Love: Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend after we went... - FML

By Stuck - 15/07/2009 04:01 - United States

Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend after we went out for dinner. To my surprise, our families were also in the restaurant, to witness him propose to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 733

You deserved it 14 354

You tried

Another great day to be alive

Commando

By have it your way - 29/04/2014 19:13 - United States - Rochester

Today, during a boat trip with my boyfriend's family, I got seasick and went to the side of the boat to puke. A current rocked the boat so badly that I fell overboard, prompting a panicked rescue and my boyfriend's mom muttering that I'm a pathetic attention whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 013

You deserved it 5 053

He prefers the dog

By Anonymous - 19/11/2019 14:00

Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 881

You deserved it 337

By smh - 13/05/2012 22:30 - United States - Sacramento

Today, if you live in California, you might have seen a crazy drunk guy naked in front of a McDonald's, waving at everyone. Yeah, that was probably me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 235

You deserved it 36 281

Chemical warfare

By Danielle Heichelbech - 08/11/2020 08:02 - United States

Today, my 28-year-old husband lifted one cheek, strained so hard I thought he'd shat himself, and screamed, "Fire one!" as he released from his ass a stench so awful all my eyebrows and eyelashes are now permanently curly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 140

True crime

By Anonymous - 24/08/2021 06:01

Today, I realized why I had more than a little obsession with a show, in particularly one character, when I was transferring files to my new phone and saw a drawing my ex had sent me. She went missing, with zero leads, over 18 months ago and I can't stop clinging to either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 77

By Mdrk783 - 02/09/2009 08:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was hanging out with a co-worker who I really liked. One thing led to another and we ended up going to her house and hooked up. Once we'd finished, I noticed another co-workers ID on the floor by her bed. I asked her about it and she said he must have dropped it there last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 521

You deserved it 8 809

By Oops - 10/06/2013 11:22 - United States

Today, my friend got dumped. I wanted to say, "You must be devastated", thinking, "That really sucks." I said, "You must really suck." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 133

You deserved it 13 791

By ratqueen - 25/11/2014 15:28 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I discovered that catching fewer mice in the traps I'd put out doesn't mean my pest problem is getting resolved. It means that rats have moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 673

You deserved it 2 770

By LilShawty2000 - 24/02/2009 05:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to chill with my best guy friend and his girlfriend, whom I recently met after I moved to the area. After a few beers, my buddy leaned over and tried to make out with me. I quickly backed up and shockingly looked over at his girlfriend to expect the same reaction. She winked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 650

You deserved it 7 863

By Twiddle - 07/12/2009 07:00 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend invited me for dinner to meet his parents. Turns out his stepmother is my gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 612

You deserved it 2 900

By kernelkat - 06/11/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, I found out the presentation I've been looking forward to and preparing for months only has three people registered to attend. I'll be talking to an empty room for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 626

You deserved it 2 644

By RubyRed213 - 30/05/2018 05:00

Today, I found out that my parents are extremely active swingers by finding their online profile with photos of my mom with a dildo. I guess those out-of-town trips weren't just holidays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 198

You deserved it 397

By SingleAgain - 03/08/2012 06:22 - United States - Saukville

Today, I discovered that I have been falsely accusing my sister of stealing my makeup. How do I know this? Because I found said makeup in the trunk of my boyfriend's car, next to a bag that had fishnet tights and red stilettos in it. Oh, and the stilettos are his size, in case you were wondering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 857

You deserved it 3 079

By Ljsmitty - 12/09/2009 20:14 - United States

Today, I was messaged by a great guy I went to college with, and he was telling me how stupid he had been for not asking me out in college and about how much he had liked me. After talking for 30 minutes about trying to get together soon, he told me that he had mistaken me for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 234

You deserved it 2 881

By 12345678910 - 18/08/2013 18:22 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my drunk mom kicked me out of my own birthday party, calling me a "party-pooper" and saying I was killing everyone's buzz. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 931

You deserved it 4 302

By Waste Someone Else's Time - 28/06/2015 05:06 - United States

Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. The main reason being that he doesn't value my time, and fails to see how canceling at the last minute is rude and a major inconvenience. I wanted to be respectful enough by breaking things off face to face. He cancelled, at the last minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 742

You deserved it 2 578

Smooth sailing

By Anonymous - 24/10/2020 21:02 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, I found out the man I've been wanting to marry for a year and a half wants us to take a break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 109

Stranger danger

By soul0eater - 12/03/2011 07:18 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I was at the mall and I saw a kid crying. I asked her "What's wrong sweetie, are you lost?" She ran away screaming "Help me!" I ended up having to explain to a dumb mall cop that I'm not a perv. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 316

You deserved it 3 856

By burnswhenipee - 08/04/2015 00:47 - Canada - London

Today, I had to get stitches in my vagina due to an unfortunate mishap while climbing a fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 053

You deserved it 5 514

Not on a plane

By Surewhatever - 16/10/2019 14:01

Today, when I warned my guests to check the toilet for snakes, I meant it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 390

You deserved it 116

By kclopez - 19/08/2017 23:15

Today, while going through customs at the airport, my bag was selected for screening. It was nearly overflowing because it was so full, so before the TSA agent searched it, I said, "Watch out - it's going to explode when you open it". Wrong choice of words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 310

You deserved it 4 703

By beepbeep - 22/08/2018 03:30

Today, after being kicked out of my racist family, my boyfriend and I moved across the country to rent an apartment with my sister. My mother hates us so much she offered to buy my sister a new car to not take us in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 241

You deserved it 513

By shonfyr - 11/03/2014 21:35 - Spain

Today, it was a really slow day at work. One thing lead to another, and soon enough we were all taking turns shoving each other across the office on a swivel chair. Our boss came in during my turn, and I got singled out for a verbal warning. Everyone else got off with a disapproving glare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 968

You deserved it 10 048

By Anonymous - 25/07/2015 04:20 - United States - Tempe

Today, after vacuuming, I struggled to pull the nozzle attachment out. I yanked it too hard and it flew out, hitting me in the face and causing my head to jerk back into the wall behind me. My girlfriend had to drive me to the hospital for my concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 237

You deserved it 3 275

Finger on the pulse

By alex - 13/03/2016 19:36 - United States - Seagrove

Today, I started a new job as a receptionist at a nursing home. When two men came in saying, "We're here for Mr. Christensen," I paged him to come to the front desk. Apparently, these men had come from the funeral home to pick up Mr. Christensen's body. I was completely unaware that anyone had died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 007

You deserved it 1 631

By collegegirl90 - 09/03/2009 20:52 - United States

Today, my best friend resolved things with her boyfriend after he had admitted to cheating on her. I felt really guilty because I drunkenly hooked up with her boyfriend last month. She said, "I felt better when he told me that the girl was extremely ugly and bad in bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 867

You deserved it 111 328

By Anonymous - 10/01/2016 02:17 - United States - Akron

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 773

You deserved it 78 715

By Badab1ng - 24/11/2011 06:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, things were getting heated with my girlfriend, so I tried taking her shirt off. Slapping my hands away, she said, "I was only dating you to get my self-confidence up, I'm good now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 068

You deserved it 4 248

It's just me

By Anonymous - 20/02/2020 01:00

Today, I stopped by my elderly mother’s house to drop off some groceries. I decided to clean the place while I was there, just to be nice. In true Three Bears fashion, I fell asleep on the couch. I was awoken by a police officer pointing his gun at me. My mom woke up and thought I was a burglar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 017

You deserved it 305

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 07:54 - United States

Today, I found out that if I try to resist a 70 pound bulldog that's humping my leg, I will end up with stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 175

You deserved it 3 237

By Love stinks - 19/08/2013 13:06 - United States

Today, my band informed me that our gig this afternoon was actually a wedding. Whose wedding? My ex-wife's, along with the guy she cheated on me with. For their first dance, I had to sing what used to be our song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 376

You deserved it 4 726

By Anonymous - 31/12/2015 22:33 - United States - Washington Crossing

Spicy

Today, I was standing in line at the checkout, and my children were arguing with each other. The guy in front of me sighed loudly and told me over his shoulder: "There're these things called condoms, you know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 681

You deserved it 7 350

By Disappointed Mom - 31/07/2016 20:31 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was supposed to be enjoying a long-anticipated, desperately needed, weekend away. Turns out those "little stomach twinges" were actually symptoms of appendicitis. I'm stuck in the hospital, alone, recovering from surgery, while my family is enjoying our non-refundable break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 606

You deserved it 1 018

By thefriedman - 12/02/2013 04:59 - United States - Perris

Spicy

Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 431

You deserved it 8 643

By moronicmoroccan - 22/01/2009 23:26 - Philippines

Today, my boss replied-to-all to a memo I sent, wherein he states that "Filipino" should be spelled with a double P. He spells his nationality with a double R. He's from Morocco. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 472

You deserved it 2 558

By Tara115 - 09/02/2014 07:20 - Canada - Courtenay

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't think he should marry me, because I have kids. They're his kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 014

You deserved it 7 558

It's all about that D

By MK. - 21/04/2021 02:00

Today, at the age of 22, I found out that Wednesday has another D in it. Literally no one ever corrected me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 778

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 14:05 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 997

You deserved it 3 097

By ohhmydamn - 31/07/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I found out if you slide down the stairs on a foam matress topper, it just folds under instead of sliding. Then you slide the rest of the way down on your knees and break your nose at the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 660

You deserved it 70 512

By Ctmusher - 14/04/2017 16:00

Today, my four Huskies played tug-o-war with a woodchuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 911

You deserved it 396

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 14:26

Aw. I feel bad for him. I really don't know how two people in a relationship can be on such different pages. Couldn't you at least have hinted about breaking up?

Send a private message

Wednesday 15 July 2009 14:27

That's awkward. :/ Did you reject him? & #3, maybe they were on the same page. Maybe they both felt it was time for a change. She felt the solution was something new, and he felt it was taking the relationship to the next level, who knows.

Comments

Wednesday 15 July 2009 14:23

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 15:00

If you actually said yes, you're an idiot. then: FHL for marrying you. If you said no, FHL for being dumped in front of his and your family.

someotherbitch 0

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 15:49

dont marry him! it will never work out! people break other peoples hearts every day they will all get over it, and while yes him and his family know you are probably the best he'd ever do, but you know if its not right its not right.... but if you did say yes it sucks that your a "p" word and cant stand up and say no.... good luck --

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 17:47

yea dude, i agree YDI it for waiting until after your date to break up with him, thats just plain mean

A_Guy 0

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 22:44

#1 nailed it. Why the fuck would you plan to break up with him after a night out? You're a cold bitch and you still tried to squeeze some out of him. FUCK YOU

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Thursday 16 July 2009 0:41

Um, 1, it doesn't say that she DID break up with him in front of everyone, or that it was supposed to be insanely public. It does look bad that she wanted dinner first, though. This sucks for OP. I have NO IDEA what I would do in this situation.

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Thursday 16 July 2009 6:30

#1 is absolutely right. Honestly, if you want to go to dinner so badly, break up with him before hand, and offer to go to dinner as friends to talk it through.

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Sunday 19 July 2009 3:33

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend at dinner, and, in front of out families, she broke up with me. FML

FreddyMustDie 0

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Thursday 10 June 2010 4:09

Ha ha that guy was right. I think I've found your ex: #4405336

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Sunday 26 September 2010 15:19

haha yea have him pay for your meal and then you break up with him.... wow

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Saturday 13 August 2011 4:57

actually, we're not the low lives. you are, for getting first comment. and what made it worse, is that u celebrated because of it. wow.

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Monday 13 August 2012 6:37

I really dont like it when people comment on the first comment just to get their comment to the top...

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 14:26

ahh what happend

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Sunday 11 September 2011 16:52

What happened! I want 2 know

Naitsi 19

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Monday 14 November 2011 16:43

:D

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 14:26

Aw. I feel bad for him. I really don't know how two people in a relationship can be on such different pages. Couldn't you at least have hinted about breaking up?

Send a private message

Wednesday 15 July 2009 14:27

That's awkward. :/ Did you reject him? & #3, maybe they were on the same page. Maybe they both felt it was time for a change. She felt the solution was something new, and he felt it was taking the relationship to the next level, who knows.

Send a private message

Wednesday 15 July 2009 16:38

I agree, it sounds to me like they both thought things should change. It's disturbing as all hell, but I've heard of guys proposing to the girl to cheer her up or make the relationship feel better.

insanelyXnikki 18

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 0:00

I hate when relationships get to that point. Nobody knows what to do by then and any attempt to make it better usually just makes it worse.

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 14:30

Harsh, but I hope you said no to save you both further heartache and trouble

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Wednesday 7 March 2012 1:24

OP wanted that free meal before dumping poor guy then Shit happened!

22cute 17

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Monday 30 July 2012 12:58

I hope you said, "no" in private later to save him embarrassment.

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 14:31

I can't really think of a good way that could have ended... I hope you didn't say yes out of pity for the situation though

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 14:31

next time break up with him before dinner.. i know i wouldn't want to waste money on a bitch who didnt; deserve it...

22cute 17

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Monday 30 July 2012 12:59

What a cheap money grubbing bastard. You don't know who paid for the meal, jerk.

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 14:40

Wow what did you say?

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 14:41

well what happened? FYL

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 14:41

why do people always wait with breakups? you only get fucked up. Yes, you deserved it for prolonging it. And your life is fucked right now.

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 18

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 148

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 102