Today, after a lifetime of captivity, a neutering, and induced perpetual kittenhood—what science folk refer to as "behavioral neoteny"—I finally saw a chance to fulfill my predatory purpose! Not only did I fail miserably, but my captor took the opportunity to further humiliate me with unwanted ass-play.

I would be tempted to flip the cat the bird, but that's exactly what it would want. Damn those accursed intelligent beings!