Kids: Today, my daughter used the kids potty chair on her own for the...

By Udxero - 10/09/2009 07:51 - United States

Today, my daughter used the kids potty chair on her own for the first time. Bad: The bucket was not in it so poo hit the floor. Good: she tried to clean it... Bad: with her socks. Good: she decided to clean the socks. Bad: she used the wall. Good: she finally called dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 262

You deserved it 4 797

Udxero tells us more.

Udxero 6

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Friday 11 September 2009 1:58

Okay, I wanted to clarify a few things for some people. During this event, I was in the living room she was in her bedroom. She was actually laying down for bed; this was close to 10:00AM she was supposed to be already sleeping. So I thought she was already asleep. As for the bucket in the potty chair, my wife decided since my daughter is a big girl we would place it in her room, so if she needed to go at night she could. A bad decision on our part I assure you. She removed the bucket herself before the post occurred. Again she was lying down and suppose to be asleep, I did not know she did this either. Needless to say the potty chair is no longer in their room.

Kids

Commando

Sorry…

Great question

By Anonymous - 20/06/2015 05:08 - United States - Portland

Today, I caught my mother-in-law trying to plant a GPS tracker on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 630

You deserved it 2 086

A Tale of Two Nutritionists

By Christin Deason - 08/09/2019 22:00

Today, a friend criticized my detox method, calling it "unhealthy and unsafe." Recently, she made a post bragging about her dieting method, which is also very unhealthy and unsafe. I told her she was being a hypocrite. She unfriended and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 266

You deserved it 365

By nick - 06/03/2011 01:42 - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 348

You deserved it 3 800

By oxbonxo - 07/02/2011 08:38 - Australia

Today, after hanging up the phone, I realised that telemarketers are my only form of social life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 530

You deserved it 6 143

By upliftmofo - 28/03/2011 05:56 - Belgium

Today, I discovered my cat frequently licks my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 603

You deserved it 5 961

Mind control

By Anonymous - 26/05/2020 17:00

Today, after my fiancee gave me $100 to spend at the garden center as my Mother's Day gift, when I was on my way home from the center, he called and yelled at me because I didn't get what he wanted me to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 599

You deserved it 136

By j - 04/06/2009 03:36 - Australia

Today, I rode my bike to the grocery store. I left my bike on the small bike rack they have outside the door. When I came out 5 minutes later I found someone had tied their enormous, growling German Shepard to the same rack. I had to wait for the owner to come out who then laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 272

You deserved it 6 531

By Username - 12/11/2011 21:42 - United States

Today, my daughter in law sent me another romantic text that was meant for her husband. Not only can't she spell for shit, the clichés she uses are horrifyingly embarrassing. The fact this keeps happening makes me want to slam her head in the oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 652

You deserved it 4 603

By pimpslaprequired - 04/08/2012 01:52 - United States

Today, I got on an elevator at the mall, along with a twelve or thirteen-year-old girl talking on her cell. She spent the whole ride telling the person on the other end how hideous I looked and how I look like a pregnant sperm whale. I was too humiliated to even say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 911

You deserved it 4 837

Priorities

By phones - 16/01/2015 17:09 - United States

Today, I accidentally spilled a big glass of water on the table, where I had some papers, my cellphone, and a box of donuts. With lightning reflexes, my sister heroically jumped forward and saved the donuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 816

You deserved it 9 215

By wallflower - 10/09/2009 06:25 - United States

Today, I finally agreed to the threesome that my husband has been trying to persuade me to have. We arranged it with my hot best friend, thinking I would be more comfortable with her. I ended up lying naked beside them, watching them have fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 045

You deserved it 40 786

By seththing - 22/05/2016 03:49

Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 044

You deserved it 3 144

By language barriers - 12/02/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I was at the airport trying to help a man get to the right terminal. When he finished he turned to tell me "Don't worry, your English is pretty good, considering you're not American". English is my only language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 149

You deserved it 5 191

By Monty Python's Flying Circus - 19/05/2017 04:00

Today, it's been three weeks since my son found my old red dress and hat outfit in the attic, and like every day since then, he has been putting it on and bursting into rooms without warning and shouting, "NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!" He's almost 18 and going to college in September. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 008

You deserved it 939

By wtf - 26/08/2012 05:03 - New Zealand - Invercargill

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by picture, during a game of Draw Something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 275

You deserved it 2 398

By Username - 20/10/2010 18:08 - France

Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 594

You deserved it 3 475

By Livingthedream - 12/08/2018 06:00

Today, I got home from a long day of work and saw a pile of dog puke on the kitchen floor. I went to get paper towels and found a pile of dog shit. With my foot. Both of my kids were home all day and left the piles for me to clean because "that's gross". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 872

You deserved it 440

By ohwell - 09/06/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, I finally confessed to the guy I've liked for 2 years. I told him that I've really liked him for a long time and that I knew he had a girlfriend and I didn't expect anything from him, I just wanted him to know. His response: "Are you done? 'Cause I need to go to the bathroom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 156

You deserved it 17 292

By bagadigi - 27/10/2016 14:18 - Canada - Nepean

Today, I was sitting in my old rusty truck in an empty parking lot, when some old lady parks beside me and opens her door, hitting my truck. Having a used up truck, I didn't mind. But you could tell that it made her mad, when she came back with the manager demanding that I pay for her paint job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 764

You deserved it 611

By unknown - 27/02/2012 17:42 - United States

Today, I called my husband, who is currently stationed in Japan, to see how he was doing. According to his girlfriend, he's doing fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 335

You deserved it 2 960

By Anonymous - 03/04/2013 09:17 - United States

Today, I was lost in a foreign city so I asked a girl for directions. She replied, "Directions? ONE DIRECTION!" and started screaming in my face and jumping around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 672

You deserved it 5 691

By Anonymous - 16/01/2011 17:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I bleached my hair. Not only did it fry, it also has a very noticeable green tint and because of the damage, I can't dye it again for a while. Now I keep getting asked "Why so serious?" by my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 359

You deserved it 32 661

By Anonymous - 16/04/2016 06:01 - United States - Spring

Today, my fiancé's mom was driving me to the store to pick up my wedding dress. A few minutes into the drive, she said the car's tank was nearly out of "Jews" and that she'd have to give it "a whole lotta gas", then chuckled to herself. She's well aware that I'm Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 645

You deserved it 2 302

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I asked my friends what NNAS was code for. They have been using this for about a month. After bothering one of them for a few hours, he finally told me. NNAS stands for Nataly Needs A Shower. I'm Nataly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 471

You deserved it 52 133

By Ouijake - 04/01/2017 00:15

Today, I tried out the new VR headset I got for Christmas. I downloaded a 'Moon Walk' app and went for a walk around my basement. I felt adventurous and tried to climb my stairs, took a nice large step ready to ascend the lunar hill, and found myself standing in my cat's litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 477

You deserved it 3 469

By waterlogged - 22/09/2010 04:14 - United States

Today, my entire region received record rainfall, with torrential downpours all day and night. Today was also the day I discovered my car's sunroof leaks, when I was greeted with two inches of standing water in my floorboards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 857

You deserved it 2 595

Smelly cat, smelly cat…

By Kas - 25/11/2020 11:02

Today, my cat decided the perfect place to throw up was on herself. Cleaning a smelly old cat with a showerhead is trouble enough, but when she tried to escape, it resulted in the bathroom being turned into one big puddle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 119

By boned - 27/01/2010 05:25 - United States

Today, I checked my university financial account to discover I owed them over $1000. The reason? They had apparently given me too much money when I applied for a loan and now want it back. Oh, and I spent my loan money on books and a laptop for school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 346

You deserved it 3 294

By fuckMYlife94321 - 26/04/2009 16:21 - United States

Today, I was taking a nap while my mom was at work. I woke up when she came home and didn't think anything of it so I went back to sleep. When I woke up again, I went downstairs and our 52" plasma screen TV, my xbox 360, and $1500 computer were all stolen. I'm guessing that wasn't my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 783

You deserved it 13 736

Hangry

By Anonymous - 23/05/2021 06:01

Today, my son threw a temper tantrum and told me I “should have aborted him” and threatened to run away from home. Why? Because I nicely asked him to share his french fries with his sister. My son is 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 204

By Anonymous - 22/02/2017 17:00 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my mom asked why my three-year-old son is named Trevor. After I told her it was from my favorite game, GTA V, she hit me over the head with a shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 731

You deserved it 12 388

By Cinderella - 09/07/2017 14:55

Today, my house was so dusty that when I started to clean it, the smoke detector went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 862

You deserved it 2 314

Fundies say the darndest things

By Lyle - 13/12/2020 01:07 - United Kingdom

Today, after my father in law upset my 6-year-old son by telling him creating a world in Minecraft is a sin, because only god is allowed to create worlds so all Minecraft players will burn in hell one day, it's been 5 days since he's slept right because he’s scared the Devil will burn him if he falls asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 469

You deserved it 91

By EPICfml. - 02/03/2009 19:01 - United States

Today, my dad woke me up at 6 told me to take a shower and drove me to school only to say "just kidding, happy snowday!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 517

You deserved it 13 492

By tay - 17/09/2013 15:44 - Canada - Erin

Today, it was my first day closing alone at a pet store when a lady came in wanting to return a bird she bought months ago. Once I informed her there were no returns on livestock, she let the bird free and ran out the door, leaving me to catch it and explain to my manager where it came from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 551

You deserved it 2 831

By unknown - 24/01/2010 15:27 - France

Today, my boyfriend told me he hasn't showered since our first date. We've been dating for three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 141

You deserved it 4 788

By NonBelieber - 18/09/2013 04:22 - United States - Bessemer

Today, just like the last several days, I walked out to my car after class only to notice the Justin Beiber stickers arranged on my bumper and license plates. My dad put them there, and thinks it's just as hilarious as the first time. He has four packs of stickers left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 770

You deserved it 3 068

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 18:21 - United States

Today, I was working as the shift manager at my job at a fast food restaurant. Our company policy states that all employees must be clean shaven before coming to work. I had to inform one of the employees, Kris, that they had to shave before clocking in. Kris is a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 013

You deserved it 3 548

Smart move

By Triedtobecool - 06/04/2009 02:22 - Canada

Today, I went to buy beer underage for a party to impress a girl. I picked up the case of beer and went to the cashier, he ran it through without asking for ID. I left the store with a smirk on my face, I arrived at the party and showed the case to the girl. It was non-alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 951

You deserved it 99 731

By anonymous - 19/07/2012 01:29 - United States

Today, I told my mom about the severe phobia I've developed towards driving. She was very supportive and even made me an appointment to see a psychologist. His office is two hours away. I have to drive to see my doctor about my fear of driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 606

You deserved it 3 412

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Top comments

evilbrent 0

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Thursday 10 September 2009 16:36

love the way you wrote it

WIDRR 0

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Thursday 10 September 2009 22:38

anyone else agree that this fml would be 10 times better if it ended with Bad: I'm dad. FML

great_lawl 0

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Thursday 10 September 2009 16:24

brutal!

WIDRR 0

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Thursday 10 September 2009 22:38

anyone else agree that this fml would be 10 times better if it ended with Bad: I'm dad. FML

Reyo 2

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Thursday 10 September 2009 23:29

I DO!

SlightlyGPirate 0

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Friday 11 September 2009 8:26

the OP is dad =]

Paradox621 0

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Friday 11 September 2009 8:59

@99 THAT'S THE JOKE

CHRIS1920 0

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Friday 11 September 2009 15:49

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xSinful 0

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Saturday 12 September 2009 2:02

I can see your future: a flaming retard with less than half a brain left. Seriously the kid is young so obviously she wouldn't understand that. At least she tried to clean up her mess and had the brains to call someone who knew how to clean up the mess. Seriously if all you will do is consider little children to be as smart as you then I wonder how smart they will be when they grow up.

brit8741 0

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Monday 26 April 2010 19:25

104, you're an idiot. his daughter is probably... 4? Maybe? And OP is her dad.

Clare420 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 3:27

I agree with #64

skyler_kitttyyy 0

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Sunday 8 August 2010 19:41

I can't help but laugh she Seems so cutee awwwwwwww =] atleast she tryed

AnthonyD86 0

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Thursday 10 September 2009 16:25

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whyohwhyohwhy 0

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Thursday 10 September 2009 17:13

Reply to #2: I hope you never have kids, you're going to be an overprotective nervous wreck. When you have children your house generally doesn't have "things that could do her harm" around every corner. Also, by the time they are old enough to use the potty on their own they don't need constant supervision, it's not like they just learned to walk and are falling all over the place, they generally can talk and move about quite freely by this time. Lighten up. At #13 you're an ass. OP welcome to the wonderful world of potty training, we've all done it, we made it through ok!

CryingHowls 0

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Thursday 10 September 2009 18:52

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girlygirl666 0

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Thursday 10 September 2009 19:08

Where does it say the kid was left "home alone"? Idiot. The wording was cute, OP, and your daughter sounds adorable.

dudeitsdanny 9

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Thursday 10 September 2009 19:56

You know... After reading all these FMLs... Maybe children SHOULD be supervised more, haha. Anyways, OP: FYL. On the brightside... She didn't use your pants like I did when I tried to wipe myself with my hands....

whyohwhyohwhy 0

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Thursday 10 September 2009 21:19

thanks for your comment #38 i have three year old twins that are potty training. My husband and i are very attentive parents (then again, we have a VERY small house so they can't really get out of earshot), thus not leaving "medicine to be mistaken for candy" anywhere where a child can get to it. The bathroom door is always open to them if they need to go and potty chairs are at toddler height so there will never be the "slipping and falling on the head" you speak of, and where does it say anything about the child being left home alone?

Udxero 6

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Friday 11 September 2009 2:03

Seriously, what house does not have hard floors. Carpet or not, it is still very hard, and a child could find a way to get hurt in a padded cell.

fmylifegurl 0

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Friday 11 September 2009 5:08

lol true true i ran into walls as a baby... lol i still do op sucks for u

GoneClubbin 9

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Monday 15 August 2011 6:31

I completely agree with you kids from ages 0-3 should not be left alone

uffiewuffie 0

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Saturday 20 August 2011 22:48

You're retarded

Cynical_D_Luffy 10

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Tuesday 1 July 2014 19:56

It's funny how #38 is getting buried for wanting to keep children safe...

JoeyImage 0

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Thursday 10 September 2009 16:28

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jm88 0

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Thursday 10 September 2009 16:40

I didn't think the FML was that bad. original at least...

jannie22 0

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Tuesday 26 July 2011 23:14

you an the FML have something in common then. -_-

Lovebug27 0

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Thursday 10 September 2009 16:30

omg that's nasty but hilarious for us to read!!!!!!!!

fatduck 0

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Thursday 10 September 2009 16:33

Thats what you get for teaching your children to be independent.

jazzerina67 0

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Thursday 7 April 2011 22:51

he wasn't teaching her to be independent he was teaching her to poop in a toilet!!

jannie22 0

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Tuesday 26 July 2011 23:16

WTF is wrong with you! Everyone wants their child to be independent eventually.

rayrayIAIL 0

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Thursday 10 September 2009 16:33

That is really funny! Cute way to right it too.

longtimesunshine 4

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Sunday 19 September 2010 9:31

... write* ?

evilbrent 0

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Thursday 10 September 2009 16:36

love the way you wrote it

oohlalaura 0

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Thursday 10 September 2009 16:37

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teentee401 36

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Sunday 13 July 2014 2:32

Out maybe?

Rhbk898 0

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Thursday 10 September 2009 16:40

I lol'd at this FML. To the people who take FML too literally: lighten up and don't bother coming here if all you can think about is trying to sound smart by accusing FML's to be fake regardless of the fact that this site is just here for a good laugh.