Thanks for the miracle - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 101

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 107

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 41

Thanks for the miracle

By howinthenameofholyfuck?! - 16/07/2020 17:01

Today, after being diagnosed with breast cancer, enduring months of tortuous chemo, having painful radiation treatments and having had my tubes tied, I realized I’ve become the butt of an incredibly cruel cosmic joke. I got pregnant from the one-night stand I had to celebrate beating cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 111

You deserved it 583

Leave us alone

Another great day to be alive

Own it

09/04/2014 17:50

Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend to our local park, and I playfully climbed into one of the baby swings. I planned on having him push me, not getting stuck and having to be cut free from the seat while he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 600

You deserved it 41 473

18/02/2010 00:30

Spicy

Today, I found out that my neighbor gets more pleasure out of me and my husband having it off then I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 804

You deserved it 2 747

Kinky Crab

By Robert Herrin - 14/08/2018 18:30

Today, I fell asleep with my hermit crab on my bed and woke up to him pinching my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 979

You deserved it 2 010

Alexa, play 'Communication Breakdown' by Led Zeppelin

By Anonymous - 08/08/2020 17:02

Spicy

Today, my man complained that I was "not easily approachable", sexually speaking. To clarify, his usual way of signalling his desire is to just lie there, quiet and not moving, and (probably) thinking exciting thoughts. I can't tell if he likes me touching him, unless he signals a lack of interest by falling asleep, that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 553

You deserved it 175

06/06/2010 23:48

Today, I went downstairs after a family argument. The front door was kicked in, the sink faucet was snapped off, and there were broken plates all over the kitchen floor. I later found out that the argument was over who left the refrigerator door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 725

You deserved it 2 576

07/01/2009 19:57

Today, I lost my third phone in a year. Making it a grand total of 11 telephones lost or stolen in the past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 936

You deserved it 31 447

14/09/2017 01:30

Today, as an usher at a beauty pageant, I was helping other patrons when a group walked past me and sat. I politely asked to see their tickets, but one of the women got angry and ripped hers up to throw the pieces in my face. Without a ticket, I had to kick her out. The police were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 805

You deserved it 265

15/09/2018 14:30

Today, my girlfriend's parents asked if I could move their car. I started the engine and began to accelerate, not noticing that the automatic transmission was on R. I drove right into a wall behind me, shattering the rear lights. Now I owe them $150 for repairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 277

You deserved it 3 100

18/08/2018 22:00

Today, out of the 35 people invited, only one person showed up to my bridal shower. It was my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 271

You deserved it 310

05/08/2012 13:20

Today, my fiancé told me that he was having second thoughts on our engagement. Instead of just calling it off, he took me to a fancy restaurant and took a public poll on whether we should get married. The majority said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 302

You deserved it 2 542

28/11/2012 03:08

Today, someone very close to me came out of the closet. Normally I would fully support them, had we not just gotten married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 893

You deserved it 2 942

19/08/2013 13:06

Today, my band informed me that our gig this afternoon was actually a wedding. Whose wedding? My ex-wife's, along with the guy she cheated on me with. For their first dance, I had to sing what used to be our song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 375

You deserved it 4 726

14/09/2013 20:09

Today, my psycho girlfriend tried to blackmail me into giving her money, threatening to show everyone the nude pictures I recently sent her. Except the pictures on her phone that she threatened me with weren't even of me. Nice to know I'm also being cheated on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 331

You deserved it 5 043

20/12/2017 19:00

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to use an electric sander on my arm during our construction class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 752

You deserved it 375

28/08/2016 17:16

Today, I discovered that my supervisor, who I thought liked me, actually thinks I am incompetent and lack emotional intelligence. I'm a student nurse and I've just listed her as my reference for our single, statewide job application. There's no way to change it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 681

You deserved it 1 269

08/01/2016 17:38

Today, I now accept how stupid I was to marry a man whose plans for the future all start with "When I win the lottery..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 495

You deserved it 9 617

Thanks, I hate it

By kkkk - 31/01/2011 15:44

Today, the company I applied for called up congratulating me in getting the job. I was ecstatic. Quickly enough I texted a few mates that I'd got the job. Twenty minutes later they called again saying the trainee had accidentally called the wrong applicant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 439

You deserved it 2 959

18/05/2013 05:22

Today, I took a nap, and I had a dream that my ex-girlfriend got back together with me. I woke up in a great mood. When I went back to bed, I dreamed that she broke up with me, again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 580

You deserved it 6 197

23/09/2013 22:38

Today, the boy who loved me and left me literally became the poster boy for my college. His picture is on the home page of the college website and on a banner in the cafeteria where I eat every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 220

You deserved it 3 510

11/04/2014 14:51

Today, I went to a veterans' reunion party with my grandpa. While there, a guy started yelling at me for having an unapproved haircut. It was my grandpa's old drill sergeant, and he thought I was in the army too. Everyone just smirked as he forced me to drop and do push-ups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 381

You deserved it 5 846

07/11/2010 22:00

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 865

You deserved it 6 507

05/10/2012 20:25

Today, I have a massive headache, thanks to my asshat of a roommate, who decided to balance our tea kettle on the top of the kitchen door. When I stumbled into the kitchen, half-awake, it came smashing down onto my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 990

You deserved it 2 019

28/02/2015 14:16

Today, I sharted during my wedding vows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 608

You deserved it 5 107

23/04/2012 05:50

Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 077

You deserved it 2 088

Sketchy

By Anonymous - 13/05/2021 02:01

Today, I met my boyfriend’s female friend. We all went out to dinner, he paid for her meal instead of mine, asked me why I’m not a redhead like her, and when he dropped her off at her house, spent the entire hour car ride talking about how perfect she is. He still has no idea why I’m upset with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 298

You deserved it 131

14/06/2010 23:39

Today, my boss told me I was fired 3 weeks ago because there was no money to pay me, meaning that I worked the last three weeks for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 288

You deserved it 3 046

21/10/2009 05:40

Today, I got chewed out at work when my supervisor showed up, because my coworkers told my supervisor they couldn't find me for an hour and a half. Why couldn't they find me? Because they'd left to go get coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 384

You deserved it 2 212

19/08/2009 04:41

Today, my mom explained to me that looking up gay porn on the internet is bad. I didn't look up gay porn. The only other person who uses the laptop is my dad. I couldn't tell her the truth and had to pretend I enjoy gay fanfiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 304

You deserved it 5 502

08/03/2014 17:19

Today, I started at my new job. My manager, upon meeting me, hugged me and sniffed my neck, then commented that I smelled "natural" and told me how much he loves that. I have to work with this creep until god knows when. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 819

You deserved it 3 887

21/01/2015 04:10

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in his car. We were in the front seat and I was on top. My ass hit the horn and scared my boyfriend so bad, he jumped, causing me to hit my head so hard that I swear I got a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 673

You deserved it 13 264

02/07/2016 23:27

Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 266

You deserved it 3 243

Stand up guy

By Cecilian - 06/03/2021 00:30

Today, I found out why my fiancé has been treating me like garbage lately. He thought that me getting fed up and dumping him would save him the unpleasant task of having to confess to the affair he’s been having with his coworker. We’re expecting our baby girl in 4 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 124

You deserved it 75

Sounds lovely

By theotherotherguy - 27/09/2012 05:22

Today, I started a job on a building site. Halfway through, I needed to use the toilet. One of the builders said there were two of them; one was "OK" and the other was "nasty." The first one I walked into had the foulest stench imaginable. Apparently, that was the "OK" one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 801

You deserved it 1 844

03/07/2019 14:01

Today, someone tripped the fire alarm at the hotel I'm currently staying at while I was taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 522

You deserved it 95

06/06/2012 18:51

Today, I got into a fight with my mom, and stormed out of the house. I walked two blocks before realizing that I have no place to go, and no friends to vent to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 582

You deserved it 7 514

15/10/2015 05:07

Today, I drove to my college campus for my 8 a.m. class, parked, walked the mile and a half to my classroom, just to find out class had been cancelled. The prof didn't send an email because she couldn't remember her password. I paid $1200 to be taught by this woman, who has a doctorate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 707

You deserved it 2 223

Food porn

By Anonymous - 11/06/2021 22:01

Today, I decided to start eating healthier, so I had fruit and yoghurt for breakfast and a chicken salad for lunch. My stomach violently rejected both meals in a fountain of vomit. I later ate a giant McDonald’s meal with no issue, and felt loads better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 277

06/07/2012 05:46

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend got a job was so that he could buy weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 780

You deserved it 6 986

25/04/2013 00:16

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 355

You deserved it 15 191

Keep some things to yourself

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 17:01

Today, a colleague was talking about how she'd made some tomato sauce from scratch for her dad, but then he died before she could give it to him. I said she should have put it in the casket with him so the cremation would've been a real barbeque. My filter is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 3 284

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Thursday 16 July 2020 17:30

at least you beat cancer!!!!

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Thursday 16 July 2020 17:36

You got pregnant after having your tubes tied? That must have been some super sperm!!

Comments

Send a private message

Thursday 16 July 2020 17:30

at least you beat cancer!!!!

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Thursday 16 July 2020 17:36

You got pregnant after having your tubes tied? That must have been some super sperm!!

Send a private message

Friday 17 July 2020 10:37

If it were a vasectomy and a condom then I'd agree with you but this time it's a super egg. However this baby must be on a mission if it is this determined to come to this world.

Send a private message

Thursday 16 July 2020 19:13

so chemo and radiation that sterilize you and tubes tied and you got pregnant??? might want to contact medical journals because that isn't possible

Tiffani Carter 6

Send a private message

Monday 20 July 2020 22:46

Chemo and radiation don’t “sterilize you”. My mom had cancer as a teenager and went through radiation and went on to have 2 kids.

Send a private message

Thursday 16 July 2020 19:51

That’s one hell of a day!

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Friday 17 July 2020 0:11

Sounds like cancer didn't appreciate you going around gloating. It's a sore loser!

TheSentinel05 8

Send a private message

Friday 17 July 2020 1:42

Congrats on beating cancer! But how did you get pregnant if your tubes were tied?

Send a private message

Friday 17 July 2020 2:35

honestly I know lots of women who have gotten pregnant after tubes tied but im shocked to hear about pregnancy after chemo&radiation because they usually make you sterile:( congrats on beating cancer though

Patricia Stone Singleton 4

Send a private message

Tuesday 24 November 2020 8:56

Chemo and radiation do not make you sterile, unless of course you are having radiation on your scrotum. Or if you are having the radiation done to your tubes, ovaries or uterus. I believe those are just about the only way you could be sterilized, but I could be wrong even though I'm pretty sure I'm not. But then again God does work in mysterious ways. that's for sure.

Send a private message

Friday 17 July 2020 4:43

Are you sure it's yours? :D

Send a private message

Friday 17 July 2020 14:23

Please get yourself checked ASAP, there are certain types of uterine and endometrial cancers that can mimic pregnancy, including positive pregnancy tests.

Send a private message

Friday 17 July 2020 16:36

I actually know someone that had breast cancer 14 years ago and now has a beautiful 13 year old. She had chemo and radiation. She calls her her miracle baby. It can happen.