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Friday 15 November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was jogging on my farm when I discovered a cave. Unfortunately for me, I discovered said cave by tripping and falling into it where there was still a 10ft drop to the bottom. FML

Today, while taking an order over the phone for the customer at work, I began to hear slight moans. The moans gradually became faster and louder, until climax was achieved and I realized I was being used for phone sex. FML

#20955245
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45958) - you deserved it (3738)

On 11/12/2013 at 3:29pm - work - by long day - United States (Michigan)

Today, my wife and I were watching Killing Kennedy. Jokingly, I said, "Spoiler alert: he dies." She threw a book at me and won't talk to me. I think she's serious. FML

#20953867
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48483) - you deserved it (7378)

On 11/11/2013 at 12:20pm - misc - by Thomas - United States (Virginia)

Today, I asked a co-worker why he was wearing sandals, as they are not allowed under our strict dress code. He got extremely angry with me and stormed off. Ten minutes later, I got called into our boss' office. Apparently, he told her that I walked up to him and asked to suck his toes. FML

#20956059
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43891) - you deserved it (3892)

On 11/13/2013 at 4:00am - work - by feetfreak (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was cussed out by a customer who was unhappy, and he asked to speak with my manager. When I told him I owned the store, he said that that was the problem. Apparently women are "too flaky" to run a bakery properly. FML

#20964215
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45147) - you deserved it (3001)

On 11/20/2013 at 2:59am - work - by bakingwomannnnnnnn (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized I need to start hitting the gym, when my boyfriend actually utilized my love handles during sex. FML

Today, I met a fellow Star Wars fan. We began enthusiastically talking about how almost no one our age knows the good old classics anymore. I was referring to the original trilogy; she was talking about the ones with Jar Jar Binks. FML

#20965369
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40567) - you deserved it (6784)

On 11/21/2013 at 1:00am - love - by StarWarsGeek (woman) - United States

Today, while babysitting a girl, I told her to be quiet so she wouldn't wake her little brother. In reply, she told me that she would kill me, wake her brother up to show him my dead body, then draw all over my face. I'm stuck with her for another two hours. FML

#20966535
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47945) - you deserved it (3658)

On 11/22/2013 at 1:20am - kids - by spooked (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I forgot I left my tampons in a grocery bag packed with food that I put into the fridge. I realized two hours later while frantically looking for a tampon. I'm still cold down there. FML

#20966555
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42493) - you deserved it (12391)

On 11/22/2013 at 1:53am - misc - by InsertPopcicle (woman) - United States

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house at 9am to surprise him on our 1 year anniversary. In the process, I gatecrashed another celebration he was having with his second girlfriend. FML

#20962153
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61844) - you deserved it (4445)

On 11/18/2013 at 1:53pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, my father took revenge on me for bankrupting him in a game of Monopoly. His revenge consisted of having a truckload of sand dumped in my driveway while I was at work. FML

#20966996
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41508) - you deserved it (3483)

On 11/22/2013 at 3:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have our first kiss with each other, but my dog decided to let one rip, stinking up the whole room. My boyfriend still doesn't believe it was my dog who did it. FML

#20960650
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46088) - you deserved it (4193)

On 11/17/2013 at 8:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got a concussion. It was when an entire shelf of bicycle helmets tumbled onto my skull. FML

#20954433
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40567) - you deserved it (3003)

On 11/11/2013 at 9:14pm - health - by myheadhurts (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



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