All the FMLs

By pizzachest - 19/08/2011 13:11 - Canada

Today, I discovered that I won't be able to wear the dress with a low neck line that I bought for my cousin's wedding, because my older brother thought it would be funny to mix a scented body-wash that he knows makes my skin break out in hives, with my regular one. My chest looks like a pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 383

You deserved it 2 853

By ginger - 19/08/2011 10:38 - New Zealand

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend because he is tired of everyone giving him shit about my ginger hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 161

You deserved it 6 821

Alexa, play "Rockit" by Herbie Hancock

By Anonymous - 19/08/2011 07:13 - United States

Today, I wanted to show my teenage daughter what we did when I was her age. We used to breakdance, so I stuck on a Grandmaster Flash track, and tried some old moves on the living room floor. I spun out of control, smacked my head into a wall and pulled a back muscle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 345

You deserved it 41 216

By Reena - 19/08/2011 06:38 - Canada

Today, I got woken up by a text from an unknown number at 3 am saying, "haha I found your number." I ignored it and tried to go back to sleep. After hours of trying to fall asleep, my drowsiness was disturbed by another text from the same person saying, "Sorry, wrong number." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 677

You deserved it 4 231

By Anonymous - 19/08/2011 04:11 - United States

Today, I took a taxi to my hotel. I specifically said that my destination was the Hilton resort. He took me to a bed and breakfast across town. When I finally got to my hotel, I cursed him out and didn't give him a tip. I then realized I'd left my phone in the taxi after he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 542

You deserved it 26 271

By ms_nothing - 19/08/2011 04:03 - United States

Today, I went to register for college classes with my mom. Upon leaving, my mom confessed to me that she thinks I will get pregnant and drop out before my freshman year is over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 058

You deserved it 3 916

ms_nothing tells us more.

ms_nothing 10

Friday 19 August 2011 22:16

My mom went to college in her 30s. She got pregnant with me her senior year in high school, and waited til she was in her 30s to go to college. I plan on proving her wrong. I've never done anything to make her say something like that.

Cliché

By ddeit - 19/08/2011 02:10 - New Zealand

Today, I was having a chat with a customer. He asked if I was married, to which I replied, "No." Before I could say anything else, he said, "Thought so. You look too happy to be married." I was about to mention that I just got engaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 405

You deserved it 3 681

By kaitylait - 19/08/2011 00:59 - Canada

Today, I told my dad I was going to the gym. He stood up and clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 552

You deserved it 11 130

By AmySweet - 18/08/2011 21:41 - United States

Today, my husband bought me a cinnamon roll because my blood sugar was dangerously low. My first bite was easily the most delicious thing I'd eaten since getting pregnant. As I sat in frosting coated ecstasy, my husband snatched up the rest of the pastry and finished it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 518

You deserved it 4 641

By Chels - 18/08/2011 20:25 - United States

Today, the ex I still have feelings for made a post on Facebook announcing her two month anniversary with her boyfriend. She broke up with me less than two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 946

You deserved it 3 130

By princessbbee - 18/08/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, I bought my cats two new litter boxes in hopes that they would use them. They still prefer to pee on the clothes in my closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 799

You deserved it 7 146

Fixed it

By JLO - 18/08/2011 14:11 - Australia

Today, I noticed that a picture of me on my mum and dad's wall looked different. On closer inspection, I realised they'd recently painted over my teeth with white paint. I asked them why, and they said they looked 'discoloured'. It's my wedding photo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 007

You deserved it 3 663

By Anonymous - 18/08/2011 13:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my parents discussing how to kill our cat, and how to make it look like an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 774

You deserved it 3 450

By boyfriend123 - 18/08/2011 10:02 - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5 a.m. because she thought someone was watching her from the park. It was a trash can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 784

You deserved it 3 493

It's all my fault

By Anonymous - 18/08/2011 07:42 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my cubicle at work, nursing a hangover, and thinking how stupid I was for getting so shit-faced last night. I then realized that I was voicing my thoughts out loud, and the whole office had gone quiet, listening to me castigate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 054

You deserved it 39 447

Give it back

By upset room mate - 18/08/2011 06:59 - United States

Today, after our old roommate left because he was too dirty for us to live with anymore, we found out that our new roommate has "borrowed" our shampoo, towel, toilet paper, liquor, without replacing them. I wish we still only had to clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 147

You deserved it 4 310

By gb - 18/08/2011 05:18 - Australia

Today, I was dancing with the 4 hottest girls I've ever seen at a club, and I fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 576

You deserved it 8 871

By sadface - 18/08/2011 00:23 - Canada

Today, I finally got over the knee injury that has been holding back my military application for 6 months. They sent me to the optometrist, who said my eyes were too bad for service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 807

You deserved it 3 123

By Username - 17/08/2011 23:37 - United States

Today, I drunk texted a guy I like. We'd met at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 689

You deserved it 41 838

By candymansvan17 - 17/08/2011 21:50 - United States

Today, I had a cop pull me over because he claimed that he saw me taking a bunch of colorful pills at the previous stop sign. I was eating skittles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 482

You deserved it 3 240

Bad boys bad boys

By Tom - 17/08/2011 18:27 - United States

Today, I went to court expecting to walk out a free man. Turns out my misdemeanor offense couldn't compare to the crime I committed when I walked into the court house with a switchblade tucked into my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 440

You deserved it 108 541

By santasadiekins - 17/08/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I was camping out under the stars on my trampoline. I was just about asleep when I felt a tickle on my arm. Figuring it was an ant, I brushed it off. The rest of the red ants crawling up my arm didn't like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 726

You deserved it 4 877

By Anonymous - 17/08/2011 16:45 - United States

Today, I got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. I called AAA, and they said it would take two hours to get there. They called two hours later saying they got a flat tire and would be there in another two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 694

You deserved it 3 284

By EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - 17/08/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 328

You deserved it 7 539

Thanks, but…

By howtragic - 17/08/2011 12:13 - Australia

Today, my husband wrote all these wonderful romantic messages to me via Facebook, proclaiming his love to me in front of all my friends and family. Too bad he hasn't spoken to me in "real life" for almost 3 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 640

You deserved it 3 681

By phonemenace - 17/08/2011 09:50 - United States

Today, I counted the amount of stuff that my dad had bought within a week: a brand new boat, car, and truck. He also has countless gadgets at his office, including a 60" television. Our house is literally falling apart but Mr. Midlife-crisis won't do anything to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 817

You deserved it 2 834

By aprilfools22 - 17/08/2011 08:13 - United States

Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 951

You deserved it 12 637

Help yourself

By AshamedDaughter - 17/08/2011 07:14 - Canada

Today, my Dad and I went to McDonald's, only to have him shove two handfuls of sugar packets into the bag. He said, "If it's for free, why only take one?" To make it worse, my crush was at the till, watching what was happening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 649

You deserved it 3 783

By Anonymous - 17/08/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 344

You deserved it 3 851

Bad pig!

By otter - 17/08/2011 02:05 - United States

Today, my potbellied pig ate my neighbor's award-winning flower garden, that she has been growing for almost three years. She'd told me that she was bringing the judges of the competition, in which she was in line to win $300, to her house in two days. I have yet to tell her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 675

You deserved it 16 659

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was trying to show my family a cool website. Unfortunately my porn instincts kicked in and I started typing the URL of my favorite porn site. I couldn't stop myself before it autocompleted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 510

You deserved it 39 031

Today, my dad yelled at me for buying chunky peanut butter. He wanted smooth. Apparently he's "allergic to peanuts." I had to explain to him why his argument made no sense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 358

You deserved it 2 671

Today, after sex, my boyfriend of six months was holding me and said, "I'm glad she sent you to my room." We met at a bar. Later I learned that, when he was younger and in a foreign country for a mission, a nurse in his hotel sent a younger nurse to his room. It felt as bad as being called by another woman's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 123

Today, I turned 25. I'm single, still living at home and doing an unpaid internship in an industry I have no interest in, because it was the only accepted application after 6 months of unemployment. The daily 45-minute drive means I'm losing money every week for being "employed" with a PhD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 465

You deserved it 3 050

Today, I'd finished cleaning the interior of my vehicle, but seconds later, a stray cat jumped in through the other opened door, and took a dump right in the center of the mat inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 776

You deserved it 177

Today, I missed an interview to work in a school as a teacher's assistant because the email inviting me to attend got buried among the spam emails. Oh well, back to my usual job as an assistant janitor. Yes, that's right, assistant janitor. It's the same job as a real janitor, but for less pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 123

You deserved it 1 520