All the FMLs

By failure461 - 13/06/2011 16:37 - United States

Today, I ruined my computer screen trying to kill a fly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 577

You deserved it 41 946

By Uhh - 13/06/2011 16:12 - United States

Today, I was at my sister's wedding reception. My boyfriend of 3 years decided to give a toast to the happy couple. He was drunk and confessed his undying love to my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 215

You deserved it 3 831

By Evaki1 - 13/06/2011 14:24 - Greece

Today, I had to explain to my little brother that my tampons weren't ear plugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 697

You deserved it 4 586

By Bechara - 13/06/2011 09:11 - Pakistan

Today, I overheard my girlfriend telling her friend, "Actually, it's a good thing she died, she was quite a bitch." She was talking about my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 583

You deserved it 4 527

By disgusteddaughter - 13/06/2011 08:58 - Australia

Today, my mum's boyfriend came back from a job up-state. He is now walking around the house in boxers to "show off his tan". He has a beer gut and a hairy back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 770

You deserved it 3 427

By ow - 13/06/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, I was home alone in my apartment. I tripped over my dresser and fell and sprained my ankle. As I was laying there in agonizing pain, my downstairs neighbor shouted at me to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 025

You deserved it 4 777

By cycler - 13/06/2011 04:22 - United States

Today, I ran over a chipmunk. On my bike. Its mangled carcass got caught in the spokes and decided to join me on my ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 979

You deserved it 12 639

By ash - 13/06/2011 03:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he is homophobic. This wouldn't be such a big deal, if my mother wasn't a lesbian. He doesn't know this yet, and I'm afraid to tell him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 493

You deserved it 7 040

By Jenievonteese - 12/06/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, I was having a nice dream in which a beautiful butterfly flew by me and got stuck in my hair, fluttering its wings against my neck. Then I woke up and realized the "butterfly" stuck in my hair was actually a giant wood roach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 809

You deserved it 3 256

By Anonymous - 12/06/2011 19:21 - United States

Today, my dad told me he has money set aside for when he has to bail me out of jail, because "it's bound to happen sooner or later." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 658

You deserved it 10 774

By Brandy_Dandy78 - 12/06/2011 18:47 - United States

Today, I fell asleep as my family drove to church. No one bothered to say anything about the drawings my siblings drew on my face until after church ended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 434

You deserved it 5 828

By Apple - 12/06/2011 17:54 - United States

Today, I was at my friend's house, and I asked if I could try on one of her dresses. It was a little snug, but I got it on. When it came time to take it off though, it wouldn't budge. My friend and her mom had to cut it off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 516

You deserved it 34 867

By El Stupido - 12/06/2011 13:51 - Australia

Today, I was stuck in stand-still traffic for 5 minutes, before realizing I had stopped behind a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 198

You deserved it 58 459

By FreshFaced - 12/06/2011 11:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I went into work for the first time without make-up. My boss thought I looked so tired and ill that he sent me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 018

You deserved it 8 067

By Anonymous - 12/06/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, my apartment burned to the ground. I was packed and ready to move out tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 718

You deserved it 3 356

Support system

By daddylove - 12/06/2011 04:21 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me. I was crying for over an hour in my room. My dad came in and asked what was wrong. Just as I was about to tell him, he stops me and simply says, "Oh, honey. I don't care… Just keep the noise down." Then walks out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 441

You deserved it 6 927

By Sarah - 12/06/2011 00:54 - United States

Today, I saw my brother on TV after 3 years of no contact. He was being arrested on Cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 183

You deserved it 4 046

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 22:36 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 278

You deserved it 7 321

By Macy - 11/06/2011 20:36 - Italy

Today, I found cigarette butts at the bottom of the toaster. My mother has been dropping them in there for I don't know how long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 969

You deserved it 3 382

By sickbaby - 11/06/2011 13:06 - Singapore

Today, my parents grounded me and took away my phone, iPod and door. That's right, my door. They think that because I was stumbling and couldn't walk straight last night, I must have been out drinking. They know I suffer from chronic vertigo, but don't believe I was having an attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 413

You deserved it 3 243

Wide words

By julia - 11/06/2011 11:12 - United States

Today, my five year-old daughter came up to me and told me she wanted to be a nun. When I asked why, she replied, "So I won't get my heart broken by a boy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 102

You deserved it 7 823

By pleasestop - 11/06/2011 08:48 - Australia

Today, I woke up with bowel problems which have been causing me to violently pass wind every couple of minutes. I have to spend the next two hours sitting an exam in dead silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 219

You deserved it 3 424

By mbesameh - 11/06/2011 06:27 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad makes me wear dresses and skirts not because I look pretty in them, but because he was sick and tired of people asking him if I was a boy or a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 751

You deserved it 6 274

By Mirorbo - 11/06/2011 06:09 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law visited the house while my husband and I were at work. When we returned, we discovered she'd shredded and thrown away all the scribbled on papers sprawled on our messy desks. We're graphics designers. Those were rough sketches for about 14 different clients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 432

You deserved it 3 699

By 8sq - 11/06/2011 01:32 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that yes, a fork can get stuck in your braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 616

You deserved it 16 363

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 00:14 - United States

Today, I was swimming at the water park, when out of nowhere a lifeguard bombed into the pool, grabbed me, and hauled me to the surface, running his hands over my chest in the process. Apparently, the way I swim makes it look like I'm in my drowning death throes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 463

You deserved it 7 726

By sherryberry2013 - 10/06/2011 23:42 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. As we got to the ticket booth, a couple of girls queued behind us. My boyfriend graciously introduced me as his little sister, and invited the girls to join us. We've been together for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 596

You deserved it 7 076

By Anonyme - 10/06/2011 23:07 - France

Today, I'm trying to come up with a plausible explanation for my co-workers as to why I have stitches in my face. I'm not sure I want to admit that I was clawed by a pigeon as I opened my garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 245

You deserved it 3 931

By Anonymous - 10/06/2011 21:22 - United States

Today, my cousin taught me how to make dinner. My cousin is in first grade and I'm in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 504

You deserved it 41 202

You're not the boss of me

By crazydog - 10/06/2011 20:39 - United Kingdom

Today, my dog surprised everyone by somehow managing to climb on the roof. I followed him up and spent the next hour trying to catch him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 672

You deserved it 4 191

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, while vacationing, a small boy asked to see the baby I was holding, wrapped in a blanket. I showed him, and his face reflexively scrunched up. The boy's mother came and apologized to me. Her face scrunched up too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 372

You deserved it 1 934

Today, we were cleaning out my grandma’s freezer and found a perfectly preserved dead weasel, which she had put in there for some reason after the cat had killed it. My mom’s cat from when she was a child, that is. My mom is 64 now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 87

Today, my wife was telling me about some kinky things she did with a previous boyfriend. Since my sexual adventures were fairly limited compared to hers, I commented that I would like to try that sometime. She said, "Why would we have kinky sex? We're already married." She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 92

Today, as I was stretching, I realized my hand can reach all the way up to touch the fan, when it was on, and going full speed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 989

You deserved it 3 748

Today, I was dismissed from my job at an unemployment agency. In order to receive financial support from the government I need to be cooperating with a job service provider. They paired me up with the same place I was just fired from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 058

You deserved it 3 710

Today, I double checked with the barista to make sure my latte had soy milk. After a few sips, I could tell it wasn’t but it was too late. I’m so sensitive to dairy, I spent the rest of my work day trying to stifle the gut busting cramps and noxious fumes. I had a meeting I couldn’t reschedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 169