Love: Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. When I leaned... - FML

22/01/2012 18:06 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. When I leaned in on him, he fell over backwards and smashed his head against the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 538

You deserved it 4 083

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

And today, on Dr Phil…

Unrequited lover

Awkward

By rawrrrr - 17/03/2010 04:01 - United States

Today, after a fire alarm went off, everyone was going back into the building. I had never gone up the stairs before because I live on the 9th floor. As everybody was going back inside, I followed some guys right into their suite on the 1st floor, thinking it was the way to the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 945

You deserved it 29 393

What's your damage?

By Anonymous - 22/07/2020 02:02

Today, I put my car in the garage last night so it wouldn't get damaged by a huge thunderstorm. Golf clubs fell on it while it was stowed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148

You deserved it 313

IT'S ALL TOO MUCH!

By scott - 10/06/2020 20:08

Today, my daughter had an anxiety attack. Why? Because I told her she needs to be making her bed every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 265

You deserved it 340

05/10/2018 15:30

Today, I saw an old high school friend I haven't seen in years and decided to sneak up to surprise him. In the last 15 years he became a soldier and a Muay Thai martial artist. My arm is numb and I think I may be peeing blood. Never sneak up behind a soldier. It really hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 330

You deserved it 3 071

03/09/2012 23:43 - United States - Saukville

Today, a woman came up to me at work and screamed at me for "taking forever" to come and wait at her table. I work at Wendy's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 254

You deserved it 1 936

06/05/2011 14:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked out of my house, waved at my neighbors, walked through my front yard and into the side yard to turn off the sprinkler. It wasn't until I was back into the house that I remembered I wasn't wearing a top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 149

You deserved it 52 727

16/09/2014 18:46 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was home sick and playing with my dog. I suddenly felt the urge to throw up, so I sprinted to the bathroom. My dog thought this was an invitation to chase me and tackle me to the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 022

You deserved it 3 945

17/12/2011 17:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via the medium of free-style rapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 066

You deserved it 4 581

14/01/2010 06:45 - Mexico

Today, after 8 years, I confessed one of my best friends I've been in love with him since we were kiddies. His answer was "Don't worry, I won't stop talking to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 922

You deserved it 4 127

25/02/2012 06:33 - United States

Today, I got asked out for the second time in my life. Since my first date didn't go so well I thought I might have better luck with a different guy. I had to end the date when he confessed it was his destiny to kill his father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 898

You deserved it 2 789

27/09/2016 12:28 - Italy - Verona

Today, my fiancé and I had to attend a wedding. Problem is, I suffer from a severe form of social anxiety. Since I was getting too close to a panic attack, he suggested drinking some wine to help me stay calm, and it worked. Up until I got drunk and threw up in the middle of the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 317

You deserved it 2 739

All weddings are themed

By Anonymous - 01/07/2020 20:08

Today, I went to pick up my wedding dress from the seamstress, only to find out that my fiancé called two weeks ago to say I wanted the dress "tie-dyed to match our new theme." She believed him. Our wedding is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 829

You deserved it 212

14/07/2016 12:21 - United States - Williamstown

Today, my drinking habit hit a new low when I waited almost an hour to go to the liquor store after it opened because I didn't want to seem desperate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 657

You deserved it 3 905

29/03/2014 02:00 - United States - Kent

Today, I went on a trip to Cleveland. After getting lunch, my brother and I started walking back to my car. Halfway there, we were jumped, threatened with a knife, and yelled at to hand over our money. The only thing my brother could do was ask our mugger, "Uh, what gender are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 832

You deserved it 3 681

26/05/2019 12:30

Today, I was home alone, so for fun I put red lipstick on. A few minutes later, my doorbell rang. I managed to get it off before I got the door. I saw my neighbor, and had a long conversation with him. After which, I came inside and realized I had lipstick all over my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 745

Mesmerized

By Embarrassing - 26/06/2021 13:59 - Canada

Today, I was hypnotized and talked into telling everyone truths about myself at a show my family and I went to. I don't know what I said. All I know is that my family laughs whenever I'm near them. They won't tell me what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 167

05/05/2011 02:38 - United States

Today, I had to call the doctor to go and have them remove a tick that had got stuck to my man-parts while fishing. The receptionist laughed, she thought I was prank calling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 672

You deserved it 3 585

There you are

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, at an aunt's wake, my five year-old son walked up to the coffin, and, with the whole family around him, exclaimed, "Well that's good, I was wondering where she's been." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 470

You deserved it 3 597

28/11/2012 18:09 - United States - Henderson

Today, I'm recovering in the emergency room. How did I get here? Intoxicated at a coed party, I saw a hole in the host's shed and thought it funny to christen it a "glory-hole", only to be bitten by what may well have been a black widow spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 670

You deserved it 48 505

15/09/2011 07:34 - United States

Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 207

You deserved it 6 380

17/08/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, I went to retrieve my sneakers that my wife made me leave outside the door of our hotel room. Somebody had shat in one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 668

You deserved it 7 042

Classy

By Anonymous - 22/10/2019 22:00 - France

Today, I've got two family members over to stay. So far, I have found a dirty Q-Tip, a nasty toe nail and had to clean up period blood from toilets, bin, and the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 662

You deserved it 131

08/11/2015 10:03 - United Kingdom - Studley

Today, after several months desperately searching for a job and feeling pretty insecure and unimportant, I drove 15 miles to a job interview. On parking my car at the destination, I found that during my drive a spider had been making a cobweb between the car and my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 999

You deserved it 1 820

29/01/2017 13:00 - United States - Bellingham

Today I went to the bus station to pick up a lost phone. Even after calling ahead the day before, I was turned away because I hadn't e-mailed. The website says to call and doesn't list an e-mail. I still don't have the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 563

You deserved it 438

Fetch!

By Anonymous - 07/04/2020 17:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were throwing a toy for his dog. He threw it, and I turned my head in that direction, looking for almost a minute before realizing he didn't actually throw it. He's still amused because, "even the dog was smart enough not to fall for that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 312

You deserved it 773

09/01/2012 06:14 - United States

Today, I went to the movies on a date. My chair made a fart sound while I moved around a little, so my date thought I'd let one rip. He then let out a really horrendously smelling one to make me feel less embarrassed, giving me a reassuring look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 215

You deserved it 6 473

Round and round

By Decibell - 18/04/2020 05:00

Today, I found out the trigger to my horrendous, disgustingly painful migraines that last up to 5 days is... Pain. My migraines are literally causing themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 451

You deserved it 133

26/11/2009 20:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I left my new iphone in a taxi I was sharing with a friend. Apparently when I got out she looked at it, told the driver some one had left it and gave it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 841

You deserved it 5 461

07/11/2015 14:14 - United States - Washington

Today, I had to come up with a new rule for my library's patrons: If you, your child, or your dog has thrown up on our books, we DON'T WANT THEM BACK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 316

You deserved it 1 509

15/08/2009 04:32 - Puerto Rico

Today, my drunk uncle threw my brand new iPhone 3GS into my pool, ruining it completely. When I asked him to pay for the 600 dollar replacement cost, he said he wasn't responsible for his drunken actions. All of my family members are on his side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 927

You deserved it 4 423

02/03/2009 01:41 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, whom I was madly in love with, by having a plane fly over her house spelling "Marry me Abby?". After seeing this, she locked herself in her room and cried for 4 hours exclaiming that this wasn't how she wanted to be proposed to. I had invited my entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 572

You deserved it 11 636

12/06/2011 18:50 - United States

Spicy

Today, along with my virginity, my boyfriend took my laptop, iPhone, TV, and most of the food in my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 951

You deserved it 12 665

17/02/2011 07:02 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I downloaded an application for my phone that reads whatever you type out loud. I started making it say things like "You like it when daddy spanks your tight little ass don't you?" Just as the message was playing back out loud, my mom walked up the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 489

You deserved it 55 419

17/05/2017 04:00

Today, today while walking my dog in a different part of town, a man ran screaming out of his house, and threw a plastic bag at me. It was dog poop. It was the first time I'd ever walked in front of his house with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 804

You deserved it 266

16/01/2011 01:50 - Canada

Today, I decided to play a friendly game of Clue with my family. This resulted in one kid crying, one dad with a broken nose, two broken plates and a trip to Walmart to get a new Clue game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 274

You deserved it 4 113

05/02/2010 03:53 - France

Today, I went to the store with my 4 1/2 year old daughter. When we got to the cosmetics aisle, she asked what make-up was for, I told her it was to make women prettier. My daughter then told me it was a good thing I wear make-up because I was ugly and that I might scare off my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 674

You deserved it 4 564

28/11/2018 15:30

Today, I posted my phone for sale on Facebook. Someone hit me up to buy it and wanted me to meet them. I didn't really want to drive to them, but I'm a mom of 2 and I needed food and some extra cash so I did it. The guy asked to look at the phone and ran off with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 066

You deserved it 672

03/04/2009 18:40 - United States

Today, I filled out a political survey for a psychology experiment. A really cute girl was doing it, too. We hit it off and flirted through the surveys, and I asked her out when it was done. Then I found out it was really an attraction experiment and she was in on it. She was acting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 726

You deserved it 7 767

24/10/2012 13:09 - United States

Today, after 6 months of training and going to the gym every day, I realized that the only thing I've lost is $300 worth of gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 505

You deserved it 5 076

03/08/2016 03:12 - United States - Plano

Today, my father went missing. Naturally worried, we searched his workplace, hospitals, and other locations. Ends up he got arrested for driving around town drunk out of his mind. Oh, and it's my birthday. Thanks for throwing me a great (search) party, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 290

You deserved it 961

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Top comments

ariannaimelda 7

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Sunday 22 January 2012 23:45

Aww, he's head over heels for you :)

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Sunday 22 January 2012 23:48

He didn't fall. He was just getting into a more comfortable position for the rest of the night. ;)

Comments

ariannaimelda 7

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Sunday 22 January 2012 23:45

Aww, he's head over heels for you :)

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Sunday 22 January 2012 23:46

He was so woo'ed by op :D

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Sunday 22 January 2012 23:47

YOU MURDERER!

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Sunday 22 January 2012 23:49

I wonder what there first hug was like

thisisafunnyname 12

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Sunday 22 January 2012 23:50

You're killing him not so softly with your love.

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Sunday 22 January 2012 23:51

Hmmmmm I wonder how well it's gonna go when they have sex for the first time?

haw008 14

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Monday 23 January 2012 0:03

She simply swept him off his feet

HahaHokayThen 10

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Monday 23 January 2012 0:05

It's one of those moments that you're gonna laugh about when you grow older (:

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Monday 23 January 2012 0:35

Heeyyyyy oohhhhh!!

doctorwhogirl 0

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Monday 23 January 2012 1:10

well if he is the one then this wil just be a funny story to tell people

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Monday 23 January 2012 1:16

His first kiss was too much for him I guess. I wonder what will happen before he's about to lose his virginty?

BlanketHogger 0

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Monday 23 January 2012 1:25

Oh Canadians.

ImInYourFACEbook 8

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Monday 23 January 2012 1:34

Hey, love hurts.

Nxty 2

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Monday 23 January 2012 2:12

Love hurts (love hurts), love marks (love marks), love wounds (love wounds), love scars!! :D

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Monday 23 January 2012 4:07

Hopefully he suffered short term amnesia, in the meantime you can salvage your dignity.

DirtyvonZoe32 10

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Monday 23 January 2012 4:14

First time is always a charm.

periwinkle95 10

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Monday 23 January 2012 4:16

1- Every single time I see your profile picture I laugh lol

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Monday 23 January 2012 5:14

He was just trying to fall into your arms :D

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Monday 23 January 2012 8:19

86- that song always reminds me of that 70's show!

Nxty 2

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 0:23

125, Lmao!! That's where I know it from!!

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Friday 27 January 2012 0:40

Haha hilarious :)

godisnowhere41 5

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Sunday 22 January 2012 23:45

Not the best best omen... good luck with your relationship.

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Sunday 22 January 2012 23:48

Messed up first kisses are special. You remember them more (: if you can after hitting your head though...

IntoTheClouds 42

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Sunday 22 January 2012 23:50

Seriously? Seriously?

godisnowhere41 5

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Sunday 22 January 2012 23:54

Seriously.

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Monday 23 January 2012 0:01

Little rough, eh?

KatherineAnne 7

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Monday 23 January 2012 0:13

Yeah you will always remember the first kiss it's that much better if its funny you will remember it better. My first kiss with my current boy was epic :)

ShroomsOnAcid 16

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Monday 23 January 2012 1:32

Hm. I don't remember my first kiss at all. I remember who it was with, but I have no recollection of any other details. I don't find the chronology of events to be as important as their significance or the feelings they elicited. I think OP should either embrace this as a memorable, funny situation, or just blow it off and focus her memories on her best kiss instead of her first.

RivercrestColts 0

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Monday 23 January 2012 2:35

My first kiss was at my exes grandmas house on the swing OP will probably remember hers as a funny storie for her children when she grows older

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Sunday 22 January 2012 23:46

Haha nice

thisisafunnyname 12

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Sunday 22 January 2012 23:52

Well, love hurts.

ShroomsOnAcid 16

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Sunday 22 January 2012 23:59

You should let your cat write your comments next time.

xShannonxSammyx 7

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Sunday 22 January 2012 23:47

Eh, no severe injuries.

borkchop1992 15

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Sunday 22 January 2012 23:55

Except for your face ohh...that was bad. *looks at wall in dissapointment*

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Monday 23 January 2012 0:38

^ Your neck is very long.

Every1luvsfmls 6

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Sunday 22 January 2012 23:48

It's a good thing because it will be memorable

lmgk 0

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Monday 23 January 2012 8:20

I agree

Hangmansgoose 3

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Sunday 22 January 2012 23:48

Just be happy that you're in a relationship (:

ShroomsOnAcid 16

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Sunday 22 January 2012 23:48

Looks like you knocked him right off his feet.

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Monday 23 January 2012 4:41

Love is dangerous.

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Monday 23 January 2012 7:19

OP forgot to catch him when he fell for her.

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Sunday 22 January 2012 23:48

He didn't fall. He was just getting into a more comfortable position for the rest of the night. ;)

IntoTheClouds 42

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Sunday 22 January 2012 23:52

Bowchicawowow.

Llama_Face89 33

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Monday 23 January 2012 2:22

Bow chicka honk honk!

Oh_Hayy_Its_Lex 10

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Monday 23 January 2012 4:18

88- No.

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 2:34

88 - epic fail..

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Friday 27 January 2012 0:42

Ew...

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Sunday 22 January 2012 23:50

Your breath probably smelled really bad...

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Monday 23 January 2012 0:02

Try popping a mint in next time ?(;

tennisrapper1 14

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Sunday 22 January 2012 23:51

Wow... Just wow

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 7:06

Can you people please stop with stupid, unnessisary comments like this please? Theyre annoying af.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 55

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 143