pulled a knife and told us to hand over our money. My boyfriend blurted "I don't have shit, dude! She has tons of cash!" The moment the mugger turned to me, my boyfriend ran away at top speed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 413

You deserved it 3 168

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Top comments

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 20:06

awww poor you :( just be happy ur not cheating tho and that ur a gd person :)

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 20:06

Do you really want to be with a guy who doesn't trust you?

Comments

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 20:06

awww poor you :( just be happy ur not cheating tho and that ur a gd person :)

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 22:02

I agree, you are a good person. I'd try to get a hobby outside of him though.

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 23:56

this isn't an fml.

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Thursday 4 February 2010 1:32

imagine if he broke up with her? 0.o

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Thursday 4 February 2010 6:21

That's good that u dnt cheat on him but u really should have some time for u, go hang out with friends or get a hobby outside of him! U have to be more independent....dnt make one person ur "everything" b/c wat if one day they were no longer there anymore. U have to think about things like that but chin up OP, everything will be alright jst dnt become obssessed 

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Thursday 4 February 2010 6:50

I agree

kristledaigle 0

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 0:59

i totally kno how you feel im the same way wen it comes to my boyfriend and he acts the same way. guys cant live with them and cant live without them

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Monday 18 April 2011 18:17

A "gd" person? What the heck is that?

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Saturday 29 October 2011 4:50

Well said :)

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Saturday 29 October 2011 4:52

To #94

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 20:06

get a life!

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 20:21

y? she's fulfilling evey needs on the hierachy

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 20:45

obvous troll is obvious...

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 21:26

I'm sorry, but what does "trolling" mean?

serendipitiousne 0

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 21:42

Thats really sad.

ModernWarfare3_fml 0

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Thursday 4 February 2010 4:03

A troll is someone who causes/wants arguements at a forum..something like that..

PottentialFML 0

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Thursday 4 February 2010 5:10

Instead of getting layed cause they can't , they seek pleasure in causing fights and debates on online forums.

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Thursday 4 February 2010 6:27

I can just imagine #34 asking "what's a forum?"

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Thursday 4 February 2010 13:58

Not to be confused with someone calling people out on prejudice morals etc. A troll usually says something racists first hopin to cause a war! Even I've falled for the bait... LOL

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Thursday 4 February 2010 16:54

gimme your #, I'll text u. :)

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 20:06

Do you really want to be with a guy who doesn't trust you?

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 20:39

yes as there is nothing else left. (in a non nasty tone)

chasin_butterfli 0

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 22:21

^This and usually the person doing the accusing is guilty of something. You don't want to live your life like this. make some friends and please, find a new boyfriend. I believe your relationship will only get worse. Jealousy and controling behavior does not equal love.

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Thursday 4 February 2010 3:46

agreed, they r doing what they r accusational about

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Friday 16 September 2016 7:03

Agreed. It's most unfortunate that a guy you sound so dedicated to doesn't trust you. If you are loyal, and he doesn't believe you, than he doesn't believe in the relationship (leaving him no reason to be faithfully commited)

boredSOLDIER 33

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 20:07

dat sux. ur BF needs Jesus

Leetswaglordmaybe2 9

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 20:35

is this a troll?

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 21:01

I can't tell

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 21:59

rofl at 4, 19, and 28. 4. why does he need Jesus? fagg!

boredSOLDIER 33

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 22:08

lol i aint gay. n u need Jesus too :p

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 23:35

boredSOLDIER I do have Jesus fkgnsjxmdk.

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Thursday 4 February 2010 0:01

I have Satan, he works out pretty well for me.

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Thursday 4 February 2010 0:37

Yeah, same. It's more fun this way.

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Thursday 4 February 2010 0:41

idk much about the satanic religion...and I would never do it. BUT I do love having hot ass sex! chistians can have fun too ;)

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Thursday 4 February 2010 0:52

obvious slut is obvious.

DonkeyDelight 0

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Thursday 4 February 2010 0:54

We have so much in common, let's have hot ass sex.

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Thursday 4 February 2010 2:51

lol @ 67, would u like a 69?

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Thursday 4 February 2010 3:49

@67 I am not a slut.

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Thursday 4 February 2010 3:59

well, maybe a little.

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Thursday 4 February 2010 4:04

*sigh* I'm just as horny as a guy sheeesh lol

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Thursday 4 February 2010 5:27

you're like an incurable disease.

UnearthlyEnemy 9

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 20:07

I agree with Numah 3. And deleting texts could be to free up space.

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 21:04

^this

MF12 0

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Thursday 4 February 2010 3:16

I do it becausey brother steals my phone and reads my texts

FernandoTorres_fml 0

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 20:09

If he dumped you, then I'd permit this to be an FML.

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 20:10

Get friends.

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 20:12

Dump his dumb ass cause he has issues! But you probably put something sick on him since you got him acting all crazy, but usually w guys if were (me being a guy n knowing them) always asking about you cheating there's a chance that were doing it or have prospects and are just looking for a reason to follow up on it.

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 20:15

Since when isn't it normal to delete text? Your BF insecure much?

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 20:16

I agree, not really an FML. It's pretty normal if you're in a serious relationship to not have a life outside of said relationship. The only thing about this that even remotely fucks your life is that your boyfriend is and asshat with trust issues. I'd say he's the one cheating and deleting his texts from other girls and projecting his wrongdoings on toyou to make himself feel less guilty, because if he is so paranoid about cheating he is either a cheater or maybe has been cheated on in the past. Anyway, I say drop him and get a boyfriend who trusts you enough not to accuse you of stupid shit. If you have no life away from him, then he would probably notice if you were talking to other dudes all the time...

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 6

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 47

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 38