Miscellaneous: Today, my sister thought it would be funny to spray my face with...

By blotchy-girl - 15/07/2009 04:00 - New Zealand

Today, my sister thought it would be funny to spray my face with my new tanning spray, which is only supposed to be used on arms and legs. I woke up and looked in the mirror to see an orange blotchy face staring back at me. My parents can't look at me without laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 999

You deserved it 6 705

Miscellaneous

BO Central

Yada yada yada

Weirdo geek freaks out

By pass me the fucking rope - 18/06/2016 13:17 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse, a bird shat on my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 389

You deserved it 915

Cheating cheater

By Anonymous - 04/04/2021 17:01

Today, one of our local news stations decided it was the perfect day to film random people at the beach. I saw myself on TV, holding hands with my side chick. I hope my girlfriend doesn’t watch the news. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 3 577

By LasagnaRawks - 14/10/2009 20:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was listening to music, talking to a boy I like on MSN. He asked if I could share the song I was listening to, so I did. It wasn't until I had shared and fully transferred it did I realise it was actually the fake radio show I record on my own, in a phoney Australian accent. All 6 minutes of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 182

You deserved it 38 306

Who dis? New phone

By Sexting - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend's phone was stolen. I have no idea who I've been sexting the entire afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 583

You deserved it 9 338

By unlucky - 31/05/2016 19:05 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I went to a party. After asking several people about the ingredients in a cake, I took one bite and ended up in the hospital with a severe reaction to the nuts that "definitely weren't" in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 412

You deserved it 908

Time to lay down the law

By Christiana Lipphardt - 09/07/2021 20:01

Today, I was told that my in-laws are visiting next weekend. I already have anxiety, as they behaved really badly last time and treat our newborn like a toy and keep bothering her. My husband won't say anything as he wants to spare their feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 102

By Rosies - 30/11/2008 02:34 - France

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. We all looked together at family photos on the computer. The first picture was a close up of my mother, bare breasts in full view. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 469

You deserved it 2 938

By Noname - 27/02/2009 04:02 - United States

Today, I was sleeping because I had been sick. The closest bathroom to mine is the one in my parents room. I wake up and feel like I have to throw up, I run into my parents room to go to the bathroom. I walk in on my parents having sex. Shocked, I gasp for air then throw up all over their bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122 211

You deserved it 13 342

Noise annoys

By mandythepandy - 04/03/2017 04:00

Today, same as every other day, I had to pick up around 8 spoons because my cats love to take them and drop them on the floor around my house so they can listen to the noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 473

You deserved it 1 027

Make it stop

By firstandlastjob - 13/06/2020 14:11

Today, at work I had to listen to a group of old men talk about double penetration. I work at a coffee shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 724

You deserved it 187

By susan - 17/11/2012 22:31 - United States - Naperville

Today, my daughter had a meltdown when I told her I donated some of her old toys to Goodwill. It turns out Toy Story has taught her that toys have feelings and that she has a meaningful relationship with them. She's in her teens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 850

You deserved it 27 074

By Anonymous - 24/09/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, I told my dad that I have a very serious drinking problem and that I need to go to rehab because I can't stop on my own. He told me that I just need to make new friends and suggested I join a sorority. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 408

You deserved it 6 487

By AnnaWusHere - 03/09/2010 06:18 - United States

Today, my 72 year old Grandmother informed me she's running for mayor. She's been going around town with home made signs all day campaigning to win mayor. She lives in my town. My friend called me asking me if she was high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 082

You deserved it 3 983

Generic Happy Birthday gif

By Anonymous - 26/06/2021 14:15 - United States

Today, I'm still trying not to cry. Yesterday was by birthday. I got an e-mail from my dad with three words, "Happy Birthday (nickname)". I got a Facebook post from my mother. No card. No phone call. No gift. I have become nothing more than a Facebook friend to my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 136

Tonight, on Asshole Bosses…

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 22:00

Today, I went to pick up my last paycheck, since I was fired last week. My boss said he wasn't going to give it to me. I told him it's illegal not to, and he told me with a shit-eating grin, "What are you gonna do? Arrest me?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 906

You deserved it 107

By xyz - 09/02/2009 18:24 - Ireland

Today, I told the man I'm sleeping with I thought my sister was prettier than me. His response: "not significantly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 781

You deserved it 30 657

By Sdutent - 01/03/2009 08:34 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she has ever had an affair. She replied, "Yes. With you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 078

You deserved it 7 324

By Anonymous - 18/08/2012 04:51 - Australia - Forestville

Today, the whole family came over to celebrate my 18th birthday. My grandfather bought me a giant mathematics book. Apparently, he didn't want my 16 year old sister to be "jealous", so he got her the new iPad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 176

You deserved it 2 072

By paid to scoop ice cream not nana-sit - 17/06/2016 03:13 - United States - Fall River

Today, I was working when my boss left briefly, leaving me with her elderly, senile mother. Not only did I have to chase her when she ran after a stranger on the road, I turned my back for 5 seconds to do my actual job and she walked off. When my boss returned, I had to tell her I lost her mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 977

You deserved it 1 084

By ashleyrae - 29/06/2011 14:55 - United States

Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 326

You deserved it 87 015

By Jedi - 20/02/2009 06:16 - United States

Today, after class, my teacher pulled me aside and said "You know, I never received the e-mail regarding your disabilities that your parents mentioned. Could you have them resend it?" What disabilities? FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 245

You deserved it 2 724

By essay2 - 24/09/2011 18:47 - United States

Today, I found out that the double spacing format in an essay refers to the space between each line, not the words. I've been pressing the space bar twice between each word all through high school and halfway through college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 188

You deserved it 83 190

By toonice - 17/07/2014 20:48 - United States - Eugene

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too nice. Apparently, me being nice to him makes him feel guilty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 660

You deserved it 4 718

By allisonpaige21 - 18/06/2015 22:31 - United States - Quitman

Today, I found out that my grandparents are going to take my car away and sell it because they're pissed I'm moving in with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 392

You deserved it 5 117

By Savannah - 07/02/2017 10:00 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, I went to the doctor for a suspicious lump under my armpit, so he suggested a breast examination. While pressing all over them he said : "We're gonna have to send you for an X-ray because you have the most lumpy breasts I've ever felt in my life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 790

You deserved it 575

It's complicated

By illusia - 05/04/2021 16:58

Today, I was screamed at for not doing the dishes because I was exhausted. Last year, when my arm was broken, I did all my chores without complaint. I don’t know how to explain to my parents that I’d much, much rather work with a broken arm than while tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 130

By pissed off - 01/07/2012 01:00

Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 413

You deserved it 2 584

Better Call Saul

By Anonymous - 24/04/2021 05:00

Today, apparently according to my parents, since they raised me, it gives them the right to use the money I worked hard for, and there’s nothing I can do about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 91

Respect Independence Day!

By unpatriotic - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Eugene

Today, my manager made me remove an Eiffel Tower ornament from one of my displays. Not because it didn't look good or match the theme, but because it was "disrespectful" to have it out on the 4th of July. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 935

You deserved it 8 117

Used car, one careful owner

By Anonymous - 24/04/2021 23:01 - United States - High Springs

Today, after searching online and in the newspaper for an affordable used vehicle, I finally came across one that wasn't a scam or the seller lying about the actual condition of the vehicle. It was legit and and sold about 10 minutes after the seller gave me his info for me to go look at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 73

By ashley_skillz06 - 24/01/2010 05:21 - France

Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant. While the chef is throwing food at us, I'm getting ready for my turn. He tosses the piece of broccoli at me, I lean back to catch it, completely falling off my chair. I knocked everything over and had the packed restaurant laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 275

You deserved it 7 366

By coffee - 07/03/2013 13:44 - United States

Today, after my coworker bought coffee for me for the fifth time, I thanked him and asked him why. Apparently it's the only way to get me to shut up in the morning so he can get work done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 024

You deserved it 37 017

By lafinesse - 14/05/2012 22:23

Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 559

You deserved it 4 518

They're back, baby!

By Anonymous - 10/10/2021 14:01

Today, I went to go get a haircut. I asked for layers and bangs. She gave me a mullet. My job requires me to be in court on a regular basis and to look professional. I didn't realize mullets were professional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 89

By Anonymous - 07/08/2009 00:45 - United States

Today, I went to visit teachers at the high school I graduated from 3 months ago as valedictorian. Turns out, I had an expired parking permit, and I didn't properly get a visitor pass. The school went into a "yellow lockdown" because of me. My car was towed. I got arrested for trespassing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 289

You deserved it 8 969

By Anonymous - 18/07/2014 23:06 - United States - Horseheads

Today, my mom told me my relationship is a joke, because teenagers don't understand the meaning of relationships and commitment. I couldn't help but remind her how she's divorced three separate men to date. She hit me over the head so hard that snot flew out of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 823

You deserved it 11 241

By AtLeastThereWasAParamedic - 02/03/2017 20:00

Today, I was walking on the sidewalk near my house when a car pulled out of a parking spot in front of a speeding ambulance. The ambulance swerved up onto the grass. Yes, I broke my arm after being hit by an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 848

You deserved it 416

He may be disappointed

By PureFallPain - 23/11/2019 20:00

Today, I am Catfishing a guy on Twitter. I didn't mean to start it, I had an account I use to vent with and I used a pic with a cute girl. He sent me a DM that he liked my pic. He wants to talk on the phone. We have fallen for each other. He thinks, I am 18. I am a 39 year old single mother of 3 kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 4 995

By Kryometric - 29/03/2015 06:38 - United States - Coupeville

Today, with the experience of sitting behind someone on a roller coaster, I found out pee is affected by gravity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 899

You deserved it 2 562

By Anonymous - 26/01/2013 01:04 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my boss put me on suspension for violating company policy by having non-work related mail in my inbox. They were spam emails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 962

You deserved it 2 257

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Top comments

RckRagman 9

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 14:03

Hey, First time being first comment...cool. Anyway, sounds like sister-bear needs to have her eyebrows shaved...Payback is a b*tch.

rayrayy_fml 0

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 14:30

Write "PENIS" on her forehead in that semi-permenate tattoo stuff. It doesn't wash out for weeks!

RckRagman 9

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 14:03

Hey, First time being first comment...cool. Anyway, sounds like sister-bear needs to have her eyebrows shaved...Payback is a b*tch.

catmand0nt 0

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 14:28

Agreed, her eyebrows could do with a good trim

divineinstrument 2

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 15:45

Hehe lol that would be absolutely amazing!!! We did all advise the "nair girl" to get revenge, so this is pretty good

beestmode360 0

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 16:56

Has anyone noticed that people here get really really angry in a first paragraph that they write, then they like take a space, and then become really sympathetic and empathetic? if you ask me its just pathetic. EX: fuck you no. x, we're supposed to be carnivores. i hate you go kill yourself. Anyways, OP, that really sucks i was a vegan for three days. it was awesome How stupid and idiotic must a person be to have to completely different tones in the same response. Sometimes freedom of speech should be restricted for idiots like the people here.

Heazie 0

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 19:27

I don't think you are on the right page...

blehargh 0

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Thursday 16 July 2009 0:24

YDI for using fake tanning.

xohollyxo20 0

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Thursday 16 July 2009 1:30

That happened to me once. When i was in middle school i took my brothers fake tanning stuff and put it on my face because i didnt know and the next day i had to go to school with an orange blotch face and neck. It stayed for quite a while.

jardinteylor 0

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Friday 17 July 2009 0:35

#37, agreed.

kiwiwirox 0

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Tuesday 16 August 2011 6:51

u should tan her face duh ;P

SailorSolaris 43

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Saturday 7 June 2014 21:46

Some people can't tan normally. For example, I'd turn into a frenchfry if I tried.

rayrayy_fml 0

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 14:30

Write "PENIS" on her forehead in that semi-permenate tattoo stuff. It doesn't wash out for weeks!

pokemonGINGA 0

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 14:30

It sounds like she didnt know any better...

A83_fml 18

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 15:02

why write when you can draw?

Serec 0

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 2:49

Brilliant idea!

SusanaSaysRawrxD 0

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 15:06

Lemon and a brillo pad xD Well, a really hard loofah or something :P oh, and maybe you should take a hint from the other FMLs and do the Nairobi thing. Or 'accidently' spray some mace in her face, thinking it was perfume :D 3 Cheers for sweet revenge xD

Bullet4MyChemaMo 12

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Monday 26 April 2010 17:17

#6 I like your My Chemical Romance reference XD

aback 4

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 15:09

Your folks think it's so hilarious, get *them* with it while they're asleep. Blame it on your sister.

theghostofher 0

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 15:10

ydi for you using fake tanner you orange freak

dutchguy 0

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Thursday 16 July 2009 4:26

Even when you're living in New Zealand.. Alaska, okay, but you guys have SUN!

edenkylie 0

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Thursday 16 July 2009 15:04

#42, I live in Australia, and trust me, when we don't have sun here unless it's summer, they definitely don't have sun, even when it's summer.

bethanynelson08 0

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 15:19

i know from experience that that shit washes off quite easily if you wash it off right after its applied. ydi for not trying to get it off your skin!

shewasalmost18 0

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 15:25

i bet you look like an Oompa Loompa! now go make me some chocolate, bitch

123sploosh 0

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 15:28

ftw

mrfunguynz 0

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Sunday 16 August 2009 11:25

All together now - Oompa Loompa, Loompadedo...... Hahaha

Bullet4MyChemaMo 12

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Monday 26 April 2010 17:22

Every Charlie and the Chocolate Factory associated comment = win

RelayGraham 0

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Wednesday 15 July 2009 15:25

YTDI: I was teching a bodybuilder competition at my High School. Everyone wore spray on tans, which got the entire school tan. The spray made one guy look like the Oscars trophy. I feel that spray on tan should be outlawed. -Luckily, I didn't have to clean the tan off the toilets in the bathroom.