Miscellaneous: Today, my new roommate took a shower. This would be a good thing,...

By I hate nasty people - 05/04/2012 16:18 - United States - South Bend

Today, my new roommate took a shower. This would be a good thing, except for the fact that it's apparently taken her two months just to take this one. I have to live with her for another year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 784

You deserved it 2 154

Miscellaneous

Triage

Good kid

Heaven knows I'm miserable now…

That's a lot of damage!

By Stressed_Out_Student - 29/08/2018 22:00

Today, I had to do a still life of a pillowcase for my drawing class. To make up for bad grades I've gotten before, I followed my professor's directions to a T. He took 19 points off because I drew the background when no one else did. We have to do it for every piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 808

You deserved it 228

By Anonymous - 12/08/2019 22:02 - Germany

Today, I asked my boss to pay me for the only 2 sick days I had taken in 6 months, but he didn't want to. I reminded him that it's the law now in Germany, even for part-time work, so he said OK. Two hours later, he fired me. One week before my probationary period was up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 887

You deserved it 528

By Anonymous - 12/12/2013 21:53 - New Zealand - Napier

Today, my girlfriend sent her new boyfriend over to my place to break up with me for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 315

You deserved it 3 492

By Anonymous - 07/01/2010 03:17 - United States

Today, after months of trying, my wife of seven years told me she is finally pregnant. I'm going to be an uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 471

You deserved it 3 571

By JamesFuckingBond - 23/12/2016 21:05 - United States - Burlington

Today, I dropped my wedding ring on the carpet. Just as I was about to pick it up, my Roomba sucked it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 679

You deserved it 1 699

By chickenlover - 27/08/2009 20:53 - United States

Today, I was driving past a farm that always has 4 chickens walking around outside. It always cheers me up to see them, but I couldn't find them. I wasn't watching the road so I didn't see when I ran over all 4 chickens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 737

You deserved it 54 615

Mum

By mummer11 - 15/11/2013 17:49 - Ireland

Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred, "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 938

You deserved it 3 117

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 15:32 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend did the washing as an attempt to help me. Not only are all my clothes now pink, he refuses to do the dishes, vacuuming, bathroom, ironing etc., as he has done "plenty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 661

You deserved it 4 593

By raynbowsend - 23/04/2009 05:22 - Malaysia

Today, I had an appraisal meeting with the Boss. She raved and gushed and told me what a great job I was doing. Then she said "Well done, Eric". Eric is not my name. She froze, opened a new file and told me my actual appraisal, which was the complete opposite of everything she had just said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 203

You deserved it 6 711

By Kim - 22/03/2011 18:30 - United States

Today, at work I had to convince an 80 year old mental patient that she's not Ke$ha and that she really has to put her clothes back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 703

You deserved it 4 865

Whoops

By Anonymous - 31/01/2018 01:30

Today, while leaving a job site, I put a bundle of pipe on my boss's van, picked up a few tools, and left for the day. He called screaming 30 minutes later to inform me that I didn't strap the pipe to the rack. It slid off the van and hit the car in front of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 063

You deserved it 4 751

By get a grip, son - 30/05/2014 20:37 - United States - Pooler

Today, my 15-year-old son got so enraged at a fly that kept harassing him, that he ended up slapping himself in the face as it flew by him. This caused him to fall out of his chair, at which point he broke down into a mess of tears, humiliating me in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 106

You deserved it 10 814

Judgemental

By still on the wagon - 18/07/2021 15:01 - United States

Today, I got a ton of angry and disappointed messages. My boyfriend posted a picture of us out at a restaurant, and I was holding a brown bottle. I’m a recovering alcoholic, and I was drinking a fancy root beer. No one believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 81

Lonely days

By beckbr - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I asked a little old lady in line at my work why she wasn't out enjoying the beautiful day with all her friends. Her response, "I'd love to, but they're all dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 353

You deserved it 29 879

By xX-SaD-FaCe-Xx - 24/11/2009 10:04 - Singapore

Today, the woman I love told me she cared about me and didn't like me hurting myself. She then posted a picture of herself making-out with her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 832

You deserved it 5 781

By gamerlaura - 21/07/2016 22:09 - United Kingdom - Blaenau-ffestiniog

Today, I went to the store to get groceries. After getting all the stuff I need, and was heading towards the checkout point, I heard a baby cry and instantly felt coldness on my shirt. Yes I was lactating, and yes it was noticeable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 628

You deserved it 1 451

By mylifeisfcked - 25/02/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, I sent out a note to 300 friends saying that I'm having a birthday party in a couple weeks. I asked to please write back if they are interested in going . . . two people answered...They said they can't make it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 702

You deserved it 4 763

By OuchImAMoron - 29/11/2013 02:05 - United States - Old Bridge

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 423

You deserved it 46 630

On the rocks

By leogs23 - 26/01/2021 10:59

Today, my fiancée is convinced that I just want to marry her to get a green card, so she doesn’t want to marry me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 615

You deserved it 669

By monkey2069 - 13/05/2014 13:58 - United States - Elgin

Today, a lady handed me a $10 tip on a $45 bill. I was happy with it, since it was more than 20%, until she came back in and said, "I'm sorry I gave you the wrong amount." I handed it back to her and then she gave me a dollar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 671

You deserved it 4 869

By Crash44 - 08/07/2019 02:03

Today, my girlfriend and I broke the news to my parents that we're having a baby. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "It's probably not yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 938

You deserved it 231

By Ghettogirl4life - 12/07/2011 13:34 - United States

Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 963

You deserved it 3 157

By Anonymous - 17/01/2012 06:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend shared with me his anxiety about death, so I shared with him one of my ridiculously irrational fears. He thought I was making fun of him and now won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 890

You deserved it 5 600

By Goblin Girl - 01/08/2012 05:46 - United States - Katy

Today, a coworker informed me that she thinks I may be descended from a race of goblins, because of my squat stature, ugly face and hairy arms. She was being completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 406

You deserved it 2 245

By Cody - 30/12/2008 09:35 - France

Today, I was at a job interview at McDonalds. All was going well until the manager told me that I'd have to remove the piercing that I have on my eyebrow. I didn't think that my mole would be so confusing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 886

You deserved it 2 296

By Anonymous - 14/02/2013 00:00 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 286

You deserved it 5 082

This pandemic is so 2019

By Anonymous - 04/06/2021 20:59 - United States - Cabot

Today, my water broke. Due to Covid-19, we couldn't go straight to labor and delivery, so had to go to the emergency room and wait to be taken up. I sat there for an hour with a ruptured sac and contractions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 83

By Username - 20/06/2011 15:57 - United States

Today, I had to pick my parents up from jail. They thought it would be okay to have sex behind a bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 560

You deserved it 4 250

By Anonymous - 20/08/2015 17:25 - United States - Houston

Today, I was driving home. I desperately needed the bathroom, so I was speeding a little bit. A cop pulled me over and gave me hell. He said he'd heard my story a hundred times and didn't believe me. I couldn't hold it and ended up marinating in my own piss while he ran my plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 990

You deserved it 2 803

By dEpPrEsSeDgIrL - 11/11/2009 11:28 - United States

Today, my dad decided to clean my 20 gallon fish tank. I had 6 fish. One of them was called a transparent fish, clear with a bright orange tail, which was my favorite. My dad didn't see it, and dumped the water out along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 836

You deserved it 3 910

By Anon - 14/11/2011 08:45 - United States

Today, I carpooled with my co-worker whose girlfriend has left him. The radio was playing the song "Jar of Hearts." He then began to sing intensely, and broke down crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 117

You deserved it 3 248

By SDCore - 12/02/2015 00:40 - United States - Glenview

Today, I got drunk at a party. I didn't want my parents to know, so I took out my phone, called my parents, and asked them not to tell them I'm drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 811

You deserved it 39 787

By bronco_lover89 - 22/05/2012 01:05 - United States - Essexville

Today, after months of using the empty driveway across the street from my house, a note was placed under my windshield wiper. It read, "Please stop parking in my driveway. P.S. You’re hot. Are you single?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 904

You deserved it 39 289

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 06:36 - United States

Today, I told my dad that I had a herpes infection. He said "Good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 358

You deserved it 38 117

By Anonymou$ - 06/11/2014 23:37 - United States - Daphne

Today, I spent over $2,000 on a big flatscreen TV. My dad insisted I let him mount it on the wall instead of paying someone to do it. All seemed fine, until the TV came loose and smashed onto the floor. My dad refuses to accept responsibility, and says I should've had a professional install it instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 969

You deserved it 7 774

By Herman - 25/02/2010 00:57 - France

Today, a guy at work told me to, "Relax, dude", All. Day. Long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 838

You deserved it 5 792

By Anonymous - 08/05/2014 19:00 - United Kingdom - Aylesbury

Today, an old man wanted to give me a tip for bagging his groceries. He slipped some money as deep into my pocket as he could, stroking my thigh for a few long seconds in the process, then he gave me a creepy smile and winked before walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 253

You deserved it 4 522

By stuck - 17/06/2009 03:42 - United States

Today, I was working as a service writer in an auto service shop. A really cute girl came in to buy a headlight, I offered to install the bulb for her. My hand got stuck behind the headlight, she had to ask one of our mechanics to come remove the air box from her car to get my hand out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 802

You deserved it 10 462

By Noname - 12/03/2009 09:06 - Philippines

Today, I was running late for work so instead of walking the ten minutes to the office, I took a taxi. The driver took the opportunity to share the story of his first sexual experience with a man. In great detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 815

You deserved it 14 530

By Ab - 10/02/2009 01:50 - United States

Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 259

You deserved it 42 601

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Matty1188 6

Send a private message

Thursday 5 April 2012 22:19

Sorry, OP. That stinks.

Palirose 22

Send a private message

Thursday 5 April 2012 22:21

Tell her she needs to shower more. Otherwise you're going to start spilling buckets of water and soap on her every morning.

Matty1188 6

Send a private message

Thursday 5 April 2012 22:19

Sorry, OP. That stinks.

nado13579 12

Send a private message

Thursday 5 April 2012 22:40

Well at least she took one.

JustDerpin 11

Send a private message

Thursday 5 April 2012 22:46

that's so punny!

Birdie_Sage 0

Send a private message

Thursday 5 April 2012 22:52

For now, enjoy the freshness while you still can.

skoob1 12

Send a private message

Friday 6 April 2012 0:44

B-d-chhhh*drums*

allthatandmore 0

Send a private message

Friday 6 April 2012 3:47

Legit too

pytharo 6

Send a private message

Friday 6 April 2012 4:26

Look at it on the bright side, you guys are saving on the water bill

auntycj 0

Send a private message

Friday 6 April 2012 5:23

Why don't you ask her to join aquacize with you? At least its daily contact with water... Yeah, I know, I spelled aquacize wrong.

idefka 34

Send a private message

Sunday 13 December 2015 15:57

#44 *bu dum tssss

Celesta 11

Send a private message

Thursday 5 April 2012 22:19

Time to get the hose out!

coldashell 23

Send a private message

Friday 6 April 2012 1:50

One of my buddies has his sister living with him. She never bathes. You can smell her 30 feet away. Time for the fire hose and bleach.

ycrem0n 21

Send a private message

Friday 6 April 2012 2:31

And maybe some Windex

sillycart 9

Send a private message

Friday 13 April 2012 17:35

^ Windex fixes everything.

Palirose 22

Send a private message

Thursday 5 April 2012 22:21

Tell her she needs to shower more. Otherwise you're going to start spilling buckets of water and soap on her every morning.

Gamaryn 0

Send a private message

Friday 6 April 2012 2:33

So many bad jokes to this comment...lol. The one I instantly thought of, Is that if OP has to do this more than once they can say "Oops I spilled it again." like Britney Spears. I'll withhold the others LOL.

BRITTANYHUNGRY 0

Send a private message

Friday 6 April 2012 6:02

I would do that very thing.

AntiHero1317 8

Send a private message

Thursday 5 April 2012 22:22

That is pretty disgusting and I hope that changes because I personally would not be able to deal with that.

coried91 28

Send a private message

Friday 6 April 2012 5:18

As a woman, that's nasty. I would force her into the shower and wash her myself if I had to. I would just wear protective gear so I wouldn't have to touch that nasty shit that might possibly be growing between her thighs.

chili10 18

Send a private message

Friday 6 April 2012 9:46

That's nasty for anybody...

coried91 28

Send a private message

Friday 6 April 2012 11:00

True

abbybailey204 19

Send a private message

Thursday 5 April 2012 22:23

But at least she's showering though. Ya her timing does suck, but at least she's still showering.

xXxIracebethxXx 14

Send a private message

Thursday 5 April 2012 22:48

One shower every two months is good enough because "at least" she showers? WTF? That's disgusting as hell.

cmyk 19

Send a private message

Thursday 5 April 2012 23:53

As a woman, once a month you should pay even more attention to your hygiene.. -.- yuk. You can get sick if you don't clean yourself! And the smell... The smell.. *gags*

abbybailey204 19

Send a private message

Friday 6 April 2012 1:30

I never said it was good enough, but every 2 months is better than never

MizzErikaHart 8

Send a private message

Friday 6 April 2012 3:36

Who knows, she might not shower for 4 months now. Anyways op, maybe you should have a talk with her about hygiene and maybe you can compromise with weekly to bi-weekly showers...it's a start