Today, I had to clean my walls with those Mr Clean Magic Sponges... - FML

By iJehx - 13/7/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, I had to clean my walls with those Mr Clean Magic Sponges because we were having visitors. I got bored and started drawing penises with it because they would leave wet marks. There is nothing magic about how slow they dry when your visitors come an hour early. They saw all ten of them. FML

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Rock, hard place

Trust

The cheek of some people

By B1N - 15/4/2019 14:00

Today, I took a shower and went to put clothes on after, only to find no clothes in my closet. My mom took them all and hid them. No idea why. No idea when I will get them back. FML

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By LagSwitchFTW - 25/1/2013 22:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I played an intense paintball match, with me and my friends versus my boyfriend and his buddies. When we won, my boyfriend went mental and said he only lost because of "lag". When I pointed out we weren't in a video game, he reacted by firing a paintball straight into my chest. FML

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By ProAwkward - 18/6/2013 04:07 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, as I was walking home, I noticed a man and a woman arguing in their driveway. To avoid an awkward situation, I crossed the street. I then had to walk past a creepy guy watering his plants in his underwear while looking directly at me. FML

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By choldcreations - 7/3/2010 14:12 - United States

Today, I was eating pizza with my girlfriend. She got sauce on the corner of her mouth so I tried to be sexy and lick it off. It wasn't sauce, it was a cluster of zits. FML

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By Lost - 15/9/2009 19:24 - United States

Today, I got rejected for approximately the tenth credit card I've applied for, I called a bank to find out why. Apparently I took out a car loan in 2004 and bought a house in 2006. I was 13 in 2004. The credit report does not have any records of this. Thank you identity theft. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/12/2008 04:32 - United States

Today, I was jacking off casually to a picture of my ex-girlfriend, when all of the sudden, my friend sends me an IM picture of a granny bending over which pops up on my screen. I think my sex life is ruined forever. FML

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By allergyssuck - 5/7/2018 20:30

Today, I got a soap that my doctor recommended, because I am allergic to the vast majority of soaps. After driving 45 miles to the only store that sells it and paying $12 for a bottle, I found out I am allergic to it too. FML

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By neighbor - 26/1/2014 13:08 - Australia - Mosman

Today, I was helping my elderly neighbor carry her groceries into her kitchen. When I finished, she sighed and said, "You're such a sweet girl. It's just a shame about your face." FML

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By Sunshine56 - 10/11/2016 03:11 - United States - Greenbrier

Today, I sold cigarettes to a woman who promptly told me that she smoked meth. It's only my second night working this job. FML

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By TodX - 27/12/2008 08:23 - France

Today, I used my Christmas holiday time to open up a load of old letters. There were a lot of bills, of course, but there was also a note telling me that I'm due for a tax inspection. Merry F*ing Christmas! FML

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By evilsandwich - 6/3/2013 17:18 - Canada - London

Today, after house-sitting for a week, I came home to find the house in which I rent a basement suite has all but burned to the ground. My landlord didn't even bother to tell me about the fire. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2011 13:23 - Canada

Today, my boss asked for recommendations on how to improve the office. I sent her an e-mail full of my ideas. Later, my boss sent me a reply, saying, "Here's what head office thinks of your ideas." It contained a list of insults upper management made about me. FML

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By Numnum - 29/11/2009 13:02 - United Kingdom

Today, it's decided, I'm going on diet. For real. But I said that yesterday. And the day before. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2009 09:58 - New Zealand

Today, I was working at a hospital-level rest home. I was making the rounds when I noticed a woman was sitting in her (electric) wheelchair in the middle of the hall. Going closer I saw her battery was flat so I said "Uh-oh! Looks like you've died." She bawled her eyes out and said "Not yet." FML

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By Kilika - 8/6/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I came home and found my desk devoid of all paper. Turned out my mom dropped by and wanted to surprise me by cleaning up my work area. She threw away over 7 months worth of irreplaceable original sketches, notes and storylines, thinking they were worthless. My job is a full-time artist. FML

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By cxcrktkt - 12/4/2009 04:44 - United States

Today, my ten year old son realized something. Beer is alcohol. People who drink a lot of alcohol are alcoholics. Therefore I am an alcoholic for drinking beer with dinner. He told everyone at his conservative private school and they tried to have an intervention. They pray for me every day. FML

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By mountainmetal983 - 5/3/2020 18:00

The serpentine movement of life

Today, the serpentine belt broke on my truck a mile away from work, 30 minutes before I needed to be there. This caused me to be 45 minutes late. I got written up for being late. The tow truck then took my truck to the wrong mechanic shop. Now I have to pay another tow truck bill to get it to the right shop. FML

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By Flippy - 29/8/2010 00:05 - United States

Today, at work, I was reprimanded for not engaging with customers enough. In an effort to be more friendly, I complimented the next customer on her interesting accent. Turns out it was from a stroke she had last year. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/7/2015 19:13 - United States - Summerfield

Today, my friend got pulled over. The cops searched the car and found a bong among the stuff we were moving to her new house. When they confronted her with it, she told them it must be mine and that she'd never seen it before. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/3/2013 19:09 - France - Minzier

Today, I went to the gym with my grandma. In the span of an hour, she was hit on more than I ever have been in my life. FML

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By anonymous - 23/12/2014 11:28 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was yelled at in public for staring at a guy in a wheelchair. I was staring 'cause he was so good looking. FML

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By loganHchrist - 9/1/2014 00:53 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. They thought it would be funny to pretend that they're nudists. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/1/2018 12:00 - United States - Papillion

Today, I was left at home alone while my friends went on a trip to Paris I paid for. FML

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By unlucky - 27/9/2020 10:49

Heavy sleeper

Today, I had a migraine. I decided to wear earplugs to block out sound while I slept. I don't usually wear them because they hurt my ears like nobody's business. The one day I wear earplugs, I get robbed. In the middle of the day. Through my own bedroom window. FML

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By done - 7/8/2018 11:30 - United States - North Las Vegas

Excuse you?

Today, after spending years volunteering at community theatres and being accepted into a prestigious university for theatrical design, my public high school gave me a scholarship. All my mother could say was "I'm sorry they wasted their money on you." FML

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By June - 5/10/2010 04:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my love handles. It tickled, so I giggled and squirmed out of his grip. He looked at me quizzically and said, "I'm surprised you still have feeling there with all that fat." FML

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By littlefella - 4/2/2017 22:00 - United States - Novato

Today, I was taking a piss when a old lady somehow managed to wander in. She blushed, chuckled and apologized, "Sorry, little fella!" before leaving. I don't know what size she was commenting on. FML

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By bluntedone - 3/2/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was trans-night. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2011 17:18 - Germany

Today, I dried my hands on the same towel I used this morning to wipe up a few shards of glass. You can't see the small splinters in my hands, but believe me, I can feel them. FML

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By tayluh26 - 15/2/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, I found out that my fiancé's parents are refusing to pay for a honeymoon because "they didn't have one so neither will we", so they won't pay for a single thing for our wedding. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/12/2018 13:30

Today, in addition to having to deal with chronic pain that keeps me from driving for more than 10 minutes, I now have to deal with my brother who thinks I'm not paying him enough for taking me to school 2 days a week, when he does the journeys for himself anyway. FML

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By bm128902 - 1/10/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was going around saying that she tries to give time off to the other managers so they can spend time with their family and significant others. She looked at me and said she doesn't for me because I have no one special to spend time with. FML

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By someone - 2/9/2009 11:00 - Denmark

Today, I went to the dentist to get a hole in my tooth filled. After the dentist had injected the anesthetic into my gums, she realized that none of the electrical equipment were working. She sent me home. My entire right side of my face is completely numb and swollen for no reason. FML

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By Chaosfigure - 3/9/2017 13:00

Today, after my driving instructor told me I should pass without any worries at all, I completely failed. I was hit by another car. While parked. FML

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By BenjiFurImmer - 12/6/2019 00:07

Today, I found out that when my uncle died, he left me and the rest of my family £2000 each. Only my parents kept and spent my share on themselves. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2013 07:31 - United States - Piedmont

Today, my girlfriend told me that she feels pregnant. I didn't believe her, given how recently we had sex for the first time, so I told her to take a test to make sure. She's very sure now. FML

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By Robert - 1/1/2018 19:00

Today, I finally got medication to deal with my seizures. I've had them since I was 5, but my mother had always believed I was faking it. When I seized during a basketball game, she actually came onto the court and lectured the referee for "humoring" me. FML

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By almost jobless - 11/7/2012 18:26 - United States

Today, I was at work, photographing a baby boy. I grabbed a bench for him to use to hold himself upright. His mom asked if she should hold him instead, but I told her he'd be fine. Two seconds later, he fell backwards and brought the bench down on top of him. There goes my job. FML

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By disneyworld - 14/2/2010 05:49 - United States

Today, my dad decides to tell me he's taking the whole family to disney world, even my step-brother's girlfriend. But not me, because he can't "afford" it. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2009 01:11 - Canada

Today, I went shopping for a new pair of jeans. I was feeling good about the fact that I was going down a waist size until the cashier decided to discuss with me, three co-workers, and the ten other people in line how she didn't even know jeans came in sizes that big. FML

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Top comments

By drano | 0

#394931 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:38

couldn't you just make more wet marks over them after you finished drawing your penises?

By Crimson_regret | 0

#394930 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:37

smoooth move. phalic drawings never end well, I've learned that from this website.

COMMENTS

By Crimson_regret | 0

#394930 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:37

smoooth move. phalic drawings never end well, I've learned that from this website.

Reply

WORSHIPME | 0

#394954 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:48

lol me too, don't draw penises kids :D

Reply

mikakarie | 0

#395078 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 11:38

Haha what's with this new penis drawing obsession anyway.

Reply

FarSide | 22

#395258 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 13:31

That was gay.

Reply

mcdys | 0

#395673 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 17:00

#34, I know. people are just being gay. Why don't they draw something not gay

Reply

EvaXRose | 0

#395832 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 17:53

Dude! I did that shit too! High FIve for common Idiotism!

Reply

Loser390 | 0

#396122 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 19:37

@43, Atleast it wasn't Vegitarian.

Reply

chocoLIFE_fml | 2

#396576 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 22:01

i agree i am sick of those idoits drawing such things :/

Reply

ravinderkaler | 0

#396584 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 22:04

no. gay = bad, vegetarian = good. get your facts straight.

Reply

greenltrn2003 | 0

#397616 - Wednesday 15 July 2009 4:25

exaaactly. When will people learn.

Reply

NYKnicks36 | 0

#854051 - Sunday 14 February 2010 8:46

#34 I think it was from Superbad

Reply

Trav42 | 0

#990652 - Tuesday 11 May 2010 2:03

agreed with #34... if a girl draws it- it's what they want.....if it's a guy it's what they wish they had lol

Reply

PrimeStarscream | 30

#3033437 - Thursday 4 August 2011 1:51

HAHAHAHA! XD

By drano | 0

#394931 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:38

couldn't you just make more wet marks over them after you finished drawing your penises?

Reply

crystal_clear | 0

#394981 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 10:03

My thoughts exactly. Why not just wash the rest of the wall so that it's all one big wet mark?
Or you know, paper towel is perdy handy.

Reply

A_Guy | 0

#396453 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 21:14

......................how old are you?

By chickenfeetyum | 0

#394933 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:39

ok people, haven't we learned to NOT draw penises every chance we get? Good lord...

Reply

clyde_fml | 0

#394946 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:44

hah, i know right?

Reply

DangerousBabee | 0

#395035 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 10:56

God..this is like the 5th penis drawing FML that i've read. come on..if u gonna make fake FMLs at least make then orignial :P
YDI.

By chloroformxboy | 0

#394934 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:39

why the hell would you draw penises ?

Reply

ashole1990 | 10

#394982 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 10:04

the real question is why wouldnt you?
its endless entertainment

Reply

tweetard | 0

#394983 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 10:06

It's obvious he's possesed by some kind of dick demon

Reply

chloroformxboy | 0

#394988 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 10:10

yes, but HE's a dude. I mean, wouldn't he at least draw boobs ?

Reply

redbluegreen | 40

#395006 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 10:22

Just because you're male doesn't mean you always like boobs. And isn't it usually men that get caught drawing penises?

Reply

fizeau | 0

#397863 - Wednesday 15 July 2009 6:41

lol superbad!!!

By Heaven666 | 0

#394935 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:39

>.> idiot...

By Roseyro | 0

#394942 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:42

Bahahahah this made me laugh

By alexgisforme3 | 0

#394944 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:44

LOL thats hilarious

By onealhart54 | 0

#394957 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:49

I hope you're a woman

Reply

Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#4738260 - Friday 27 July 2012 5:19

Nah, he's a guy.

By niemann2006 | 0

#394958 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:50

this sounds just like that one FML with the girl who drew that on the board of the kids she was babysitting...
and if it's true, couldn't you just go over them again with the same sponge?

By AgentNay | 0

#394963 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:51

What's up with people drawing penises everywhere?! Good lord.