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False hope

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after suggesting to my daughter for a while that she should try out for a cheerleading team to become more confident, she went to tryouts. She didn't make the team and she's spent the last six hours in her room crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 930

You deserved it 45 885

Stinky pits

By shakinmahbuttbutt - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it's been two weeks since my parents went crazy with their attempts to save on the water bill. Every time I want to take a shower, I have to ask them first. Let's just say I've had to resort to taking sponge baths in public bathrooms to keep my B.O. under control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 878

You deserved it 4 573

By StrawHatBill - 13/02/2015 14:54 - United States

Today, I found out that honestly answering "yes" to "Are Kate Upton's boobs bigger than mine?" is in my girlfriend's mind the equivalent of saying I don't find her attractive anymore and that I want to break up with her to date a supermodel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 322

You deserved it 8 380

By Anonymous - 01/11/2012 11:17 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, multiple people admired my elaborate face paint. This happens every Halloween, at least every Halloween since I got badly burnt in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 114

You deserved it 2 101

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 19:06 - Denmark

Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 590

You deserved it 40 001

By soldiergirl - 25/10/2011 00:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me because he "can't date someone who supports the war". We started dating because he thought I looked cute in my uniform. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 110

You deserved it 3 816

By JuggaloSlasher15 - 08/08/2013 23:03 - United States

Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormed over, said "I got this!" and punted him over the edge. We both got thrown out for "bullying" the kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 769

You deserved it 6 808

By facepalm - 05/06/2012 14:48 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I received my first negative feedback on my otherwise flawless eBay record. The woman who bought the item said it wasn't as delicious as she was expecting, so there must be something wrong with it. What was I selling? A new and unopened lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 564

You deserved it 2 343

By MyBallsForSaleOnEbay - 21/08/2015 15:25 - Malta - Naxxar

Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop the toilet seat when I saw a cockroach running around our bathroom. My 5-year-old nephew came in, slapped it to death and said not to be scared, because he'll always protect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 161

You deserved it 7 267

By Anonymous - 05/04/2009 09:43 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months and I were in the middle of a heavy make-out session when his cell rang. Normally, he'd ignore it. This time however he pushed me off of him and said "Shit! It's probably my girlfriend!" I thought I was his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161 970

You deserved it 16 420

By brerj09 - 28/04/2014 13:35 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, at work, I served a group of three teens. Their tab was $75 and they tipped me nothing. They wrote a thank you on a piece of receipt paper, put it in a glass of water and used a coaster to turn the glass of water upside down on the table, spilling water everywhere. They also stole my pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 077

You deserved it 4 433

Honest mistake

By Luke - 19/03/2013 09:59 - United States - Liverpool

Today, my department found out that we're getting a new supervisor for the third time this month. I joked about how we're like "the foster kid nobody wants." One of my coworkers burst into tears and ran off. I later found out that she had been a foster child and never once had a stable home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 533

You deserved it 30 147

By knickedleg - 22/05/2010 07:03 - France

Today, I was using Veet instead of shaving, so that the razor wouldn't cut up my legs. I cut myself with the plastic utensil that you're supposed to use to remove the Veet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 411

You deserved it 25 206

By Baldy - 03/04/2011 09:16 - New Zealand

Today, my wife told me that she was leaving me for someone with more hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 630

You deserved it 4 774

By effyou - 10/02/2011 05:16 - United States

Today, my best friend decided to start dating my ex. We broke up yesterday. She also thinks I'm crazy because I'm upset about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 455

You deserved it 4 228

By Sleepy head - 07/10/2013 01:34 - United States

Today, I fell asleep while my boyfriend and I were having sex. What's worse is that he didn't even notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 805

You deserved it 15 057

Awks

By hungryman - 14/07/2009 21:10 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend's mom pulled me aside and started telling me about how her daughter was extremely depressed and suicidal before she met me, and how happy her family is because of me. I was planning on breaking up with her within the next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 678

You deserved it 9 113

By whitewater_al - 10/07/2009 21:22 - United States

Today, I went to my friend's house for the first time. As I was pulling up, I called him and asked him if I could use his bathroom. He told me to just go in the back and use it, so i did. As i'm sitting on the toilet, someone knocks on the door and asks me who I am. It wasn't my friend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 302

You deserved it 12 207

whitewater_al tells us more.

whitewater_al 0

Saturday 11 July 2009 10:32

well, I think I just realized why OP's don't respond to comments.

By lexithepirate - 30/12/2014 18:40 - United States - Adrian

Today, I called asking about a job I interviewed for 3 weeks ago. It's a scummy call center where known drug addicts work. They told me I wasn't getting the job. I guess my high school diploma and being drug-free makes me not good enough to work there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 992

You deserved it 4 764

By Anonymous - 03/12/2010 03:42 - United States

Today, my annoying and disrespectful roommate discovered Pandora. She also discovered that she can play Christmas music on Pandora. Only 23 more days until Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 476

You deserved it 4 242

Intervention

By _Tatyana_ - 13/06/2013 07:05 - United States - Gettysburg

Today, after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I woke up from a much needed nap realizing I should take my pain medication. My mother then told me she had thrown them out so I wouldn't get addicted and become a drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 029

You deserved it 3 627

We are the 99%

By blahdyblahblah33 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was rushed to the emergency room. Apparently, there is only one serious side effect of getting your tonsils out when you're an adult, which is only seen in about 1% of patients: bleeding of the throat. It can be deadly. I'm part of that 1%. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 929

You deserved it 2 773

By youknowwhatitis - 22/06/2011 13:31 - Australia

Today, I learned how to wolf-whistle properly, and then learned what it feels like to be slapped on the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 741

You deserved it 36 031

By Anonymous - 31/01/2014 22:08 - United States - Blue Earth

Today, my evening was shot to hell when I found my pregnant wife on the floor, sobbing because we'd run out of cheese sticks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 434

You deserved it 9 070

By GrossedOut - 11/01/2012 07:47 - United States

Today, my roommate finally cleaned her cat's very full litter box. I later found our only good spatula crusted with kitty feces, which she'd left on the kitchen counter for me to find. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 957

You deserved it 2 427

By brileyyyy - 12/01/2010 03:40 - United States

Today, I was sent to the hospital for being knocked out with a potato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 802

You deserved it 4 267

Lose-lose situation

By suckerrrrr - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I bought a top, along with some other things. I went to the restroom and had diarrhea, but there was no toilet paper in the stall. I had to use the receipt from the store. I then realized the clerk hadn't put the top in the bag. I needed that receipt to get the top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 605

You deserved it 14 758

By bellsucker - 04/08/2012 22:15 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was rotated to the graveyard shift at my job. My only co-worker is a twenty-something Paris Hilton wannabe who won't shut up about her belief that she's the reincarnation of Whitney Houston. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 192

You deserved it 1 979

Good samaritan

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 23:32 - Antigua and Barbuda

Today, I passed a car, and heard a baby crying in the back seat. It was hot and no one was around. All the doors were locked so I broke it with a rock, cutting my arm and setting the alarm off. Only to find out that it was a realistic baby doll. I have to get 7 stitches and pay for the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 309

You deserved it 9 451

Smoking is bad

By ID10t - 10/11/2009 05:24 - United States

Today, I was on my back porch having a cigarette. Not being all that awake yet, I threw the butt, still smoldering, on the ground. Did I remember that there was an ashtray right next to me? No. I did what I would do at work; I stamped it out. Barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 812

You deserved it 53 895

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The Top

Today, I got a root canal. It wouldn't have been that bad if the dentist hadn't performed it on the wrong tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 065

You deserved it 1 851

Today, I was hanging out with my friends when I tripped and a chair rolled over my foot, breaking a bone. A friend, who didn't believe me, then dogpiled on top of me and laughed as I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 278

You deserved it 336

Today, I tried to get out of my boyfriend's car in an angered exit because he got a text from the woman he's been cheating on me with. I ended up tripping on my purse, falling out of the car and face-planting onto the sidewalk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 100

You deserved it 7 490

Today, I stepped out of the kitchen to yell at my kids for running in the house. I had just mopped the floor, and did not want them to fall. I fell while yelling and twisted my ankle. At least they know it's dangerous now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 350

You deserved it 9 587

Today, I finally stood up for myself and beat the crap out of a bully at school, as my father told me to do. The kid and I were called to the principal's office, along with our parents. Inside my father's smirk faded when he saw that the kid's mom was his boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 693

You deserved it 230

Today, I posted a picture of my boyfriend and I kissing on facebook. He untagged himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 953

You deserved it 19 567