Love: Today, I bought my boyfriend a gold watch for our 2 year anniversary.... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 72

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 37

28/04/2011 13:16

Today, I bought my boyfriend a gold watch for our 2 year anniversary. He bought me a jar of Nutella. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 543

You deserved it 9 604

Commando

Vulture

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

"friend"

By BarCrush - 22/02/2018 19:00

Today, and for the past two months, I've been going to the bar with my friends quite regularly because I have a massive crush on the cute bartender. Being quite shy, I asked my friend if he could be my wingman so I could finally talk to her properly. He took her home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 650

You deserved it 912

02/10/2011 07:27

Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 754

You deserved it 10 284

08/10/2013 07:09

Today, I got two pieces of mail. One was a fine for not presenting my concession card to ticket inspectors on a train. The other was my concession card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 338

You deserved it 3 485

12/02/2009 17:25

Spicy

Today, I listened to my room mate having sex from 3 A.M. until 6 A.M. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 653

You deserved it 12 038

03/04/2012 14:16

Today, I realised that I only get dandruff when I'm stressed about having dandruff. Which is whenever I have dandruff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 129

You deserved it 4 230

16/10/2009 21:02

Today, I bought a safe. I put all of my most prized possessions in it, including all of my jewelry, family heirlooms and important papers. Oh, and just before I locked it up, I put the key to the safe in there too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 588

You deserved it 50 147

29/01/2013 22:46

Today, my fiancé's mother came up to me and told me she loves that I stuck with my soon-to-be husband despite his history and condition. I have no idea what she's talking about, and she refuses to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 168

You deserved it 2 775

29/12/2014 19:11

Today, while putting a water bottle into the fridge, I suddenly had to sneeze. The force of my sneezing propelled my head against the open fridge door, causing a gushing wound to my forehead. Bless me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 050

You deserved it 3 585

21/08/2009 05:18

Today, I went out to eat dinner with my family to celebrate my 18th birthday. I playfully put 3 straws between my knuckles to make myself look like Wolverine. I turned to my 6 year old nephew and ask, "Who am I?" He then replied with, "An idiot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 454

You deserved it 51 082

12/10/2010 23:51

Today, I started college after a night out. I'd got tipsy at the club and started dancing with a cute guy. He asked for my number. I didn't want to give it to him, so I gave him a rejection number. Guess who's the new professor for my bio class? And yes, he recognized me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 643

You deserved it 37 533

The single life

By Anonymous - 11/07/2021 00:02

Today, I was invited to my ten year high school reunion. I refuse to go because I’ll stick out like a sore thumb. All the girls I grew up with will be there with their husbands, while I’m a single loser who can’t get a man to save her life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 252

16/04/2015 07:59

Today, after a discussion, my boyfriend said, "I think it's time you found somebody better." After I gave him a look, he continued, "For me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 987

You deserved it 2 773

19/10/2010 05:20

Today, my boyfriend and I went to see his 72-year-old mom who just had minor surgery on her abdomen. When we asked how she was healing, she lifted up her nightgown to show us a bruise near her belly button. She wasn't wearing any underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 123

You deserved it 3 559

31/12/2009 20:10

Today, I got in a car accident on the way to the DMV to take my drivers test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 869

You deserved it 9 611

Bean.

By BeanThereRuinedThat - 22/03/2017 12:00

Today, my partner proposed to me during an anniversary dinner at a small, quiet Italian restaurant near where we live. We'd never been before, but the food was great, and the staff lovely. It all would have been perfect, if not for the dozens of pictures of Mr. Bean which covered every wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 286

You deserved it 1 022

05/08/2014 02:00

Today, my blind date turned out to be my gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 766

You deserved it 4 600

14/06/2009 23:41

Today, I was at my friends birthday party, dancing bare foot because my feet hurt from the heels. Apparently, someone dropped a glass on the dancefloor and didn't warn anybody. I ended up having to drive myself to the emergency room because all my friends were "having too much fun to leave." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 965

You deserved it 6 437

20/05/2009 19:12

Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner... Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 051

You deserved it 8 180

Nostalgia goggles

By Anonymous - 21/01/2021 04:59

Today, I found out my ex broke up with me after 3 years because he's still in love with his ex, who he hasn't spoken to in 6 years. And she dumped him for the same reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 735

You deserved it 123

24/04/2011 05:56

Today, while shopping at American Eagle, I found the same "$1,500" wedding ring my fiancé proposed to me with, marked on sale for $10.95. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 998

You deserved it 9 575

11/08/2016 08:33

Today, my car broke down on my way home from university. I tried calling for help, only to realise my phone had completely run out of charge. Luckily, I had passed a police station so I decided to walk the 10 minutes down the road to ask for a phone. When I got there, the station was closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 136

You deserved it 1 007

People are people

By Astounding competence - 03/11/2020 23:01

Today, my country is going back into a full national lockdown after the government swore they wouldn't do another one. We desperately need to stop the spread, but with so many U-turns and broken rules from the government, no one is going to listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 164

20/09/2014 03:14

Today, while giving directions to a blind guy, I accidentally made him walk into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 825

You deserved it 8 870

17/08/2014 16:40

Today, I asked my husband to tell me something nice about myself. He thought for a few moments, then said, "Uh, you shit quietly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 437

You deserved it 6 714

11/05/2011 05:48

Today, I realized I have more dogs than I do friends. I have two dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 531

You deserved it 6 719

23/03/2013 00:34

Today, my psycho abstinence-only sex ed teacher claimed condoms give 50% protection at most against pregnancy. I couldn't help but correct her. She apologized for her "mistake", saying, "It's just that we're not ALL sluts, Kara." Now everyone thinks I'm a raging whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 230

You deserved it 6 821

Never get involved

By Boyufd - 08/06/2020 17:06

Today, my sister told me her ex-boyfriend abused her and I went to go confront him. Turns out, she lied because he dumped her after she cheated on him. I got my ass kicked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 614

You deserved it 532

13/04/2017 13:02

Today, I noticed my cat was about to vomit on the rug and yelled at her to move. She spooked and managed to throw up while running. I still had to clean up the rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 483

You deserved it 2 145

12/09/2012 21:58

Spicy

Today, I found out there's a rumor going around that my smoking hot co-worker and I had sex over the weekend. I'm not nearly as pissed off about the rumor as I am by the fact that I can't remember it because I was too drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 524

You deserved it 33 136

08/06/2014 15:10

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 708

You deserved it 6 833

Fishy anxiety

By Guaranteed my ar*e - 15/11/2020 23:01

Today, I'm waiting for some live fish to be delivered for my tank. They were guaranteed by 1 p.m., so I took the morning off work. I've been unable to concentrate and have bee jumping every time a car door slams, so anxious to get them. It's now 4 p.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 751

You deserved it 157

09/11/2018 19:00

Today, I'm on a pill that "may cause breast tenderness". My 32E breasts took that to mean swell up a size, become heavy as lead, be so sore I can't move without a bra on, and stiffen my neck and back muscles so badly I thought I had an ear infection. This will last "a few weeks to months". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 687

You deserved it 242

17/09/2012 14:15

Today, the guy I have been seeing left town to visit his family for three weeks. A few hours later, he called me from the airport to say he is never coming back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 987

You deserved it 2 193

21/09/2010 07:10

Today, whilst working as a language assistant in Germany as part of my degree, some 9 year-old German kids asked me to please speak English to them because my German was so poor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 476

You deserved it 23 928

Bad omens all around

By bubble wrapped girl - 13/05/2021 19:01

Today, I got into a accident at the dunes, rolling a Razor buggy. Last weekend, I sleepwalked and microwaved my phone. Last month, I gave myself third degree burns while curling my hair. I need to live in a bubble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 256

Jedi mind trick

By Anonymous - 02/10/2019 04:00

Today, my stepdad punched me in the face after I told him I hated him. He and my mom came in 10 minutes later to try to convince me that I'd made it up in my head that he'd punched me. My face was still red. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 156

You deserved it 186

14/08/2010 23:23

Today, one of my mum's dinner guests walked in on me and my boyfriend kissing, only to let out a horrified scream. Apparently my mum had introduced my boyfriend as her son, as she is embarrassed of my real brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 079

You deserved it 3 037

13/05/2010 23:31

Today, I was reading a magazine while straightening my hair. I got really into this one article until suddenly a huge clump of hair fell on it. I looked up and realized I had burned through the layer of hair I was straightening, leaving me with one layer at ear length and the rest at bra length. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 667

You deserved it 47 333

06/07/2010 09:16

Today, I thought it would be funny to put some streamers on my bike handles, even though I knew they would probably be stolen fairly quickly. I went into a restaurant to eat, and when I came out both my wheels were gone, but at least the streamers were still there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 193

You deserved it 9 074

29/08/2012 04:52

Today, I was giving a tour of my boat to a man who seemed interested in purchasing it. Everything was going great. That is, until, the motor stopped running in the middle of the ocean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 425

You deserved it 3 100

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Top comments

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Thursday 28 April 2011 19:03

You don't like nutella? :(

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Thursday 28 April 2011 19:03

sit down, shut up, and eat your nutella, you ungrateful bastard!

Comments

flamegrilled123 3

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Thursday 28 April 2011 19:02

lol

iLikeReadingFMLs 2

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Thursday 28 April 2011 19:05

Take the watch back. Buy him some bread. Now you can both share Nutella and Bread sandwiches. Winning

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Thursday 28 April 2011 19:34

Maybe he has something really fun and exciting planned that involves that Nutella and you later tonight ;)

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Thursday 28 April 2011 19:41

nutellas the shit don't hate :P

dank1 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 19:51

Nutella is fckn good!!! why u complaining?!

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Thursday 28 April 2011 19:59

cause she didn't get any bread along with it

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Thursday 28 April 2011 20:10

man i'd love a man for giving me nutella. that is some good stuff right there

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Thursday 28 April 2011 20:14

Next time, just give him some bread!!!

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Thursday 28 April 2011 20:46

Maybe he will use that watch to time himself to see how long it takes to give you a mind blowing orgasm tonight with that nutella. You never know.

dolphincheddar 10

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Thursday 28 April 2011 21:02

you should have discussed a budget limit.. the. your gifts would be similar. like talk to him and say both ur presents will be around 30$ or whatever. not hard a lot of ppl do it

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Thursday 28 April 2011 21:11

Damn, now I want some Nutella. Trade?

littlemissFYL 5

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Thursday 28 April 2011 21:53

bitch, stop bragging.

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Thursday 28 April 2011 22:01

Don't underestimate nutella.

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Thursday 28 April 2011 22:29

hahaha I'dlove that! better than the purse I got for my fourth. lol jk

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Thursday 28 April 2011 22:58

negotiate the budget price? wow I wouldn't wanna be in that relationship.. even though Nutella Is amazing. its a crappy two year anni gift...

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Friday 29 April 2011 0:43

Is he mad because he got you a better gift?

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Friday 29 April 2011 1:53

A rose - $5 A jacket - $25 A gold watch - $1000 NUTELLA - PRICELESS

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Friday 29 April 2011 4:45

^^win :P stop hating, nutella's frkn awesome!

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Friday 29 April 2011 6:24

OP it's so obvious he forgot ur anniversary so he bought w.e :P (P.SBuy him carrots next time ;)

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Saturday 30 April 2011 11:21

hahahahaha my sister got nutella for christmas hahahaha thts wht she gets for being such an asshole

JustOhSoLovely 6

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Saturday 30 April 2011 18:50

Nutella is incredible. I would be excited

flickyourbic1223 7

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Sunday 1 May 2011 8:34

8- You don't have to call it nutella 'and bread' sandwiches. When you are stating the components of a sandwich bread is a given. "Hey what do you want on your sandwich" "Well I prefer turkey. Swiss cheese, light mayonnaise, oh and bread of you have any!" "Oh, I thought you just wanted a sandwich, you should have mentioned that you wanted a bread sandwich." "Just get in that kitchen and make me a bread sandwich" What the heck?

Ididyourmother 4

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Wednesday 2 November 2011 13:47

+1 man, +1

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Thursday 28 April 2011 19:02

sounds like he got the sweeter end of the deal

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Thursday 28 April 2011 19:26

I don't know about that. Nutella tastes pretty sweet.

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Thursday 28 April 2011 20:58

never had it

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Thursday 28 April 2011 21:11

:O never???? that's impossible, nutella is heaven on toast <3

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Thursday 28 April 2011 21:22

i never seen it in Vermont only hippie organic crap

Darkhatchling 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 22:02

he gave you his nuts in a jar? lol. what a wuss.

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Thursday 28 April 2011 22:44

Nutella on a toasted sesame seed bagel with banana slices. Omg I just jizzed in my pants.

glorialaura21 8

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Thursday 28 April 2011 23:12

o.o I've never had nutella either.

TigerBloodGirl15 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 23:28

She should shit in the jar and put it in some toast for him. We'll see how much likes it then.

largefoofighter 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 23:49

what kind of person wears a gold watch? is his name vinnie?

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Friday 29 April 2011 0:31

the only thing in this world that comforts me right now is nutella :' ( no psn.

bernard919lewis 0

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Friday 29 April 2011 1:56

ikr I can't get on! stupid hackers...

06tc 0

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Friday 29 April 2011 9:45

the things you could do with each other, plus nutella. damn you have one smart bf

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Friday 29 April 2011 13:04

he was making a pun you guys :/ "got the SWEETER end of the deal"

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Friday 29 April 2011 17:40

awh =(

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Wednesday 8 February 2012 4:36

Nope she did nutella is BOMB lucky I want some... but I never get paid in nutella :°( ha btw nutella will make u happier (cuz it gots chocolate) a watch doesnt maybe juz like 4 5 seconds....

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Thursday 28 April 2011 19:03

sit down, shut up, and eat your nutella, you ungrateful bastard!

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Thursday 28 April 2011 19:06

maybe she has a dog? hmmmm

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Thursday 28 April 2011 20:27

maybe that's a cue to make him a sandwich?

fmart 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 20:53

missbunny always has the best comments lmaoo

ChickenInMyKitch 4

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Thursday 28 April 2011 21:07

^i agreeeeeeee!

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Thursday 28 April 2011 21:38

hmmm I have never had nutella

nutsackmuscle 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 21:56

it's a gift straight from the gods.

AnagenisisZagus 13

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Thursday 28 April 2011 22:08

71, 85, nice slurping you're doing there.

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Thursday 28 April 2011 22:47

Haha 118. Agreed.

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Thursday 28 April 2011 23:09

*presses metaphorical like button*

comepoopwithme 0

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Thursday 28 April 2011 23:25

#135 is slurping to #118 0.o

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Thursday 28 April 2011 23:43

My thoughts exactly!

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Friday 29 April 2011 0:19

Are you sure only a "like" button will do? lol

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Friday 29 April 2011 1:13

i agree

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Friday 29 April 2011 3:05

lol nutella is bombbbbb!

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Friday 29 April 2011 4:53

aw nuts...

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Friday 29 April 2011 4:55

aw nuts...

CommonSenseKarma 17

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Friday 29 April 2011 5:29

What is this... Nutella? I am perplexed.

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Friday 29 April 2011 6:02

I live quite close to you, 153

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Friday 29 April 2011 7:38

nutella is the most thoughtful gift you can receive! you have a great boyfriend and you should be happy!

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Friday 29 April 2011 7:42

missbunny I have always found you extremely fucking annoying

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Sunday 1 May 2011 12:43

aw nuts...

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Thursday 28 April 2011 19:03

You don't like nutella? :(

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Thursday 28 April 2011 22:04

Your pic is appropriate for that comment. XD

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Thursday 28 April 2011 23:05

I love nutella!!!

Got_any_grapes1 4

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Friday 29 April 2011 5:11

I know right! Nutellas awesome!

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Thursday 28 April 2011 19:05

It's the thought that counts.

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Thursday 28 April 2011 19:05

sounds like a keeper.. but atleast you got something SWEET?

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Friday 29 April 2011 2:17

hi

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Thursday 28 April 2011 19:06

Nutella. It's yummy in your tummy!

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Thursday 28 April 2011 21:57

yummy yummy i got love in my tummy and I feel like loving u

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Saturday 30 April 2011 7:53

hahaha xD ^

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Thursday 28 April 2011 19:07

(insert sweet joke here)

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Thursday 28 April 2011 19:07

toast for your nutella or do you prefer a spoon?

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Thursday 28 April 2011 19:10

hey, nutella is delicious.

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Thursday 28 April 2011 19:30

It would have been funny if it was an empty jar.