Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Man or woman?

Today, my best friend told me I lost weight. I was happy because I've worked hard to shed off those pounds. I asked her what changes were evident, she told me that I now have a neck. FML

#11953086
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28518) - you deserved it (9567)

On 07/18/2010 at 12:02am - health - by lalala (woman) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, while working at the bar, I was having a flawless night. Every pour was perfect, every shot expertly measured. I saw my manager for the first time that night, turned to greet him, and knocked over a tray of 30 or so glasses. Two remained unbroken. FML

#11945611
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33592) - you deserved it (4923)

On 07/17/2010 at 4:51pm - work - by barman - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was looking for a parking spot and finally found one. Trying to figure out if the spot was legal, I asked a cop that had pulled up. He said it was fine. I came back 3 hours later to a parking ticket. FML

#11945278
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40273) - you deserved it (3789)

On 07/17/2010 at 4:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my dad found my "list". 32 guys, 4 girls. Colour coded as to who I would sleep with again and who I wouldn't, who were virgins, etc. He complimented me on my "organizational skills." FML

#11944390
335 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16266) - you deserved it (58083)

On 07/17/2010 at 3:34pm - intimacy - by reckless (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was brushing my teeth and shaving in the shower. My favorite song came on, and I got mixed up. My tongue and mouth are cut badly now. FML

#11943305
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14860) - you deserved it (53390)

On 07/17/2010 at 2:23pm - misc - by knighton16 (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was outside when a mouse ran toward my feet. There was a wall behind me, so I tried to jump over him. He changed course, and I landed on him. It crunched. FML

#11940720
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32582) - you deserved it (7382)

On 07/17/2010 at 10:54am - misc - by killer (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, the airport security guard told me to lift my fat rolls so he could finish patting me down. FML

#11935766
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23901) - you deserved it (44889)

On 07/17/2010 at 2:16am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was driving with my girlfriend. As we turned onto our block, she shrieked that our dog was running down the street and into traffic. I jumped out of the moving car and chased him for about a mile, only to give up, go home, and find out it wasn't our dog. FML

#11935360
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27697) - you deserved it (5148)

On 07/17/2010 at 2:00am - animals - by VtecKickIn (man) - United States

Today, I found out I've been incorrectly sorting thousands of papers for the past two weeks. My boss wanted them sorted by date, but the co-worker who instructed me said to sort them into alphabetical order just to watch me fail. FML

#11927489
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38063) - you deserved it (3173)

On 07/16/2010 at 7:48pm - work - by MSURebel70 (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I learned that my mom's laptop was originally my Christmas gift. She opened it and decided she liked it so much she should have it. I got hot rollers. FML

#11927382
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35996) - you deserved it (2527)

On 07/16/2010 at 7:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my 23-year old boyfriend is not talking to me because I bought the regular kind of macaroni and cheese instead of the cartoon kind. FML

#11923673
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35721) - you deserved it (17664)

On 07/16/2010 at 3:45pm - misc - by liz - United States (California)

Today, it's my 18th birthday. I was telling my friends a story when my mom started talking. I simply said 'Mom...' so she'd realize she interrupted me. She gave me the finger and called me rude in front of all my friends. FML

#11923492
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33926) - you deserved it (5974)

On 07/16/2010 at 3:38pm - misc - by apple (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, I decided to try and seduce my boyfriend of 2 years. He was on his laptop, and while he was on it I took off my shirt and bra, and gave him a hug from behind. What I didn't know was that he was video chatting his father the whole time. FML

#11911406
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21944) - you deserved it (45876)

On 07/16/2010 at 12:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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