Today I saved my wife's puppy from drowning in an icy pond and I ended up in the ER struggling to breath from the water in my lungs. When my wife showed up to see me, I caught her flirting with my doctor. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML
Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML
Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML
Today, I was at work lifeguarding and saw a kid drowning on the far end of the pool. I decided running would be the quickest way to get to her, but as I ran across the pool deck I slipped and hit my head. The kid's mother jumped in to save her child and then called an ambulance for me. FML
Today, I was at my lifeguarding exam. Everything was going well until I went to 'save' someone and slipped and bellyflopped into the pool. I broke my toe, and the person I was supposed to save ended up saving me instead. FML
Today, in frustration, I threw a spanner across the room at work, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. I woke up in an ambulance with a cracked skull and a gorgeous EMT lady. I would've tried to ask her out, but while I was out cold I'd pissed myself, and the whole ambulance reeked of it. FML
Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML
Today, I was working as a lifeguard. A woman began to have a seizure. Nervous, I went into shock and walked into a tree, knocking myself out. Post seizure, the woman stood up and walked away. Later, I woke up in the hospital. The ambulance had arrived to take her, but ended up taking me instead. FML
Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML
Today, I begged my husband to take me to the ER cause my stomach hurt so bad I thought I was gonna die. He told me to go sit on the toilet and stop being a drama queen. I drove myself to the hospital just in time for my appendix to burst. I almost died because my husband was busy playing Xbox. FML
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Top comments
Bloo2555 22
Dump the wife, keep the dog.
interesting33 37
that was kind of you OP. if it is dangerous like the water is cold and could therefore cause you to go into shock, then I believe the recommendation is not to risk your life, even if it is a human because you could then be in danger yourself and someone would have to save you. your wife may have been flirting or it could have been misinterpreted, she could have just been being nice or friendly. If she was flirting then it quite possibly doesn't mean anything. sometimes I think it is natural reaction and hard to help. but it really sucks. OP, thank you for helping that dog, please be careful though and I hope your wife gave you loads of attention and love and appreciation!
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Comments (15)
interesting33 37
that was kind of you OP. if it is dangerous like the water is cold and could therefore cause you to go into shock, then I believe the recommendation is not to risk your life, even if it is a human because you could then be in danger yourself and someone would have to save you. your wife may have been flirting or it could have been misinterpreted, she could have just been being nice or friendly. If she was flirting then it quite possibly doesn't mean anything. sometimes I think it is natural reaction and hard to help. but it really sucks. OP, thank you for helping that dog, please be careful though and I hope your wife gave you loads of attention and love and appreciation!
Bloo2555 22
Dump the wife, keep the dog.
lexos 16
Take the puppy and leave the 2 of you deserve better
articwolf2 17
What an ice queen! Wonder where she gets off acting so cold!
mattyiscool123 26
Too soon
Lobby_Bee 18
A bit of flirting never harmed anyone, some people do it every so often to boost their ego and self esteem. Doesn't mean they want to run away with them.
Mathalamus 25
There’s harmless flirting and there is flirting at the worst time ever.
boopingsnoot 25
I know from experience that being sick or injured makes it easier to negatively misinterpret others' actions. And, nobody is perfect. Once you're better, ask your wife - nicely - about it.
davecross 11
Your dying he's rich why not
pjsr 33
This was supposed to be in Best of the Worst, right?
slkeithh 14
highly doubt your wife was flirting, grow a pair dude
simcityguy09 19
Divorce