Health: Today, I received an email with a link to a story about a man...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I received an email with a link to a story about a man who lost 650 pounds. I ignored it, until I saw who sent it. My mom, with the message "Maybe there's hope for you." FML

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46701

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Health

Late term

Left hanging

Doggy dog world

By laurenmay - United States

Today, I was working at Target when an old woman asked me if I could help her find her favorite bra. I asked what brand it was when she replied "I'll check the tag". She lifted up the front of her shirt, and flipped one cup of her bra inside out. I saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68290

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4377

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By Anonymous - United States - Bentonville

Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34892

You deserved it

2867

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By whoevenncares - United States

Today, I found my dog drinking out of the toilet. My daughter was next to him, also drinking from the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25541

You deserved it

2842

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By willkftw

Today, I backed a van into another car at work, damaging the tailgate in the process. I work at a panel beater. The van I was driving had just had a brand new tailgate put on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1289

You deserved it

1852

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By sunshinexx - Australia

Today, I announced to my family that I was going to start playing netball with my work colleagues. They all burst into fits of laughter at the thought of me doing physical activity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19772

You deserved it

4312

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By rmb131 - Canada

Today, I went to the dentist. He asked me to lean my head closer to him so he could get a better look at my teeth. He was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

109706

You deserved it

6348

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was at the library studying. There was a really cute guy across the room. I decided to play it cool and walk his way and grab some water. Right as I walked by, my body decided to let out the loudest fart. He laughed. I kept walking and asked my friend to grab my books. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33893

You deserved it

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By jreed509 - United States

Today, while riding a roller coaster I got hit in the chest by a wasp going 80 miles per hour. As if that didn't hurt enough it somehow managed to survive and fell down my shirt. It crawled around and bit me a few times before the ride ended. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40679

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2020 05:05

Almost there

Today, I paid 100$ for a trash service to pick up my broken couch. Minutes later, I got an email from someone finally replying to my ad for a free couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1370

You deserved it

168

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By effmylife - United States

Today, I took my SUV in to get the oil changed, and the tires rotated. They allowed me to stay there, because they said it would only take 30 minutes. So I sit there in the waiting room, and I look through the window only to see my SUV falling off the lift, from 6 feet in the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45312

You deserved it

3633

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By ouchouchouch - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I was adjusting my nose piercing from the inside. My mother saw and thought I was picking my nose, so she slapped my hand away, tearing my nose ring out in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34398

You deserved it

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By kylie - United States

Today, my boyfriend texted me, and asked if he could come over to 'have some fun'. Thinking we were going to do it, I freshened up. Turns out his idea of 'having some fun' is playing Doodle Jump and Angry Birds on my iPod. For three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34271

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Canada - Montreal

Today, I woke up with an engagement ring on my left hand. The same one I refused last month. My boyfriend apparently waited for me to be drunk to propose again last night, and has already posted the pics on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43409

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36587

You deserved it

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By B-ran - France

Today, I was taking a dump at the Home Depot. After I was finished, I was bent over and pulling the toilet paper out of the holder. I pulled too hard, causing the dispenser lid to fling open and smack me on the back of the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8739

You deserved it

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By tried to help

Stranger Danger!

Today, I was going into a store and saw a woman roughly handling a screaming toddler. I kept walking, until I heard the kid scream, "Help! You’re not my mommy!” I called 911 and stood behind the car to keep her from taking off. The cops arrived to see me fending off blows from a very pissed off grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1852

You deserved it

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By jami898 - United States - Medford

Today, I passed out. I fell to the hardwood floor, cut my chin, and bit through my lip. Fortunately, my brother was there to help stop the bleeding and get me some water. All I had to do was wait until he finished his game of Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24507

You deserved it

1834

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By Anon. - United States - Allentown

Today, like every other day my boyfriend and I try and have sex, his dog cried and whined outside of his room until we stopped. She does this all the time and it kills the mood instantly. I can't have sex because of a toy poodle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15578

Phew, glad it wasn't me

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my cousin told me that the stop signs outlined with a white line were optional. Later, a cop pulled me over, when I asked why he said, "You ran that stop sign back there." I explained what my cousin had told me and he looked at me funny and replied, "All stop signs have a white outline." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14831

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By DEE

Out of the mouth of babes...

Today, while I was getting ready for the day, my 5-year-old daughter looked at me and said, "Mom, maybe you should do some gymnastics today. Your legs look bigger." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2692

You deserved it

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By poururheartout

Nice.

Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3181

You deserved it

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By person_r - Norway

Today, my wife is divorcing me because she wants to party more with her friends alone. One year ago, I followed her to Norway, where her family lives. I left my friends, family and job opportunities (which were very good) in order to live with her. Now I am shoveling shit on a horse farm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64483

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12557

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By blindedbythelight - United States - Orlando

Fashionably Late

Today, the pair of solar eclipse glasses I ordered weeks ago arrived. I'm sure they'll come in handy for 2024. FML

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3096

You deserved it

332

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By Anonymous - United States - Phoenix

Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very sensitive, and I can't squat to grab stuff off the floor because of the pressure against my jeans. Kicking the objects up into my hands was working well, that is until I spilled a pack of 300 toothpicks all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32839

You deserved it

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By fuauntflo - 7/7/2020 17:01

Thanks, I'm cured!

Today, I went to the ER because of an intensely heavy flow. They kept me waiting so long that, although I was wearing a super absorbent tampon and a pad, I still bled through three times. When I was finally seen, the doctor said, "Try using a higher absorbency and follow up with your regular physician." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1915

You deserved it

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By Aberrombie Blue - United States - Durham

Today, I was at my little girl's concert. She plays the clarinet, and in the middle of her solo, her phone started ringing. She decided to stop, check her phone, and continue playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47783

You deserved it

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By srhoa01

Today, while at school, some jerk shot me in the foot with a BB gun. While in agonizing pain, I yelled, "FUCK" as loud as possible. A teacher walked by, oblivious to the fact I had just been shot with a BB gun and wrote me up for, "Disrespectful language". FML

I agree, your life sucks

16190

You deserved it

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By ugly - United States

Today, I was in McDonalds with some friends. When I got up to the register to order, the guy there appeared startled by me, and said, 'Whoa, you're really pretty.' No one has ever said anything like that to me before. When I told my friends, they laughed and said, 'Wow. He must have been drunk.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

35466

You deserved it

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By Yoooooo0 - United States

Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42928

You deserved it

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By bittersweet - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying "Hi." His response: "I got your best friend pregnant". FML

I agree, your life sucks

659992

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By Moeswifey - United States

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31313

You deserved it

4512

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By hopeless - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and refused to give me back the condoms I'd just bought. Why? Because she wants to use them with the guys she's been cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55195

You deserved it

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By Atomic_Tangerine - United States

Today, my mom, sister, and I were talking about a friend's girlfriend. My sister's opinion of her was that she was cute but not hot. My mom agreed, saying that she didn't think that someone without boobs could EVER be hot. She then looked at me and said "no offense." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49536

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend came over. We'd planned on losing out virginities today. What we didn't plan on was having my 9-year-old brother and his friends making a video of "What teens do when no one is home." They taped the whole thing, including the five minutes it took us to get the condom on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2719

You deserved it

845

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By help me! - United Kingdom

Today, the girl my ex-boyfriend cheated on me with had a job interview at my place of work. If she gets the job, she'll be my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41644

You deserved it

2957

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By LAXsucks - United States

Today, I was flying home from LAX when I realized I left my ID back at the hotel. After making phone calls to the hotel and rental car company, I found it and made it back to the airport in time for my flight. After going through security, I realized I left my cell phone on the hotel counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14907

You deserved it

36701

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By girl - United States

Today, in dance class we did a choreography where we wear two shirts and take one off in one quick motion. After I took mine off, the audience goes "aaah". Then I realize that I had taken both my shirts off as stood there with only my bra on. I was being videotaped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33203

You deserved it

6415

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By Blueberry - United States - Iowa City

Today, I was showering at my dorm. I had my clothes locked in a locker and my towel and robe hanging outside the stall. Someone took off with my towel and robe, which had my keys. I had to walk down three flights of stairs to get an extra key in nothing but a plastic shower curtain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25033

You deserved it

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By Spooked - United States

Today, I discovered that the demonic voice that made me nearly piss myself all night, was my sister's Furby she stuck in the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42278

You deserved it

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By ryanlogan - Canada

Today, my girlfriend will only speak to me using Lady Gaga lyrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37561

You deserved it

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Top comments

By pancakes_n_syrup | 0

#395519 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:18

I think someone is in denial about their weight

By p00p0ster0us | 0

#395544 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:24

Another FML without supporting information. How should we react? How much do you weigh? Has it been a topic of conversation in the house?

COMMENTS

By pancakes_n_syrup | 0

#395519 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:18

I think someone is in denial about their weight

mikakarie | 0

#395877 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 18:06

I agree. Maybe she has a point.

djb23 | 0

#396015 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 18:55

you should send her a gift-wrapped box with a mirror inside and a note that says "I think it might be genetic..."

OmgItsAnaBeatriz | 0

#396153 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 19:50

I Saw The Same Story..But The Guy Lost 410 Pounds, Not 650 XD

sunshiiiineXD | 0

#396337 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 20:39

Me too! He used to be 650 and then lost 410. He looked so good afterward. I love weight loss stories!

Noire_ | 0

#396720 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 22:54

Eh, she could just be a little overweight, or like me.
I can count my ribs but I still have a bit of a belly, but I'm underweight. (95 lbs)

Shlizabeth | 0

#396916 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 23:49

I highly doubt she weighs anywhere near 95 pounds. Unless your mom would do the same thing?

ReconX | 2

#1359709 - Monday 6 September 2010 10:22

46 Won so much the dinosaurs died because of him... LAWL

Hunter_the_Ninja | 22

#6341010 - Sunday 5 July 2015 17:30

People are too sensitive these days

By _Noon_ | 0

#395523 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:19

Looks like you need to lose some weight.

By lolownedimo | 0

#395527 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:20

FYL

By FDXCpinballwiz | 0

#395528 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:21

I agree, you should face the fact that you need to lose weight and your mom is just trying to help you. So stop whining about it.

genius_man16 | 0

#395637 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:51

Agreed. And sitting at your computer whining on fmylife.com isn't going to make you any skinnier. Just a news flash.

cljc | 1

#396028 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 18:59

agreed

By Cat135 | 0

#395529 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:21

maybe your mom is right?

By MaramaBreaksFace | 0

#395531 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:21

Your mother is only trying to help.
Maybe you should take her advice.

By boredworker | 0

#395536 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:21

Boredworker says DFYL (def Fuck Your Life)

fmyfudginglife | 0

#395812 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 17:46

new trend huh?

By aback | 4

#395539 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:22

Write her back with, "I eat because you're a bitch".

By ehon82 | 3

#395540 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:22

I think your mother loves you and is trying everything she can think of to not be burying her own child. Hope that you're both around to enjoy life for quite some time.

By p00p0ster0us | 0

#395544 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:24

Another FML without supporting information. How should we react? How much do you weigh? Has it been a topic of conversation in the house?