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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I met my boyfriend's extended family. His grandpa was apparently senile, as he kept calling me "Tilly" and asking me to dance. His relatives thought this hilarious and busted out the video camera. Later, I learned his grandpa is not senile at all - the family was playing a joke on me. FML

#8968601
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26310) - you deserved it (3747)

On 03/10/2010 at 9:54am - love - by NotTilly (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because apparently I don't appreciate how he's different from other guys. I only told him that showering once a month was not normal. FML

#8967212
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29826) - you deserved it (4152)

On 03/10/2010 at 7:12am - love - by dumped - United States (Texas)

Today, when I went to see a movie with my best friend, and there were 3 girls loudly discussing blow job techniques. I texted my boyfriend about how gross the conversation was. His reply was "Pay attention. You might learn something." FML

#8966717
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13189) - you deserved it (26591)

On 03/10/2010 at 6:05am - intimacy - by ohno - United States

Today, my parents took my laptop, cut the Internet, took my car keys and TV, and removed my bedroom door. Why? Because they thought the plant I was growing for my science project was a marijuana plant. Oh yeah, they took that too. My presentation is tomorrow. FML

#8965755
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34385) - you deserved it (2516)

On 03/10/2010 at 3:39am - misc - by Kevin - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I realized that I can still do the splits. Why? Because I fell down an entire flight of stairs, everyone in the hall saw me land and applauded. Someone even shouted "and she sticks the landing." FML

#8965492
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24425) - you deserved it (3382)

On 03/10/2010 at 3:09am - misc - by misty_love (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend for taking me for granted and being such a jerk. He didn't even show up for our date. FML

#8965394
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29134) - you deserved it (4531)

On 03/10/2010 at 3:00am - love - by Maddy (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was using a power drill to take down the set for the musical we just finished. My long hair got caught in the drill, got ripped out and now I have a hurting, bleeding bald spot the size of 2 quarters. FML

#8963973
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23595) - you deserved it (12773)

On 03/10/2010 at 1:11am - misc - by bdavis - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I got up on stage excited to recite a spoken word piece that I worked on and memorized for about 20 hours, neglecting other obligations like studying for an exam the next day. I blanked out in the middle of the performance in front of hundreds of people. FML

#8962343
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20286) - you deserved it (6286)

On 03/10/2010 at 12:00am - misc - by KJS (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I discovered that my mother uses my eyebrow tweezers to pull ticks off the dog. She also hasn't figured out that just dipping the tweezers in alcohol doesn't automatically sterilize them. Especially if there is icky dog hair still stuck on. FML

#8958709
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21656) - you deserved it (2928)

On 03/09/2010 at 10:12pm - health - by whoanoa (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while attempting a DIY pest removal, one of our tenants lit a skunk on fire. FML

#8956566
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21379) - you deserved it (2448)

On 03/09/2010 at 9:07pm - misc - by Al (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was talking to an ex who I still love. He told me how much he wanted to see me, how much he missed me, and we started talking about when we could spend the day at his house. I mentioned Saturday, and he said, "I can't, I have to take my fiancée to the doctor's to find out our baby's sex." FML

#8954955
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29477) - you deserved it (7308)

On 03/09/2010 at 8:17pm - love - by littlemissgullible (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was using my fiancé's phone to look up movie times for us. In the internet browser, I found history of him looking on Craigslist for "discreet intimate relationships with women" in our city. We are expecting our little boy in two months. FML

#8948216
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35042) - you deserved it (2989)

On 03/09/2010 at 4:13pm - love - by Teeny (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while preparing the house for company, I got a call that my sister had a heart attack and died. My wife's response? "Great! Now you're going to be no help to me at all!" FML

#8948119
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43645) - you deserved it (2262)

On 03/09/2010 at 4:08pm - misc - by dargas - United States (California)



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