All the FMLs

Good boy

By macattack - 02/09/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I was in my car with my window down at a red light. Outside, a sweet old lady was sitting on a bench with her dog sleeping next to her. I yelled out the window to tell her how cute her dog was. She replied, "He's dead" and cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 818

You deserved it 4 768

By Starving Ultimatum - 02/09/2011 01:55 - United States

Today, I was robbed while recovering from a robbery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 952

You deserved it 3 130

By mannydanny - 01/09/2011 23:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 217

You deserved it 5 058

By Why_Not31 - 01/09/2011 21:58 - United States

Today, I found out that getting caught in a barbed wire fence isn't as bad as it sounds. Running through a forest at night, tripping over one, rolling down an embankment, and getting swiped by a car, however, is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 299

You deserved it 7 405

Why_Not31 tells us more.

Why_Not31 12

Wednesday 14 December 2011 2:23

It was one of those knee-high single wire barbed fences they use to keep deer/horses and stuff away from certain places like roads...I think. I don't really know what those fences do, except trip people and hurt a lot. At least it wasn't electric.

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 18:02 - United States

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 763

You deserved it 4 176

By ReallyNow - 01/09/2011 17:17 - United States

Today, I got rear-ended while on my way to work. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't pregnant, suffering from a horrible UTI, and running a fever. My boss called in sick, so now I'm stuck running the office alone. With whiplash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 087

You deserved it 3 027

By ScottishLad1 - 01/09/2011 15:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I was mugged by three guys. I fought back, and knocked one down. This made them angry, so they stole my clothes as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 929

You deserved it 3 764

ScottishLad1 tells us more.

ScottishLad1 3

Thursday 1 September 2011 19:29

This was mine, just made this account to explain. I was walking home at about 2 in the morning from a night out, and these three guys just walked up demanding everything. I had been drinking so I wasn't going to say yes, and you know the rest. Thank God no one was there.

By WhatTheFaf - 01/09/2011 14:40 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum yelled at me for wanting to apply to university courses that she doesn't approve of. I'm applying for Biomedical Sciences and Microbiology, she's an unemployed Jehovah's Witness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 050

You deserved it 2 975

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 10:52 - United States

Today, I learned what it felt like to get shot in the nuts by an airsoft gun. Thank you, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 418

You deserved it 4 756

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 10:14 - China

Today, I was in a restaurant with my fiancée for dinner. I commented that she had some food around her mouth. She responded with a lecture, then by throwing her hot bowl of noodles at me, before stomping out the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 839

You deserved it 4 363

By Chris75 - 01/09/2011 09:55 - United States

Today, my whole family piled into our station wagon just to watch my mom take part in an arm wrestling contest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 598

You deserved it 3 879

Fight your own battles

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 07:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my mum has been texting my ex-boyfriend to tell him what a dick he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 746

You deserved it 4 801

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, while working in my pharmacy, a patient told me that he sometimes wants to jump the counter and skin me alive. He has no more refills, and his doctor is out of town for the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 463

You deserved it 2 118

Shut up!

By Beepbeepbeep - 01/09/2011 02:50 - United States

Today, I lost power. That didn't stop my house alarm from running on battery, loudly informing me in a British accent, "AC power disconnected. BEEP. AC power disconnected. BEEP." It's been going on for 5 hours and the battery takes a special screwdriver to remove. One we don't have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 316

You deserved it 4 369

By anti88 - 01/09/2011 01:55 - United States

Today, I reached the point in my life where Target is the "expensive" store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 074

You deserved it 4 538

By EwwGross - 31/08/2011 20:15 - United States

Today, I witnessed my neighbor draining his sewage-clogged plumbing into my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 555

You deserved it 1 959

By chicoallen - 31/08/2011 18:45 - United States

Today, after getting off work from a horrible 16 hour shift, I went out to my truck. My windows were completely covered in window chalk, to the point that I couldn't leave. I had to spend the next hour and a half washing it all off while my manager laughed about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 001

You deserved it 2 226

By faceless_sailor8 - 31/08/2011 16:25 - United States

Today, my wife compared me to Sid the sloth from Ice Age. Same smile, same eyes, same belly, same big feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 697

You deserved it 5 737

By MJjunior - 31/08/2011 16:04 - Australia

Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center. At one point I decided to play "got your nose" with one of the kids. It turns out this kid has a physical birth abnormality on his face. I got his nose... his prosthetic nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 531

You deserved it 13 287

By Bigpoppa0507 - 31/08/2011 14:02 - Canada

Today, while playing with bubble wrap, I dislocated my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 414

You deserved it 14 654

By piece of shed - 31/08/2011 14:00 - United States

Today, I walked into my shed to find my daughter's boyfriend asleep and completely duct-taped to the ceiling, with his face painted like a clown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 269

You deserved it 3 510

By greatdriver...4 - 31/08/2011 11:07 - United States

Today, I tried to back out of a spot in a parking garage. I did a 12 point turn, hit the car behind me and still didn't manage to get out of the spot. Everyone was staring at me, and the attendant had to come over and move my car for me. I have to park there every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 884

You deserved it 26 768

By wtf3456 - 31/08/2011 09:16 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of six months broke up with me because I didn't know what her favorite ice cream was. She says it proves I don't care enough about her. I don't think I've ever seen her eat ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 890

You deserved it 3 890

By ryanlogan - 31/08/2011 06:31 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend will only speak to me using Lady Gaga lyrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 669

You deserved it 5 710

It sort of is

By AMP4U - 31/08/2011 01:28 - United States

Today, my fiancé changed his text message tone to a fart noise. He thinks it's hilarious and laughs every time he gets a text. He's 35 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 249

You deserved it 7 479

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 22:38 - United States

Today, as I was making instant hot chocolate from the hot water dispenser in the break-room at work, a coworker informed me that it was industrial "recycled" wastewater that was only supposed to be used for washing tools. Thanks. I've only been doing that every day for the past 8 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 106

You deserved it 5 279

The reviews are in

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 20:56 - United States

Today, I went to a movie and a dinner with a girl. During dinner, she excused herself to go to the bathroom, so I checked my social media feeds while waiting for her to return. She'd posted on her Twitter "Worst. Ever." I thought it was going well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 671

You deserved it 3 035

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 17:35 - Canada

Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 411

You deserved it 12 883

Leaked

By honeybee2487 - 30/08/2011 17:35 - United States

Today, at work, I heard a weird sound coming from the ceiling. As I looked up to see what it was, a huge splash of water hit me in the face. I called mall maintenance to let them know. They told me they already knew about the leak… from the sewage line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 963

You deserved it 2 299

By bunkbed - 30/08/2011 16:45 - Canada

Today, I bought my daughter a bunk bed. After spending several hours building it, she climbed up, then fainted. Turns out she's afraid of heights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 072

You deserved it 3 881

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I opened a window that had been shut for a couple of months. As soon as I did, dozens of tiny baby spiders blew in with the breeze, and dispersed in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 559

You deserved it 2 537

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over the phone. He said there was someone else, and that he has been in love with her for a while. Turns out, the new girl was his online video game character. I got dumped for a video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99 815

You deserved it 9 334

Today, my dad took my phone away because I "had to be texting while driving in order to wreck my car." I was too ashamed to tell him that a huge bug flew into my face causing me to veer off the road and into a brick mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 196

You deserved it 7 613

Today, I had a dream that I kicked the moon like a soccer ball. It started swearing in my boyfriend's voice. That part wasn't a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 288

You deserved it 3 807

Today, my boyfriend flat out refuses to ever give me oral because it grosses him out when I squirt, and there's no way he wants that anywhere near his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 637

You deserved it 338

Today, I learned that when you take off your sweatshirt, it can get stuck in your braces. I was in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 044

You deserved it 3 717