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Sunday 18 August 2013

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Today, I almost got run over on my bike by a truck who raced through a red light. After narrowly avoiding a collision, the car slowed down. Instead of apologizing for almost killing me, the driver stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "Nice ass!" FML

by etgohome / 08/25/2013 at 8:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, my elderly neighbour was having some kind of house party. It was incredibly loud, so I went and asked if he could tone it down a little. He responded by grabbing a deck chair, smacking me with it, then chasing me back to my house, all while his guests cheered him on. FML

by Anonymous / 08/16/2013 at 4:19pm / Switzerland / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking home when I made eye contact with some guy, just being friendly. He then started rapping to me while pointing at his dick. FML

by NotInterested / 08/23/2013 at 2:23am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, after placing it on top of the stove, my hot tray of freshly-baked cookies slipped. I caught it, though. With my bare hand. FML

by cookiemonster / 08/13/2013 at 12:10pm / South Africa (Gauteng) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were discussing sports injuries, and I mentioned that I pulled a muscle in my crotch last year. He snorted and called me a clueless idiot because according to him, "girls don't have crotches". He's a med student. I sense malpractice lawsuits in our future. FML

by fucking financial ruin / 08/23/2013 at 2:21pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I forgot my key inside my apartment. My boyfriend suggested we ask a neighbor to open it. I explained we don't all have the same key, to which he responded, "Well how come they all have the same doorknobs?" FML

by Anonymous / 08/12/2013 at 7:58pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, when I got back to my dorm, I found a trail of ants trying to shove a dead roach into a power outlet. The front desk insists that there is no pest problem. FML

by TheRoad42 / 08/20/2013 at 8:54am / United States (Louisiana) / Animals

Today, I attended my first day of school 4 days after reconstructive surgery. But no worries: I'm sure my alien-like appearance and 2 hours of Darth Vader style breathing in an otherwise silent test room will make me lots of friends. FML

Today, I was walking down the street when a man stole my purse. He then opened the purse, threw up in it, and gave it back. FML

by cassidy_smith12 / 08/24/2013 at 10:55am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my teacher told the class that we had better like the people at our table because we would all be working together for the final group assessment. Everyone looked at me, stood up, and moved. FML

by Anonymous / 08/13/2013 at 2:36am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was feeling guilty about an argument I had with my mother right before she left to go shopping. When she got back, I ran to give her a hug and tell her I loved her. Unfortunately, in the process, I knocked over and broke her new $200 vase. FML

by horrible daughter / 08/24/2013 at 6:23am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she had ever broken up with anyone. She said, "Yes. You." and walked off. FML

by WTF? / 08/12/2013 at 12:49am / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I submitted my big assignment to my teacher at 1:55pm. The deadline was 2pm. She rejected it, because her watch read a few minutes after 2pm, and she maintains that the time on her watch is the "real" time. FML

by WatchOut / 08/16/2013 at 12:04pm / Singapore / Miscellaneous