Miscellaneous: Today, I had to clean my walls with those Mr Clean Magic Sponges... - FML

By iJehx - United States

Today, I had to clean my walls with those Mr Clean Magic Sponges because we were having visitors. I got bored and started drawing penises with it because they would leave wet marks. There is nothing magic about how slow they dry when your visitors come an hour early. They saw all ten of them. FML

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Messed up

Instadrama

Looks like we made it… Oh.

By lyla - United States

Today, I was on the train ride home from a trip to Florida, and I gave my mom a call. While we talked, I made an offhand comment that all my friends back home must miss me. She knowingly asked if I meant my Sims and my cat. FML

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By juliannamelissa - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I wanted to take a bubble bath with the jets in the bath that I haven't used in years. When I got in, it took me a while to realize that the jets had squirted out slime and a family of unidentifiable bugs that have probably been living there for years. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I saw my ex best friend and my cheating ex-girlfriend hanging out at the gym, where I work. They signed up here just to piss me off. It's working. FML

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By Puppy problems - United States - Essex Junction

Today, I invited my boyfriend over to meet my new puppy. My dog decided to take a dump on his lap. He is now not talking to me because he thinks I trained my dog to do that. FML

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By issue

Today, I tried to get a job at Walmart. My mom was the hiring manager. She turned me down due to lack of work experience. FML

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By Uneducated

Today, my dad informed me that I’d not be progressing into next year’s class because it’s a waste of money. But it’s fine because my twin will be learning for the both of us. FML

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By WELL FUCK YOU KINDLY, MA'AM - United States - Endicott

Today, I had to forcibly separate a boy from my daughter after he grabbed her and started shoving her around. I complained to his mother, only to have her shout, "mind your fucking business" and say that her son can do whatever the hell he wants. FML

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By BahHumbug - United States - Painesville

Today, after weeks of keeping it a secret, I excitedly gave my boyfriend what I thought to be the perfect Christmas present. Turns out lock picking sets are illegal in Ohio. FML

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By wideeyeddays - United States - Pasadena

Today, my dad thought it was a great idea to text me and say he decided to put our dog down. I was in the middle of class and still had hours left at school. It's not fun to walk across campus holding back tears. FML

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By LennyLemon - Australia - Perth

Today, I was taking a shower in a hostel when the girl in the cubicle next to mine decided to blow her nose onto the shower floor. The water from her cubicle was flowing into mine and I ended up standing in a puddle of fresh watery snot. FML

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By Miss Spasticator - United States - Vancouver

Today, I tagged along with some friends to a party in the woods. Halfway into the night, a party-goer's boyfriend got extremely drunk and violent, causing the others to panic and drive away in the two cars we pooled in. My best friend and I had to run all the way back home on foot. FML

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By Hunter

Today, my five year old son was sick with a stomach bug. He didn't want to leave my side so I decided to grab a bowl from the kitchen for him to puke into. The thing is, it was dark in the kitchen and I accidentally grabbed a strainer. My new outfit is now ruined. FML

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By Anonymous - Israel - Ramat Hasharon

Today, my boyfriend cuffed my legs to the bed. After the sex we discovered one of the cuffs wouldn't open. After an hour of trying to pry them open, I had to waddle with him to the fire station to have them removed in front of 4 amused firefighters. FML

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By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, I woke up, rolled over, and kissed the boy who was peacefully sleeping next to me, cheerfully saying, "Good morning, baby!" That boy is my dog. FML

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By ninja breakup?

Today, my boyfriend of six years came home wearing a ninja suit. When I asked why, he said "These are my breakup clothes. I'm breaking up with you." He then screamed, threw a plastic shuriken at me and ran away. It hit me in the breast. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Kew

Today, I saw a photo on Instagram of my friend flipping the camera the bird. She'd tagged it under "irony", so I jokingly suggested that she borrow a dictionary. She responded with a tirade of abuse, claimed to be sleeping with my boyfriend, and blocked me an hour later. FML

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By Killme

Today, as a birthday present, my friends threw a surprise party for me. I was so surprised, I pissed myself in front of everyone, including my crush. FML

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By greatly disturbed - United States - Elk Grove

Today, my little sister complained about a young boy in her class always pulling her hair. She asked when boys will stop doing it. My mom replied, "They won't, even when they're grown-ups," then looked over at my dad and shared a dirty smirk. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, the kid next to me asked me, in all seriousness, if gay people have feelings like regular people. I'm gay, and I have to sit next to this barnacle until June. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2020 08:00 - United Kingdom - Aldershot

Welcome to the world!

Today, I helped deliver the baby belonging to the woman my husband left me for. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a long conversation with my fiancé about how smoking menthol cigarettes is not a substitute for brushing your teeth. He still isn't convinced. FML

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By Monkey253100 - France

Today, I decided to be healthy and go for a run. I broke my ankle. FML

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By The Lone Ranger - United States

Today, I was given a $25 gift certificate for being Employee Of The Week. The gift certificate was 6 months past its expiration date. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving in my very own car that I bought and paid for myself, when I stopped at a stop light. Then I noticed the truck in front of me turn on his reverse lights. I honked desperately. He hits me, looks out the window and says "I see no damage" and drives away. FML

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By flurina - Canada

Today, a woman pushed me at the bar and told me how much she's always hated me. She was my grade five teacher. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went out on a date with an ex boyfriend that I hadn't seen since college. He took me to a bar, where he was oddly quiet, but drank heavily. When the bartender asked us if we were ok, he replied, "This is my ex girlfriend. Can you believe she used to be skinny?" FML

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By diorlove - France

Today, I broke my wrist because a Nutella glass fell on it after I opened the cupboard. FML

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By Foxy - United States

Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. As I was about to orgasm, I puked all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on me as well. FML

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By howtobreakup - United Kingdom - Worthing

Today, my friend asked me for advice on how to break up with her boyfriend. I've never done it before so I googled it, my own boyfriend happened to walk in and now isn't speaking to me. He won't believe me when I say it was "for a friend." FML

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By shamwazzlefarznarfnarfwoofbaaa - United States - Bronx

Today, I had to teach my grandma how to burn files to CDs. I jokingly said that it doesn't involve literally burning the disks in fire, to which she responded by slapping me and calling me a patronizing brat. FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, my boss walked in my office to see me busy making a little Post-it dress for my pen. FML

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By Dejected - United States

Today, I finally got a hold of my husband who I haven't actually talked to in 2 and 1/2 weeks since he is deployed and it's hard to chat. He told me he couldn't talk because he was in an epic battle, in Call of Duty. FML

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By lifedamntough - Singapore

Today, I took a shower after I finished typing an important essay I've been working on for days. My computer illiterate mum shut the computer down when I was gone, without saving a thing. When I confronted her, she yelled at me for "wasting electricity". FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She was ecstatic. Apparently, she'd been trying to figure out how to break up with me for the past four months. FML

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By Gee

Today, I helped a stranger exchange 3,000 Argentinian pesos for US dollars through my bank. They gave him $3,000. The exchange rate is close to $195. My bank realized their mistake and now my bank account is -$2,805 expecting me to pay it back. All this happened before my recent paycheck came in. FML

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By nicchick411 - United States

Today, it's my birthday and my kids made me a card. Unfortunately, my kids used the wall for paper. Now I have red and blue crayon all over my bedroom wall. FML

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By Nofriends - Australia - Melbourne

Today, for my birthday, my family offered to take one of my friends to the movies with me. I had to pay a random person in my class to pose as a friend of mine, so that I wouldn't look pathetic in front of my parents. She forgot my name three times. They didn't buy it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, I was driving when a woman started crossing the street against the light at the upcoming intersection, so I slammed on the brakes and stopped short of hitting her. That's when she intentionally jumped onto my car and started screaming that I had "mowed her down". The cops believed her. FML

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By Martine624 - Netherlands

Today, I spent nearly two hours listening to our cleaning lady talking about her son's infected penis, her fear of dentists, how to catch and kill ducks, her husband's childhood and her supposedly murdered dog. She ended up crying and left without cleaning. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my new iPhone was stolen from my school locker. After canceling my service, sobbing, having my mom yell at the secretary for their lack of security and finally agreeing to change to a private school, I found it in the corner of my locker. FML

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Top comments

By drano | 0

#394931 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:38

couldn't you just make more wet marks over them after you finished drawing your penises?

By Crimson_regret | 0

#394930 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:37

smoooth move. phalic drawings never end well, I've learned that from this website.

COMMENTS

By Crimson_regret | 0

#394930 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:37

smoooth move. phalic drawings never end well, I've learned that from this website.

Reply

WORSHIPME | 0

#394954 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:48

lol me too, don't draw penises kids :D

Reply

mikakarie | 0

#395078 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 11:38

Haha what's with this new penis drawing obsession anyway.

Reply

FarSide | 22

#395258 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 13:31

That was gay.

Reply

mcdys | 0

#395673 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 17:00

#34, I know. people are just being gay. Why don't they draw something not gay

Reply

EvaXRose | 0

#395832 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 17:53

Dude! I did that shit too! High FIve for common Idiotism!

Reply

Loser390 | 0

#396122 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 19:37

@43, Atleast it wasn't Vegitarian.

Reply

chocoLIFE_fml | 2

#396576 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 22:01

i agree i am sick of those idoits drawing such things :/

Reply

ravinderkaler | 0

#396584 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 22:04

no. gay = bad, vegetarian = good. get your facts straight.

Reply

greenltrn2003 | 0

#397616 - Wednesday 15 July 2009 4:25

exaaactly. When will people learn.

Reply

NYKnicks36 | 0

#854051 - Sunday 14 February 2010 8:46

#34 I think it was from Superbad

Reply

Trav42 | 0

#990652 - Tuesday 11 May 2010 2:03

agreed with #34... if a girl draws it- it's what they want.....if it's a guy it's what they wish they had lol

Reply

PrimeStarscream | 30

#3033437 - Thursday 4 August 2011 1:51

HAHAHAHA! XD

By drano | 0

#394931 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:38

couldn't you just make more wet marks over them after you finished drawing your penises?

Reply

crystal_clear | 0

#394981 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 10:03

My thoughts exactly. Why not just wash the rest of the wall so that it's all one big wet mark?
Or you know, paper towel is perdy handy.

Reply

A_Guy | 0

#396453 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 21:14

......................how old are you?

By chickenfeetyum | 0

#394933 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:39

ok people, haven't we learned to NOT draw penises every chance we get? Good lord...

Reply

clyde_fml | 0

#394946 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:44

hah, i know right?

Reply

DangerousBabee | 0

#395035 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 10:56

God..this is like the 5th penis drawing FML that i've read. come on..if u gonna make fake FMLs at least make then orignial :P
YDI.

By chloroformxboy | 0

#394934 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:39

why the hell would you draw penises ?

Reply

ashole1990 | 10

#394982 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 10:04

the real question is why wouldnt you?
its endless entertainment

Reply

tweetard | 0

#394983 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 10:06

It's obvious he's possesed by some kind of dick demon

Reply

chloroformxboy | 0

#394988 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 10:10

yes, but HE's a dude. I mean, wouldn't he at least draw boobs ?

Reply

redbluegreen | 40

#395006 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 10:22

Just because you're male doesn't mean you always like boobs. And isn't it usually men that get caught drawing penises?

Reply

fizeau | 0

#397863 - Wednesday 15 July 2009 6:41

lol superbad!!!

By Heaven666 | 0

#394935 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:39

>.> idiot...

By Roseyro | 0

#394942 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:42

Bahahahah this made me laugh

By alexgisforme3 | 0

#394944 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:44

LOL thats hilarious

By onealhart54 | 0

#394957 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:49

I hope you're a woman

Reply

Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#4738260 - Friday 27 July 2012 5:19

Nah, he's a guy.

By niemann2006 | 0

#394958 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:50

this sounds just like that one FML with the girl who drew that on the board of the kids she was babysitting...
and if it's true, couldn't you just go over them again with the same sponge?

By AgentNay | 0

#394963 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 9:51

What's up with people drawing penises everywhere?! Good lord.