Today, I was excited about being set up on a blind date by one of my new co-workers. It turns out the guy she thought would be a "totally perfect match" for me is the ex who cheated on me. FML

by lonely / 04/04/2011 at 6:15am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Love

Today, I was watching Animal Planet while babysitting my 4 year-old niece. A really cute baby bunny came on and I called her into the room, only for her to see it get killed by a Bald Eagle. Now she won't stop crying. FML

by arbiter3 / 04/04/2011 at 6:13am / Kids

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to break down and cry because his mother hates me for unknown reasons. I walked in, gave him a long hug, and started sobbing. I then saw his mother. She was visiting him to complain about how terrible a person I am. FML

by terrible person / 04/04/2011 at 5:29am / Love

Today, I went up to a girl at a bus stop and started chatting her up. Her response? "Am I being robbed?" FML

by Anonymous / 04/04/2011 at 2:15am / Mozambique (Maputo) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had diarrhea in a public bathroom. When I was finished, I noticed that someone had pissed all over the toilet paper. FML

by Anonymous / 04/04/2011 at 1:26am / Health

Today, I was at a grocery store with my 3 year old son. As I was picking a cereal out, an older man comes over and says, "You should have used condoms. What an ugly boy." FML

by ravenskater / 04/03/2011 at 10:47pm / Kids

Richard16's comment : thats pretty fucked up

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Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

by Anonymous / 04/03/2011 at 9:46pm / United States / Intimacy

Mirorbo's comment : That's when you whip out a sex toy and tell him "You first"!~

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Today, my roommate thought it would be a good idea to show me his huge new tarantula despite knowing that I have extremely severe arachnophobia. I ended up killing it with a book and apparently now owe him $500. FML

by QWERTY / 04/03/2011 at 7:20pm / Animals

Today, while driving with my step mother, she attempted to have phone sex with my dad. FML

by Hanna / 04/03/2011 at 1:55pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML

by Chris / 04/03/2011 at 1:41pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend called me and asked what I was doing. I replied, "What I'm always doing." She couldn't think of anything besides eating. FML

by Anonymous / 04/03/2011 at 1:39pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, sun was shining and I felt confident enough to go sunbathing at the beach. In only my bikini and towel, I laid out to get some sun. A while later, a little girl came up to me and said, "Aren't you embarrassed that you're so huge?" FML

by Anonymous / 04/03/2011 at 1:31pm / United States (California) / Holidays

Today, while bending over to get the brownies I was making out of the oven, my husband slapped my butt. I fell into the oven. FML

by Anonymous / 04/03/2011 at 11:14am / United States (Texas) / Love