Miscellaneous: Today, I had to clean my walls with those Mr Clean Magic Sponges... - FML

By iJehx - United States

Today, I had to clean my walls with those Mr Clean Magic Sponges because we were having visitors. I got bored and started drawing penises with it because they would leave wet marks. There is nothing magic about how slow they dry when your visitors come an hour early. They saw all ten of them. FML

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Sorry…

Sandwiches rule

Our house, is a very very very fine house

By aloneinaz

Today, while walking downstairs to go to work, I turned the corner and my boyfriend pulled a gun on me. Apparently, he forgot I was there. FML

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By embarrassed girl - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. It was going well until I accidentally passed gas. To add to the embarrassment, he rated it. I only got a 4 out of 10. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I walked into the living room to find my boyfriend plucking his ball hairs with the same tweezers I use for my eyebrows. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2021 20:01

Murdered

Today, I woke up and checked my fish tank. I thought the temperature was too low, so half asleep, I turned it up. Now all my fish are dead. FML

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By Anonymous - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 5 years. She bitched me out for not getting the ring she had been "hinting" me to get, and angrily left. FML

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By Poorphone - United States - Denver

Today, my car got stuck in a foot of snow. I tried desperately digging around my wheels to see if it would help. I was finally able to get out 10 minutes later only to realize that I had dropped my phone in the snow while I was digging and had run over it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girl and I were in bed trying to nap before class. She kept tossing and turning, obvious signs that she was having no luck. Sweetly, I ask her if there was anything I could do to help her relax. She says "you can tell me a story about your day, that always puts me to sleep". FML

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By Darla - United States - Arcadia

Today, I realized that at age 54, I'm no longer young enough to go commando anymore. Every time I sneezed today, I peed myself. FML

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By swee t - United States - Greensboro

Today, I got a bill from my former attorney for the call he made to me begging me not to turn him in for stealing all my money and almost causing me lose my home. FML

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By Shortround - United States - Wheaton

Today, I had three things stolen: my phone, my iPod, and my girlfriend. All by the same guy. FML

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By sometingwong - United States

Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML

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By silentbutdeadly - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter, has a bad farting problem. I decided it would be okay to let a silent fart out and blame the dog. Baxter was outside when I blamed him. FML

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By Anonymous - Slovenia - Domzale

Grandma rocks!

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a visit to my grandma. We ended up playing Scrabble. In between passing wind that smelled like rotting eggs, she kept playing the filthiest words she could, and yelled at me whenever I checked to see if they were in the Scrabble dictionary. FML

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By Stupid

Today, I found out my son has been lying about being sick. He kept complaining so I took him to the doctor and got him some medicine. Now he’s actually sick because he took meds he didn’t even need. He did it solely so he could get an expensive get well soon gift. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my wife of 6 years came out as a lesbian. I moved out of state and away from family to start a new life with her. Turns out she's attracted to my mom. FML

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By pissedexworker - United States

Today, I found out that being rushed unconscious to the hospital and missing work qualifies you for termination if you don't call in, even if you have a note from the ER doctor. FML

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By cat lady - Norway - Egersund

Today, I learned that while other people drunk call their exes, I drunk adopt cats. Seven cats, to be exact. FML

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By EmoToyBoy

Spiritual connection

Today, my girlfriend told me that she doesn't want a physical relationship, but an emotional one instead. I said that I was fine with that, as long as we talked things through in the future. She dumped me there and then, because "no straight guy would agree to that." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Thanks, Mr Whiskers

Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML

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By rog3rli - United States

Today, I realized that even though I've taken three years of Spanish, the only words and phrases I can remember are from Dora the Explorer. FML

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By inyobeddd - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML

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By horselover7766 - United States - Sewell

Today, my brother and I were shoveling mulch. He pushed me in and then ran away, laughing hysterically. I was stuck in the mulch, and no one would help. I was literally in deep shit. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2020 23:01

Catching up

Today, I got a message from my crush, with whom I had a one night stand with a few months ago. I was really surprised and excited to see his name pop up on my phone. Turns out, he only messaged me to accuse me of giving him mono, and then he blocked me. FML

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By Vgameboi - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he was showing off pictures of me to co-workers. It wasn't until later that he said, "Don't worry, they were old pictures, from when you were hot." They were from four years ago. FML

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By etmerda - United States

Today, I walked around town by myself for four hours because I was too ashamed to tell my parents that I have no friends willing to spend time with me. FML

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By bloodyhell - United States

Good God, man…

Today, my dad tried to convert me, as he has numerous times before, and asked me why I was an atheist. After giving him a polite explanation and asking him if we could drop the subject, he nodded slowly and said, "You must be menstruating or something. You'll change your mind." FML

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By urinanalysis - Canada

Today, I went to get blood and urine tests done before work. As I was attempting to aim into the cup, I lost balance and slipped. I ended up peeing on my sleeves and my pants. I was late for work and I smelled like pee. FML

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By Mark - United States

Today, a car backed into mine. I thought that was pretty bad, until another car backed into me right after I'd finished taking the first guy's info. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Brantford

Thanks dad

Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML

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By Anonymous - Bangladesh

Today, while trying to break up with my girlfriend, I somehow ended up begging her not to break up with me. I'm still not sure how that happened. FML

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By Hit-and-Run - Mexico - Ju?rez

Today, after an extensive talk with a relationship counselor, we concluded that I'm more likely to get run over by a car than be in a stable relationship. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2021 20:01 - Panama - Cuba

I blame the parents

Today, after being kicked out of our school for leaving the country, neither of my guardians want to take charge of our education. So me, being sixteen, I have to do hundreds of assignments for my sister and me, who was already supposed to have graduated. Yay "Home schooling." FML

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By Ima_Moronski - United States

Today, I went shopping with my grandma. She went to the bathroom and was gone for a long while. I jokingly asked, "What happened, you fall in?" She did. She had shit all over the back of her shirt. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, some guy on a bike kept taunting me about my weight while I was out jogging. He ended up hitting a street lamp and fell off his bike. I had a real good laugh at him for all of 5 seconds before he got mad and really made me run. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Canton

Today, I'm now able to put my acne cream on my face without having to look in the mirror, because I've memorized the crater and trench-filled war zone that is my acne-riddled face. FML

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By Spinster - United States - Brush

Today, I asked my boyfriend of 3 years what he thought about marriage in the future. "Who knows? We might meet other people soon." FML

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By OneYearMistake. - United Kingdom

Today, for our one year anniversary, my boyfriend decided to make me a patchwork blanket. The thing is, the patches were stains from bedsheets from where the 'wet spot' was. He thought it was romantic. FML

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By bluebride - United States

Today, I got married. My mother told me to stop being difficult, because she was the mother of the bride, and it was her day to shine. FML

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By - 5/12/2020 12:28 - Canada - Holyrood

Sticky situation

Today, all was going fine until I had a tickle in my throat, which turned into a coughing fit. Only to cough for the last time and shart my pants. FML

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By shitberries - United States - Jefferson City

Today, I tried dying my hair blonde. I put my hair in a bun and waited for it to dye. I guess I did something wrong, because my hair is now 4 different shades of blonde/orange, along with patches of my natural black hair. FML

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Top comments

By drano | 0

#394931 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:38

couldn't you just make more wet marks over them after you finished drawing your penises?

By Crimson_regret | 0

#394930 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:37

smoooth move. phalic drawings never end well, I've learned that from this website.

COMMENTS

By Crimson_regret | 0

#394930 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:37

smoooth move. phalic drawings never end well, I've learned that from this website.

Reply

WORSHIPME | 0

#394954 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:48

lol me too, don't draw penises kids :D

Reply

mikakarie | 0

#395078 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 11:38

Haha what's with this new penis drawing obsession anyway.

Reply

FarSide | 22

#395258 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 13:31

That was gay.

Reply

mcdys | 0

#395673 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 17:00

#34, I know. people are just being gay. Why don't they draw something not gay

Reply

EvaXRose | 0

#395832 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 17:53

Dude! I did that shit too! High FIve for common Idiotism!

Reply

Loser390 | 0

#396122 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 19:37

@43, Atleast it wasn't Vegitarian.

Reply

chocoLIFE_fml | 2

#396576 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 22:01

i agree i am sick of those idoits drawing such things :/

Reply

ravinderkaler | 0

#396584 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 22:04

no. gay = bad, vegetarian = good. get your facts straight.

Reply

greenltrn2003 | 0

#397616 - Wednesday 15 July 2009 4:25

exaaactly. When will people learn.

Reply

NYKnicks36 | 0

#854051 - Sunday 14 February 2010 8:46

#34 I think it was from Superbad

Reply

Trav42 | 0

#990652 - Tuesday 11 May 2010 2:03

agreed with #34... if a girl draws it- it's what they want.....if it's a guy it's what they wish they had lol

Reply

PrimeStarscream | 30

#3033437 - Thursday 4 August 2011 1:51

HAHAHAHA! XD

By drano | 0

#394931 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:38

couldn't you just make more wet marks over them after you finished drawing your penises?

Reply

crystal_clear | 0

#394981 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 10:03

My thoughts exactly. Why not just wash the rest of the wall so that it's all one big wet mark?
Or you know, paper towel is perdy handy.

Reply

A_Guy | 0

#396453 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 21:14

......................how old are you?

By chickenfeetyum | 0

#394933 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:39

ok people, haven't we learned to NOT draw penises every chance we get? Good lord...

Reply

clyde_fml | 0

#394946 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:44

hah, i know right?

Reply

DangerousBabee | 0

#395035 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 10:56

God..this is like the 5th penis drawing FML that i've read. come on..if u gonna make fake FMLs at least make then orignial :P
YDI.

By chloroformxboy | 0

#394934 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:39

why the hell would you draw penises ?

Reply

ashole1990 | 10

#394982 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 10:04

the real question is why wouldnt you?
its endless entertainment

Reply

tweetard | 0

#394983 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 10:06

It's obvious he's possesed by some kind of dick demon

Reply

chloroformxboy | 0

#394988 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 10:10

yes, but HE's a dude. I mean, wouldn't he at least draw boobs ?

Reply

redbluegreen | 40

#395006 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 10:22

Just because you're male doesn't mean you always like boobs. And isn't it usually men that get caught drawing penises?

Reply

fizeau | 0

#397863 - Wednesday 15 July 2009 6:41

lol superbad!!!

By Heaven666 | 0

#394935 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:39

>.> idiot...

By Roseyro | 0

#394942 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:42

Bahahahah this made me laugh

By alexgisforme3 | 0

#394944 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:44

LOL thats hilarious

By onealhart54 | 0

#394957 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:49

I hope you're a woman

Reply

Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#4738260 - Friday 27 July 2012 5:19

Nah, he's a guy.

By niemann2006 | 0

#394958 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:50

this sounds just like that one FML with the girl who drew that on the board of the kids she was babysitting...
and if it's true, couldn't you just go over them again with the same sponge?

By AgentNay | 0

#394963 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:51

What's up with people drawing penises everywhere?! Good lord.