Today, I stepped in a turd. Not a dog turd, my grandmother's turd. FML

by Username / 06/28/2011 at 4:40pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I sent my boyfriend to the store to get groceries while I was at work. Instead of what I listed, he came back with hot pockets, ice cream and beer. I'm lactose intolerant and pregnant. FML

by lamortdeshommes / 06/28/2011 at 1:03pm / United States / Love

Today, after checking in and waiting 3 hours to see the doctor, the receptionist said she forgot about me because she didn't see me. She asked me to come back tomorrow. I was sitting right in front of her. FML

by misty / 06/28/2011 at 12:14pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to pick my nose. FML

by Qwerty / 06/28/2011 at 12:10pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my Dad sat me down and told me that I was adopted. I was unbelievably shocked by this revelation and asked him why he'd never told me this before. His response was, "I didn't know!" FML

by adopteddd / 06/28/2011 at 10:30am / United Kingdom (Devon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML

by hadtocleanthemess / 06/28/2011 at 8:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend informed me that he'd resolved all the issues with his ex and is getting back together with her. Normally I could tolerate this if it weren't for the fact that I just moved to a different country to live with him, and turned down a university and a scholarship. FML

by Mrs.Slyfox / 06/28/2011 at 5:53am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

KingGeorgeGal's comment : You shouldn't put a boy in front of your life and ambitions.

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Today, my boyfriend admitted that he stopped brushing his teeth two days after we started dating. Tomorrow is our 2 year anniversary. FML

by disgustedgf / 06/28/2011 at 3:32am / United States / Health

redshortsx's comment : oh my god that's disgusting! but if your kissing him how could you not know?!

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Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML

by girlshavepenises / 06/28/2011 at 2:39am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Intimacy

emz89's comment : that's pretty funny. someone obviously didn't pass sex ed

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Today, I got asked out for the first time in my life. During a prank call. By a complete stranger. FML

by veebenjoo / 06/28/2011 at 1:35am / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous

Today, I couldn't figure out what was worse: accidentally dropping my car keys into the bottom of a filthy park lake, or getting a fishhook through my toenail in an attempt to retrieve them. FML

by Courtney / 06/27/2011 at 10:10pm / United States (Missouri) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend tried to climb up to my third story window in the early hours of the morning. Just before he got to the top, he slipped and fell to the ground. My dad had to drive him to the hospital at 3am. FML

by Anonymous / 06/27/2011 at 7:45pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Love

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with roses. She surprised me by getting back together with her ex. FML

by fmylovelife / 06/27/2011 at 7:45pm / United States / Love