Kids and Geek: Get riggity riggity wrecked, son.

Get riggity riggity wrecked, son.

By Anonymous - 25/10/2017 05:00 - United Kingdom - Kidderminster

Today, after my dad declared that Rick and Morty is a terrible show, I caught him watching it and laughing his ass off. He grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 123

You deserved it 460

Kids Geek

BO Central

Batman

New life

By Anonymous - 15/12/2012 12:33 - Australia - Fairfield

Today, after my girlfriend has recently become obsessed with the serial-killer show, Dexter, she has grown an interest in cutting up pomegranates in many different ways and squirting the red, blood-like juice everywhere. I am now afraid to argue with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 404

You deserved it 3 421

By Laviolette - 23/02/2012 22:01 - France

Today, I was preparing dinner for my in-laws for the first time. Nervous, I accidentally spilled the pasta into the sink. With nothing else to prepare, I quickly scooped it all back out. No-one would have been any the wiser, if the kitchen sponge hadn't shown up in the middle of the meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 183

You deserved it 39 767

No excuse

By Anonymous - 28/07/2020 14:01

Today, I missed my chance to see my mum for the last time because my son is such a selfish druggie, he couldn’t be bothered to stay sober long enough to pass on the message from the hospital that she was deteriorating fast, and likely only had a few hours left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 322

You deserved it 187

By Upset - 10/06/2013 23:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend threw out my old voicemail recorder, thinking it was junk. My father passed away years ago. I kept a recording of the last voicemail he'd left me on it so I'd always remember his voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 902

You deserved it 4 203

By Anonymous - 27/12/2014 20:53 - United States - Tucson

Today, I got into a fight with my sister. Later on she brought me a bowl of tortilla chips, which I thought was her way of apologizing. I found out too late that she'd licked the flavoring off them and it was really her way of saying "Fuck you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 055

You deserved it 4 829

The Stinking of Hill House

By laner - 26/07/2019 12:00

Today, I found out my ex-husband left the fridge full of rotting meat in the house that I'm selling. I turned off the power to the house in March. Now the whole house stinks, and I had to have the fridge professionally removed and the kitchen cleaned because buyers are coming to look at it tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 400

Mystery

By Anonymous - 17/07/2016 14:51 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy several years ago. I've been faithful the whole time, but he wouldn't believe me, even after I showed him that vasectomies can reverse themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 325

You deserved it 1 891

By climber - 21/04/2017 20:00

Today, after climbing 8 flight of stairs due to electricity outage, I got to work only to find the office locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 207

You deserved it 356

Instructions

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "What do I do now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 143 294

You deserved it 16 390

By $$$ - 29/05/2013 04:49 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, an elderly woman couldn't afford all of her groceries at the checkout so she started to take out a few things. I offered to pay for her groceries; she thanked me and walked out. An onlooker then came up to me and told me that she does it to someone every week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 788

You deserved it 6 209

By Anonymous - 30/07/2014 08:21 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I spent six hours at the ER. Why? My husband dared our seventeen-year-old son to recreate a 'Jackass' trolley-hedge diving stunt at the local supermarket. What wasn't on my groceries list was a broken arm, fractured wrist, whiplash and cuts and bruises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 441

You deserved it 5 099

By fuck teh poleese - 12/02/2012 21:50 - United States

Today, I realized that I probably have anger issues. I came to this conclusion after I finished screaming abuse at the microwave for beeping before I could hit the off switch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 975

You deserved it 29 410

By DieuEstUnHomme - 03/02/2016 15:44 - France - Reims

Today, while on the tram with my friend, we ended up discussing religion. When we started talking about God, some guy asked us, in a serious tone, to "stop talking about me" because it was really starting to bother him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 662

You deserved it 2 447

By iet_Wyrda - 04/10/2013 23:00 - France - Verneuil-sur-seine

Today, my dog tore up a single book from the dozens within his reach. That book was titled "How to Train Your Dog". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 002

You deserved it 5 694

By nobffs - 01/01/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, my sister-in-law asked why I wasn't out partying with my friends to celebrate the new year. My mom then asked "What friends?". Ah, the new year begins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 417

You deserved it 2 949

By tammyg - 11/02/2010 18:42 - United States

Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall asleep, but I took my mother through a list of all the men I've slept with. I do not remember a thing, but apparently I was very thorough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 406

You deserved it 6 256

So hard

By JessicaandGhazi - 09/06/2020 08:04

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying in bed after having sex. I commented on him still having an erection after having an orgasm. He said it happens whenever he has a strong orgasm. Then he added, "And surprisingly, I was even thinking about you when it happened." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 916

You deserved it 239

Pull your shit together, Bezos

By SadAndCold - 11/10/2020 07:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my Amazon delivery was delayed. I just moved to a new place and that delivery had my pillow and blanket. I can't go buy them in person since I'm self-isolating and the heating isn't working either. Guess I'm sleeping in the freezing cold on the bare mattress one more night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 235

By Walter - 24/10/2015 03:17 - Spain

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 014

You deserved it 6 207

By coffee - 22/08/2010 04:27 - United States

Today, while getting out of Starbucks there was a homeless guy. I bought him a coffee and he was so happy he gave me a hug. Guess whose wallet is missing? FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 416

You deserved it 13 599

Dick move

By blargerpanda - 29/04/2021 20:01 - United States

Today, I heard my 7 year-old step-daughter tell her father over Zoom she cries every night, because she wants to go home with him. I don't have the heart to tell her that he had kicked her and her mom out of the house because he thought mom's stretch marks were unattractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 135

You deserved it 82

By lolgarbl - 26/02/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, I had a performance evaluation meeting with my boss. He told me I was the best in my department, and that the productivity has never been higher before I started working here. Oh, and he said that because everything is working so well, they don't need me as much, so he's cutting my hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 186

You deserved it 2 755

By Optimist - 04/08/2009 08:26 - Canada

Today, I found out I have an option on my phone to postpone the sending of my text messages. I thought it would be cute to send my boyfriend texts saying, " I love you and sweet dreams" every night at midnight for a month. He broke up with me and I can't figure out how to stop the texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 777

You deserved it 25 897

By Anonymous - 20/07/2016 18:12 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, my religious mother found out I work at Planned Parenthood. Now everytime she sees me, she prays until I leave the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 081

You deserved it 1 640

By Singleton - 02/01/2010 00:33 - Canada

Today, it was my birthday dinner with my family. Everyone was making an effort to avoid a certain topic. Later my 5 year old cousin gives me a nice hand drawn card of me and my boyfriend. Apparently no one had the heart to tell her my boyfriend had broken up with me on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 072

You deserved it 2 834

By Anonymous - 04/11/2009 20:39 - United States

Today, I got a well paying job that requires me to drive around and present a product to potential customers. After going out for a victory meal with friends, I came home to find my car broken into, and my GPS stolen. I need it for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 261

You deserved it 4 357

By nraecher - 23/03/2013 04:43 - Canada - Ajax

Today, while making love to my boyfriend for the first time, I moaned his name. He freaked out over how I wasn't over my ex, and angrily left. They have the same name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 867

You deserved it 8 798

By Anonymous - 31/08/2019 18:01

Today, I got a haircut. During dinner, my grandmother complained about it, and said I looked terrible. I've had the exact same haircut for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 390

You deserved it 119

By dgordo3 - 09/02/2009 01:01 - United States

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 188

You deserved it 45 787

By cman - 26/02/2010 11:17 - Romania

Today, I was walking past a group of old men exiting a building. All of a sudden, I heard a strange splashing sound, and discovered one of the completely inebriated men walking behind me, pissing on my boots. I sped up, but so did he, and he didn't miss once until he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 025

You deserved it 3 115

By soulaar - 02/10/2015 14:22 - Vietnam - Dong Nai

Today, I was sitting outside in a pair of shorts. After about 15 minutes of getting weird looks from people, I realized my cock was sticking out of a hole that wasn't in my shorts when I put them on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 607

You deserved it 5 334

By Anonymous - 24/09/2011 16:15 - United States

Today, my mom and I heard a thump from inside the coat closet. I opened the door, and something fell on me. My mom, who was behind me, screamed, closed the laundry room door, and ran into the garage, leaving me to face the alleged attacker. It was the vacuum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 215

You deserved it 2 852

By Anonymous - 03/10/2015 07:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, at the swimming pool, I thought it'd be funny to sneak up on my 5-year-old daughter underwater and surprise her. I grabbed her by the sides, and she shrieked. A moment later, a brown cloud erupted from her swimsuit. Cue screaming and a mass panic from the other kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 036

You deserved it 12 454

Oh, hai Mark!

By lyle - 02/04/2021 08:00

Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 150

By CryoSpectre - 11/05/2015 04:23 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I made my mom cookies for Mother's Day. My brother took all the cookies to work as a snack, because I didn't specifically tell him that the homemade "MOM" hearts weren't meant for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 774

You deserved it 2 321

By mortified - 22/01/2011 16:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my dentist pulled a pubic hair out of my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 419

You deserved it 55 187

Useless

By Anonymous - 23/03/2021 17:01 - Luxembourg

Today, I was forced to write a job application letter that boils down to, "I can't do this job, please don't hire me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 198

By Jonnygiant - 14/03/2009 01:45 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower after basketball practice. When I got out of the shower I thought no one was home so I thought it might be fun to walk around the house completely naked. I walk downstairs and my mom was eating dinner. Along with 20 other members of her bookclub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 218

You deserved it 69 925

By Anonymous - 12/09/2012 16:05 - United States - Hacienda Heights

Today, my book bag was so heavy that it set off my car's passenger detection system in the front seat. I had to buckle in my textbooks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 252

You deserved it 3 808

By :( - 02/03/2016 14:13 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I had a Chinese test. Our teacher decided to wait until yesterday to tell us about it because she "knew" we wouldn't study anyway and she didn't want to stress us out. I'm pretty sure I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 217

You deserved it 1 973

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Top comments

Christina Winden 19

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Wednesday 25 October 2017 6:34

He sounds like a Jerry

joeyl2008 29

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Wednesday 25 October 2017 16:07

We're you a dick about catching him?

MyLifeAintThatBad 10

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Wednesday 25 October 2017 6:06

you need a new father

Christina Winden 19

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Wednesday 25 October 2017 6:34

He sounds like a Jerry

DavyJoe 13

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Thursday 26 October 2017 4:43

But Jerrys are the more stable and calm people. They also end up being pretty boring as well.

Red Swingle 5

Thursday 26 October 2017 14:39

Jerry as calm and stable? we watching the same show?

aquapearl736 16

Send a private message

Thursday 26 October 2017 16:23

Actually, Jerrys always want to come out on top over petty issues, although they rarely do so. I think this dad is a great example of a Jerry.

kirby1964 20

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Wednesday 25 October 2017 6:46

Now you have time to watch that show more.

MaltWarrior 32

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Wednesday 25 October 2017 7:31

I’ve come to the conclusion your father must obviously be from from dimension J19ζ7.

Rip_money 14

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Wednesday 25 October 2017 7:59

He doesn’t want you getting an iq of 200

Lobby_Bee 17

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Wednesday 25 October 2017 8:23

When he says it's terrible, it means it's terrible for underage you to watch. Gotta be at least his age to watch.

Donut_Wizard 23

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Wednesday 25 October 2017 8:30

He must really want that Szechuan sauce.

joeyl2008 29

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Wednesday 25 October 2017 16:07

We're you a dick about catching him?

Mooglefox 23

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Wednesday 25 October 2017 16:19

Same thing happened to me when I caught my dad playing my video games after calling it kiddy crack

19mackay92ally 4

Send a private message

Friday 27 October 2017 3:47

you dads a clown

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 9

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 16

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 2 047

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 190

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