Miscellaneous: Today, my neighbor passed away, and my father and I went to give... - FML

By Elliott_B - United States

Today, my neighbor passed away, and my father and I went to give his wife our condolences. In the middle of my dad's conversation with the wife, he says "I'm sorry for your loss, I knew Jim well, he was a great guy." The wife stares at him and says, "His name was Rich." FML

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Elliott_B tells us more :

OP here, just for some more info we had given her a card at the same time and my dad wrote Rich in it, he just accidentally let Jim slip on accident. my dad is not an "idiot", he just wasn't thinking clearly at the time

Dementia or hate? You decide

All for nothing

Car Wars

By LuckySperm - United Kingdom

Today, my dad told me that after my two older siblings were born, he got a vasectomy. However, something went wrong, and the vasectomy had failed, resulting in me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to wrap presents for a cat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by showing up at my work and proposing to me. It was sweet until an angry customer bitched us out for "wasting her time." FML

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By Omydayz - United States - Fremont

Today, after telling a friend I was contemplating asking a girl to prom, my friend took my phone, told me to have some balls, and texted the girl asking her to prom. She said no, because I asked her over text instead of in person. She refuses to believe I didn't send the text. FML

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By Anonymous

Mess incoming

Today, my apartment management notified me that my water was going to be shut off all day so they could fix the plumbing. I took a laxative last night. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fort Collins

Today, after having lost my phone three days ago, I paid a $150 non-refundable fee to have my phone replaced and mailed to me by Tuesday. A half hour later, I found my original phone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend and I finally watched Toy Story 3; I ended up crying when the toys almost die. After the movie, my girlfriend broke up with me because I embarrassed her. FML

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By Panda Man - United States - Seattle

Today, I had a meeting with my girlfriend, who I live with and work with but on different teams. Both our teams got laid off. FML

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By SoMuchPee - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after scrubbing every surface twice a week for a month, I finally found the source of the pee smell in my bathroom. Under the toilet. The people who built our house didn't think it was necessary to seal around the toilet. There was two years of pee under there. FML

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By BlueMacaw - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd patronized for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML

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By some people's parents - United States - Aurora

Today, after years of loaning my mother countless amounts of cash that never get paid back, borrowing $60 from her, and being just one day late paying it off due to food poisoning, she sends a very large man to my door to collect, like she's Tony Soprano. FML

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By claira

Today, my mom made me take a pregnancy test since I missed my last 4 periods. It came back positive and my mom grounded me. I’ve never had sex. FML

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By Fatnlonely

Today, at a pool party, I had forgotten to bring a swim suit, so I went in in my bra and shorts. After everyone screaming and telling me to put my shirt back on, I asked, "Why? It's the same as a bikini." My best friend told me it was because no one wanted to see me topless. FML

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By Anonymous - Tanzania United Republic of

Today, I was driving along when I saw a hot girl walking. I decided to impress her by doing a 180 degree turn. Successfully pulling off my trick, I decided to back up so I could go the right way. Not looking behind, I backed up and smashed into a wall. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Roller coaster ride

Today, I had had sex while sober for the first time in years. It was really awkward, bumpy, and I kept on apologizing for being so terrible. FML

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By mobster - United States

Today, while doing aerobics in my room, I started doing really powerful Knee Highs. My cell phone fell out of my pocket while doing one knee high. As I looked down, I kneed myself in the face. I spent the next couple hours in the emergency room while the doctor told everyone my story. FML

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By ohno - United States

Today, when I went to see a movie with my best friend, and there were 3 girls loudly discussing blow job techniques. I texted my boyfriend about how gross the conversation was. His reply was "Pay attention. You might learn something." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, at work, a table of girls complained to the manager about me. The complaint? "He's not hot enough to work here. We want a sexy server." The manager agreed with them and sent me home. I might lose my job because of a table of shallow women. FML

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By GotPunched - Finland

Today, my girlfriend's friend told her she had seen me shopping with a cute girl. When I came back home my girlfriend punched me in the face and asked who the girl was. Apparently her friend didn't tell her the cute girl was my three years old niece. I lost a tooth because of that punch. FML

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By asuramaru

Knowledge is power

Today, at 19 years-old, I found out that kiwi birds aren’t actually extinct. FML

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By chels - United States - Youngstown

Today, my boyfriend got done with Marine combat training. The first thing he asked for weren't pictures of me but pictures of his car. Missed you too babe. FML

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By brainfart - 19/9/2020 10:01

Where is my mind?

Today, I was put on a medication for severe migraines. One of the side effects is difficulty concentrating and word recall. I was writing a paper and sat there trying to remember how to spell "isn't." This medication better work. FML

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By damn you Ambien - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I woke up to an angry and threatening email from a porn company. Apparently, I took a sleeping pill last night and wrote a nasty email to the company about how they mistreat women. The best part: I used a web contact form instead of an email, so I have absolutely no idea what I wrote. FML

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By sigh - United States - North Branford

Today, I gave the guy I've been seeing a copy of my newly published book, because I know he loves writing. He started reading and commented on how amazing it was. Then he gave it back. He didn't realize it was a gift. My awkward self didn't correct him. I'd written him a sweet letter inside. FML

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By badmom - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I did such a bad job explaining the recent change from daylight savings time, that my 5-year-old son is now convinced that we're time travellers. FML

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By Anonymous - Italy - Verona

Today, my fiancé and I had to attend a wedding. Problem is, I suffer from a severe form of social anxiety. Since I was getting too close to a panic attack, he suggested drinking some wine to help me stay calm, and it worked. Up until I got drunk and threw up in the middle of the restaurant. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/2/2021 12:01 - United States - Longmont

Don't Give Up

Today, I looked at cute baby clothes while my friend was in the check-out line at JC Penny. It made me want to cry. I'm almost 33, childless, and so unattractive I couldn't pay someone to be into me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I saw my boss, so I mentioned to him, "Oh, I quit." He then interrupted, saying, "Great, I was going to fire you this week anyway." I wanted to tell him I quit smoking. FML

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By anon - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML

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By BK2017 - United States - Orlando

Today, after an extremely stressful day, I took a hot bath when I got home. I used my little sister's bubble bath to make it more enjoyable and relaxing. I then broke out in hives. I guess I'm allergic to bubble bath. FML

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By extraflavour - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a local take-away and ordered a pizza. I watched the worker get my pizza out the oven, then wipe the pizza cutter on the trash bin to get rid of the last pizza's toppings, and then cut my pizza. FML

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By noporn4u - 3/10/2020 19:01 - United States - Kaukauna

Big bastard boss

Today, my time off request was rejected, and my boss promptly took the day off himself, claiming he has people coming to work on his house. We work from home. The day in question is my 5-year wedding anniversary. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/4/2021 16:59 - Netherlands

Couldn't have been that great

Today, I woke up naked in my best friend's roommate's bed. We had sex and I puked on the bed. My first sex in over a year and I don't remember a thing. FML

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By Bruce - United States

Today, my son learned that when you slide a mug across the kitchen table, it doesn't stop where you expect it to like in the old cartoons. I then learned what it feels like to have a full mug of hot chocolate spilled onto my crotch. FML

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By nick92 - United States

Today, I discovered my boyfriend's family approves of me, not because I'm friendly and intelligent, but because I'm an adequate addition to their gene pool. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I did a 'dine and dash' and left my phone in the restaurant. The owner answered my phone call. FML

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By LaRae17 - United States

Today, I went to an elementary school for volunteer work. I was asked to read to a group of kids during one of the classes. Before I started reading, a girl raised her hand and asked me if I had a boyfriend and if I was single. I asked her why and she said "My daddy wanted to know." I'm 16. FML

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By Lor - Canada - Toronto

Perfume Allergy Man strikes again!

Today, a woman got on the bus wearing extremely strong perfume and sat in the seat in front of me. The gentleman I was sitting next to began violently sneezing, so much so that he eventually sneeze-vomited all over my lap and backpack. FML

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By waxinghorror - United States

Today, my friend and I decided to get bikini waxes. Afterwards, the women who did the waxing told my friend it was $30 for her wax. Then, in front of the whole salon, the women points at me and says, "You! You so hairy- $35!". FML

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By badgirl - United States

Today, I Googled myself. I found my mugshot and a blog my mom had written about how much of a problem child I am. FML

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Top comments

By amerwin | 3

#2750897 - Friday 24 June 2011 19:02

Did I say Jim? I meant 'him'!!

By iAmScrubs | 19

#2750885 - Friday 24 June 2011 19:01

It's time to jump in your Batmobile and make a get-away.

COMMENTS

By MissPessimistic | 0

#2750883 - Friday 24 June 2011 19:01

can you say awkward?

Reply

DivakiddOsz | 5

#2750927 - Friday 24 June 2011 19:04

oh god that's just wrong

Reply

volley4eva1698 | 0

#2750933 - Friday 24 June 2011 19:05

he was such a great guy, he had two names

Reply

theaws0m3guy | 4

#2751069 - Friday 24 June 2011 19:25

Beat me to it!

Reply

chlorinegreen | 27

#2751148 - Friday 24 June 2011 19:38

"ohhhh we gave each other nicknames... I called him Jim."...."he called me negligent" ugh tough break op but sorry for misfortune on your friend "Jim"

Reply

eminemchick | 19

#2751218 - Friday 24 June 2011 19:50

theres so many death related posts lately

Reply

iSitt | 0

#2751319 - Friday 24 June 2011 20:16

Jim was his escort svc name.

Reply

BaconDave | 12

#2751321 - Friday 24 June 2011 20:16

It's the apocalypse!

Reply

enonymous | 8

#2751422 - Friday 24 June 2011 20:38

His name is Robert Paulson.

If you get the reference I will shower you with cookies... or just shower with you

Reply

imacreeper | 3

#2751520 - Friday 24 June 2011 20:59

I was thinking of "should have had a v8" but then "need a moment? Twix" came into my mind. OP should have had a Twix.

Reply

garrettsgirl | 0

#2751587 - Friday 24 June 2011 21:17

oh bummer.....:/ awkward silence

Reply

MLK12345 | 4

#2751614 - Friday 24 June 2011 21:24

You shouldve given them some curry. That makes everyone feel better!

Reply

RandomChickXD | 0

#2751800 - Friday 24 June 2011 22:21

The Fight Club reference! I win cookie..

Reply

eminemchick | 19

#2751812 - Friday 24 June 2011 22:25

idk 93 id pick the shower *commence thumbs down attack*

Reply

Uncle_Moe_Lester | 3

#2751825 - Friday 24 June 2011 22:28

congrats 93 u now get to shower with a creeper

Reply

RandomChickXD | 0

#2751834 - Friday 24 June 2011 22:31

please try to contain your jealousy 95

Reply

MyScrewedUpLifeS | 0

#2751995 - Friday 24 June 2011 23:13

he couldve saved himself with "i said Jim? I meant 'him'"

Reply

enonymous | 8

#2752072 - Friday 24 June 2011 23:41

It's ok the shower is filled with some of my former priests. She can have the cookie

Reply

Soloman212 | 28

#2752474 - Saturday 25 June 2011 0:38

"Him was a great guy"?

Reply

Soloman212 | 28

#2752486 - Saturday 25 June 2011 0:40

Ok disregard my last comment. I'm an idiot. >.<

Reply

Mr_Darkside | 5

#2752648 - Saturday 25 June 2011 1:08

no but I can say turtle

Reply

Fmyspam | 0

#2752819 - Saturday 25 June 2011 1:46

The FML is rich in humor. As are the comments.

Reply

EmperorPsycho | 0

#2758444 - Saturday 25 June 2011 21:49

Sorry for posting at the top, but seriously, how can anyone say op deserved it???

Reply

ThatAkwardMoment | 2

#2955407 - Saturday 23 July 2011 4:14

awkward

By iAmScrubs | 19

#2750885 - Friday 24 June 2011 19:01

It's time to jump in your Batmobile and make a get-away.

Reply

sensoon15 | 7

#2751151 - Friday 24 June 2011 19:39

yea and go right next door. he's their neighbor...he'd have to come back eventually

Reply

iSitt | 0

#2751380 - Friday 24 June 2011 20:28

need a moment? have a Twix.

"Am I your man, Mr Dumbass?"
"The name, is Dumass"

Reply

Lumenoire | 0

#2751418 - Friday 24 June 2011 20:37

But only the president of Mexico has a batmobile! ...Unless...

Reply

iAmScrubs | 19

#2751451 - Friday 24 June 2011 20:44

I believe the president of Mexico may actually drive an Invisible Boatmobile.

Reply

chiddy_bang71 | 0

#2751485 - Friday 24 June 2011 20:50

DANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANA BATMAN!

Reply

Aim4thebullseye | 4

#2751551 - Friday 24 June 2011 21:07

a Mexican doesn't drive a batmobile they ride on donkeys, besides I would of stolen the batmobile from him by now

Reply

tennischik211 | 11

#2751611 - Friday 24 June 2011 21:24

haha nice!

Reply

MrSassypants | 32

#2751897 - Friday 24 June 2011 22:50

63 hey! That's my other nickname other then Mr.Sassypants. 8)

Reply

Elliott_B | 3

#2753035 - Saturday 25 June 2011 2:12

what the fuck are you talking about

Reply

TzHaar_Joh_Zuhai | 4

#4822897 - Thursday 16 August 2012 21:20

Random shit it seems

By judices | 0

#2750886 - Friday 24 June 2011 19:01

comes to show how he cared for the family

Reply

thebestofboth | 20

#6301747 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 6:33

Goes to show*

By all4pooh | 4

#2750890 - Friday 24 June 2011 19:01

What'd you dad say afterwards lol

Reply

johnson94 | 5

#2751978 - Friday 24 June 2011 23:09

make like a hockey stick and get the puck outta there!

Reply

sns_fml | 0

#2752114 - Friday 24 June 2011 23:53

get it dad cause pucks not a bad word it sounds like one! winning

Reply

rallets | 22

#2752403 - Saturday 25 June 2011 0:26

thanx for explaining the joke

By smurfman44265034 | 0

#2750892 - Friday 24 June 2011 19:02

lolfail

Reply

inn0centaphid | 19

#5936884 - Tuesday 6 May 2014 23:29

Not as bad as your comment

By ribbyc80 | 0

#2750894 - Friday 24 June 2011 19:02

Jim must have been her other lover

Reply

Spicynipples | 0

#2751640 - Friday 24 June 2011 21:27

or rich's other lover

Reply

Garyy_fml | 11

#2754312 - Saturday 25 June 2011 5:55

^ your username makes it better

Reply

Shytinonmyself | 3

#2760179 - Sunday 26 June 2011 3:01

⇑ win

By obnum | 19

#2750895 - Friday 24 June 2011 19:02

wow lol that sucks

By amerwin | 3

#2750897 - Friday 24 June 2011 19:02

Did I say Jim? I meant 'him'!!

Reply

usnwife | 18

#2750971 - Friday 24 June 2011 19:10

exactly!

Reply

MyScrewedUpLifeS | 0

#2752001 - Friday 24 June 2011 23:16

ugh beat me to it

Reply

isabel22 | 0

#2752413 - Saturday 25 June 2011 0:27

Lmao(: that was funny

By victo890 | 11

#2750899 - Friday 24 June 2011 19:02

ouch,
the neighbor could now think how bad her husband was XD

By zstar | 3

#2750903 - Friday 24 June 2011 19:02

nickname? :'D

Reply

daisyloo | 7

#2751686 - Friday 24 June 2011 21:41

Yeah, we had nicknames for each other! He didn't tell you?:)