The Top

Thank you for your opinion, but I never said that I was attacked by the dog, I just said that I had been chased by him. I live in a part of town where its a little bit ghetto, and I didn't want to take the chance that the dog may or not be friendly, seeing as how it was chasing me. For your further information, my sister has a pit bull and it is a very loving dog that wouldnt hurt a fly. So before you cast judgement on someone for telling it how it is, please get your facts straight.

By eyelashess - 29/06/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, our carbon monoxide detector started beeping. My mom started freaking out and made me go stand outside so I "don't die". I stood outside for 20 minutes, it was raining and it turned out that the detector was just low on battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 244

You deserved it 4 390

By Badaboom - 23/05/2011 10:54 - Netherlands

Today, my 3-year-long dry spell was about to end. A lovely lady over for dinner, good food, wine and lots of laughs. Things heated up nicely in the bedroom when a playful wrestle made my bed shift, snapping two of its legs. The bed collapsed, totally ruining the mood. The dry spell continues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 905

You deserved it 6 353

By still learning - 26/02/2012 17:42 - Canada

Today, I cut myself while shaving my globes. My girlfriend now refuses to stop teasing me about being "fisted by Edward Scissorhands." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 086

You deserved it 7 974

By Amara1717 - 19/08/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, I was driving my little sister to school. She really didn't wanna go and was throwing a tantrum in the car. When we stopped at a red light, my sister notices a police man giving a ticket to another driver. She rolled down her window and screamed "Help me! I'm being kidnapped by a murderer!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 140

You deserved it 3 511

Poltergeist

By Anonymous - 14/10/2012 17:03 - Estonia

Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 811

You deserved it 8 682

Performance

By bob - 29/06/2012 08:47 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I learned that I do not possess the upper body, core, or leg strength to hold my girlfriend up during sex. I simultaneously collapsed and dropped her onto her coffee table. We are now both being treated at the hospital; her for glass wounds, me for a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 373

You deserved it 31 617

By carwife - 21/08/2010 04:13 - Canada

Today, at a family dinner, my new husband compared deciding to marry me to buying a used car. Some of the similarites included looking under the hood and finding out how many previous owners there were. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 665

You deserved it 7 653

By hopelesss88 - 17/06/2010 12:42 - Australia

Today, I had a first date planned. He texted saying he was sick and couldn't make it. Two hours later, his Twitter account said otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 640

You deserved it 4 329

By xXMudkipNoobXx - 13/01/2012 01:20 - United States

Today, my mom was more upset about my 67 on an Algebra test than my sister almost setting the house on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 029

You deserved it 6 165

By Shoofly - 04/03/2011 22:54 - United States

Today, while at Subway, I looked on as an employee killed a fly with his hands. He then continued working without a second thought. He was making my sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 968

You deserved it 4 258

By jku - 02/01/2012 13:18 - United States

Today, my older brother burst into my bedroom at 4 am to show me photos of sushi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 800

You deserved it 3 226

jku tells us more.

jku 14

Wednesday 4 January 2012 7:40

Yes. Yes he did. Maybe more ninja-samurai-hybrid style.

By Whipped Cream - 24/11/2012 05:38 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I took a picture of myself wearing a whipped cream bra with cherry nipples, captioned, "I hope you enjoyed your dinner, now how about some dessert???" I meant to send it to my fiancé. I sent it by mistake to my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 362

You deserved it 49 744

Just a prank, bro!

By fail - 16/02/2011 23:16 - United States

Today, at the library, somebody left themselves logged in to Facebook on a public computer after they had left. Trying to teach them a lesson, I updated their Facebook status to something outrageous. That's when they came back to the computer after getting something from the printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 578

You deserved it 68 132

By ConstructionLady - 13/11/2012 06:49 - United States

Today, I was conducting a meeting regarding safety concerns on my field site. While I made a comment, a client rep yelled out that women don't know construction, and that I should be acting like a proper secretary and should get my boss. I'm the Construction Manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 747

You deserved it 2 409

By summinay - 12/11/2011 08:30 - United States

Today, I got married. About five minutes after I got my huge wedding dress on, I had to pee. It took three people to help me not pee on my dress, and my bridesmaids took pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 088

You deserved it 10 464

summinay tells us more.

summinay 0

Monday 14 November 2011 1:32

Guys, my dress wasn't elaborately big. It just has many layers. And yeah I've already laughed about it. Haha.

By Anonymous - 05/10/2012 05:49 - United States

Today, while at my job as a hairdresser, I was giving an elderly client a perm and I thought she'd fallen asleep. She'd died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 663

You deserved it 2 382

By Anonymous - 08/09/2013 06:52 - United States - Orlando

Today, my obese mother-in-law took her top off at our pool party, exposing her sagging breasts. When I told her to cover herself, she lifted her breasts, turned them inwards, and squeezed them together while staring me in the eyes. She kept doing this on and off for the next two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 075

You deserved it 5 259

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 06:09 - Australia

Today, I realised I haven't had a date in so long that I actually seriously considered meeting someone from online, purely based on the fact he could spell properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 001

You deserved it 4 291

Blackout

By itsgonnabealongnight... - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at my grandparents' house, when the power went out. Even though we were supplied with candles and flashlights, we still had to stumble around in the darkness. They'd left both the candles and flashlights in the pitch black, unnavigable basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 678

You deserved it 3 138

By GabyLeann - 29/09/2015 02:01 - United States

Today, while showering, I broke the cap off the shampoo. Not my shampoo, my roommate's. The $60 shampoo I swore I wouldn't touch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 318

You deserved it 34 836

Dad pranks '09

By PISSED - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Germany

Today, I finally got a date with one of the hottest girls in school, a perfect 10. Just before I go to pick her up to go to the movies, I called her to find out where she lives. She answered the phone, only to hear my father yelling in the background, "STOP TALKING TO THAT WHORE." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 681

You deserved it 5 311

By Anonymous - 07/07/2014 01:27 - United States - Sandston

Today, my boyfriend said that he doesn't have to marry me because we coincidentally have the same last name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 776

You deserved it 5 650

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I released a noxious, unforgiving fart in my cubicle not thinking anything of it. You know, one of those sulfurous clouds you get the morning after a few good beers. Moments later, my manager walks in to talk about work. It's 7:30 in the morning, no one else is around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 620

You deserved it 24 834

Today, I ordered a chicken sandwich. I was starving and it was the fastest thing to order. Half way through it, I found something which does not belong, and removed it. It was half a cockroach, and I don't know where the other half is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 159

You deserved it 3 566

Today, with my relationship in shambles, I reached out to my cousin who has been separated for a year. I asked her if she had any regrets, she said, “I wish I’d done what he said and sucked off his friend.” My spending issues now seems manageable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 194

Today, I got on a two hour train ride to go to a concert. I had been so caught up in handling the train tickets that halfway to the concert, I realized I had left the concert tickets on my dresser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 872

You deserved it 9 090

Today, I was doing homework in my room when my roommate started meowing all of a sudden. Not only was he meowing, he started to make loud cat noises that resembled a cat being run over by a car. He's gonna be my roommate for the rest of the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 109

You deserved it 3 366

Today, after months of my (now ex) boyfriend telling me he wished I was blonde with big boobs, I finally retaliated with "I wish you were a redhead with a big dick, but you don't see me complaining." He cried and said I should love him for who he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 749

You deserved it 347