Today, a woman called my work and accused me of having an affair with her husband, my coworker, demanding that my boss discipline me. I don't know her, I barely know her husband, and I haven't had sex in months. FML

by kharrington / 04/07/2011 at 1:30pm / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy

Today, at 21 years old, I am still so flat chested that I can't even fit into training bras meant for 12 year olds. FML

by nerdsgetmehot / 04/07/2011 at 12:55pm / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, I was walking along when I saw this girl kissing her boyfriend. I thought to myself "I wish I had a boyfriend like that". I'm a guy, and straight. At least I thought I was. FML

by Anonymous / 04/07/2011 at 11:15am / United States (Georgia) / Love

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Today, a guy who annoys me walked over. To avoid speaking to him, I pretended to be on the phone and he walked away. A few moments later, my phone rang. I looked around to see if he'd seen me. He had. He was the one ringing me from down the hall. FML

by Anonymous / 04/07/2011 at 9:28am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally learned why the application of lasers, acids, liquid nitrogen and witchcraft never did any good on the huge warts on my hands. Apparently, it's a genetic disease and not a virus. For unknown reasons, I've recently grown the normal viral kind too. On my tongue. FML

Today, it was sunny and bright so I woke up feeling great. I pulled back the curtains in my room and saw my cat dead on the lawn. FML

by Anonymous / 04/07/2011 at 3:11am / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Animals

Today, my wife figured that a good foreplay move would be to rub MY underwear in MY face. FML

by 1337fade / 04/07/2011 at 1:19am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy

Today, I sprained my sternum in my rugby match. I now can't yell, laugh, cough, inhale or exhale fully, or sneeze without a sharp pain shooting through my chest. I have a pollen allergy, and sneeze every 5 or 10 minutes. FML

by ouchiee / 04/07/2011 at 12:17am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I finally found out what the weird sour smell that's been in my dorm room for a while is. My roommate's sweat. FML

by thatstinks / 04/06/2011 at 11:12pm / Iceland / Miscellaneous

Today, I got fired from my job. I caught a customer taking pictures up my skirt, and my boss fired me for calling the police and "making a big deal out of it". FML

by PsychoSarah / 04/06/2011 at 7:57pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I discovered that an unmentioned side effect of my new medication is body zits. I now have zits on my neck, my ear, and inside my nose. FML

by ewwww / 04/06/2011 at 3:31pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I found out that my entire class, me included, has to rewrite the painfully difficult midterm we wrote last week. All this because the Professor left the exams strewn across her desk. The cleaners thought it was trash and disposed of them. FML

by HM / 04/06/2011 at 1:28pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend's parents visited us. When everyone was chatting in the room, I needed to go to the bathroom. I got up and wanted to walk away when I sneezed, and farted at the same time. I thought they didn't hear it, until my boyfriend's brother said: "That wasn't just a sneeze was it?" FML

by Anonymous / 04/06/2011 at 7:47am / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Miscellaneous