The Top

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By Moon_Glade - 03/06/2017 16:00

Today, at work, I have discovered the wonderful feeling of having a paper cut, with metal, under your nail, on all your nails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 005

You deserved it 374

By done - 10/08/2017 04:30 - United States - Mercer Island

Today, I started to fill out a job application online, with age being one of the first things I put in. After half an hour and 40 questions, I hit submit. I was then told that I wasn't old enough to apply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 244

You deserved it 415

By justine - 11/08/2019 02:00

Today, I finally confronted my daughter about never using air freshener after she poops. She said, "But I thought flushing made the smell go away!" She's 15 and she actually believed this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 382

You deserved it 624

Nice guy

By Catherine - 13/05/2021 11:01

Today, I announced to my boyfriend of 5 years that I was pregnant. He gave me an ultimatum. Either I "get rid of it" because he’s "not ready to be a dad" or he’ll "put me out on the streets." I’m unemployed and have nowhere to go if I keep it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 495

You deserved it 419

By Anonymous - 11/10/2017 13:00

Today, my husband ate several slices of pizza and one whole ghost pepper. He then threw up all over the living room, hallway, and pile of dirty clothes in the bathroom before going directly to bed. I had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 000

You deserved it 448

By locked out - 28/11/2017 01:30 - United States - Marion

Today, I called a locksmith to unlock my car. He got it unlocked, but broke the handle so the door wouldn’t open. We had to break a window to get in. He still charged me his usual fee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 865

You deserved it 336

How nice of them.

By Anonymous - 30/10/2019 22:00

Today, I learned what my office nickname means. My nickname? Butterface. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 782

You deserved it 225

By EosHelios - 27/02/2018 19:00 - United States - Halethorpe

Today, I finally had one of my preschool students observed by the county for aggressive behavior intervention. Of course, he only started hitting my assistant and other students after the observer left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 485

You deserved it 293

Dingus

By UnemployedWife - 26/01/2024 06:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, my husband typed in my work Teams Chat, “FUCK THIS JOB I QUIT” while I was away from my desk. All this because he’s still jealous of my and a male coworker’s friendship. I was terminated. He showed no remorse for what he did and told me to find another job where I won’t “slut around.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 290

Unreasonable!

By Ungrateful asshole - 06/08/2025 20:00 - Netherlands

Today, we have everything we can want: money, a house, two lovely kids, and great family relationships. My husband just asked for a divorce. He wants to blow all this up because we haven't had sex in over a decade, even though I gave him permission to masturbate to porn years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 1 744

By bm - 11/02/2009 19:57 - United States

Today, my mom and I were looking at pictures from the beach. She goes, "That is a REALLY ugly picture of Michelle" (my cousin). The picture was of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 165

You deserved it 2 657

EMERGENCY

By jena - 22/08/2018 22:00

Today, my daughter called 911. Why? Because she couldn't get the images to show up on her phone. She's 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 631

You deserved it 524

Wear your masks

By Breath of fresh air - 03/08/2020 17:01

Today, after 3 months of no Coronavirus in my state, two stupid cunts have to failed to self-isolate and restarted the lockdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 753

You deserved it 390

By Kayla - 06/10/2018 14:00

Today, it's the third day in a row that my classmate next to me has brought green bean casserole to eat in class. The last two days I could hold back my vomit, but today I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 427

You deserved it 521

By mirandatheunicorn - 17/10/2018 12:00

Today, I was having a beautiful lucid dream when a telemarketer called at 5AM, waking me up. I silenced my phone and went back to sleep, and was somehow able to resume my lucid dream. Then my phone vibrated me awake. It was the same telemarketer, this time calling at 7AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 281

You deserved it 281

Love Story

By Anonymous - 16/12/2021 19:59

Today, I realised I may have some kind of problem, given that I masturbate daily, and sex with my wife no longer interests me because it takes too long, involves her instead of me alone, is too much hard work, and generally annoys me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 589

You deserved it 2 002

By TheMysteriousTsundere - 03/11/2018 15:30

Today, my dad threw out all my food because a fly landed on a loaf of bread still in its package. He claims the bread and everything else that touched it is "contaminated". That was all the food I had for the rest of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 905

You deserved it 168

By Cedar Buero - 06/03/2017 02:00 - United States - Cape Girardeau

Today, my dog thought it would be a good idea to use my phone as a chew toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 423

You deserved it 692

By Eloise - 21/03/2017 14:00

Today, I went on my third date with a great guy. We finally got round to talking about his tattoos. All 57 are related to his best friend. All of them. The best friend he never stops talking about. Somehow I don't think this will work out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 488

You deserved it 386

By Tanny - 19/04/2017 04:00

Today, I was playing basketball, and while trying to jump and shoot, I farted on the face of the person behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 673

You deserved it 649

Are men OK?

By wtf bro?! - 07/05/2019 12:00

Today, I got a Facebook message from a guy from my old school. I didn’t remember him, but I replied anyway. When I checked my phone after work, I had 73 new messages that went from, “How have you been?” to, “Fuck you ugly cockteasing whore,” and ended with, “You better hope I don’t catch you!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 517

You deserved it 194

By uggghhhh - 21/12/2016 22:28

Today, it's 3 days before Christmas and my first day of holidays. Today is also the first day I have been sick all year. Hello tonsillitis, goodbye fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 253

You deserved it 658

Egg mode

By Anonymous - 01/02/2021 05:00

Today, my house cleaner discovered I cross-dress as she was cleaning. She found the pretty nightgowns I wear to bed and other items. Now she wants extra money or she will make my cross dressing public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 220

You deserved it 386

Giving!

By junior07 - 31/05/2017 22:00

Today, I gave my niece a $100 bill instead of a $10 so she could buy ice cream. When I realized my mistake, she never returned it but thanked me and gave me a big hug. Now I don't have money for gas or food all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 680

You deserved it 2 063

By Anonymous - 16/06/2017 14:00

Today, I saw the girl I've been crushing hard on. I go up to talk to her, and I'm immediately greeted by, "I like girls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 588

You deserved it 808

Ready for the grill!

By boopingsnoot - 05/08/2017 20:00

Today, at work, the chest freezer was accidentally turned off. I work at a vet and the freezer is our morgue. It got opened before anyone realized the contents had thawed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 074

You deserved it 320

By Anonymous - 13/08/2019 06:00

Today, like every day for the past year or so, I went for a walk. And like every time I go for a walk, I got severely winded halfway through. I have no medical issues like asthma, I’m just out of shape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 774

What a cozy moment

By ratfaced - 12/10/2017 13:00 - United States - Stamford

Today, I woke up to a squeaking noise and the feeling of something furry on my cheek. I smiled, thinking it was my guinea pigs nosing me awake. Then I remembered that my guinea pigs were in their cage on the other side of the room, and opened my eyes to see the biggest rat ever staring right at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 749

You deserved it 387

By TubaAssassin - 28/11/2017 06:00

Today, I came home to find that my roommate had picked my lock and stolen my new laptop. When I tried to take it back, he called the police. They sided with him since he had also taken the receipt, which was "proof" that it was his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 907

You deserved it 299

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 09/09/2022 23:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, as I'm traditional, this that means I learned the bride's parents pay for wedding, the groom's parents pay for the honeymoon. My in-laws didn't pay for a honeymoon. Fine - they disappointed me, I'll disappoint them with no grandchildren. No honeymoon, no grandchildren. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 2 913

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The Top

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 448

You deserved it 3 083

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 506

You deserved it 2 620

Today, a friend who I hadn't seen in a while offered to give me a ride. I didn't really know how to give directions to my house, so when we had been driving for a while and it was getting awkward, I just pointed at a random house and pretended to live there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 677

You deserved it 39 440

Today, I opened the bathroom door and it broke my wife’s little toe. As revenge, she ruined the ending of Assassin's Creed that she had gotten me for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 497

You deserved it 678

Today, a cat appeared in my basement. I have cats, but not an orange one. I don't know where he came in from. I can hardly afford the two cats and dogs I already have, so keeping him is not an option, not to mention he could have a disease. But it's winter, and I feel like crap for having to kick him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 002

You deserved it 261

Today, I realized how lazy my daughter truly is when I saw her shivering under a thin blanket on top of her perfectly made bed. I asked why she didn’t just climb under her covers to sleep warm and comfortable. She said that this way she doesn’t have to make up her bed every morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 240