Performance

By bob - 29/06/2012 08:47 - United States - Santa Cruz

Spicy
Today, I learned that I do not possess the upper body, core, or leg strength to hold my girlfriend up during sex. I simultaneously collapsed and dropped her onto her coffee table. We are now both being treated at the hospital; her for glass wounds, me for a concussion. FML
I agree, your life sucks 18 356
You deserved it 31 587
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Top comments

BlueEyed1019 12

make sure you tell her girlfriend you dropped her because you're not strong enough, not because she weighs too much, I could see how being dropped could be a little offensive

279 7
saIty 17

No but I bet your right arm is jacked... If you know what I mean *Nudge nudge* *Wink wink*

268 7

Comments

saIty 17

No but I bet your right arm is jacked... If you know what I mean *Nudge nudge* *Wink wink*

268 7
golfman717 0

Or possibly his left if wants a change of pace...

1 1
Drigr 9

What if he's a lefty? Why the hell would sex be the first time you try to home your gf up. Make sure you can do it before you do it

4 58
xXxIracebethxXx 14

#39 - Then how was he supposed to learn? For all we know, he could work out everyday, and his girlfriend could just be chunky. Or maybe his girlfriend is skinny and he thinks looking strong would have made it wasy to pick her up. I know guys who are strong looking, but can't even (literally) pick up skinny girls. Don't accuse OP's lack of knowledge of his lack of strength, you don't know the complete story.

32 3
xXxIracebethxXx 14

Easy* not wasy.

18 2
Drigr 9

Actually, I was more getting at the fact they learned he can't carry her (and got injured doing so) while having sex. Then again, I must be the only guy the picks his GF up around the waist and carries her around the house. Of course, yes, it is possible they HAVE done this before. I just think that it would be a better gauge then just going at it.

22 7
tjv3 10

Next time hold her up with her back against a wall. She should then lean back against the wall that way you will not be supporting all her weight

7 0
rikitsumiatsu 11

good job ruining the mood

67 8
reallytho3 11

Unless op's into the whole hospital fantasy thing lol

33 3
baconftw 9

Or you could just be into heavier women ;)

5 4
boating_guy 33

I like how 12 thinks. threesome with a hot nurse anyone?

4 9
ohSNAPyall 26

No bigger thrill than a ****** full of broken glass. --- Where were those glass wounds?

3 2
BlueEyed1019 12

make sure you tell her girlfriend you dropped her because you're not strong enough, not because she weighs too much, I could see how being dropped could be a little offensive

279 7
Rommel1942 9

Maybe she does weigh too much though :O!

26 10
xNephilim 18

It doesn't matter. If you ever want to get laid again, don't tell your girlfriend that.

37 6
PerfasarusRex 3

Go to the gym. The glass cuts and concussion should keep you pretty motivated so that those never happen again.

89 8
coolbrony12 3

If his girlfriend lets him try again

50 0
xoconnie 8

do some pushups!!!!

0 2
loserman67 35

WOW, you really put a lot of thought into that manuver. "Here Baby, let me hold you over this glass table while we perform a physically exhausting exercise." Next time, do it in the second floor window, at least that way you'll both go out with a bang.

240 6
newbiehere99 6

I was thinking more of a toilet and that way when he gets up he can say "shit happens" ... Anyone? No? Ok haha

69 3
AMClaire99 2

loserman you made me laugh so hard with that one! thank you for that:)

9 2
tbmtbm1 0

That would be a funny 1000 ways to die

12 1
hockeyoceancity 13

I love how this comment and the one above you talk about shit in both...

10 4
BubbleGrunge 18

There's only one way to fix this problem OP. More sex! It's an awesome cardiovascular work out! Plus, sex good for your health!

35 5
ByronJess 17

But... He doesn't need a cardiovascular workout. He needs core and upper arm strength, best achieved by working out with some weights.

14 0
BubbleGrunge 18

Ok point well taken...muscles OP, not cardio. Well whatever it's is MORE SEX!

10 5
TriflingAllDay 6

What the **** does the hiv have to do with this.

0 0
winnerme123 8

Cue song "boyfriend" by JB

immaMonsta 8

I thumbed you down for putting "by JB" who I'm assuming is Justin Beiber.

46 4
instnt1nfction 17

8, I didn't thumb you down because I hate Justin, but because you bring him out for no reason.

48 1
winnerme123 8

Yes it's Justin Beiber

3 51
tHeDaRkNeSs006 10

A bad one at that.

19 2
CaramelMacchiato 13

"If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go." Lol.

35 10
winnerme123 8

64 - that's what I was referring to.

3 5
darkangel752 2

Why is it as soon as Justin Beiber is brought up everyone starts talking about him??? Yes okay we all know he sucks and looks like a flat chested girl but get over it..... Sorry about your situation OP, hopefully your both okay and there are hundreds of other positions to try :)

1 2
immaMonsta 8

Hopefully you don't get asked how those injuries came to be

27 2
ByronJess 17

Considering they went to the hospital, I'm sure they were asked that. Doctors like to know the history of an injury, it helps them assess the situation more thoroughly.

13 0
jessicaazzzzzzzz 3

They could just say it was a piggy back ride gone wrong.

4 4
twisted_cherub 14

You can't really fool them. We once had a woman come into the ER who had run up to her boyfriend and jumped onto his lap. He had a tall boy (16oz can of beer) in his lap. She claimed she was wearing jeans, but her thighs and labia were shredded. Aluminum wouldn't rip through denim that easily, not to mention other parts of the story didn't make sense. Naked injuries are difficult to lie about. ER docs and nurses have seen it all. Just tell the truth so you can get the best treatment for your situation.

6 0
ryry013 6

I appreciate the thought and effort you put into your response.

5 3