Today, my boyfriend and I pulled over to have sex in his mother's car. It was going great until I leaned back onto the horn, waking up our whole neighborhood. FML

by Shelly / 06/12/2011 at 10:50pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, I was having a nice dream in which a beautiful butterfly flew by me and got stuck in my hair, fluttering its wings against my neck. Then I woke up and realized the "butterfly" stuck in my hair was actually a giant wood roach. FML

by Jenievonteese / 06/12/2011 at 7:33pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, my dad told me he has money set aside for when he has to bail me out of jail because "it's bound to happen sooner or later." FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2011 at 3:21pm / United States (Florida) / Money

melissamoshh's comment : How thoughtful

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Today, along with my virginity, my boyfriend took my laptop, iPhone, TV, and most of the food in my fridge. FML

by gerligrl97 / 06/12/2011 at 2:50pm / United States / Intimacy

futtbuck101's comment : you better get that food back

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Today, I fell asleep as my family drove to church. No one bothered to say anything about the drawings my siblings drew on my face until after church ended. FML

by Brandy_Dandy78 / 06/12/2011 at 2:47pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids

Today, I was at my friend's house, and I asked if I could try on one of her dresses. It was a little snug, but I got it on. When it came time to take it off though, it wouldn't budge. My friend and her mom had to cut it off me. FML

by Apple / 06/12/2011 at 1:54pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was stuck in stand-still traffic for 5 minutes, before realizing I had stopped behind a parked car. FML

by El Stupido / 06/12/2011 at 9:51am / Australia (Queensland) / Transportation

Today, I went into work for the first time without make-up. My boss thought I looked so tired and ill that he sent me home. FML

by FreshFaced / 06/12/2011 at 7:46am / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Work

emmiep1011's comment : You got the day off. Don't be mad.

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Today, my apartment burned to the ground. I was packed and ready to move out tomorrow. FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2011 at 2:37am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me. I was crying for over an hour in my room. My dad came in and asked what was wrong. Just as I was about to tell him, he stops me and simply says "Oh, honey. I don't care... Just keep the noise down." Then walks out. FML

by daddylove / 06/12/2011 at 12:21am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I saw my brother on TV after 3 years of no contact. He was being arrested on Cops. FML

by Sarah / 06/11/2011 at 8:54pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML

by Anonymous / 06/11/2011 at 6:36pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, I found cigarette butts at the bottom of the toaster. My mother has been dropping them in there for I don't know how long. FML

by Macy / 06/11/2011 at 4:36pm / Italy (Lazio) / Miscellaneous