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October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend came onto me in a romantic gesture. We ended up having sex, forgetting that the window repair guy was supposed to come today and do some work on our third floor apartment windows. I still don't know how much he saw. FML

#20939175
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45097) - you deserved it (14085)

On 10/30/2013 at 3:17pm - intimacy - by English_Nut117 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a hornet thought it would be fun to fly into a candle that I had lit. As the hornet burned to death, it flung its charred body at my face, which is more painful than it sounds. FML

#20936891
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39774) - you deserved it (3103)

On 10/28/2013 at 4:18pm - misc - by Asshole hornet - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boss told me that my attitude to work is awesome and that he'd follow my example of coming in half-an-hour early every day from now on. I relish those 30 minutes as the only time I can get work done without him constantly interrupting me. So much for that. FML

#20919859
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44098) - you deserved it (3000)

On 10/14/2013 at 6:38am - work - by Karansuni (woman) - Germany

Today, my son came home for the fifth time saying he didn't get the job, wondering what he did wrong. I looked at his resumé; under special skills was, "Keeping it real." Apparently he saw it in a movie and thought it would work. FML

#20928390
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41347) - you deserved it (5069)

On 10/21/2013 at 12:18am - kids - by Wheredigowrong - United States (Iowa)

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

#20908563
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42722) - you deserved it (7783)

On 10/05/2013 at 4:23pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I jokingly told my friend that I was the kid who stole his brand new glow-in-the-dark markers back in kindergarten. Now he's ignoring my texts and calls and says we're through. So much for our twelve years of friendship. FML

#20918380
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39621) - you deserved it (9685)

On 10/13/2013 at 12:33am - misc - by markerThief (man) - United States (California)

Today, I replaced a usually fun collegue's picture of his kids with a picture of my face against glass, so it looked I was inside the screen. Everyone laughed, but he reported me because I tried to "erase his children" and "if anything happens to them" it's now my fault. FML

#20922441
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41220) - you deserved it (5057)

On 10/16/2013 at 4:22am - work - by Elcam (man) - Belgium

Today, I called my dad to let him know some details for my wedding had changed. It would have been really nice if he had paused the porno I could clearly hear in the background. FML

#20921288
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47360) - you deserved it (3912)

On 10/15/2013 at 6:10am - intimacy - by hes (woman) - United States

Today, my "friend" came over. I caught him trying to steal my iPod on the way out. Proud of myself for catching him, I asked him to leave, only to realize that I had forgotten to actually take the iPod back from him before he left. FML

#20914586
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38231) - you deserved it (21881)

On 10/09/2013 at 11:03pm - money - by oneiPodlighter (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity fixed for the first time. The dentist showed me the drill and other tools, and referred to them as things like "Mr. Bumpy Brush". I'm 15. She thought I was "special". FML

#20923550
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42661) - you deserved it (3831)

On 10/17/2013 at 1:06am - health - by maxkeyftw (man) - United States (California)

Today, I noticed that my sweat smelled like cat food. FML

#20928538
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33247) - you deserved it (6585)

On 10/21/2013 at 2:53am - health - by anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML

#20915293
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38783) - you deserved it (3148)

On 10/10/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by Lady Douche of Asscrackington (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a friend sent me to a guy he knows who repairs various electronics for a very low price. Good news: he fixed my malfunctioning iPad. Bad news: it took me several hours to notice that he'd carved the words DOUCHE and HIPSTER into the back panel. FML

#20934676
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36614) - you deserved it (7022)

On 10/26/2013 at 3:48pm - money - by fuckyouverymuch - United States (California)



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