Health: Today, I applied for a passport. I was told the first set of... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I applied for a passport. I was told the first set of photos I took were unusable because my face, particularly my chin, didn't fit inside the designated area for your face in the picture. My chin did fit in the frame, my double chin however, did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18241

You deserved it

43594

Tweet

Share

Serious times

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Such a rewarding career

By BigToe - United States

Today, I broke my toe. My mom didn't think it was necessary to take me to hospital, opting to give me some painkillers instead. They were so strong that I fell asleep for an hour during my exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33448

You deserved it

4066

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Northern Mariana Islands - Saipan

Today, I was telling 3 classmates on Whatsapp about my depression. One of them told me to "nut up n grow a pear." Two hours after we mocked him for being an illiterate jackass, one of us has had our car tires knifed and another's house has been egged. I'm terrified of what will happen to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24709

You deserved it

5302

Tweet

Share

By Riskreh - United States

Today, I had a nervous breakdown. My life has been going down the drain and I called my boyfriend for comfort. I was crying my eyes out, finally getting everything off of my chest that has been bothering me. I thought it was quiet because he was listening closely. I was wrong. He fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41177

You deserved it

8812

Tweet

Share

By Xpload - United States - Lake Orion

Today, I woke up with a skull-splitting headache. I braved the wind and freezing temperatures to get to work. Today is also the day my boss thought it would be cute to let the elementary school band play at our office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45387

You deserved it

4207

Tweet

Share

By Anon - United States

Today, I sneezed while I was in the middle of getting a root canal. I managed to warn the dentist that I was going to sneeze, but he didn't manage to get the tools out of my mouth in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29519

You deserved it

2069

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my parents were awake while I was still in bed on my iPod touch. I decided to play The Smurfs Village. One of its minigames involves shaking the iPod, so I was breathing heavily. Later, my parents sat me down for a little "talk". FML

I agree, your life sucks

26698

You deserved it

7765

Tweet

Share

By girlthatstoofat - United States

Today, I recieved a message on MySpace from a cute guy I've been talking to for a while. It read, "I saw a girl in Old Navy at the mall last night that looked a lot like you, but she was much fatter." I was in Old Navy at the mall last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37227

You deserved it

6867

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my sister bought my five year old son a giant ant farm for his birthday. We set it in the living room on a table. I went into the kitchen for a minute, and when I walked back in to the living room, my son was holding the empty case over his head, smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39051

You deserved it

7928

Tweet

Share

By SweetFA - Canada

Today, I brought my little sons into work with me. I introduced them to my boss. She said to my shy kids, "You boys don't know me, do you? I'm Janice." The older one lit up and said, "Oh, I know you, mommy complains about you all the time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44439

You deserved it

17107

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33722

You deserved it

5699

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my younger brother brought home his new bagpipes. My older brother plays the drums. I'm currently preparing to sit the most important exams of my schooling life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27431

You deserved it

2396

Tweet

Share

By kansasgirl - United States

Today, my two year old decided to run out the front door alone. I ran after him, tripped over the bottom of my jeans, fell onto the sidewalk and scraped up both my hands and knees. My neighbors just watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24695

You deserved it

4357

Tweet

Share

By Nighty-nitrogen - United States - Hollywood

Today, I was trying to sleep, when I felt someone rattling my bed from underneath. Petrified from shock, I lied there for what felt like hours, waiting for a murderer to spring out. I must've finally fallen asleep, and when I woke up in the morning, I found out it was a minor earthquake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11437

You deserved it

1829

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

To each their own

Today, taking a piss still gives me more pleasure than masturbation or sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1618

You deserved it

257

Tweet

Share

By c - United States - Denham Springs

Today, my boss bitched at me because my body language "indicates that you don't enjoy doing your job". I just have scoliosis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29020

You deserved it

1749

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my mom called me to tell me she'd got in touch with my ex for his birthday, and that the two of them had made a plan for us to get back together. My new boyfriend was in the process of proposing to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2115

You deserved it

129

Tweet

Share

By doomed - United States

Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56196

You deserved it

6648

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Brandon

Today, I went to my new gynecologist. He has an eye twitch, and every time he asks about my genitals, he winks at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47859

You deserved it

4307

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was participating in an exercise in my psychology class to describe this horrible looking person I had never seen before and I described the person as a "rebellious, drug dealing, lowlife". The person in that picture turned out to be my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25253

You deserved it

9624

Tweet

Share

By UnpaidBabysitter - United States - New York

Today, I was shut in a boiling hot room with six children: a 10-year-old who kept shouting, a belligerent 7-year-old, two 5-year-olds who thought hitting me was funny and two 2-year-olds, who wouldn't stop crying. Their parents were just outside, laughing away, ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1589

You deserved it

177

Tweet

Share

By Cheated - Canada

Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, my wife then told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60181

You deserved it

4538

Tweet

Share

By Wilhelm - Philippines - Makati

Today, I heard water dripping at the back of our house. I went to investigate, only to find a man peeing on our garden gnome. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15809

You deserved it

1481

Tweet

Share

By stanky - United States - Columbus

Today, I was about to leave for my honeymoon with my new husband, when he saw my deodorant in my bag. He picked it up and asked what it was. When I said it was deodorant, he gave me a confused look and said "girls don't wear deodorant". He actually believed that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29232

You deserved it

2968

Tweet

Share

By ThisIsWhyIStayAtHome - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45207

You deserved it

3383

Tweet

Share

By a manly woman? - United States

Today, a girl entered the public washroom I was washing my hands in. When she saw me, she stopped dead in her tracks. I then saw her go to the door to make sure she was actually in the girl's washroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42048

You deserved it

4945

Tweet

Share

By michael - United States

Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to take a dump out of a second-story window is a very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7180

You deserved it

41871

Tweet

Share

By anon - United States

Today, I was sitting in a theater waiting for the movie to start when a hot guy sat next to me. Trying to impress him, I made seemingly witty comments to my friend throughout the movie. When it ended he loudly complained to his friends about the annoying girl sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9707

You deserved it

104238

Tweet

Share

By Faithy - United States

Today, I got flustered because my hair straightener wasn't working. It took me fifteen minutes to realize I hadn't turned it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9712

You deserved it

48272

Tweet

Share

By crashingdown - Australia

Today, I had a weird dream I woke up on the bathroom floor at my local gym. Turns out it wasn't a dream, and I passed out from "overworking myself". I was on the treadmill for under 5 minutes, walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29024

You deserved it

14554

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about our new year's resolutions. I started telling him that I wanted to lose some weight. He interrupted me, saying, "Yeah yeah, we all know you're fat, whatever." He then went on a 30 minute speech about how he'd really like to take more pictures of his cat in 2011. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31409

You deserved it

6248

Tweet

Share

By

Science teacher

Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2614

You deserved it

217

Tweet

Share

By mariama - United States

Today, I visited my family. Over the course of 2 hours, my brother punched me, and my mom slapped me across the face after drinking way too much wine. When I started gathering my things to leave, my mom started crying about how I don't visit enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37887

You deserved it

3110

Tweet

Share

By bloodless - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I went for bloodwork. It's routine for me, so I was ready for the nurse to put in the needle and take my blood. It went in fine, but right after, she slowly pulled the needle out, then wondered why the blood stopped. She then moved it back and forth in my arm while I panicked silently. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22221

You deserved it

1540

Tweet

Share

By

Today, I went paint-balling with my girlfriend. As we drove she was scared about getting shot a lot, especially in the head. I reassured her that with all the protective gear it was unlikely. First round, within a minute, she gets shot 3 times in the back of the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5857

You deserved it

801

Tweet

Share

By 16590 - Sweden

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44887

You deserved it

4775

Tweet

Share

By Pop - United States - New York

Today, my grandfather told me that I was ugly. When my mom found out, she said that "old people are allowed to tell the truth". FML

I agree, your life sucks

49476

You deserved it

4769

Tweet

Share

By pixie09 - United States

Today, I got sentenced to 20 hours community service for having a boy in my room an hour after floor hours. If I don't do the community service, I could get kicked out of the dorm and put on probation at my college. We were breaking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31364

You deserved it

11569

Tweet

Share

By ImAnEngineer - United States - Canandaigua

Today, my boss quit, leaving me as the only structural engineer at my company. I'm fresh out of college and will have to finish the projects on my own. Hope Google can teach me how to do this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25609

You deserved it

1858

Tweet

Share

By mahanaaa_23 - United States - Honolulu

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years proposed to me. Less than 3 hours later, he panicked and made me give the ring back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45714

You deserved it

4380

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Higginsville

Today, I was feeling down and decided to eat one of my roommate's chocolate Pop-Tarts to cheer myself up. I took a big bite and thought it tasted "off". It was full of live maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5173

You deserved it

2576

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By KaySL | 24

#551354 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 20:07

1) It's not filed under intimacy
2) Your spelling is truly dire. Work on that

Think before you say something fucking stupid.

By SKYblue_fml | 1

#551347 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 20:05

It's under "health" not "intimacy"

COMMENTS

By mmsshadow | 0

#551335 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 20:03

that has nothing to do with intamacy retard

Reply

Lisimal | 7

#551341 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 20:04

What?

Reply

KaySL | 24

#551354 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 20:07

1) It's not filed under intimacy
2) Your spelling is truly dire. Work on that

Think before you say something fucking stupid.

Reply

rslov3r43v3r | 0

#551521 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 21:43

she's got cock on her mind

Reply

mmsshadow | 0

#552025 - Thursday 10 September 2009 0:49

on mine it showed up under intimacy

Reply

shelbtron | 0

#552659 - Thursday 10 September 2009 5:21

1) lose weight
2) take a fuckin step back or take your own GD passport photo. it's allowed.

Reply

MimiKnox | 0

#552698 - Thursday 10 September 2009 5:54

I'm not really sure whether to laugh or feel sorry for you....

By Fop | 6

#551342 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 20:05

This made my day :D

By cuterthanuthink | 0

#551343 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 20:05

ok...

By plexico | 3

#551345 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 20:05

You should have shrunk down a picture of a catcher's mitt and sent it in, fatty.

Reply

feari_princess | 0

#551993 - Thursday 10 September 2009 0:39

win! your coments always make me laugh plexico! why were you downvoted?!

By SKYblue_fml | 1

#551347 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 20:05

It's under "health" not "intimacy"

By cefarix | 5

#551349 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 20:06

ZING!

By Egotistical | 0

#551352 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 20:06

LOL.
Where's ireplywithlyrics/plexico when you need them?

Reply

CraziOne | 0

#551379 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 20:20

Plexico did comment on this just so you know. Look at comment number 5.

Reply

ireply_w_lyrics | 0

#552009 - Thursday 10 September 2009 0:44

Here i am!

"...His fingerprints are everywhere
I just slowed down to stop and stare
Opened my eyes and man I swear
I saw God today ..."

You wanna know why she saw God today? Because of the near death experience through a heart attack after last time she ate McDicks

By blueem2 | 0

#551362 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 20:12

FAT FUCK

By cuteguyoO | 0

#551365 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 20:13

sounds fake

By PaulieeBooMN | 0

#551370 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 20:15

Then lose weight?