Love: Today, my boyfriend read online that oversleeping has been linked...

By nosleep - 29/12/2012 07:33 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend read online that oversleeping has been linked to strokes later in life. He's now taken it upon himself to protect me by making sure that I have as minimal sleep as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 997

You deserved it 3 225

Love

Good kid

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Bad Moon Rising

Don't move

By Anonymous - 12/07/2021 06:01 - United States

Today, I developed a serious case of diarrhea. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't suffering from a severe cough as well. I'm terrified to cough again, because I'm running out of clean underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 55

By juvenile friends suck - 10/01/2013 20:52 - Germany - Tangstedt

Today, I was in the elevator, when a big bearded guy stepped in, wearing a dress. It's not an uncommon sight where I live, but my friend cracked up and asked him if he was wearing underwear. He took it as a challenge, and I can safely say that no, he was not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 004

You deserved it 6 748

By lexithepirate - 27/07/2012 09:24 - United States

Today, I had a doctor's appointment. I left with referrals to both a dermatologist and a mental health professional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 843

You deserved it 2 726

By peele - 25/03/2015 13:10 - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, a coworker jokingly noted that my signature looks like "Pedo". I couldn't see it that way, so I asked some other people for their opinion. They confessed they'd always thought it looked like "Pedo", but never said anything. My name is Peele. I've been signing it off as Pedo for 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 927

You deserved it 3 697

By Noname - 28/01/2009 12:13 - United States

Today, I woke up at 5:15, snow blowed and salted the driveway for over an hour, left early and drove an hour on shitty roads just to get to work on time only to be laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 804

You deserved it 1 859

By Spawn_of_Satan - 27/03/2009 15:18 - Hong Kong

Today, whilst my parents and I were out, my older brother thought it would be funny to play porn on my computer. At full volume. With my window wide open. Now my next-door neighbors tell their kids I'm a spawn of Satan, and the weird guy from across the street winks at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 042

You deserved it 7 407

By Anonymous - 18/07/2019 02:00

Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 213

You deserved it 1 985

By goldenshower - 05/02/2010 18:22 - United States

Today, I woke up at a guy's house drunk and soaked in my own pee. I had passed out with all my clothes on. Since I was late for work and didn't have a change of clothes, all I could do was throw my jeans in the dryer. I had to sit all day at work in crusty pee pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 472

You deserved it 56 364

By Depressed - 17/05/2016 23:16 - United States - Collierville

Today, I got a call from the head of my school dance committee saying that the dance was cancelled and the services originally hired were still expecting to be paid. The reason the dance got cancelled? One of the girls on the committee's parents wouldn't let her buy her dream dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 252

You deserved it 784

Generosity

By Anonymous - 22/08/2020 20:04

Today, my granny died. My aunt wants to throw away all her books and furniture. When I offered to take care of selling it, or giving it away, like granny would have wanted, my aunt said she would let me "keep a percentage" of the few bucks I’d get for my troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 109

Live chat

By Anonymous - 19/12/2019 01:00 - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, I found my best friend's girlfriend on a webcam site. I then told him, and his only response was, "Yeah, I know, that's where we met." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 579

You deserved it 560

Shitty prank

By Crohn - 03/07/2021 04:01

Today, when I woke up, I discovered that someone thought it'd be hilarious to set up an obstacle course of boxes and furniture in the dorm hallway. I have Crohn's disease, and the bathroom is at the other end of the hall. No, I didn't make it in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 43

By Anonymous - 06/03/2015 03:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother walked in on me watching porn. As punishment, she sat down and made me watch the rest of it with her as she gave play-by-play commentary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 781

You deserved it 22 204

By its_all_legit - 19/03/2009 03:47 - United States

Today, my parents, who are out of town but driving back tomorrow, called to see how I was doing. They asked if I'd thrown a party in their absence, and I said no. My dad replied, "Well I'm currently looking at pictures on Facebook of our kitchen with beer and a bong on the table." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 445

You deserved it 127 577

By MyLegsHurt - 28/10/2015 22:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I felt flexible in my yoga class. I put my legs in the butterfly position and tried to press them down. Both my hips popped very painfully and I screamed in the middle of a quiet room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 662

You deserved it 3 814

By Hareega - 19/12/2009 07:39 - United States

Today, I took my first day off in 3 weeks just so I can sleep in. The office secretary woke me up at 7.12 am with a page wishing me a nice day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 492

You deserved it 3 957

By jessefonsexy. - 07/12/2010 11:08 - United States

Today, I was trying to go to sleep when I heard my sister come home from the bar. I fell asleep and woke up an hour later to see my sister squatting in my dresser drawer. I asked her what she was doing and she said "I'm peeing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 085

You deserved it 2 761

By roachblend - 12/09/2010 08:00 - Taiwan

Today, I got out our electric fan because it was very hot. A cockroach crawled up behind the frame on the fan and fell into the gap of the frame. It got itself killed by the rotating fan, and had its blended flesh sent flying all over my white polo shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 610

You deserved it 4 134

By sonofahypocriticalwhore - 07/12/2012 17:06 - United States

Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the devil tempted her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 435

You deserved it 2 279

By Anonymous - 11/08/2014 16:27 - Canada - Saint John

Today, after ignoring my concerns and declaring that "safety equipment's for pussies", my husband went rock climbing for the first time. He only sprained his ankle, but is acting like it's broken. He's now playing video games in bed and pissing in a bucket because walking is "too painful". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 135

You deserved it 4 911

This is 100% accurate

By Theon - 21/05/2021 20:01 - United States - Syracuse

Today, I had a problem with my email verification in FML. I contacted support, and they were super helpful and fixed it. But I used my spam email, which automatically sends an immature message to anyone that contacts it. So instead of a, "Thank you", the nice staff member got a, "Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha. Go away cheese face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 237

You deserved it 1 137

By Anonymous - 15/06/2016 06:11

Today, my best friend invited my ex to eat lunch with her. I wouldn't have found out had I not bumped into them while they were there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 994

You deserved it 1 303

Inference

By Canuckboy - 24/06/2021 07:59 - Canada

Today, a few weeks after coming out to my parents, my mother randomly asked me, "Your father and I have tried anal sex a few times, but it hurts too much. D'you have any advice on what to do?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 319

You deserved it 336

By secretsmakefriends - 15/10/2013 21:43 - United States - Vashon

Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 685

You deserved it 5 155

He bangs the drums

By PhilDavisDied? - 30/09/2010 10:33 - France

Today, after pulling up to my girlfriend's house for dinner with her parents, one of my favorite songs begin to play on the radio. After my 3 minutes of air drumming, I look up to see my girlfriend and her parents bouncing with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 109

You deserved it 34 965

By Anonymous - 17/07/2014 15:57 - United States - Lancaster

Today, we decided to go to an aquarium for a little family get-away. At the end was a shark viewing deck, and I leaned over the rails to get a better look. How did I find out that my glasses needed to be adjusted? They fell off and sunk right to the bottom of the shark-infested waters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 327

You deserved it 13 582

By shh - 09/10/2015 07:06 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 479

You deserved it 2 754

By Sam - 01/11/2009 23:10 - Canada

Today, I bought an iTunes giftcard worth $50. I tried to scratch off the little silver thing covering the code with a pair of scissors. I scratched so much that it's now unreadable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 758

You deserved it 58 813

Dude! Come on!

By CreeperKiller2000 - 29/05/2017 00:00

Today, I woke up really out of it, and as I was walking into the kitchen, I stubbed my toe on a tile. I sat down, then got up and stubbed the same toe against the table, went over to the kitchen and stubbed the same toe on the same tile again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 016

You deserved it 1 169

By Rachael - 24/08/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I wondered why the cashiers at my local chip shop were being so unusually friendly and knocked money off my bill. Then when I got back to my boyfriend's house, I noticed my bright red bra shining through my black top like a light. I debuted my tits for some chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 336

You deserved it 486

Mystery

By Anonymous - 17/07/2016 14:51 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy several years ago. I've been faithful the whole time, but he wouldn't believe me, even after I showed him that vasectomies can reverse themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 325

You deserved it 1 891

By sexyhobbit - 12/07/2014 00:26 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I confided to my boyfriend that I have a condition that causes me to grow thick toe hair. He now won't stop calling me "the sexy Hobbit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 728

You deserved it 7 308

Perv

By Anonymous - 05/11/2015 01:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to convince my nine year-old brother to stop using my biology textbook as a masturbatory aid so I could actually get some studying done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 389

You deserved it 1 956

By fatgirl - 16/05/2010 04:08 - United States

Today, I was eating pizza with my boyfriend and my friends. I was laughing and talking and went for another piece when my boyfriend grabbed my wrist and said that I had had enough. My friends all backed him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 900

You deserved it 10 683

By BirthdayTeeth - 16/06/2009 11:14 - United Arab Emirates

Today, it was my 18th birthday. I got one thing: a fancy electric toothbrush from my little sister. I would say I'm happy to have something rather than nothing, except, for as long as the toothbrush works, there will be a Hannah Montana concert going on in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 946

You deserved it 4 236

By Anonymous - 16/09/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, I was having an after work-out dinner with my ex-girlfriend and we were having a great time, catching up, eating good food, all the good things. Then when I got home, I realized I just talked to my ex-girlfriend for an hour and a half about how much better her new boyfriend is than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 858

You deserved it 39 941

By yarenis - 24/12/2013 10:45 - United States - Gardner

Today, like every day since I was born, my name is Yarenis, pronounced "ja-ra-nees. For some reason, everybody pronounce it "your anus". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 107

You deserved it 5 859

By walnutbladder - 07/01/2011 21:46 - United States

Today, I realized that every time I hear running water, I have less than a minute to find a toilet or I'll pee my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 758

You deserved it 4 062

By Denki - 30/01/2013 12:21 - China - Beijing

Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 083

You deserved it 4 495

By lilben - 10/06/2011 08:09 - United States

Today, I was given a new nickname at work due to my boss always confusing me with one of my co-workers who is taller than me. Someone suggested he just call us the same name to make it simpler, and the tall one would be big and the short one little. Everyone at my job now calls me Little Dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 464

You deserved it 4 767

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Top comments

llama612 27

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Saturday 29 December 2012 12:02

Find an article that shows getting woken up by your BF a lot and not getting to sleep in or get much sleep leads to an increase in break ups or hospitalization due to severe foot to groin contact.

wow810 4

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Saturday 29 December 2012 12:07

Atleast he cares about you by not wanting u to die of a stroke later in life

llama612 27

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Saturday 29 December 2012 12:02

Find an article that shows getting woken up by your BF a lot and not getting to sleep in or get much sleep leads to an increase in break ups or hospitalization due to severe foot to groin contact.

Stallion91 6

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Saturday 29 December 2012 13:29

How is this even a FML? The fact that she sleeps less is related to FML. This app itself is a FML

mbuck87 19

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Saturday 29 December 2012 13:30

What?

Stallion91 6

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Saturday 29 December 2012 13:35

It's a joke of a FML. I realized I missed a few words out.

mbuck87 19

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Saturday 29 December 2012 13:50

Were the words you missed the punch line?

Myo_fml 20

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Saturday 29 December 2012 14:10

Gift him with the information that lack of sleep causes weight gain, skin aging, confusion, increased heart disease risk, lower sex drive, and even sudden unexplained death in some people.

yoyoforpeace 14

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Saturday 29 December 2012 15:44

Well think about it this way he loves you enough to try to protect you in his own stupid way.

sens3sfailing 24

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Sunday 30 December 2012 2:12

28- I think you missed the words that were the punchline. the groin contact...just to make sure you get it, shes going to kick him in the balls!

Relenaz 9

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Thursday 17 January 2013 0:23

Yeah, there are just as many if not more issues linked with too little sleep as there are with too much. He needs to educate himself if he really cares about her health. In his defense, at least he seems to be trying to show he cares....

katluvr 22

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Wednesday 27 May 2015 19:40

Do you sleep more than 8 hours a night? If not then he needs to regulate himself and not you. I've read that 7.5 hours per night is optimal sleep for adults. Also, is he waking you up after 8 hours of continuous sleep?

Phoenixke 16

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Saturday 29 December 2012 12:02

Get a smarter boyfriend...

anitadoody 7

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Saturday 29 December 2012 12:09

I agree. Dump the dumb-ass and find somebody that has something between their ears.

strawberrywine22 27

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Saturday 29 December 2012 12:27

My husband isn't the brightest crayon in the box but who is, really? Plus he loves me more than anything. It's so annoying when someone does one dumb thing and everyone thinks the person should leave them!

tararochelle 18

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Saturday 29 December 2012 14:49

As dumb as what he's doing is, it's still nice he cares that much about her. It's not like he's doing something to be mean.

lilhellian 26

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Saturday 29 December 2012 15:10

Guys, learn where dump him is appropiate.. I've seen MAYBE 2-3 FML's were it was slightly appropriate, but still a stretch..

poccocurantes 7

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Saturday 29 December 2012 16:02

Besides, if everyone took FML advice and dumped their stupid other eventually they would breed creating double recessive stupid children. Then we would really have a problem.

screenager5 35

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Sunday 30 December 2012 12:47

Seriously! Not one of these people knows anything about the OPs' significant others besides what was posted, and people fly off the handle with the "ERMAHGERD DUMP HIM/HER" comments.

MsSoulReaper 27

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Saturday 29 December 2012 12:02

Does he know not getting enough sleep is also bad? -_-

RinaVampire31 18

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Saturday 29 December 2012 12:05

Does he not know that having less sleep is equally as bad? Could be worse actually..

wow810 4

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Saturday 29 December 2012 12:07

Atleast he cares about you by not wanting u to die of a stroke later in life

spaboolly 26

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Saturday 29 December 2012 12:07

Tell him that no matter what he does, you are both going to die anyway. And he can either enjoy life with you or waste it fretting about a future that can neither be predicted nor avoided.

MelTheGreat 23

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Saturday 29 December 2012 12:12

Did your boyfriend also think the world was going to end last week?

mbuck87 19

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Saturday 29 December 2012 13:32

Strangely, you are the first person I've seen taking credit for it. I believe you

seacadet 18

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Saturday 29 December 2012 22:24

If anyone could do it, it's Harrison Ford!

SweetasCandy0609 28

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Saturday 29 December 2012 12:24

Well I know he's doing it because he care's about you, however you just don't mess with a girls sleep so your should tell him when he wants to have sex sorry honey but having sex can give people a heartbreak and then tell him I'm only doing it because I care about you.