Today, I received an email with a link to a story about a man...

By Anonymous - 14/7/2009 11:41 - United States

Today, I received an email with a link to a story about a man who lost 650 pounds. I ignored it, until I saw who sent it. My mom, with the message "Maybe there's hope for you." FML

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Health

Understandable

Night terrors

Peaky Bladders

By Laura - 27/5/2014 15:58 - United States

Today, at school, I got seated in front of the resident creepy kid that everyone stayed away from. I was pretty relieved to get through most of the class with no incidents, until the bell rang and he tore out a chunk of my hair, yelling "DNA! DNA!" FML

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By Anonymous - 15/11/2013 22:35 - United States - Houston

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because he thought he heard another guy in the room when he called me, and that I'm cheating on him. The guy he heard was a character from a cartoon my sister was watching. FML

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By [email protected] - 3/1/2009 08:38 - France

Today, I was eating at a nice restaurant. Feeling curious, I daringly asked for the surprise "Maiden's Dream" dessert. The waiter came back with a banana between two balls of ice-cream on a plate, and no spoon. FML

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By kingwalrus - 12/6/2010 18:55 - United Kingdom

Today, my siblings overpowered me and duct taped me to a chair. Helpless, I had to wait until my dad got home so he could help me. Instead, the first thing he did was reach for his camera to take a picture. FML

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By Janice - 3/1/2019 12:00

Today, while working as a bank teller, a woman came in with a $100k check. I commented, "Wow, I really could do with one of these!" She responded, "It's a life insurance check. I'd rather have my son back," and teared up in front of me. FML

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By love_to_live - 28/7/2012 04:17 - United States - Waupun

Today, while in the store with my kids, they wanted to buy tampons because I am "getting cranky, and it should be that time of the month." FML

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By disturbed - 10/5/2009 09:56 - United States

Today, I got rear-ended at a stoplight by a woman who had been doing her make-up while driving. She didn't get out to see if I was okay until she had finished perfectly applying both lipliner and gloss. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2020 23:00

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

Today, I tried to make breakfast. I had everything cooking on the stove when I reached to turn on the faucet, only to find out that the head of the faucet was up the sleeve of my robe. After drying off, I went to serve my boyfriend his plate, but when I returned, the stove had caught fire. FML

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By tickle spunk - 29/12/2011 18:39 - United States

Today, I came home and told my mom that I got the lead in the school musical, which I was very happy about. She pulled me into a hug then said, "But you know you can't really sing, right?" FML

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By littlefinger - 11/3/2014 16:11 - United States - Foley

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML

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By Wenny - 18/1/2009 12:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was gay and that he is in love with my younger brother. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/3/2015 10:16

Today, after days of looking for it, I finally found the ring my boyfriend gave to me. It was on my roommate's finger. FML

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By apavies444 - 28/11/2010 07:10 - United States

Today, while sleeping over at my girlfriend's house for the first time, I got up to go to the bathroom. I went to go back and once in the room asked, "You ready for round two baby?" The light came on and at this moment I realized I went into her parents bedroom by mistake. FML

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By marie519 - 9/1/2012 00:59 - United States

Today, after having watched a scare story on the news about heart disease, my mom is now insisting that we have daily, hour-long, family yoga sessions together. I have a job, and barely have enough time to do my homework as it is. I'm going to be grounded if I don't take part. FML

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By carssuck - 2/2/2012 10:28 - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket for parking in my neighbors' parking spot. I parked there because my neighbors were parked in my parking spot. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2010 01:21 - United States

Today, my husband and I took a walk on the wharf. We walked by a Wax Museum and in front of the museum there was a bench with a very realistic wax man sitting on it. I got very close to his face and yelled over to my husband how realistic the wax man looked. Just then, he coughed. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, as I was picking up my 7 year old daughter at my ex husband's house my daughter started crying saying that she wanted to stay with daddy forever. I asked why. She said her stepmom was a better mommy. Apparently the woman who broke up my marriage is now a better "mommy". FML

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By stupidneighbor - 4/3/2009 17:03 - United States

Today, I slipped on the ice in front of my apartment, spraining my ankle and cracking a rib. While I laid on the ground immediately after, my neighbor chewed me out for saying "shit" in front of her 4-year-old on my way down. FML

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By thanksmom - 1/5/2009 04:23 - United States

Today, I called my mom for the first time in a few weeks, just to chat because I miss her. When she picked up, the first thing she said was, "Why are you calling? What's wrong? Do you have swine flu??" When I told her that I didn't, and I just wanted to chat, she hung up. FML

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By ragingwaffles - 13/8/2014 04:25 - United States - Chico

Today, my blind date thought the best way to start off is to show up blind drunk. She ended up puking on the table and leaving me to pay. FML

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By squad - 19/12/2019 14:00 - United States - Washington

My first time

Today, I lost my virginity with my boyfriend. As he was about to cum, I moaned his brother's name. I've never even met his brother and now I'm single. FML

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By that girl has a beard - 4/8/2015 07:33 - Canada

Today, I went to the movies. A really cute girl sat beside me. I tried to strike up a conversation with her until she turned to look at me and I realized he was a guy. I couldn't even finish the movie because I felt his judging eyes burn holes into me the entire time. FML

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By no money anymore - 18/1/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I hosted a "Night Out Against Crime" party at our local park. Only three people came, they robbed our fundraiser booth. FML

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By Anonyme - 22/6/2016 04:05

Today, my parents, who aren’t usually lenient, allowed me to have my boyfriend over. We started to cuddle, things got a little heated, but then my sister walks in and says, “You do my math homework, or I tell mom what you guys were doing.” I don’t remember middle school math being this hard. FML

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By anonymous - 19/2/2015 16:06 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, whilst walking to a primary school to give pupils a lesson on cleanliness, I tripped and landed on a dog turd. FML

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By WishesWasDeaf - 31/1/2010 01:35 - United States

Today, I was stuck sitting at a cafeteria table next to the girl who broke my heart and her boyfriend. I got to overhear the conversation, which included "I want to go to the car" followed by "Me too, but I don't have a condom." FML

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By Anonymous - 10/2/2017 19:00 - United States - Midland

Today, while BMXing I felt my chain break loose. I only looked down for a split second, and that's all it took for me to crash into a young scooter kid, breaking not only my own nose and elbow, but both his arms. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2011 18:21 - United States

Today, I finished the first month of a diet and exercise program designed to help me lose weight. To keep myself motivated, I have avoided the scale the entire time. I weighed myself today. I've gained 6 pounds. FML

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By trainhump - 20/2/2010 10:54 - Australia

Today, I took the train to work. There was an older man standing behind me. Everytime I tried to edge away from him, he edged closer. Everytime the train rocked even slightly, his crotch made contact with my behind. It was an extremely bumpy train ride. I could also tell when he became hard. FML

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By Emmz91 - 17/6/2019 23:03

Today, I tried keeping a surprise secret from my fiance. Turns out, under the influence of my sleeping tablets, which after I take them, I forget everything I've said, I spilled the beans. So much for the surprise. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 05:40 - United States - Latonia

Today, I walked in on my 13-year-old sister cutting her pubic hair with scissors. After a long talk about what on earth she was doing, she confessed to doing it so her boyfriend could find her clitoris. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2015 01:23 - Canada - Surrey

Today, my wife was in seemingly never-ending labor. It got so bad, I overheard a nurse in the doorway mutter to a coworker that she hoped my baby would just die or something, so she could finally go take a smoke break. FML

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By Yes - 24/11/2009 16:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me to come over because we "needed to talk." Going down the stairs, I tripped and fell. I woke up from unconsciousness with a hurting leg and my boyfriend standing over me. Just as I was about to smile and ask for a kiss, he said, "Maybe we should take a break" and left. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2014 00:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/6/2019 00:01

Today, my 16-year-old cousin told me she was "late." When I asked if she could be pregnant, she said no, because, "you can't get pregnant the first time you have sex." I ended up having to give her the sex talk. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2009 23:45 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. After about 10 minutes, while we changed positions, he shouts, "Power Rangers - It's Morphin' Time!" FML

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By gross - 15/7/2011 01:09 - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar outside my apartment building, and some people had put some money in my guitar case. One guy threw in what I thought was a crumpled piece of paper or something. It was actually a used condom. It leaked all over the money and my case. FML

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By socargone - 17/1/2017 22:00

Today, I'm so bad at parking that I saw the guy next to me openly cringe as I pulled into a spot. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2013 23:36 - United States - San Antonio

Hey there!

Today, I accidentally texted a picture of my cock to my dad. FML

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By Charly - 5/1/2009 06:16 - France

Today, I sent a text message to this girl I've been flirting with for a while now saying "How about coffee?". To which she answered "Great idea, I'll go and make myself one right now". FML

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Top comments

By pancakes_n_syrup | 0

#395519 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:18

I think someone is in denial about their weight

By p00p0ster0us | 0

#395544 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:24

Another FML without supporting information. How should we react? How much do you weigh? Has it been a topic of conversation in the house?

COMMENTS

By pancakes_n_syrup | 0

#395519 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:18

I think someone is in denial about their weight

mikakarie | 0

#395877 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 18:06

I agree. Maybe she has a point.

djb23 | 0

#396015 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 18:55

you should send her a gift-wrapped box with a mirror inside and a note that says "I think it might be genetic..."

OmgItsAnaBeatriz | 0

#396153 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 19:50

I Saw The Same Story..But The Guy Lost 410 Pounds, Not 650 XD

sunshiiiineXD | 0

#396337 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 20:39

Me too! He used to be 650 and then lost 410. He looked so good afterward. I love weight loss stories!

Noire_ | 0

#396720 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 22:54

Eh, she could just be a little overweight, or like me.
I can count my ribs but I still have a bit of a belly, but I'm underweight. (95 lbs)

Shlizabeth | 0

#396916 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 23:49

I highly doubt she weighs anywhere near 95 pounds. Unless your mom would do the same thing?

ReconX | 2

#1359709 - Monday 6 September 2010 10:22

46 Won so much the dinosaurs died because of him... LAWL

Hunter_the_Ninja | 22

#6341010 - Sunday 5 July 2015 17:30

People are too sensitive these days

By _Noon_ | 0

#395523 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:19

Looks like you need to lose some weight.

By lolownedimo | 0

#395527 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:20

FYL

By FDXCpinballwiz | 0

#395528 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:21

I agree, you should face the fact that you need to lose weight and your mom is just trying to help you. So stop whining about it.

genius_man16 | 0

#395637 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:51

Agreed. And sitting at your computer whining on fmylife.com isn't going to make you any skinnier. Just a news flash.

cljc | 1

#396028 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 18:59

agreed

By Cat135 | 0

#395529 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:21

maybe your mom is right?

By MaramaBreaksFace | 0

#395531 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:21

Your mother is only trying to help.
Maybe you should take her advice.

By boredworker | 0

#395536 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:21

Boredworker says DFYL (def Fuck Your Life)

fmyfudginglife | 0

#395812 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 17:46

new trend huh?

By aback | 4

#395539 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:22

Write her back with, "I eat because you're a bitch".

By ehon82 | 3

#395540 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:22

I think your mother loves you and is trying everything she can think of to not be burying her own child. Hope that you're both around to enjoy life for quite some time.

By p00p0ster0us | 0

#395544 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:24

Another FML without supporting information. How should we react? How much do you weigh? Has it been a topic of conversation in the house?