All the FMLs

By 6u174r_d00d - 10/08/2011 21:10 - United States

Today, I saw a cute girl working register at my regular coffee shop and politely asked the her for her number. I was brutally rejected. A few minutes later, a douchebag with a popped collar approached her with a cheesy pickup line and left with not only her number, but a free frappe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 068

You deserved it 6 145

By Ser17 - 10/08/2011 17:47 - United States

Today, I was preparing food in the microwave. I hadn't noticed that a fly had flown in until I noticed its melted corpse engraved into my hot-pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 951

You deserved it 5 911

By teeth - 10/08/2011 17:00 - United States

Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 477

You deserved it 2 837

By elvisfreak5446 - 10/08/2011 16:12 - United States

Today, I was arguing with a friend over whether or not I'm fat. She kept telling me that I was. Angry, I sat down on the chair beside her. It broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 207

You deserved it 23 412

By donny31459 - 10/08/2011 14:44 - United States

Today, I got a ticket from a cop for not riding my bike in the bike lane. I wasn't riding in the bike lane because I was avoiding construction work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 117

You deserved it 3 974

By MaydayManic - 10/08/2011 13:11 - United States

Today, I finally went to my boyfriend's house to meet his family. When they were giving me a tour of the house, I noticed a Nazi flag on my boyfriend's bedroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 107

You deserved it 5 051

By Username - 10/08/2011 12:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend leaned over and sniffed me like a dog. He does this almost every day, even in front of people sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 569

You deserved it 7 171

By Potential Bridezilla - 10/08/2011 07:18 - United Arab Emirates

Today, a week after my fiancé and I got engaged, his mother is already complaining that she isn't involved enough in the wedding arrangements. We haven't even set a date yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 347

You deserved it 2 604

By Username - 10/08/2011 06:12 - United States

Today, our AC broke. It's 98 degrees inside the house. My parents will be staying at a 5 star resort until the repairman can come to fix the unit in 6 days. They made me stay home to make sure the plants survive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 232

You deserved it 3 095

By thatfatkid - 10/08/2011 05:48 - United States

Today, I told my mom I wanted to try out for the track team. Her exact words were "good luck, fatty". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 798

You deserved it 6 717

By auntoftheyear - 10/08/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, I saw my brother's pregnant girlfriend smoking. Disgusted, I asked him why he didn't just stab her in the uterus and get it over with. He laughed like it was a joke, then cussed because he spilled his cereal. He's more concerned about spilled cereal than having a brain-damaged child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 363

You deserved it 10 078

By anonymous - 10/08/2011 04:31 - United States

Today, I was dragged to the food store with my mom. While we were shopping, the fire alarm went off. My mom pushed the cart at me, nearly knocking me over, and sprinted for the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 341

You deserved it 2 645

Awkwaaaaaaard

By Zoe Avila - 09/08/2011 22:55 - United States

Today, a downstairs neighbor of mine claimed money from me because apparently my dog took a dump on the fire escape, and the poop fell through the grates and on her groceries. I don't have a dog, but I paid the money anyway, because I was too ashamed to tell her it was my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 922

You deserved it 9 099

By iliketoastalot - 09/08/2011 17:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got arrested. For robbing my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 678

You deserved it 5 915

By pizzaface - 09/08/2011 17:35 - United States

Today, I got my eyebrows waxed. The lady who waxed my eyebrows also decided to pop the big zit on my forehead. She charged me a dollar extra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 087

You deserved it 7 299

By MrOh - 09/08/2011 17:29 - Canada

Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope told her not to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 685

You deserved it 4 526

What a cad!

By the2girls - 09/08/2011 16:08 - Canada

Today, I was walking to get ice-cream with my boyfriend. When we were ordering our cone, the girl who was scooping it said to my boyfriend, "Hey I know you! You're the one who slept with my sister-in-law the other night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 299

You deserved it 5 236

Give it back

By aliixmaee - 09/08/2011 14:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me. She took everything, including the kidney I gave her a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 068

You deserved it 6 401

By Anonymous - 09/08/2011 12:55 - United States

Today, I held an open house. Not wanting anything to be stolen I loaded up all valuables in my car (money, prescriptions, computer, iPod, etc) and went out. My car got stolen. Nobody came to the open house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 305

You deserved it 12 457

By smurfpoo - 09/08/2011 07:35 - Canada

Today, while cleaning the bathroom in a suite at the hotel I work at, I heard a couple come in, and then a marriage proposal. She said no, that she had been seeing someone else and left the room. I was then alone in the bathroom, listening to a grown man sob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 300

You deserved it 4 203

By recordyear - 09/08/2011 07:32 - United States

Today, I was at work with my dad. He told me the only reason he's letting me work with him over the summer is because I'm a friendless loser, and he didn't want me staying home getting fatter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 915

You deserved it 7 530

By **(: - 09/08/2011 04:23 - United States

Today, I learned that if you stare down an attractive man while pumping gas, he'll stare back. Then he might ask for your number. At which point his girlfriend will get out of the car and threaten to kick your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 575

You deserved it 12 622

Why so serious?

By wow - 09/08/2011 04:01 - United States

Today, I was getting my picture taken. The woman taking it told me to smile, so I did, showing my teeth. She said, "Please, be serious about this." Slightly offended, I smiled with my mouth closed. She then said, "If you can't be serious, we won't do this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 661

You deserved it 3 194

By Kathryn - 08/08/2011 23:58 - United States

Today, I went to my favorite all you can eat buffet. The cook tapped my shoulder and told me to stop eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 454

You deserved it 15 871

By yupppp - 08/08/2011 18:12 - United States

Today, I was talking with my mom about getting my school photos retouched. I believe her exact words were, "They'll take one look at you, and charge me triple." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 189

You deserved it 3 946

By oops - 08/08/2011 18:11 - South Africa

Today, my boyfriend opened the car door in a very kind and loving way. What wasn't so kind and loving was that my hand was still half-way when he closed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 594

You deserved it 3 764

By allinicolesmh - 08/08/2011 16:03 - United States

Today, my dad said he can't go to my graduation because he has to work. He got fired a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 281

You deserved it 2 700

What's going on?

By wahhh - 08/08/2011 11:07 - United Kingdom

Today, my neighbour from across the road phoned me at work telling me there was a fire engine outside my house and a lot of smoke. I drove home in a panic, smashing a rear light on a post and getting flashed by a speed camera. It wasn't my house. The firemen were putting out a bonfire next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 883

You deserved it 6 636

By noooo - 08/08/2011 07:10 - United States

Today, my new friend and I went out to a concert. When we came back to her house, she ran upstairs and left me alone. Suddenly, a naked man came into my view and I stared at him, horrified. Great way to meet her Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 053

You deserved it 2 712

By Jilly - 08/08/2011 06:45 - Australia

Today, I found out that my son had sold his house key to one of his friends for half a packet of gum. Now there is someone out there who I have never met with full access to my house. My son is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 136

You deserved it 5 319

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Parenting Kids Swimming pool Health Awkward Poopoo peepee Love Miscellaneous Scams Money Medication Family Embarrassing Cars Healthy Lifestyle Work Confused My ex Parents Vacation Sex Anxiety Depression Mental health Clothes Alcohol Ironic Birthday Weddings Transportation

The Top

Today, my dad informed me that my prom dress makes me look chubby from the side, gives me "back fat", and that I wouldn't want to go to prom looking like that. I tried to ignore his hurtful comments and tell myself I was beautiful. Then the clasp broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 364

You deserved it 11 721

Today, I pulled a muscle. Not in any kind of sport or exercise, but while reaching for my computer mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 950

You deserved it 32 301

Today, I got screamed at to the point of tears by a Starbucks employee for "giving an obviously fake name" to confuse one of the employees. I told her my real name. My name is Ian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 228

You deserved it 2 758

Today, I realized that I’m undateable because of my weight. I’m 33. My entire life, I’ve always been dated in secret, guys went out with me to make fun of me behind my back, always got cheated on, always get friendzoned, etc. It’s not fair that I have to change my body type to get my chance at happily ever after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 897

Today, I slipped on the wet floor at work and sprained my wrist badly. I was carrying the wet floor sign so no one would slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 552

You deserved it 7 172

Today, I found out I have something in common with three other girls. We all have the same boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 291

You deserved it 5 739