Today, my mom decided to take away my TV after noticing that I watch the show True Blood. Apparently, since I watch this, I must be "curious about sex." I'm 19. FML

by Shelbitchh / 07/28/2011 at 5:11am / United States / Intimacy

Today, a bunch of guys at work chased me down a corridor with a Febreze spray for smelling like I'd been "sleeping in a hollowed-out horse's carcass" and having "the personal hygiene of a billy goat." FML

by Champion the wonder horse / 07/28/2011 at 4:15am / United States / Work

RebornProblem's comment : Maybe you should take a shower more often.

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Today, my husband threw out all of the spices in the cupboard. When I asked him why he said, "Our cat was named Spicy and I can't stand to look at them." Our recently deceased cat's name was Dicey. FML

by Tali / 07/28/2011 at 2:18am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML

by anonymous / 07/28/2011 at 1:39am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

MCVelvet1497's comment : Oh, shit balls.

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Today, while I was at work, a co-worker watched while some kid stole the radio out of my car. FML

by cocokiss410 / 07/28/2011 at 12:34am / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation

Today, I went to El Pollo Loco for the $10.00 special. I ordered from the pimple-faced kid at the register, pulled out two fives, and he said, "That'll be 9.70, I gave you the senior discount." I'm 10 years away from that. Thank you? FML

by Not That Old / 07/28/2011 at 12:22am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

lindsaysue's comment : Take the discount and be happy about it! The poor kid didn't have to give it to you...

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Today, I was browsing the web when I checked the search history. Turns out my son has been searching for "nude grills" and "hot grills." Not only is my 12-year-old son attempting to find porn on the internet, he also can't spell. FML

by Nickname / 07/27/2011 at 10:02pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, my mom still hasn't gotten over the novelty of our brand new microwave. We've been eating hot pockets for nearly a week now. FML

by ladytyy / 07/27/2011 at 7:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered I can properly operate the television remote with my feet. I then realized that it is pretty much my only talent. FML

by supergirl7 / 07/27/2011 at 6:21pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that horror movies do not exaggerate the pain of getting your nails ripped from your fingers. FML

by IIIlibras / 07/27/2011 at 5:28pm / United States (Louisiana) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I learned that my daughter's gerbils are not afraid of the vacuum cleaner. FML

by corasmom / 07/27/2011 at 2:09pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I was helping clean my grandpa's garage when I found some of his old election posters from the '50s. They included slogans such as, "Dick: you know it feels right" and "Want growth? Choose Dick." I'm not sure whether to be disgusted or impressed. FML

by Nick / 07/27/2011 at 1:32pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 8 year old son cut his own hair. He did a better job than I ever did. I'm a hairdresser. FML

by buiuuum / 07/27/2011 at 12:35pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids