Today, my husband asked me to come see his turd. After saying no, he said, "What kind of wife are you?" FML

by randomjulz / 06/15/2011 at 11:53pm / United States / Love

YourDone6's comment : come see this hairy vagina...no.. what kind of husband are you?

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Today, I missed my flight because I was held in airport security because I'd "threatened" an employee. He had confiscated my eyelash curler and jokingly I asked if he thought I was going to curl him to death. He didn't laugh. FML

by missy / 06/15/2011 at 10:42pm / United States (Alaska) / Transportation

Livinia's comment : Maybe he had a feisty fight with an eyelash curler back in the day.

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Today, I found out the medications my doctor gave me for depression are making me fat. My main reason for depression is an eating disorder. Now, I'm fat instead of just thinking I am. FML

by DarkMaskDiva / 06/15/2011 at 8:24pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I had to lie to my female roommate about what happened last night. She was drunk and spent half the night cuddling with me and trying to get me to kiss her. I've loved this girl for two years, but I promised her I wouldn't let her cheat on her boyfriend with anyone. Even me. FML

by anonymous / 06/15/2011 at 2:00pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

mylifesucks305's comment : ur a brave kid and a good friend

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Today, my son's homework was to write a story about what he wants to be when he grows up. He wrote that he plans on being unemployed and living at home until we throw him out, then he'll live under a bridge. He's only 12, but already planning for a future as an unemployed bum. FML

by Seriously / 06/15/2011 at 12:46pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I was walking to class, when a kid came up behind me and smacked me in the face a few times until I fell to the ground. I rolled over and he said, "Oh shit! Wrong person, my bad." FML

by Braxam / 06/15/2011 at 12:42pm / United States / Health

Today, I was approached by a police officer who instructed me to move because I was "threatening the elderly". I was sitting on a park bench in front of an old folks home. FML

by random / 06/15/2011 at 10:23am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I was in my family's hotel room taking a dump. The lock to the bathroom was broken so we had made a deal: when the door is closed, someone is using the toilet. The maid didn't know that. She punched me in the face because she claimed I scared her. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2011 at 9:37am / Denmark (Sjelland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a concert with my boyfriend. I was repeatedly ass-grabbed, grinded on and hit on by guys. My boyfriend's response was, "As long as they continue to bring you free beer, let them get a little feel of what they are paying for." FML

by unknown / 06/15/2011 at 6:20am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my boyfriend sent me a video of him having sex with someone from one of his last relationships because he thought it would turn me on. FML

Today, I had a sore throat, and I'd read that drops of Tabasco sauce on your tongue helps. I aimed the bottle at my tongue and the whole cap came off, covering my face and filling my mouth with Tabasco sauce, causing me to blow chunks all over the kitchen floor. FML

by Alec / 06/15/2011 at 5:02am / United States / Health

Today, I watched my boss try to stick a magnet to cardboard. FML

by MegaBear / 06/15/2011 at 1:46am / United States / Work

Today, a car hit me while I was in a crosswalk. The driver jumped out of her car and stepped over me to check her car for damage. FML

by Username / 06/15/2011 at 1:07am / United States (California) / Health